Good Morning ,

Another night has passed. I am starting to get used to sleeping alone. But I still don't get enough hours of sleep. I wake up several times in the night with my mind just working. In a way this night shift I am going to work will be a blessing.

WH has not tried any contact since last friday when he called my job about his paycheck. he has not even attempted contact with the kids. They don't want to talk to him anyways. I often wonder does he think about us. Does he even miss his family? Can this woman he thinks he is in love with be worth all of this?
Is loosing his wife, family, kids, friends and home really what he wants? So many questions and no answers..... Maybe someday the answers will come....

Good Morning Hurting,

I hope you can start sleeping better, at least working the night shift, your mind will be shifted off H hopefully somewhat... I have H at home and still wake up all hrs of the night. I think I'm going to have to start a cup of chamomile tea before bed from now on.
I just cannot not sleep and function fully the next day.


I think H thinks about you and the family more than he wants you to know. And no, OW is not worth all of that.
He has a conscience, it looks like it's gonna take some time. Don't give up. Remember holidays are coming also, it's going to be difficult because it won't be the loving family things he is used to. I read here yesterday, it's good to give Plan B at least a year before considering giving up. What do you think?

Love, Lady

I pray it does not take a year Lady. I don't know if I would even want him back after that long. But in reality a year would not bother me. I know I am in no rush or even have the desire to be with anyone else.

It would take me a lot longer than thatto even be ready to think about letting someone else in my life. I have to heal myself before I could even consider another relationship. So I am not anywhere near giving up. I just have to learn to move on without him.

I personally don't think him and OW will last a year but who knows. All I can do it take it a day at a time and see how I feel as time marches on.....

Yes, in reality a year really isn't along time. For you it seems June will be a year. Alot can happen in that time.
He could change his mind, come home repentant and reconcile the marriage. Or you may change your mind, and in that time not want him back anyway.

The important thing right now is you healing, and financially preparing. You have done alot already. At times you may feel stronger than at other times, that is okay. Sometimes you may just have to lay down and take a rest, and thats okay too. Let Gods presence at those times heal you. He will.

Love, Lady

I know a year is not that long in reality but it seems like forever right now....

I will make it I know that. I also think once some reality hits him on the face he will start seeing what he has done. That does not mean he will come home I know that, but at least he will see the damage he has done and realize how hurt all of us are....

.

You know I think MortarMans advice to Gramm is perfect. He explains exactly what happens to the WS once Plan B is in effect. It is very insightful! I think your H is to the beginning point of anger, unhappiness, and breakdown.

Love, Lady

Lady,

Thats what I am hoping also.... Thats w hy I asked for Mortarmans input....

All of you are helping e so much. I don't know what I would have done if not for everyone here. This has kept me going and kept me from making many mistakes. You all have been a godsend....

Thanks Hurting, you are a Godsend as well.

Love, Lady

I appreciate those words Lady. I know I don't have much advice to give anyone, seeing how I can't even think straight for myself anymore....

I do hope oneday though to be able to help someone here by my own sitch.

For now though its all I can do to make sense of my own life....

.
Me either sometimes, but we are all here for each other and it has helped me so much.

We have MC today, first day, I am feeling queesy. I have to get through this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

My sister wrote me last night, and she said my H will never change. One person wrote me and told me thankyou for sticking by him and being faithful. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I know I can't go by what others say, but I will see for myself in time. It will be up to both of us and Gods help.

Thanks for being there,
Love, Lady

Lady,

Good thing going to MC. Your right its all up to both of you and god to make this work or not.

If I was to listen to everyone here I would be on the fast track to D. They all support my decsison to want to save my marriage but don't understand why I would want to after this.

I try explaining to everyone that WH is confused and in the fog but they don't get it. Even my own MIL thinks I should forget about WH and find someone new. She says I need to be happy and she thinks WH has lost his mind and will never be good for our family again. She has givien up n him and is done.... It breaks my heart his own mother is done with him.

Good Luck with your MC today and I think with time and patience you will make it through this......

Hi Hurting-

Just here to say I'm thinking about you and that you are not alone in this.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05

Well I got some news I am not sure what do with. first of all I went to the court house and they don't have any way to help me. I have to get a seperation aggreement drawn up and then pay $159.00 to file it.... So I am still in the same boat.

So anyway after leaving the court house I get a phone call from MIL. Seems WH called my SIL yesterday from Texas and wants her to tell me to make a list of what I want from the house because he is filing for the big D. this week. So what do I do now? Do I wait for him to file and let the court settle everything or try and get the money sonehow and file something myself? I would hate to file for seperation and then I get served with D papers a few days later. Then I would have wasted my money....

I can't believe he is actually going to do this. I feel so hurt that I mean nothing to him anymore and he cares so little. Just a few weeks ago he said he still loves me... This is all so crazy.. Someone please help me figure this out.....

Kim,

Thank you for caring.... I appreciate it . Seems things are not getting any better here.... I am so scared and worried right now....

I have no idea what to do or think anymore.....

Oh Hurting,
I'm sorry to hear that. I know you are scared, but don't believe it til you see it. He has threatened that before.
He just did it through your SIL because he knows you won't talk to him. He might just be getting mad at that, I don't know. Your H is so unpredictable right now. But you do need to be prepared if he does... So, It might help to start a new thread under.

"Husband threatening to file for divorce - Mortarman, Anyone Help!!"

or something like that. See if you can get more responses/ help that way.

Love, Lady

Sorry Hurting, I just noticed this is a new thread w/ that topic.

Love, Lady

This probably has to do with some plans that he has with the OW.

It still does not mean the end of your marriage.

They are still struggling to try to make this work and this is probably the next step. She is making DEMANDS on him and he is following through.

I would let him file. Then he will be liable to pay you a certain amount of money--ALIMONY---since you were a SAHM. He will also be commanded to pay you child support.

They are not thinking. They do not realize how much this is going to end up costing them in the long run...

JUST PART OF THIS PROCESS, HURTING....

Hold tight.....

Remember, I'm the one with the FWH who was going to start all over with the FOW and her daughter...YUCK...

I know it's hard to believe the lengths that your WH will go to..

I often sit back in amazement of all that I went through...

In the long run, it has been worth it, but it was HARD for me..it will be HARD for you....

I'm so sorry that you are going through this...

I will believe it when I see it.

Believe NONE of what you hear and only 5% of what you see.

I am sure that he thinks he is going to file, and as twisted as this sounds, I think it is becuase he does care about you. I think (just guessing here) that he realizes he has been a big poop head by going back and forth all the time, and in his foggy mind the only way to fix it is to file for D and "set you free". I know it is twisted, but he obviously DOES care. he keeps coming back! and even though it appears that he comes back "just for SF", lets face it, if it were just SF he could get that from the two bit *hore.

I know I may be way off base here, but I do think that somehow in his mind he has decided that the only way too do the right thing by you is to file. I don't know about things in OK, but here in Oregon, when you do the original filing, you do not need a list of things you wnat out of the house. That comes later. The original filing just gets the process started and says that the final decree will be filed with a "fair distribution of assets". if he thinks you need to come up with some list now to make it easier for him to file - he clearly has not even done his homewoek yet, and doesn't even know what he is doing.
I would ignore him for now - but if you feel the need to respond to SIL I would say something like "I will not come up with a list until after I see the paper work".

My ex told me numerous times that he was in the process of filing. I was afraid to leave the house for fear that some random process server was waiting for me. He never did file. In the end I did.

When it comes right down to it - filing for D is a complicated process. It is possilbe to do it without an attorney - but it is very difficult and requires a lot of research. I would imagine that OW has told him that if he just gets enough moeny to gether for the filing fee he can file for D and "do the right thing". But in reality the filing fee is only a small portion of the issue. He has to type up the paperwork, come up with a full parenting plan that outlines stuff like where the kids will spend holdiays, summers, spring break, etc. The paperwork is way more complicated than he realizes.

I seriously doubt that he would be able to accomplish this next week. He probably thinks he just shows up at the court house with his cash in hand and they will take care of it all. Wrong.

I know how awful it feels when you keep hearing that he is filing. It stinks. But I really don't think he is saying that because he doesn't care for you.

My Ex actually reached a point where he said "I am just going to agree to pay half the mortgage until #1 son is 18" and I said "huh? you mean you don't want to actaully file the paper work, and get this all signed off by a judge, and make it an official D?" and he said "I don't see any point in spending the money" to me, those are the words of someone who didn't care enough to spend the $375 filing fee to make sure I was legally taken care of.

In my case, in the end, since I was in the house and he had all ready taken everything out that he wanted my attorney just wrote that everything that was still remaining in the house as of the filing date was mine, and he was only entitled to the stuff he had all ready taken out.

Hang in there.
This is far from over.

(((Hurting)))

I think you and I are pretty much in the same place. My WH has said he is filing for D, I have not seen any cash in weeks and I am a SAHM.

I have not filed because:
1. I don't want a D
2. I can't pay for a D
3. I have this sick need to see how bad he is going to try and screw me and the kids over so I can finally realize that my DH is gone and WH is here to stay.

Milkshakes thread scares me to death, I am afraid that my WH will find some shark lawyer, but I just can't see how they can spin this to make me the bad guy. But I hate all this crap.

But, I am still not scared. I am hurt and lonely and still a little shell shocked, but I am not scared. My WH is, he is scared and confused and lost-and I truly hate that for him.

Oprah had "people in poverty" on today, 42% of single moms live in poverty. That may be my reality very soon. My mistake was trusting my H with my families best interest. I will walk out of here with my head held high and know that I will be stronger and more secure relying only on myself and my higher power to hold my children's best interest. Heartbreaking, yes but not devestating today.

I very much doubt that he will file. He has everything to lose, and nothing to gain. Somehow you need to file and get some money out of him. I wish I had done that before my WH went through every last dime we had.