Confused,

No I don't think I need to be there to grieve her loss. I was not able to be a my granparents funerals and I grieved for them and was able to come to peace with it.

The only fear I have of seeing my WH is the pain that it causes me. I see him and just want to be with him and it causes me a lot of pain knowing I can't be. Example last week when he found me at the bowling alley, I saw him maybe 2 minutes tops and it caused me so much anguish I cried for 2 days that I could not have him home. I just can't take it.

I am not sure if DD is going to go. But if she does I have some very dear friends who will be going and she can go with them. My g/f is like a second mother to DD and she will be there for her. I will be here for her here at home.
And if WH goes DD can be with him, he would comfort her.

I know this all sounds so selfish on my part to allow my own personal problems to interfer with not going to the funeral of my friend but I have to do whats best for me and my emotional health right now. I know my friends will understand. I will be here for their family and do what I can to help them in the coming weeks and months and that is important.

((((hurting))))
My concern is for you and your comfort. It sounds like you have a plan that will work for you and DD. I will add your friend to my prayer list today. I wish you peace...you've got an extra angel looking over you all now.

I don't think you should view yourself as being selfish.

IMO, funerals are for the living if going helps them with their grief and also to honor the deceased...

Your deceased friend does not need for you to be there...

Her friends and family might need you...but they'll probably need you more after the funeral..

I was so overcome at my loved ones' funerals that I couldn't tell you who was there....unless they made themselves known to me at the gravesite...

Hurting, It's not selfish, and at least you will be telling them beforehand instead of just not showing up. I'm sure they will understand.

Sending my Sympathies,
Lady

Mimi,

There will only be a memorial. My friend is being creamated. That is what she wanted. So its only going to be a service.

I know maybe its not being selfish but I fell others will think that. I am sure my real true friends will understand why I will not be there. The others I really don't care what they think.

As far as WH goes who knows what he will think if I don't go. He may think he has paralyzed with me fear of seeing him. But I can't worry about what he thinks. I have to do what I feel is right for me.

This will be such a hard time for their family anyhow and they may not even notice my absense at the time. But I will be there for them later when it is truly needed the most. I remember when my father passed away everyone was there for the funeral. It was the weeks later once everyone went back to their lives that I needed them the most. So with that said I want to be there when I am needed the most, the weeks and months later. Thats when the support is needed the most. IMHO ....

Continuing to agree with your thinking on this.....

Thank you Mimi.....

I do believe this is the best thing for all involved....

Now I am off to shower and go see my friend....

Hinok,

Very proud of you and your progress.

Hugz,
L.

Hurting,

Sorry for the loss of your friend.

quote:---------------------------------------------------
I am sure my real true friends will understand why I will not be there. The others I really don't care what they think...
This will be such a hard time for their family anyhow and they may not even notice my absense at the time. But I will be there for them later when it is truly needed the most.
---------------------------------------------------------

Being there for your friend's family later sounds like a good plan for you and for them.

For sure, the court appearance won't be easy for you and you need to be prepared, but you really don't have a choice if you want some peace of mind and some financial security. WSs can be so unpredictable. I certainly worry about what my WS will do next. Like yours, he doesn't like PLAN B.

I am glad you found work, both to get you out of the house and for some $$.

These are tough times, aren't they, Hurting?

orchid,

Thanks, I thought a lot about it last night after our last sessions last night....

Luna,

Yeah times are tough, but I figure it this way they have to get better sometime. I don't think we can go much lower than this.

I am not sure if WH likes planb or not. He does not like I filied LS papers that I know. But as far as planb and missing me or not i have no clue. He had not tried to contact me since the 4th of this month until the other day when he found out about the papers.

And from wht he told SIL it sounded like he just wanted to make some kind of aggreements or something. Of course he got mad because I woould not talk to him and then decided he would be nasty and say he will fight me in this all.
So I have noo clue whats next.... Maybe the big D, he seems to think it will solve all of his problems.

Anyhow I will be ok, either way .... Even though I love him I will be ok if he walks away forever.....

Well I went to see my friend and no one was home so I will try later.....

I am making plans for tomorrow so I an be gone. they are suppose to serve WH tomorrow and I want to be unavaliable just in case. Sunday I have to work but am ging to try and be away as much as I can until I know he is gone on the road. he may not try and contact me which will be fine but I just want to play it safe and not have to deal with him.

I just had a long talk with DS(15).

I thought I needed to let him know what is about to happen. I told him about his dad being served with the papers tomorrow. I explained what they were for and that it was not divorce papers. I explained they are papers to protect myself and him so we could pay the bills.

I told him I still love his father very much and want us to be a family again.

DS questioned me about living with me. I told him he will be home with me. He said what if the judge says I have to live with dad? I told him I don't think that will happen due to the fact his dad is gone all week and since he lives with OW I can't imagine the judge would make him move there. He seemed ok with those answers.

I told him I would make sure his visitation with his dad continued. I even told him that during school breaks and summer he can still go with his dad on the road I would never not allow it.

he wanted to know if he would have to go to court, I told him I didn't think he would. He said are you and dad getting divorced? I said to him honestly I don't know, I let him that I don't want a divorce but if his dad decided that I can't stop it. I believe he was ok with all of my answers for now.

this is so hard on the kids, I wish I knew a way to take their pain away.

I will admit I am nervous about him being served tommorow and how things will go now.

I pray he just leaves me alone.

WH just pulled up outside and blowing the horn like a madman for DD.

He send her in to get his paystubs, which I have made a copy of and any of his bank statements from the last few months.

I gave him the stubs, why not I made copies. I told her to tell him I will have to find the bank statements.

Something tells me he has been to a lawyer. He is trying to get his ducks in a row me thinks.....

Hi Hurting, DS may have informed him that papers are coming tomorrow.

Don't do any more work for him. He can get bank statements from the bank himself, can't he?

Lady

Lady,

He knows the papers are coming soon. the attorney told him that much.

DS has not talked to him at all. He is here with me.

I think WH decided since he found out about the papers he needed to get an attorney.

I think he wants the bank statements to show he has given me money over the months. I never said he didn't but he seems to think it. The only thing is the statements are going to show how little he has given me. The statements show the transfers to my account so I woould say thats why he wants them. I am sure the bank could give him a print out if he asks.

I have this strange feeling that I wll be served D papers in the near future. He is going to try and win this one way or the other I guess.

I hope he will be happy with himself when this is all said and done. I am really starting to hate him that he can do this and be so cold. I hope that Ho that is he is with is worth all of the pain and hurt he has caused.

DD just told me that WH is looking for a house so he can come get his dogs. He want to take 2 of our dogs now. So seems and OW are looking to fnd a house to move into.....

This just keeps getting worse ......

This is getting even better.

WH told DD that him and OW are not having sex. He said he told me that they were to just piss me off..... So sounds to me like he is trying to make out like he is not commiting adultry. He is going to try and just say they are living together no sex involved..... I don't believe a word of it.....

He is on his way to a lawyer right now.

Has he lost his mind or what...... You can't tell me that he has been with this woman all this time and no sex... I know my WH.......

What will he do next????

Ohhhhh, I wish he wouldn't have come there. Every time he does, it upsets you. UGHHHHHH!!!!! Hurting, it really isn't emotionally healthy for you to see him at all, not even in the front yard. Can he pick up DD somewhere else?

Please don't do any paperwork duties for him. Let him do that himself. And yes, I think he can get printouts from the bank.

And I don't think he has done anything yet, only because he would need alot more paperwork than that.

Lady

See DD is relaying everything he is saying. He is using her to upset you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

He may have seen a lawyer. But then again maybe not.
I am sure that he and his "personal legal advisor" OW, have thought of this on their own.
Something like "how can I prove I have given her money?? I know! I'll get the bank statements!!

he is not sleeping at night. he is up all night worrying about this. As you well know, he doesn't even have his facts straight. and his imagination has run wild. At this point, he is really starting to freak out. things are NOT good for them.
I predict it is only a matter of days until OW tells him that she is tired of his crap and she wants him to move out.
I am not saying that he will move out - I just have a feeling she will want him to.
I would be willing to bet that he is a miserable wreck to live with right now.

Think about this for a minute. when he gets mad, how does he act around the house? How does he handle conflict??
Trust me - she is seeing the worst of him right now.

Hurting, are you there? Are you okay?