Mimi,

thats what I said. He seemed to try all weekend to get a reaction out of me and didn't. So now to try another tactic get me to drive DD to him....

Well I am not falling for that stuff.... Mimi I am getting stronger here and I will not let any of them manipulate me anymore....

He is not going to break me..... I will not allow it and I will fight tooth and nail to show him he can't......

He wants me to be stronger at least thats what he has said in the past well he is going to see a stronger person who will not take his crap anymore......

it's hard to do because I still love him but I can't let my love for him overide whats right and decent.

He will figure this out someday.... And he will realize I have done the right thing for myself and our marriage whats left of it...

Well I am getting dressed and leaving the house before WH brings DD home.....

Gonna get me the ear plugs because something tells me DD is going to have a lot to say ..... ugggggggg

Going to have to stop her in her tracks........

Well DD is back from the funeral.

As I suspected OW did go with WH to the funeral. DD did not sit with them she sat with other friends.

Now I have no clue as to how people saw them or treated them as I did not ask and won't ask. But I will admit I am curious.

Anyhow DD was telling me they showed a slide show of pictures of my friend. She said Mom there was picture of you and Barbara they put on the big screen... Then they had another one of us with 2 other friends, She said the picture of myself and Barbara was also in a picture frame sitting in the front.

I was floored when I heard this.... I am so honored they had put pictures of us together for all to see.

I will admit I would have loved to know how WH and OW felt when they saw those pictures. DD said it was a New Years pictue. She said you looked so pretty mom.....

Maybe I should have went but I do know I did the right thing by not going . I could not have been in the same room with WH and OW..... I will go see the family later today....

You would also be proud of how I handled DD when she started telling me about her dad and his new cell phone.... I stopped her dead in her tracks and said: "" DD I really don't care about it and I don't want to hear anymore about your dad." She just walked off in shcok I think ..... Well this is my new way of handleing things here.....

GREAT!!!!

Why Thank you Miss Mimi... I am pretty proud of myself for not asking questions and telling DD to stop....

But believe me my curiosity is killing me here..... LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well its Halloween night. Won't be long and the little kiddies will start ringing the door bell.

I think back on all the halloweens when my kids were little and how we used to take them tick or treating.

H always loved halloween, he loved to dress up and scare the kids. The last several halloweens we always dressed up and went to costume parties. I have spend many hours making costumes for us. We have won several costume contest.

One year we went as the Flintstones, I was Wilma and he was Fred. I worked for days on those outfits and we won 500.00. The year before that we d id the Wizard of Oz with another couple. He was the tin man and I was the scarecrow... We also won that one to...... I still have all of the costumes packed away. Good thing I have to work tonight to many memories running through my head tonight.

I really miss my H...... I hate feeling this way, these are the first tears I have cried in days......

Well off to work....

Everyone have a good evening..... I am glad I am working tonight no time to think of all that happen the last few days......

for some reason WH has called DD several times today since she has been home.... Now I don't know why but its strange from a man who has pretty much ingnored her for the last several weeks.... Me thinks he is up to something like trying to get the kids on his side.... I don't know what he is trying but I am not liking it....

Have a good night at work....don't forget to lock your car.
Sounds like you made it through this day pretty well. Tomorrow will be better.

Hurting - I'm so glad your are not letting DD tell you about WH. Mimi had a wonderful suggestion with that. Your WH is scrambling. Mabye, just maybe this will knock some sense into him????

Kim

I don't know how much scarambling he is doing but he is acting a [censored]..... As far as sense being knocked into him I am not holding my breath .....

I still can't believe he took OW to our friends funeral. How tacky and uncouth was that.

I guess maybe he figured people would accept them if they showed up as a couple. I have no idea how people reacted but I know my true friends sure didn't accept it.

But I do get a small bit of happiness knowing my picture was palced on the big screen as part of the slide show of my dear friend who passed. I bet OW about pissed herself.... Wonder how WH felt seeing that? Guess I will never know but I can only imagine it was not to comfrotable for them... Oh well I can't worry over it. But it does make me feel good that OW had to see a big picture of me and nothing she could do about it.... lol

Yeah I am proud of how i handled DD today ...... I figure after a few times of it she will get the hint and will be able to tell WH that I don't say anything about him anymore.... And I have no doubt if I totally stop talking about him she will tell......

I made it through the day very well. Was sad I missed my friends funeral but I know she understood why. I knew OW was going to be there and for no mans money did I want to be in the same room with her..... Heck I don't even want to be on the same planet as her..... But all in all the day was good ....

H,

Been meaning to ask you....if you don't want your dd to speak to you about H's stuff, who can she spill her guts to?

She does need an outlet.

JMHO,
L.

orchid,

I know what you are saying but the problem is if I make any comments about anything she says, she goes straight to him with it.

I just am not sure how to handle it. A lot of what she tells me is stuff he says to her knowing she will tell me and its things he knows will upset me.....

I don't mind talking about her dad and her feeling about all of this but I don't want to hear any more of the lies he tells her just to get to me.... He is putting her in the middle wih some of his insane crap he tells her.

Maybe I will talk to her and say " DD if you want to talk about how you feel about all of this and need to vent thats fine I will listen. But I don't want to hear any more things your dad has told you , as it just upsets me."

How would that work? I know there is a fine line here and I want to be able to know which way to go with it... I don't want it crossed again. Because you all know when she tells me things he says I get upset and it keeps me in his chaos.

So any suggestions would be well recieved here......

H,

She needs an outlet. If you can't be that outlet for her now (don't feel guilty 'bout this), then get her a safe outlet. Schools have counselors and there maybe a good family friend.
Or a good IC who specialize in helping children cope.

It is sad that the Ws has resorted to using his own children to enable his sicko A. That game will get old real fast. But get your children supported.

When you are strong enough to hear his babble and learn to RB back or let it slide off your back, you w/b in a stronger position to know what he up to and plan accordingly. Kinda like the opposite of what the WS and OP try t/d to the BS (unknowingly of course).

JMHO,
L.

orchid,

Thats good advice. I do have a very good friend who my DD just loves and she will talk to her. In fact my friend used to be a counselor for kids were I used to work several yrs ago. I am sure my friend will do it.

I do wish I could just let her talk to me and be able to let it roll off my back or RB because I know she would tell him what I said... and for sure it would confuse him.... There are some days I can do this but lately I have reacted to what he has said because its all be so stupid and hurtful I just tear up. I don't want him to know it upsets me.

I will talk to my friend tomorrow, I am sure she will talk to DD..... thanks for bringing this up because you are right she does need a shoulder as well....

U R a great mom. Don't browbeat yourself. In time you will be able to handle his babble and it won't hurt so much.

Til your mind and heart sync up, the pain will be excruiating. Don't push yourself. The time will come. Just a matter of when.

I am appalled but not surprised he was dumb enough to take the OW to the furneral. Simply amazing. I doubt the OW was phased by your pix. She thinks it's all about her and well others will have to tell her she just ain't as good as HtnginOK. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Thanks for the vote of confidence, I have not felt like a great mom with all of this going on. I was so wrapped up in my pain for so long I had a hard time with the kids, but its getting a lot better now.

Your probably right about the pix thing, she is so stupid as well to think people approve of this farse they are living now.

You know I was at work tonight when it hit me that I will be really ok no matter what happens. Of course I want my H back but you know what I can live with it if it does not happen.

I finally realized if he never comes back then he is not the man I thought he was and they deserve each other. I know one thing for sure their life will not be easy and no matter what she will have to deal with me forever....

I still have hope it will happen but I really know now I can handle this. I have handled it now for 5 months and am doing very well compared to just a month ago.

Its a funny feeling I have tonight like a weight has been lifed from me. I have prayed for the last few days for God to take this over and deal with it. I do believe I have handed it over to him and now its time for him to do his will.... I will accept the outcome no matter what it is....

This is such a leap forward. I remember coming to terms with this, too. I found it really comforting, actually.

Good for you, Hurting.

Alph.

Hurting -

Good Morning! Amazing what a month's time will do?? Support from your friends here at MB, believing yourself & what you are doing & standing up to the FORCES OF EVIL.

Way to go. I know it's tough being a Mom and going through what your are. You constantly question if you are doing the right thing or enough. Your'e doing good!

Kim

Hurting,

You're doing great!

I know what you mean when you say: "believe me my curiosity is killing me here." Sometimes I want to know what's up with WH so badly I have to do some serious talking to myself, because believe me the 'sources' are at my fingertips.

Sometimes I even find not knowing anything about what is going with WH even harder than not seeing and talking to him!

But, I feel PLAN B is all about learning to live without WH and by extension not knowing what he is about to, to take him out as the 'focus' of our lives.

Tough gig. Real tough gig this PLAN B, but definitely healthier than being part of a triangle any day!


{{{{{{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Good afternoon everyone

Thanks everyone for the great responses. I do feel a lot better that I have in weeks.

Don't get me wrong I still want my marrige and H's return home to happen. I just now feel that I am strong enough to handle what ever happens. I know if he never returns it will hurt me and I will always wonder about him but I will still be able to move on.

My MIL b;ess her heart said to me yesterday, you know I had given up hope for you, but for some reason its back. I just feel it in my gut that something is going to happen before long. I told her well I don't think its him coming home. She said maybe not right now but I feel something is about to happen and I can't shake this feeling. I said well maybe its because he is getting ready to serve D papers. She said I don't feel its a bad thing for you whats going to happen.

My MIL is a true believer on her feelings. Over the years I have seen her say these things and things do happen. Of course I can't live my life due to her feelings but for once I hope they are right.

Anyhow I am off work today and going to enjoy being home tonight. Going to clean my bedroom and wash some clothes. Gotta keep busy and productive.....