Hurting,

WH is trying to order you around. Very typical.

quote:-----------------------------------------------
AMM: Here's your list: "I want everything in the house."
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If he really insists, I am with AMM on this one.

yeah he is trying to order me into doing the work and I refuse....

I know one thing for sure, if he does this I want this man to pay for all the hurt and pain he has caused me....

I do love him but I can't allow him to walk away scott free....

I need some advice on what to ask for and how to go about it if I have to go to court on my own.... No lawyer will help me because I have no money for it and legal aid said they won't help.... So if anyone has any ideas on what I need to do or say please feel free to jump in ....

Is there any thing you can sell to generate some cash? I know in my county, as soon as you file, a restraining order goes into effect to "freeze" the marital assets.

I will be watching for others in the know to give you advice as I may be in your shoes in a week or two.

(((Hurting)))

When I filed for divorce, my lawyer put language in the suit that my H would pay for my attorney. You can do that. Also, I would strongly advise you not to ignore it if your H does file. Find a lawyer somehow. Go for everything you can get (without being 'mean'), everything you are entitled to. Don't stick your head in the sand hoping it will all go away. Don't trust that he will be 'fair' with you, particularly if he has a lawyer. Their job is to represent the person who is paying them, not be 'fair.'

On the other hand, I know people who have handled their own divorce with NO lawyers involved. If you do some research on the internet and find out what is customary and fair in your state, you can file the paperwork and work out the details of property settlements and custody, child support, alimony, etc.

I know you probably don't what to hear all this, but you can get through this if you are strong.

Just my 2 cents. FWIW.

BBE

Thats all good advice but I have talked to many lawyers and none will do anything without a retainer... I still have to give it and they will request WH pay for it and then give me my moeny back...

I went to the court house to find out about filing myself and I don't even have the money to do that.... I can barly pay the bills.... I am on the verge of having lights and gas cut off because of no money....

So I am in between a rock and a hard spot here.....

bump for some more help

Hurting,

Your WH hasn't filed yet. Sell the tools quickly, and put the money aside for a lawyer if needed. Don't be afraid to do it.

Hurting,

Please don't panic about this, I know there is help somewhere for you. It's just finding it that will be the mission.

I don't know if you have it there, but Social Services has an Energy Assistance Program. Sometimes it's only during certain months of the year but I'm not sure how it is there. They might be able to help with the gas and electric bill, if WH doesn't give you any money.

Love, Lady

lady,

I just don't know what to do anymore..... I have a call in to an attorney my friend recommended. He will call me back monday....

My brother told me if I sell the tools I had better have a receipt because since it is marital assests that WH can request half of what I get if he files or they will c ount it towards any money he may owe me.... So I have to be careful with it.... I think I can wait until Monday and talk to the attorney about it all....

I have taken picture of everyhting in the house all furniture and stuff.... This way I can show what we have is mostly old stuff and hand me downs from family.... So really not much to argue over ..

Okay, what about the lawyer that was going to charge you $35.00 a month?

Well I still have to get the money for that as well .... its a prepaid legal service .... So I have to make sure how it really works and if I have to pay more to attorneys .... Its all so confusing

I don't know if it will help but it sound great.

Mortarman is starting a new program that helps with steps to help you if your situation goes to the courts. Please look at his latest thread.

Marriage Building/Divorce Court Program

Love, Lady

I saw it Lady.... Maybe he will have some sound advice for me .....

I am at such a lose here ...

I'm sorry, but he still does not have a CLUE about how to file for divorce!

I am 100 percent certain that he doesn't know what he is doing, otherwise we would know that you do not need to give him a list. What are you supposed to do, list every roll of toilet paper, every box of crackers, and every bar of soap in the house? No. You are there. It is his responsiblity to provide You with a list of what he would like to have, and then you get to say yes or no, and the list keeps going back and forth until the two of you agree. If you never reach a settlement, that is when the courts get involved, and a judge gets to decide.

Right now, the bottom line is that you have everything in the house, and he gets to make a list of what he wants.

But there is no sense in telling him that. He needs to figure it out for him self. I have no doubt that he hasn't even looked into any of this stuff. If he had, he would know better.

My ex was getting all of his advice from the OW - I think that most of them do. It looks like your WH is taking advice from his trailer tramp OW. Since she is not living with her H currently, if she is trying to get a D, then she has likely been told that she needs to come up with a list of items she wants from the house. So your WH has picked up on that as one of the neccesary steps.

Hang tough. I am certain that he has no clue what is really involved in filing.

Also - you should lock the tools up somewhere that he can not get to. Your brother is right - he does not get to take the tools simply becuase he is the "man" of the house and has used the tools in the past. The tools are your marital asset. If he starts to panic, thinking that he may not be able to get them, he may try to take them from you. He may break into the house, or ask DD if he can come in to visit with her and then give her some sob story about how he really needs his tools to fix something. You really need to find a way to lock the tools up. Could you take them to your brothers house? Or put them in a shed with a pad lock? You aren't trying to keep them from him, you just want to protect your joint property.
If he gets mad I would suggest that you tell him the best way to handle the tools is to sell them all, and split the money. that would be the only fair way to handle your joint assets.

One other thing I want to touch on. I still do not believe that you will end up in a D. BUT if you do reach a point where you have to start spliting up your stuff, try to get as much as possible for yourself. I am not saying that you should go out and take everything from him - I am saying that you need to protect yoruself, and your children, and even your WH. another page in the WS script is that they start to have money problems, and he will try to get money any way he can. Your WH is at that stage right now. You need to protect what is left for your sake and the sake of your children.
My WxH paid a $900 cell phone bill for his OW! He used his credit card to do it - he also bought her gifts and they stayed in hotels and ate out a lot towards the end of their R. I think that is typical WS behavior. The R is struggling, so they throw money at it in an effort to revive it. I'll bet everyone here has a similar story.

I agree with woman of faith. My WH says he is on the way to the lawyer, but he hasn't made it yet. He has no idea what he is doing. I have been and am trying to accumulate all the needed paperwork (somehow I can't find the closing papers on the house-that will buy me some time) I know I got a consult for $25, see if there is someone who will give you 15 minutes of their time for a little cash.

You might want to call your creditors, explain the situation and see if you can pay interest only for a few months until the finances get straightened out. Most creditors will work with you if you keep them informed. Go to human services, see about help with your utlities and such. Call WH buddies and see if they will offer you a fair price on WH tools.

I wouldn't panic. You haven't received any D paperwork and with you not helping him out "making a list", he's not going to do it anytime soon. DON'T even think about making a list.

Don't worry about an attorney until you need one.
Don't help him out at all. If he wants a divorce he can figure the paperwork out.

Sell some of his tools, keep receipts. You have to have something to pay bills with etc and he isn't providing you with anything.

I trust you're documenting everything in case you need it so you have a timeline etc.

Am I understanding your DS isn't living with you and your DD is 18 and isn't going to school any longer?

I've been thinking.

This may be a manipulative ploy on his part.

You see, you are all upset about this and he is off enjoying his weekend.

I would let this go and stop worrying until you actually have something to worry about.

This is now JUST TALK on his part.

He will receive pleasure if he learns from his sister that this has upset you...

I wouldn't even respond.

Just say: Thank you for the message with a smile on your face...

Womanoffaith,

Thank you for your insight. I as well do not believe he has any idea what all is involved in doing this.

I would being willing to bet all I have that OW is pressuring him. As far as her she is living in the apt. her and her H had together, so I assume she has all of their stuff but his personal items. They have been seperated like 6 yrs.

I do wonder if he sees an attorney if the will be told he may have to pay alimony and of course CS.... I also wonder if he will tell the attorney he is living with his Affair partner. I am sure he has no idea what this is going to cost him.

As far as him needing money I don't see that as his prblem since he is now making a lot more money with his new job and giving me none.

I still just can;t believe he may do this. I am hoping the reality of all of this is going to hit hm soon. I know it will eventually but maybe not soon enough...
I will find a way to get the tools safely put away....

yes DS is staying with my sIL for now because I don't have the money to care for him.... It is only temporary until I can get back on my feet. DD is out of school her dad let her withdraw without me knowing... She is looking for full time work to help out. And going for her GED...

Yes I have everything one calendars and paper.... I have dates marked for everything .....

I just thought of something.

do any of you think possibly that he may be saying these things thinking that I will cave in and just let him do what he wants and not say anything?

Maybe he thinks i will finally get mad enough and just file myself to make him look good....

I sure wish some reality would slap him upside his head soon.....