thank you all for responding. I just have no clue what to expect anymore.

I had already decided I was not going to give him anything, no lists or any papers he may think he needs. He wants this he is going to have to get it all on his own.

It's pretty sad when someone can take your life and turn it upside down and you have no say at all in it. I told MIL today that I believe OW is pressuring him big time. And I for one can't believe he is caving in to it, he was never like that before. He was one of those the more you pressured the less likly he was to follow through...

On the funnier side of things , DD saw a friend of ours today who saw WH and OW in Wal-mart saturday. This friend of ours walked by WH and said nothing to him, he stopped her and said what you can't speak? She kinda blew him off. Anyhow she told DD what does your dad see in that woman she is ugly. Your mom is so pretty..... This is something I have often wondered myself, OW is not pretty at all and has messed up teeth. WH is a very nice looking man and he always loved it when I looked my best and he was always so proud to say thats my wife..... His taste has sure gone down hill big time...

I will hang in here guys even though I am scared to death... I don't want this to happen...

I agree Believer he has everything to lose and nothing to gain but a lying , cheating homewrecker. Who is ugly on top of that.... I am not saying she is ugly just because of what she is , she actually is ugly..... Definatley not his type or what used to be his type...

exhibit A .... wants her to tell me to make a list of what I want from the house because he is filing for the big D. this week.


exhibit B .... Just a few weeks ago he said he still loves me... This is all so crazy.. Someone please help me figure this out.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If a person says 2 things that seem to pull in opposite directions ... what you do know about that person/situation is:

ambivalence reigns

insecurity influences

logic and consistency are waning

...... and THAT is how you deal with it .... by recognizing the ping-pong for what is is

bouncing and rebounding without a clear direction

YOUR job is to keep to your plan and not to ask the ping-pong ball why he is multi-directional ... he cannot give you a logical/meaningful answer ---> he's a ping-pong ball!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Thanks pep..... your right .. he is bouncing around around like a ping-pong ball ....... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I don't know about you Hurting, but I feel better now. Pep put in all into perspective for us. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Love, Lady

lady,

Yes it did make me feel somewhat better. But who knows where he will bounce to next.... I guess I will just have to wait and see what happens and go from there..... I didn't realize what all it took to even start a D. I am sure WH has no clue either. I feel like when he finds out all he will have to pay it will be a shock to him as well.. I do wonder though if he does see a lawyer if he will be honest about his Affair and living with OW? I can only imagine what a lawyer would tell him...

BTW how did MC go if you don't mind me asking? I hope it will be good for you both. You know you are in my prayers. I do hope you get some sleep tonight I know I am going to try to.

That is so true!! Hurting - stick to your plan like Pep says.

Thinking of you!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05

Not to worry Kim I am sticking to my plan.... So far since Friday he has ranted and raved at MIL and DD called DD names, threatened divorce ... now asking SIL to get a list.. Taking most of the money and saying its not his responsibility anymore....

makes me wonder if he is getting a little angry or what????

Maybe some guilt thrown in as a side dish, with desert being OW maybe pressuring him.... Sounds like a full plate to me .......

Hi Hurting,

.

Yes it's hard to say, but if he didn't tell the lawyer, your lawyer would tell all, if or when it comes to that.
In the mean time...what if he doesn't file, how are you going to get your $$ from him, such as living/maintenence expenses, and CS?

It went okay. MC says we have a lot of work to do. H talked most of the time as usual. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Being the first day, we had to go into what H did, such as the infidelity, how it happened, where it happened, the whole story, even though he heard it at the coffee shop a couple of weeks ago. We worked on H needing to be totally honest with me about EVERYTHING! He has to practice telling the truth every day for 30 days. Hopefully he can do it.
We have to work on Affection, not necessarily SF at this time. Worship together, and prayer together. Together stuff! I love my MC! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Love, Lady

Lady,

Sounds like your MC is great. Sounds like some good plans you all have going there... I think your H will do what he needs to do. It will just take some time ...

I still am working on the seperation thing... I am not giving up a friend of mine gave me a name of a lawyer who might work with me. I am going to call him tomorrow and see if I can get an appointment.... if he can help me I am going to get it started right away..... This will all work out I am sure of that.... Its going to take some work but I am up to it...

I am praying that WH's paycheck shows up in my account this week. I have no idea how long it takes to stop a direct deposit so maybe just maybe it will show up.... If it does I will be at the bank first thing saturday morning for sure.....

Yes, the seperation thing sounds like the best thing to do protect your finances... You need all the help you can get right now, and hopefully at a low cost. I am sure it will all work out in your favor...no doubt about that.

If you get to the bank and the money is there, are you going to take it all, or what you have been used to taking out?

Love, Lady

Lady,

I am a little torn on the money thing. Most everyone I talk to includimg my brother says I should take it all. Seeing how his paychecks are now almost double of before. But I don't think I will do that. Because if I do its really going to make him mad and I would not put it past him to come over here and start something.... So I would rather not have that happen..... But if I did take it all it would definatley make up for some he has not given me...

MIL sayd she feels I should take it all because I deserve it but she is like me and thinks he will just cause a big stink over it ..... He has never been violent or anything like that but with the way he is now and so diffrent I am not willing to risk anything with him.... So to play safe I will probably just take half if it shows up there...

Yeah it sounds like 1/2 would be the best amount, even though you do deserve it all!! Don't worry about him causing a big stink about anything, he's already caused a big stink, it's his responsibility.

I pray he doesn't change accounts!!!

Love, Lady

Lady,

Something tells me he has probably already done that.... I would be willing to bet when he went to work , he called payroll on monday and changed it all.... I just hope it takes more than 4 days to do it ..Seeing how the banks were closed monday...

I also have the feeling if he did chanfe it he won't even bring any money to me at all.... And I will not call him... If he does not bring me nay money then I will start selling off some of his stuff next week.....

Sounds like a good plan, hopefully it won't come to that though.

Love, Lady

Lady,

I hope not either because that will cause some big problems.... Will be a big LB for him...... But he will leave me no choice if he does not give any money to me....

Do you have the locks changed on the doors. Can he get in your house in any way?

No he does not have a key.... I took that the night he moved out.... and boy was he mad about it..... When we leave the house all windows and doors are locked. But his tools are out on the back patio.... he could come through the gate and get those....

But lets face it if he wants in bad enough he will get in, nothing I can do we are not legally seperated.....

I hope he doesn't come after the tools just in case you need to sell them...that is why I was wondering.

I guess that is why legal separation is so important right now.

yes it is.... I really don't think he is going to come after them. he seems to be content with what he has right now.... He has no use for them anyhow, he is gone all week and lives in a freaking ghetto apt. with OW so why would he need them ....