Hi Hurting-
I've not replied to you before, but have been following
your thread and progress.
I think you sound like a gutsy lady who is doing a great
job in handling a difficult situation, and doing it with
"class".
Your WH seems to follow the same WS script as so many others
here and I'm no expert, but it sounds like there is still
a lot of hope of things turning around.
Either way, you sound like you will land "on your feet"
and going well.
My Mom is an "okie" and I've been there many times, so
have a soft spot in my heart for your state <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Best wishes-
Slammed

Slammed,

thank you for posting. I have been reading your thread as well and I have no words of advice to you. I think you are handleing a tough situation very well.

I do hope my sitch turns out for the best and I have not lost all hope by no means. But I am also a realistic person and I know I have to make life good for me now and take it as it comes. And if he comes home I will deal with that then.

Where in Okla. is your mom from? I live in southwest Okla... down by the texas border about 40 miles away. Been here all of my life so its home.....

Take care Slammed , I wish you the best...

Hurting

Hi Hurting,

How are you doing? Alot has been going on here the past few days. Baby has been sick. Husband now gone and staying with a friend. I really just don't know what to do. I had a few too many triggers of angry outburst, crying about his adultery the past couple of days, and now he is gone. I don't know how long. He picked up winter clothes today, so maybe he is planning on staying the whole winter...who knows.

Anyway, I hope everything is going alright for you. It sounds like MIL has some good feelings. I hope the best for you always!!

Lady

(((( Lady)))))

I am so sad to hear your H has left. I know how bad you feel. Maybe this time apart will help you both. I hope you continue with counseling I am sure it will help you. I was wondering were you had been. You know if you need someone to talk with I am here for you....

I am doing pretty good actually, its been peaceful here no WH sightings or babble last 2 days anyway.

Worse thing that happens was him and OW going to my friends funeral but I am thankful I was not there to see it....

Yeah my MIL and her feelings, I hope they are right but you know how feelings go. My feeling had told me this would never go this far an we see what happened there.... But I still hold out hope until the end....

I just want you to know your in my prayers and I wish for you the best. Take it one day at a time my friend thats all we can do....


Hurting

Thanks Hurting- I don't have any good advise to give
either (or I'd sure be giving myself some !) but it
does help to read of the other situation, see the
similiarities, and take strength from our shared
experiences.

My sitch doesn't exactly fit the "mold" of MB due to
possible complications from WH's depression and/or
other possible mental/emotional issues (no way to
know how much these may play into situation) but I've
still found he frequently follows the same "script"as
the rest of the WS. I guess my best bet now is to go
to a sort of Plan B. If that won't get WH off the fence,
I don't suppose anything will, and I may have to be the
one who ends up filing and getting on with things.

My Mom is from N Central Oklahoma (Alva area). I also
have a sister who went to college in Enid, and an Aunt
up by Bartlesville, but not too familiar with the southern
part of the state. All good people <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there- You are doing a good job.
Slammed

Slammed,

Who know what our WH'S are thinking. It's definatley hard. I hope your WH realy does try to get counseling it would be the best thing for him.

I live in the Lawton-Ft. Sill area. But I know were Alva is.

Somedays I don't feel I am doing a good job but its getting easier everyday. This is the longest I have ever gone in 24 yrs without seeing or talking to my H. Does not seem to bother him though. But its really hard for me. But I am proud of the fact he left a VM sunday and I have yet not listened to it. I have no erased it but I have not listened either... So thats a step in the right direction.

Take Care

Hurting

Ok people something strange just happened...

DD is on the phone with WH .... She comes in to tell me he said happy Belated grandmothers day or something to that effect.... I just kinda smiled... She walked away.

She then came back and asked me what is my one memory of living in Lewisville Tx. ... I had to think and I told her about the time my ODS who was 2 at the time got out of the apartment in the middle of the night by unlocking the door. Next thing I know the police were there.. Seems WH was asking her these questions to ask me.

So now tell me what is he up to???? Asking about my memories of our past and wishing me a happy belated holiday....

Maybe I should have not asnwered the question but felt it would just not be in my best intrest to ignor it... Come on give me some feed back here.... this is interesting...

Hey..

are you in plan B....or are you????

If you are in plan B, you are NOT passively or actively communicating with the wayward.

also, you are not doing the what if should I what game...you're constantly fixated on ws...and what he means by his stupid babble to daughter.

imho, I am being very nice but with a smallish 2x4 here...you are ALLOWING you dd to be used by your WH as a passive go between. I've said this all along.

Please keep your kids out of your sitch. It will cause them emotional harm. Please try. It is impossible to NOT have them be hurt by this, but you gotta try for their sake.

if you dd asks you these questions, say that you will talk to her when she is done talking to wh. that you wil be glad to talk to her, but wh you are in nc with because of his actions. tell dd you wil always talk to her, but not be in a passive conversation with wh.

I just see this and I don't think you're doing a true plan b if you're always worrying bout this man....and understandably you'd worry about his actions with the car...but you are to use this time to work on you and heal...not focus all on him.

Thanks Hurting, I had a relapse of anger really bad. 3 yr old heard everything, thank goodness he wouldn't understand what was said, but he understood mom was "very" angry yelling at Dada. H's being late triggered it. It's crazy, and I hate feeling paranoid every time he is late now. I never used to question where he was, timing, etc...I never had to, because I trusted him.

He just called, he is staying with a minister friend. They are praying alot etc... Says he wants to reconcile, and he needs to use the car tomorrow. But says he is not pressuring me. I think I just need time to think and pray myself. Sometimes just my H's presence makes me feel disturbed, aggitated, and angry. Isn't that weird.
I read here it is normal for BS's to feel like this at times. I just want those feeling to go away, but they havent yet.

So yeah maybe just some time away will do us good...we'll see.

We aren't going to MC until H has his meds changed this month. But, I am trusting the Holy Ghost to counsel us.

I am off to my first Alanon meeting in a few minutes. I have been told to go there from a few people. So I'll go and see what that is like.

Hope all is well with you and the children. You have come so far Hurting. It's wonderful to see you stronger and more confident. God takes good care of us!!

Lady

peachy,

I know your right and I should have never answered the question....

It was just shock that the was reminising about our past.

Thats the first time today WH has even come up in conversation and if not for his call nothing would have ever been said.

Kinda funny he left DD a long rambling VM .... I don't know what it said I didn't ask bt she was saying it was weird.... She then called him back and finally told him she has to go and he didn't want to get off the phone...

I have no idea what they talked about I didn't ask and I am not going to.....

Your right though I will refrain from answering questions no matter how shocked I was until she is off the phone....

Just blew me away he was asking and then telling me happy belated what ever.... After being so nasty over the weekend and now trying to be nice..... Something does not smell right ..... And it ain't me

DO NOT LISTEN TO THE FOGGY AND STUPID.

they don't even know what they are saying themselves.

you just keep being strong.

if you do, and stay dark, plan B will work...either for both of you or for you.

I know Peach, I know .......

I messed up again..... It just felt good that he was remembering something from our past and thinking about it...

Ok back on track now......

BTW how was the MB Atlanta gathering? Did you enjoy yourself?

Hurting - I read the latest earlier, and was too stunned to post. Your husband took OW to your dear friend's funeral yesterday, which made it uncomfortable for you to attend.

Today he is wishing you a Happy Grandparent's day and talking about the past fondly? Give me a break.

Hurting -

Back on track with Plan B, o.k?? Just like Peachy suggested. No time spent on wondering what WH is doing or why he is asking questions.

I will admit that I have messed up listening to voice mail messages from my WH. I have decided today that I am not going to listen to any more of them. They just say the same thing over and over.

Kim

Yeah its all way to confusing to try and even figure out...

His brain just seems to jump from point a to point z in a matter of minutes....

I guess him recalling the past and wishing me happy whatever means nothing. Just his way of making me crazy.....

yeah Believer he actually took her. I knew that would happen thats why I didn't go.... I felt bad about it but I knew me being there would just cause problems and no one needed that.

I am not going to lie I thought maybe him thinking about and wanting to know what my memorie was about our past life living in Lewisville might be a good sign, guess not huh?

Oh well on to another train of thought.

It's o.k. I think to have that hope, Hurting. It is only natural. The problem is that you just don't really know what in the heck they are thinking or what the motive is behind what they say.

Kim

Watch his ACTIONS, not his words.

the atl mb gathering was lots of fun! very nice folks! and it's good that we're now a stronger support group for each other.

I know you are btw...so wanting him to come out of fog...and you probably thought as I would have that maybe going to funeral and seeing your pics and reminding him of what he is losing would be a life changer...but remember, he's not thinking with full deck right now.

He's a ws. unable to figure them out...expect simply instability until he decides what to do with his life.

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. it's hard going thru this without those closest to you. I lost my dad 1.5 years before my divorce..it was unabearable going thru it without my knight..true knight in shining armor there to defend his princess....now however, I've been blessed with a little knight who does love his mommy...and sometimes calls me "cinderella" as he saw movie and thinks it is like me...(i am blonde too...and work all the time..)

Hi Hurting,

Seems strange WH is asking and thinking such things. Maybe he is coming across some memories of Lewisville with you and children. Maybe he drove through there recently and had the memories. Grandparents day?? Thinking of family again. Maybe the funeral yesterday reminded him of family also, as he probably seen many families that he hasn't seen in some time. I wonder if he felt uncomfortable with OW at the funeral, and maybe he got some not so good looks from people, hopefully.

I always have to look so deep into things.... Is that so wrong? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Lady

I know you all are right. I have to watch his actions not listen to his words.

Well for now he is actionless.

I guess your right Peach deep down inside I was hopeing that everything that has happen the last few weeks would make him see what he is losing.

I am glad you all had a good time at your get together.

Well, at least he is not being nasty right now so thats good....