You know I have been thinking about special ways I took care of him...

I know there things I lknow she does not know. I am sure over time she may find them out. So many superficial things that may not matter to him but the deep down things she will never know.

She will never know the man I know ..... How he griefed when his father died and he still griefs.

The joy of his children being born....The joy of his grandchildren being born..... The pain we felt when we almost lost our DD due to a traffic accident.... So much history she will never have ..... The day we got married and how he could barely say his vows through the tears.... The times him and I were on the road together .... Our trip to Las Vegas which was awesome....

I hope all of these meomries play in his mind as well as they do mine.....

Hi Hurting,

I hope he will have flashbacks of those memories too Hurting. The good thing is he is OTR, and he has alot of
time to think, think, think. He will never be able to "replace" you. As I was just praying for him, the Lord said something about "broken." I just heard the word "broken" concerning your H.

Love, Lady

YEA...NOW YOU'VE GOTIT...HOLD THIS THOUGHT PROCESS!!!!!

All of these things matter immensely TO HIM....

She can never take these memories away from him or match these memories...

This is what you have with your WH... A HISTORY!!

yes Mimi History is one thing we will always have. I do recall him saying to me a couple months ago , that the memories he has of our life together were precious to him and he will always remember them, but that he has to put those off to the side and move on.....
That was kinda scary to me when he said that... Of course since then so many things have happen.. he came home for a short period and etc. etc.

Lady,

I appreciate you praying for my H. He needs all of them he can get... Broken, I do believe he is in a way...Of course I am not sure how exactlly.... I just hope he can be mended...

I have gone back today and re-read my thread since all of this started. I have looked at my actions and questioned some of them.

First one I questioned was making him move out to begin with. I wish now I had not done that, of course I did not know about MB's at that time. I should have let him live at home and plana'd him good....

I questioned did I planA good enough to leave good impressions on him.... I know one thing I do good and that was keep my anger in control and did not LB much at all.

I qustion the fact maybe I have been to passive and not stood up for myself enough.. I let him cake-eat for so long. I allowed him to many liberties and now I regret those.

I think back and realize we had to many R talks. But then again a lot of those he started. I was always very careful with my words though and just told him my feelings without LB'ing him. The biggest problem I have is almost every time I saw him I would tear up.....

I hope I did a good enough planA...

The fact that he came back and then tried to cake-eat means that you did a good enough PLAN A....

I think you can be assured of that.....

Thank you Mimi.... I needed to hear that ....

Hi Hurting,
I can't remember if you have to work tonight, but if so I hope you have a good night!

Love & Blessings,
Lady

Lady,

Yes I have to work in two hours .... 10 pm until 5 am

I tried to nap but couldn't ..... but I'll be ok

And ty I'll try and have a good night...

Hurting:

In my best Okie persona...."You done good girl".

As I told you before, you by luck (or not, depends on your wants and disposition down the road) have the exact type of Wayward Spouse who will come back. NO DOUBT AT ALL !!!!It is my personal opinion (warning...that and a dollar thirty five will get you a cup of coffee at Star Bucks <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)that your WH will come back to you...why wouldn't he?

You have described him as the exact type to do this.

Whether you want to hear this or not, he doesn't seem to have a good long term career plan, he is not bustling with excellent job opportunties, he doesn't seem to have a million "other" opportunties to make good money and build a "new life" for himself....He is estranged from his family....His OW is a trailer trash (no offense to those who live in trailers..)anchor who will help sink his defeat in this stage of his life...When all of that comes inevitably crashing down (and it will)...these "type" will go back to what they know and trust..."Family".....

You see, to him, you are a "sure thing". He knows your character...you have displayed it mightily in the way you have fought tooth and nail for this man, despite being a human waste dump for him (He knows good and well what he has done to you and the children...HE KNOWS).

As Mimi1254, instructed you to do..."seal away your love" for him during this Plan B attempt, and when he comes back (and he will), it (love) can resurface for him.

You may think I am being harsh on him here...but I am not at all. I think you have explained him to a "tee" here, and I am pretty confident that I am in the "right" here about this. Only you can see the "good" in him here, and only you know the memories of your life with him....so that keeps you going.....that is good!

When he comes back (and he will), you can perhaps look at this as being his "second choice", but I think I can tell from your many posts here, that in the end, it wouldn't matter to you, as long as you got another chance with him. That is ok. I believe you to the core, when you say you love him to death...I really do. Second choice, first choice......you can always spin it to be what you want...but what will matter in the end , is that he will be with you.

There is no current "Marriage Builder" case that I am more confident of...I am being dead serious here with you.

You know Hurting....I sometimes wonder if I am not a "good person" in this life solely because of stories like yours.

I sure as he** know in my heart of hearts, that I could never find it "in my heart" to continue to love and want a person who has done the despicable things that he has done to you and your children ( no matter what the history...10, 20, 30 or 40 years worth). I am able to learn from you and others here in this respect. I know that I have "good" in me, but I also know that I am not "built like that"...I don't have it "in me" to do what you do...I know that I have alot of growing to do becasue of this, and this is why I still loiter here, when I sure as ****** am not trying to save any marriage with my name on the certificate...LOL.

I am glad you "have it in you" because in the end, I would wager a large sum of money (Melody Lanes 401K savings would be a start) that you will be back with your WH someday....Married. I cannot say the same thing for myself (by choice).

This will be one of the few times that I will be happy to say "I told you so" here.

Chin up,

Sour <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem,

You have no idea what you just posted means to me. I know maybe I sound a little pathetic in wanting my H back, but I know the man he was and can be.

Yout right he has done some despicable things to us and I know it will be hard to forgive some of them but I am willing to try.

As far as his job skills go, your also right about that. But we have always made it and yes many times it was rough but our children always had what they needed. Maybe not always what they wanted but who ever has all they want.

He is a good man deep down inside and right now its hidden but I trust in god that it will resurface. Your right about something else I love him today as much as the day I married him.

One thing for sure though I will not give up on him until I know for sure there is no hope left.

Lem, I think you are a good person maybe just in a different way. You took on a profession to save people and you have saved people that alot of people would have walked away from. Yes, I read your story. So maybe you don't have it in you to do what I am doing and there is nothing wrong with that. We all make our choices in life what we can deal with.

To be honest with you I hsd always said if my H ever did this to me , I would walk away. Well I found out quite differently when it happen that I had it in me to stay and fight for what I loved. Now maybe if it had been 20 yrs ago I might not would have done this. I do know I am not willing to let 24 yrs of my life and my family go down the tubes without a fight.

I will survive this no matter what ...... Thanks Lem for the confidence you just gave me to keep fighting......

Hurting -

Wow! What a post from Lemon Man. He has turned into a betting man lately.

Hurting, Hope you have a good night. I know you are in this for the long run. Stay Dark.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05

Kim,

yeah that is only the second lem post i have ever had. I feel honored. He pretty much told me the same thing last time.....

Oh yeah I am in this for the long hail for sure.... And staying dark is going to easy for now... He is only around on weekends so I can aviod him.....

You have a great evening to, I am off to work now.....

Hurting

Well work went good tonite. Actually stayed pretty busy doing the clean up thing. So time went pretty fast.

have ya ever been in a Burger King at 3 am? Well let me tell ya what its amazing that people actually eat that crap so late at night or early morning however ya see it.... But I liked it better than daytime for sure. Less people to run over and a slower pace for sure.... Lots of cleaning but thats ok, keeps my mind occupied.....

Gonna finish my cup of coffee here and hit the bed..... Been up for almost 24 hrs..... I gotta get a scheduale going here.....

I think I will sleep good, I feel pretty confident this morning.... I feel like my hope has been renewed.... Thank you all for being my friends....

Hurting

Well my SIl jusr called and woke me up. Seems WH was in town last night and he talked to her.

He asked her for me to make a list of what I want because he is going to file. I asked her if she knew when and she said he didn't say but that she would ask him. I told her to tell him I will make a list when I see the papers not until.

he was on his way to Omaha and DS went with him. I was shocked he went. His dad asked and he wanted to go.

So anyhow I guess he is really going to through with this from the looks of things. My brother told me to take pictures of everything in the house so I can have proof of what we own. He seems to think that WH is thinking he can walk away with his tools and stuff because they are his. Well my brother told me nope they are both of yours so they are marital assets.

Scary part for me is I will be walking into court without an attorney because I can't afford one. I am not sure if I can handle it myself. I don't want to be screwed over. I am not sure what all to ask for and how to fight for it.

I am so sad right now I can't believe this is really going to happen. I know he has not filed yet but I do believe it is coming....

Read the post from the FWH on SadMommy's thread..You will likely find it to be helpful..

Like I said yesterday, he is responding to her DEMANDS probably...trying to relieve his guilt by what he is saying to his sister..he probably bets that is something that she finds acceptable to hear...

And if he does file, he will have a rude awakening...

He will HAVE to PAY YOU ALIMONY...no more need for you to work at the Burger King then....Surprise, surprise for the OW...

Wait a minute. YOU live in the house. HE left. HE has to make a list for YOU of what HE wants in the house. Otherwise its yours.

He's trying to make you do the work so the D becomes more real to him.

Here's your list: "I want everything in the house."

Mimi,

I know your right about the moeny thing, But I don't want this to happen and there is nothing I can do about it.

Because I believe he he files he will never come back. I don't think his pride would let him.

I know when he files he will be in for a rude awakening but I am beginning to think he won't care at this point.

If he files how can I fight this on my own with no attorney,,, I don't have any clue how to handle anything in a court room....

This just makes me so mad.... I just want so badly for OW to find out how he has lied to her and been with me in just the last few weeks.... I know it would do no good but just to give her doubts would be great.....

GREAT ANSWER!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

A.M.

I am not making any list or going to help him in any way....

he is going to have to figure out how to get what he wants all by himself..... He wants this so bad, he can do all the work....