Hi Hurting,

You may be able to get help through Dept of Socail Services and get an emergency gas/electric grant. Go to them and tell them it got shut off, take your bill and shut off notice and they should help you.

Go there today.

Love, Lady

Yes calling the lawyer sounds like a better idea. Tell them your phones have been shut off, and gas now.

I am going to call my lawyer this afternoon.... I have my IC in about an hour and will go from there to try and do something....

I just can't believe all of this is happening....

This is just makeing my feelings for him die a little more each day.... The fact he could care less is killing me.... Especially when he know I don't have the money to pay these bills.....

I am so upset right now I can't even think.....

Hurting-
So sorry you are having this added hassle to deal with-
and hope you can get some immediate assistance.
Have you tried calling the utility company to see if you could do a partial payment or if they have as assistance
program that would help you ?

Thoughts and prayers with you-
Slammed

I am going to call the gas comapny... But I have to wait for MIL to get home she is at work now....

I just came from my IC.... I just love her...

She is so pro-marriage its unreal.

I told her all that happen this last week and she said she is so very proud how strong I have become. She says you are handleing all of this very well.

We talked about his calls the other night about him wanting to know my memories and question DD on my weight etc. She say sounds to her like a little bit of reality hit him as he was going through Lewisville. His history was coming back to him in little snippets and he was remembering good times. He knew he has none of this OW so he needed to remeber with the one person he has history with.

She gave me another analogy to use with him. She said you know when you see a construction site and how the put up the board walls around it to protect the site and people. How how every so often you see a little peep hole in the wood. Well this is pretty much what you have done to protect yourself. He is lookin for peepholes to look in and he found them through your DD. So now its time to block the peepholes. She agreed that when WH is talking to DD I need to leave the room or the house and not discuss him with her so she has nothing to tell him.

She feels if he starts to see me slip away and he knows nothing this will help him see reality quicker. I agree with this and I know all of you have been saying it for months. She did ask me what if he does divorce you? I said then he does but I still don't believe that will be the end. Somethin in me tells me its not over even if he does.

She did say all the anger he showed last weekend was like child throwing a temper tantrum. I can't remember which of you said that but I know someone did. She said you didn't react or respond to him that was good. She says sounds to her like he is so confused and now is not sure what to do.

She wants me to set a goal for this next week. Something to accomplish to help me move forward. She said you really have a good grip on all of this and have a plan.

She knows about MB"S and all of you and she says this support I get from here is wonderful. She is going to check this site out and look around. I guess it will help her to see what this site is all about. I mean she went out and got a copy of Surviving an Affair and read it. She refers to the book a lot. She feels like we all do this A will end at some point. She believes WH is in pain but for now his pride stands in his way. She said but after a time his pride will move aside so he can do the right thing. Even i the right thing is to admit he was wrong.

She refered to the bible story of the Prodigal Son and how it took time for him to come back to his home and father and repent.

she told me to keep planb up and protect myself and keep my love alive for WH. She said you will know in your heart when to let go if he does not come around.

She did say about the dad thing, that maybe the D of OW is hoping this will be the one man who stays around. She said this child is learning the ways of her mother which will lead her down the wrong path.

I told her about WH and OW going to the funeral and she said that was their way of trying legitmize the affair. But little did they realize they actually made themselves look foolish. Like she said nothing they can do or say will make this right for anyone..

After IC w as over we prayed and she asked God to continure to give me the strength and for him to open WH'S heart and come home and be the H he needs to be.

Ahe always makes me feel good..... This was the best thing I have ever done for myself going to IC.....

Hurting-
Your IC sounds great ! I like mine too, although she
doesn't sound as hopeful on WH coming back. She is easy
to talk to though, gets lots of my "venting", and gives
me lots of info and "homework" to help with self esteem,
acknowledging strengths, etc. She also has been able to
give me some input and thoughts on what she thinks about
my H's mental/emotional issues.

Were you able to find out anything about your utilities ?

I'm considering going to a Plan B (see my thread update)
and am getting some good feedback on that today. WH is
really sitting on the fence and I'm really tired of it
continuing...

Keep up the good work-
Slammed

Hi Hurting -

My prayers are with you. Just checking in to let you know I am thinking about you -

Kim

No I have to call them tomrrow.... Good thing we can go to MIL to take a shower....

I can boil water to wash dishes for tonight....

By the time I got out of IC it was to late to call....

I have been thinking about this and i decided I will fix this on my own I will not resort to asking WH for anything... But I will tell you one thing I will make sure my attorney brings it up in front of the judge..... WH continues to make himself look bad by not supporting us....

I am going to give his sister the car insurance though and get him to pay it..... He has his truck on it as w ell so he has not much choice in it....

This is all going to work out.... I have no doubt and I am actually feeling pretty good considering what all has happened. In fact it make me more determined to stay real dark and follow my plan ..........

Slammed I read your post today and I am praying for you. I am not a wise one but maybe planb is something you should consider to save your own sanity... And maybe just maybe it will get to him.... you never know

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hurting,
You sound so strong and really focused, which is great.
You have taken every "lemon" and really made lemonade
from it !

Shouldn't be that much harder to go to a full "Plan B"
since I've been doing a "semi" B already, but I know it
would be much tougher done than said. Am thinking about
it though- just have to figure out how to handle things
since all of WH's belongings are still at our house
(he just has some of his clothes and toiletries)and I
can't legally keep him out of the house, plus we have
all joint finances so sometimes need to discuss those
items. I'm sure I'll get some good ideas though, on how
to work it out.

Am going to a work-related trade show tonight, so at least
I won't be home and won't have to worry about any contact
with WH and will be having dinner and some time with friends. I'm tired lately, so will just be anxious to get
home, play with the dog, and get to bed.

Your WH is really making himself look bad- does he know
the bill was due ?
Have a good night-
Slammed

Oh yeah he knows all the bills are due and he knows he has not given me money....

He also know I have only recieved one paycheck from work and it was not for a full pay period.... It only had 30 hours on it.. and at minimum wage it was not much....

I should not have to chase after him for money he knows.... I will tell the judge the same thing... Why should I have to resort to begging for money when he knows.... I will not do it...

Planb is hard Slammed and I fought it for awhile and I messed it up a few times as well. But I have done alot better. It will be one month tomrrow since I have seen him or spoken to him except for the bowling alley incident 2 weeks ago and that was only maybe 3 mins. we had contact and I spoke only one word to him... and that was OK... and i left....

I do miss him a lot and its hard not to give in but I am gonna do this for me.. I have to

Hi Hurting,

I hope WH feels terrible when he hears the gas and phone is turned off. It will have to bother him. The good thing is is that you aren't going to react, and that is what he will want you to do.

Do you think he will be there to recieve the LS papers on Saturday? What concerns me is, he does know they are coming, and I wonder if he will avoid being at OW to be served. That could carry things on longer couldn't it?
This is why I hope the lawyer can get you into court sooner on an emergency basis. How do they get a hold of your WH when he is on the road most of the time?

Lady

Well Lady I talked to the process server and they are going to start Friday night and go everyday until they get him even if its on sunday.... They will catch him sooner or later....

he has known the house phone has been turned off for awhile. But he knew we had the cell.I would imagine he knows that know though. I am sure he has tried to call DD...

He will know about the gas by the time his mom kows and she tells SIL I am sure she will tell him.... But I will not do it and if he wants to do anything about it he can... But through my SIL.....

Nope no reaction here on my part brcause I will fix this myself if I have to.... I want him to see I don't need him to do it..... No way is he going to use all of this to get me to back down...

I am not sure but I think the court date will still happen but it could be postponed I guess. I will have to ask my attorney how that works..... I hope they get them to him this weekend....If not there has to be another w ay to do it... If I have to take the damn things to him myself and walk away ...

You're doing great about "fixing" things yourself. Those WH don't like to know that you can succeed without them.

Why don't you have him served at the bowling alley on Saturday morning when DS is bowling.

Well I thought about inanutshell but he does not always go to the bowling alley..... You never know when he will go..... It had been weeks since he has went and then the day I go he showes up......

Plus I don't know if I w ant that done in front of my DS. He has seen and heard enough.... If not for him being there I would probably try that.... I am fairly certain they will get him this weekend...... I am going to call them tomorrow and let them know all the possibilites though....

Well today is exactlly one month since I have spoken to or seen my WH. Except for the 3 mins. at the bowling alley.

I am not real sure how I am feeling about this. I know its for the best for me.

Irs gone fairly well except for the last week or so and its been so much chaos with him knowing he is being served LS papers and him acting like an a$$ about it.

It's been very hard on some days not to call him or see him. Especially last weekend I wanted so badly to talk to him when he called. But I held out and didn't.

The biggest problem I am having of course is DD talks to him and he asks questions and she is more than willing to answer.

I truely never thought I could pull this off. This is the longest in 24 yrs I have not spoken to or seen my H. Its been very hard but as each day goes by its a little easier.

By the time our court day comes it will be over 2 months of no contact with him. How will I react when I finally do have to see him? I will admit this worries me. I don't want to be emotional and fall apart. I know I am worrying over this a few weeks to early but I need to figure out how I am going to handle it.

If anyone has any ideas how to prepare myself for this, please help me out....

I think anticipation causes greater fear than reality. What u may see in the court or the next time you see him c/b just a shell of your former H. Almost strangerlike creature..... sad, lonely, angry, frustrated, bitter.....anything but happy.

The ball of frustration on his plate (of his own choosing) will give you a different picture. One you can't conjure up in your wildest imaginations.... so don't try. Rather, be prepared to see a shell of the man you married and know his H soul is lost.....being held captive. Until the raging WS lunatic is at bay, your H won't come out of hiding. Best to plan B the WS and plan A your H. That way, when your H does come out, you w/b ready. ok?

Hugz,
L.

Thanks Orchid as usual you are right on the money...

I have so many senarios running through my head for that day. And I know its crazy because what I imagine will happen will probably be so far from what happens...

I just need to stay calm and not worry about it....

Easier said than done though......

Yes, much easier said than done. The giver in you wants to 'fixit'. U can't fixit.

The best way to fixit is to distance yourself. See a BS is poison to the WS. That is the illogical reason why the WS gives the BS such a hard time. AS a BS, you are actually killing the WS (by default, not your fault - LOL!!!). The WS knows that if the BS gets stronger, it will be the death kneel to the WS and the A fantasy. Exposure, plan B, IC/MC, good support group, MB posting, protecting finances, id boundaries and implementing them all wields sharp attacks on the WS, OP and A. Those tactics show the spouse out there that you still care. The ability to communicate with your real spouse is limited. For a while you may think there is no communication. In most cases there is more communication going on than you realize. So plan B and B strong! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.