I was thinking if he did try, you should not allow him home too soon. Maybe request him to live with SIL or someone.
He would definitely have to prove himself with NC with OW for a good amount of time. Only because he has returned to her a few times, and returned to you a few times, he isn't a consistant type of man. He would have to prove himself honest, and repentant.

Lady

You are spending your day focusing on WHAT IFS...

Try to focus on yourself, Hurting...

When your WH comes to you and wants to reconcile, you can't imagine TODAY what you will do or what he will say...those are all what ifs...

What if it rains tomorrow...

What if I get cancer....

You only have today..enjoy it...

Mimi,


I know this I don't expect anything from him.

I just want to get my life back on track and not be stressing all the time over moeny.

Your right it will make life more real for him. Thats what he needs. He needs to see that life has consequences for our actions.

I am paying the consequences for my actions in life. Not that the consequences I recieved are the ones I deserved by what he is doing.

I am actually doing fine today, I really am not obsessing all that much. I just want this done so life can be good for myself and the children.

What I need more than anything right now is to not have to worry over money and how to pay the bills.

Believe me I don't expect him to want to renconcile anytime soon. I can live with that and i can live with it never happening if thats how it turns out. Yes it will hurt me but I am strong enough now I can live through it and know life will be fine.

No matter what I c an always be proud of how I handled all of this and always took the high road. I will not have guilt and remorse over this. That will be his to own.

I will have regrets and remorse over what my part was in our marriage problems but I have learned from them and I know that even though I made mistakes none of what is happening now is my fault. I did not make him have a A, I did not make him turn to another woman. that alone is his choosing.

I am feeling better about life and I believe my job is playing an important role in that. Getting out from the house being around people has helped me tremendously. I recieved my first paycheck today. It was not much but it made me feel good to see it. I am proud of how I have grown from the falling apart woman of just a few weeks ago to were i am now.

Yeah I still have my down times and what if's but they are coming farther apart each day. I am getting used to be alone and its not as bad as it was. Yes, I miss my H and I want him home but I am doing ok without him for now.

I have learned that life has some very hard lessons in it. I have learned a lot from this lesson. I will be a better person for it. I have learned what it takes to be the person I want to be. I have learned what it takes to make a marriage work. So no matter what happens if it be with my H or someone new in life on down the road, I now have the skills and knowledge to make better choices and have a wonderful relationship.

So see I am not sitting here hoping this will change things or make him come home. I am just trying to put things in perspective and try and be prepared for anything that may happen.

Sorry if you felt like I was being hard on you...

I understand how you are feeling...

REALLY been there...

You see. I'm testimony to how after two years in Recovery you can forget about the past- almost....

Mimi,

I don't think you were being hard on me.

Your telling me how it is and I need that. I welcome anything you have to say. You help keep me grounded.

I know your right I have to focus on me and my life.
WH slips into my mind a lot and I do play the what if game with myself.

Keep reminding this is not on my time table. I need to reminded once in a while. I tend to be a fixer some times, and just want to fx it NOW..... I have to keep in mind it won't work that way.

I was just leaving WAl-Mart and low and behold who did I see?

None other than WH coming through town with his rig. Where I was sitting I know he saw me, he couldn't have missed.

He was heading the direction of OW'S. Guess he is in for a few hours or so.

I remember he used to stop by the house when ever he was close. Even if only for a few hours. Damn why did I have to see him?

Yep. I used to be a fixer. too.

I've learned that it doesn't work with people..

Sorry that you say your WH...

Can you think of something FUN to do?

Hurting,
I know, it is always the unexpected incounters that are hard..we are not prepaired!

I had the same with my H this morning...we just happened to be at the same intersection this morning...dam this city is not big enough!

Hang in there...

Daisy

Tell yourself it's not REALLY YOUR HUSBAND..

And it's NOT HIM...

Mimi.

I know its not him , but darn sure looks like him. I guess its been hard because for almost a month now I have not heard his voice or seen him. Then in the lat 3 days thats twice I have seen him by accident.

it just puts me back a few steps. I have even gone so far as to hide every picture of him that I have. I just can't look at him even in pictures of happy times.

Actually DD and a friend of hers is cooking me dinner tonight. They went to the store and bought some steak and potatos. I was shocked, but happy they wanted to do this for me. So the evening will not be a total disaster. Then we will watch a movie. Ghost is on tonight with Patrick Swaze .... I love that movie ...I am going to try and watch it but not sure if I can make it through, was a movie my WH took me to see because he knows I like Patrick Swaze. So we will see how it goes......

You know if jusr seeing him in passing does this to me , whats it going to be like seeing him in a court room in a few weeks? I will probably fall apart. I don't want that to happen in front of a judge. I have got to try and get it together before then. Just not sure how.

Hi Hurting,
Wow that is weird you have seen him twice. I think it's meant to be that way. Not that you are supposed to see him, but he is supposed to see you. Maybe God's way of reminding him who his wife is?????

Lady

But you know, he better stop screwing up Plan B!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

lady,

Who knows maybe it is gods plan. It just seems strange that for almost a month nothing and then in 3 days twice. It is really weird.

When he was in town everyday working I never ran into him but once. Now here he is on the road and I see him coming down the road. Life sure is funny that way I guess..

Oh I do believe he will be reminded who his wife is in a few days for sure.... But it won't be the way he wants to be reminded for sure..... I am so nervous about this... I know I shouldn't be but I am ... guess it will remind OW who is his wife as well.....

LOL Lady.... yeah planb has gotten a jolt the last few days. But sure not by my own doing...... Fate maybe???? LOL

Oh that's for sure!!

I tend to forget this one little thing .. no matter what he may be living with her but I am his WIFE... and he has resposibilities to me and our family and he is going to be reminded of those.

OW is an inconveince as far as I am concerned and she needs to be reminded of this as well as he does. She has no claims except for the ones in her delusional mind.

Why can't I remember these things? In time it could be different but for now its about our family and she is not part of that....

That's right Hurting, He's going to be reminded... all right... by the JUDGE!

Lady

Darn shame its going to take a judge to remind of his family.

Wonder how long he will hate me for this?

You're starting to ask my kind of questions!! I'm trying to learn that I can't worry about that......

Actions have consequences!!! I am trying to look at it the same way I would discipline my child. WH is a CHILD who cannot think for himself or think what consequences his actions have. Therefore, they must be taught. It is like relearning.....

Kim

I was talking to my mom tonight about the LS papers.

I was telling her how I feel WH is going to get angry. She said he might but I think it will be more of a shock than anything else. he will eventually respect you for taking a stand. ( this I am not so sure of)

I asked her why do you say that, she said ....Because you have sat for the last 5 months taking whatever crumbs he has offered you, never demanding anything and staying calm and collected. So he thinks you will continue to do this. This will let him see how strong you are and how you are not going to take it anymore.

But the one thing she said that made me think was.... BS we don't get angry at things or people we don't care about. If he gets angry its because he does care and way down deep inside he will know you have done the right thing. He may not admit it but he knows. Once he gets over being angry he will see reality for what it is not a fantasy.

I sure hope my mom is right. I do believe we don't get angry about things or people we don't care about. I hope this makes sense....