He probably didn't look at the details in the pleading and, instead, just relied on the caption of the case to pursue WH's business...He probably just assumed that Hurting's Petition for Divorce was standard and just spouted "the usual stuff."

Regards,

Brit's Brat

Mine went bezerk when I had him served..at his work. I counterfiled as he got wind I was serving him and had me served six hours prior...he thought that the "irrec differences" would be what showed up on papers. However...when I filed for D, I filed under cruel treatment
and adultery and even NAMED the other women in the papers!

I thought and still believe to this day that if you want the truth...it will set you free...and one day when my son is old enough he can read them if he asks me as a young adult one day...altough I know he already knows.

Your wH is definitely outta the WS handbook right now...expect more threats and anger. stay black.

Let him have his tramp on side. Let her sit in parked cars...like a dirty little secret...shameful little tramp. and let her go thru the emotions with him. when he gets angry and vents....he will not have you as the outlet b/c you are in NC and are dark...he will begin fighting with her...and then their slow implosion will begin..

my xh and ow/w are pretending right now to reconcile.

Yet tonight...my xh calls me around son's bedtime...and says...Peach we need to sit down and talk about son and math and school and etc...when can we do this? Hint...he was wanting I think to come over when my son was zzzzzz...he used to try that when we first separated to get a bootie call...NOOOOOOO way!

I said let's talk about it now over phone! I have been in somewhat of a plan B/d since the divorce. I only conduct dealings w/him about son or finances. nothing else.

Last year he waltzed into my office, charmed the front desk girls...and they paged me that some "hot' guy was there at desk in a suit asking to see me? I jokingly asked if he was my lawyer! they laughed. I walked out and xh then asked me to reconsider working with him again...and promised I'd make six figures my first year working with him again.

He tries every angle with me every so often to get a response...and the more I say no...the more he tries.

I just stay very dark. Made a promise when I divorced, that I would have no dealings personally in my life with this man as long as he is an unrepentant man.

Just expect him to get angry. Now you're declaring YOUR independence! I swear this is the time if ever to do something to appear foggy deliberately! plant ideas with IL's...that you can't take the stress..you need to get away..etc. that you are so hurt and broken and haven't felt good about yourself since he has been neglectful of you...

I'd use this as a time to file, go darker, and make wh think that you are one waltzing out door...and that other men may be realizeing that hurting in ok may be soon to be single!

stay dark. do not directly in any way communicate at all with ws. if he comes to door...slide pbl under it to him. if he shows up at work...give pbl and ignore him. do not engage! not on any level!

Oh, what Brit Brats said is interesting. I can see that happening. They call your WH tell him a suit has been filed against him, get him all riled up saying you said he didn't give you any money, saying everything to get him upset.... to get him to say yes to their services!!

I get it! I didn't know they did that though.

Lady

Brit,

You are kidding right? I am shocked by this. Well this attorney that he claims to have talked to is one he talked to a month or so ago.

the attroney is one my MIL uses and I have used in the past with a lawsuit. He told my MIL he would never take the case due to knowing the whole family me inclued. But who knows.
This attorney is from one of the most respected law firms here.

But what gets me is if he did this he sure gave WH the run around about my attorney. It is not a oriental woman.... Its a man who is well respected. And the info about the LS papers he has was way off base. Only truth WH has was the request he pay the attorney fees for me.

Another thing is why is he so mad, he said he was going to file for D so why get mad. This is what he wanted supposedly. So what the difference in filing LS papers and hoim filing divorce papers? Only thing I can figure is he wanted to be the one to have an attorney first....

This is all so crazy...

Peachy,

I am in no way going to communicate with him..... I have no desire to.

Iwill tell you one thing i am sure OW saw the real WH temper tonight. I am pretty sure he has kept it hidden from her. I hope they LB each other to death over this....

Reality has now come knocking .......

Depends on the jurisdiction. The state in which I earned my law degree and am licensed to practice does not allow that. The state in which I live which is directly to the south of where Hurting is, does. In fact, my poor XH was innundated with letters after I filed for D.

Regards,

BB

Thats just incrediable... But it may be what happened. But in reality I guess it makes no diffrerence he was going to find out soon anyway....

I would have prefered the serving of the papers to be the way but oh well.... Now he has the anticipation of recieving them to look forward to .... lol

Nope, unfortunately, not kidding. (Doesn't say much about some of the folks in my profession - okay Lemonman bring it on - but it does happen...why do you think they have all the lawyer jokes)! In some jurisdictions, legal filings are reported in the next day's Daily Legal News. If your area has one of these, that's another way this attorney could have known about the filing - that would also explain why he/she didn't know the content of the pleadings.


If you, previously used the attorney, he probably would not even discuss the matter with him, much less take the case without your consent so as to avoid a conflict of interest, which is also covered by the Rules of Professional Conduct. My guess is, even though he is telling you differently to scare you (these WS's lie, ya' know?), the more likely source of the information was a solicitation from some other attorney. Requesting that the other party pay the first party's attorney's fees is pretty standard in almost any court filing.

Regards,

BB

Sorry - duplicate post.

Brit,

Thank you for the information I appreciate it.

My attorney seems pretty confidant that WH will have to pya my fees.... He make 3 times as much money as I do. He make in one week what I make in a month. I guess we will see.

I still don't get why he is so upset abpout it... He wanted to file according to him this is what he wanted.....

I think your WH was nothing but full of threats of filing, with no near intentions of following through.

He saw that you mean business! So he feels like a "sucker"

Hurt his pride a little did ya Hurting, well don't worry one bit about that. He needed to be knocked off of that pedestal!

Gotta get to bed.

Sweet dreams!!

Lady

Hurting,

I don't know much about what you're going through, but I can tell you this: don't listen to WH's talk about character witnesses, dragging this and that up in court, etc. It all becomes very expensive, and when he begins to add up the costs for "revenge," he'll decide he'd rather spend the money on kitty litter -- like everyone else. It costs to have "witnesses," it costs to "depose" people. This comes from watching too much tv.

Peachy, I didn't get to name OW in my divorce, nor did I get the option of citing cruel treatment or anything else in a "no fault" state. It's all surprisingly cool and businesslike.

The lawyers will tell you what you can reasonably push for, and how much extra it will cost to fight for various things. The lawyers and judges don't go in for theatrics and grandstanding -- especially when the kitty gets low. This is divorce court, or legal separation court, not a high-profile criminal case.

Don't let WH bully you into thinking otherwise.

Well what I filed for was LS. If WH was informed i filed divorce he was misinformed.

Now on the LS papers is does say I am seeking LS due to adultry on his part. I didn't have to name her but maybe if it goes to divorce I might.

I really don't think he thought I would do this , so now he is angry I got the upper hand. There were days I believed he would file for divorce and he still might.

I did tell my supervisor at work tonight about it all in case he decided to show up there and start something. I don't think he would be that stupid but better warned than something happening.

I am hopeing that bt the time he comes in this weekend he will be calmed down some. But then again once he is served and reads the papers he will probably get all mad again.

I don't want to fight him , I don't want any of this to happen but he left me no choice. He knows or should know I don't want this. But he know has to be held accountable for his resposibilities and thats all there is to it.

This may now be the thing to end my marriage because of his anger and if it does I guess I will just have to accept it and move on.

well so far so good WH has not tried to contact again .....


I still can't believe he found out about these papers and got so angry.

I am going to call my attorney after lunch and see what he says.

I just talked to my attoney. He said WH probably did find out from the other attorney because he was there when the papers were dropped in the judges basket.

He told my attroeny that he knew us and that he had done some work for us in the past. So WH did find out that way.

he told me give him my name if he wants it, if he wants to talk and work this out thats fine. I am all for negotiating. So if WH askes again SIL can give him his name.

He said right now he is mad let what he says blow over your head. I tod him what WH told DD he said it won't go that far.

this whole thing sucks ....

This is going to be a long post, so hang in there.....

There was a poster here a few years ago named LOSTVA. I want to share some of her story - but I am going from my memory here. I apologize if a few of my facts are off, but I am mostly going for the over all picture here.
She had a teenage D from her first M. She had been married for many years - about 10-12 - to a man who truly loved her daughter as his own.
Her H gave her a card one day telling her how much he loves her and how he has never loved anyone the way he loves her, etc.
The very next day he left her for another woman.
OW was much younger, had a small child.
Over the course of the next few months he followed the WS script. He kept saying he was going to file for D right away - but he never did. He said that he never really loved LOSTVA, he was never truly happy with her, OW made him happy, blah blah blah. this once kind, loving H and step father turned mean. He took one of their extra cars and gave it to the OW. LOSTVA was driving an older van, it broke down, so she called her WH looking for help. He told her it wasn't his problem, they were not together anymore.
Get the picture?
this was a complete change in this mans personality.
He even went so far as to see an attorney to talk about legally adopting the OW's child!
He told LOSTVA that in his opinion his own step-daughter never really loved him anyway. Poor LOSTVA was devastated by that - she said that her H and D were very close - joined at the hip. But once he left he had no further contact with her.
I don't recall how long their seperation lasted. I think it was around a year. One day he talked to LOSTVA and reminded her that he was going to file for D soon. Told her he was happier with OW, never really loved LOSTVA, tried to stay with her but just couldn't do it - you know the routine.
The VERY NEXT day he stopped by the house and asked her what he had to do in order to come home.
They are together today.
I talked to her a couple of times, by email, while I was going through my own horror. She assured me that while her H was gone, she never really thought he would come home. She dared to hope he would, but never really belived he would.

I remember sending her an email saying "you don't understand - my WH is so mean to me now. Everytime someone confronts him he just gets angry with me, he seems to be mad all the time, I don't think I stand a chance."
No matter what I said, she would simply reply, "My H did the same things, said the smae things, and yet he is back."

Here is the part that I really want to share with you. She said to me "your WH is following the same script they all do. You know that. so read ahead, and understand what the stages are, so you won't be surprised by them. When he says the same lines that they all say, just know that it is all part of thes cript, and that knowledge will help you through this.

You need to hear that - and understand that.

Look at your posts from this week. You start out the week by saying "he will be mad when he finds out I filed - I just know he will be mad"

And now you are saying "why is he mad at me"

You knew this would happen! Why are you shocked????

There is no good reason for him to be mad. This is what he asked for. He should be relived. But he is not in his right mind. This is not really what he wants. So he is ticked off. Why are you surprised by that? You knew that was the next line in the script.

Hurting, I wish I had a dime for everytime my Ex said he was going to file - he never did. And when I filed he got mad. He said the same poopy things - he said stuff like "thats it, I was trying to be nice, forget it, the gloves are coming off. If you want a fight you will get one." I even remember a time when he said "You had better give me what I want or I will take the boys away from you! I'll do it!!" I let that bother me for a couple of days - cried to all my friends-worried that he would take my boys. then a fried said "listen to your self talk! This man abandoned you and the boys, he has only seen them a couple of times in the past 6 months, and you are actually worried that he is going to try to take them?" I think that is when I finally udnerstood that the things they say are so utterly ridiculous, they do not deserve to be given any time or thought.

Your H has left, has given you little money, has alienated even his own mother, and yet you worry that he is somehow going to drag your DD into court as a character witness?? Huh??
Doesn't this sound a little carzy?

I hope you can start to take comfort in the knowledge that he is still follwing the same script. he has not come up with anything new. You knew he would be mad, and he is. He has no reason to be mad, except that right now he is just out of his mind.

also - keep this in mind. The WH gets most of their "legal advice" from their OW. right now, the only thing your WH knows is that papers have been filed. the rest is all made up - possibly by OW. She could be saying "i'll bet your W is trying to claim that you never gave her any money!" to which he responds "Well that is crap!"
From there, he gets all worked up, and starts to think that what ever OW is saying, is probably a fact.

When he gets the papers, he will see that your attorney is actually a man, that you told him about what ever money you have received, etc. Do you think he is going to call you and say "I'm sorry, I jumped to conclusions?" No. that is not part of the script. He will be mad, again. Only now it will be something else.
You keep saying that the only fact he has correct is that part about you asking for attorny fees. Anyone could guess that. that is what the original papers ususally say.I doubt that his alleged attorney has read that in the paper work - he just figures that is what you are going to ask for.

Try to relax a little. I know you want this to end right away, but it isn't going to hapen that way. It takes time for him to really get all this crap out of his system. Look what has happend every other time he has come back. It usually lasts 3 days. you don't want that anymore. He needs to have plenty of time to go through all the stages, so that when he does come back, he will have a lot to remember, and he will be able to appreciate you that much more.

Womanoffaith,

Ty for that post, it makes alot of sense. I do know al ot of what he says is babble. its hard to figure out what is real and whats not. I am trying to ignor it all and let things go.

I had my IC toda. I told her what all has happened and she says he is angry because he can't control you now. She was very proud of how i have stood up for myself. She says she has seen such growth and strength come to me in such a short time.

She also has now read Surviving an Affair. She said she learned a lot by reading that book. She applauds Dr. Harleys concepts. She feels I have followed it very well. She read my planb letter and said it was wonderful. No blaming and yet very loving with boundries. She wants me to continue to follow MB's Principals.

She still feels hope for my marriage but she did say BS I know you will be do fine if the outcome is not what you want.

she agrees that doing planb is the best thing for me now and it will allow me to grow and become stronger to be able to handle reconciliation if it occurs. She said you know if and when he tries it will be all on your shoulders at first. I told her I realize this.

she asked me what my boundries are if he wants to come back. I gave her my list:
1. N/C with OW ever
2. Must move from OW's home
3. Will have to live with his sister or someone until I feel comfortable him moving home and know he is doing it for the right reasons.
4. Counseling
5. Spending time together to rebuild our realtionship
6. Be an open book to prove N/C

My IC was very impressed with my boundires and list. She said you have put lot of thought into this. She feels I ahve a handle on it if /when ever tries.

She did say to be careful though because he may try to come back because of the LS thing. I told her I wa aware this could happen and that why I have made this list. I want him to show me he is doing it for the right reasons. She said what if balks at some of this stuff? I said if he does then to me it means he does not really want it.

So I had a very productive IC session today. She was so happy to see me take a stand. We prayed at the end and she thanked God for giving me the strength to do this and we prayed for god to help WH become the person he should be.

I feel somewhat better today. The fear has lessned some. I now know I can do this and stay strong.

I have come a long ways from just a month ago and as I look back I do see it. A lot of this is thanks to all of you wonderful people and my IC .... I can never express how much all of your support has meant to me.....

Well as if my week is not bad enough. My friend the one who had the brain tumor passed away today at 3:30 pm.

I was in my IC when the call came. I just now was informed. I feel so bad right now. It makes me take stock of life and realize compared to what my friend and her partner have gone through is so much more worse that this crap.

At least I am alive and so is my WH. This is so tiny compared to what has happen to my friend.

I just wish I had the right words to express how I feel right now.

WH just called DD. She told him about our friend. She was crying and he told her please don't cry , I don't like ot hear you cry. He told her that tomorrow is promised to no one. He said to her anyone of us could be gone tomrrow. She told him please don't talk like that. he told her its true though.

She came to me crying, I told her what your dad said is true. Thats why you should live each day in the way god intended so when your time comes you go in peace and with god.

WH wanted to know when the funeral is. I have no idea when yet. I will have to face him then I guess. God give me the strength to be able to do this and be the person he wants me to be.

(((((Hurting)))))

I am so sorry. I know you have known about this for a little bit, but that doesn't make this any easier.

May God give you some comfort during this sad time for you.

Kim

Kim,

Thank you for your kind words.