Hurting,

Thinking of you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

orchid,

Thank you. All of things you said make so much sense. It's like the more I do to get stronger and protect myself the more the WS gets confused and wants to fight me. its like shooting poison arrows into him and he is trying to pull them out so he can't fall.

Luna,

I keep reading your posts. You are doing so well, you should be so proud. Thank you for thinking of me.... You are as well as all the BS"S here are in my thoughts and prayers....


I do wonder what the weekend will be like this week. WH should be served for sure. They are going to start tonight until Sunday to get him served. last weekend he just knew the papers had been filed this weekend if he gets them he will actually know what they say. Guess i better batten down the hatches and be ready.... Better to be prepared and nothing happen than to not be prepared and all he$$ break loose.

Hi Hurting-
Hope you are having a good one today !

I attended a work-related function last night, which meant
I didn't have to cook <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> and didn't have as much time to
worry about hearing from WH. He didn't call, so I'm sure
he was spending the evening and/or night at OW house.

I have a feeling that his "we are talking about what to do"
really meant "we are back together" and it is very hurtful
to me that he would work at the relationship with the OW
but not be willing to work on his own M !! I am finding
that I really have a lot of anger about that, among other
things today and a real desire to tell the OW what I think
of her little "innocent" act !! (And keep thinking of
things I wished I'd said, or said differently when I did
talk to her).

I probably won't hear from or see WH this weekend either, which will really convince me that they are fully back
together. Won't be too surprised if that will mean he will
move back to her house too. (Just called the place he's
staying and he's not checked out, so is apparently still
there, at least today).

It's just so hard to understand why WH would want to be with
a person like OW - she sounded very agressive, "ballsy",
and "in your face", said they were always fighting, was
checking H's cell phone and deleting messages, called me
with all the hurtful details and lies, called WH's former
GF to question her about WH and let her know about A (as
a result my 13 yr old stepdaughter now knows about it too),
and seemed only interested in WH because she thought he
made a lot of money (doesn't!) I guess that's just part
of the "addiction" and fog- they don't see the person as
they are but it's sure hard to take.

Doesn't seem like there'd be much future to their A since
they already had so many issues, plus now they each know
that the other lied to them, and their "fantasy bubble"
should certainly be burst, but don't know if WH will come
out of the fog soon enough to salvage anything- I am getting
frustrated and feeling less hopeful the longer we are apart.

I hope your weekend will go smoothly with no drama by your
WH ! I don't expect any contact with my WH, and am just
trying to make some plans so I won't have as much time to
feel miserable and sorry for myself ! Thought I'd watch a
funny movie and make some popcorn tonight, and am always
happy for the company of my faithful dog.
Thoughts and prayers to you-
Slammed

I have a question...

I have some bills that are due and I don't have the money.

Would it break planb to make a list and give it to SIL and ask her to give it to WH and see if he will help pay them?

One is the car insurance and his truck is on it as well.
I don't know what else to do about this. I get paid the 10th but I know it won't be enough to cover everything.

I don't know if he wll come through , so should I try it anyway?

Slammed,

I know how you are feeling. Its so hard to understand what they are thinking and why they insist on being with women who are not what they w ould have choosen if in their right minds.

To bad we are so far apart, a good movie and popcorn would be a fun time.

The best we can do is try and make ourselves happy and try not to worry over them. Easier said than done for sure.

I had a dream last night about my WH. First one in weeks. Was strange though for some reason I was with him and we were confronting the OW.... Guess my brain is wishing a lot.

I hope nothing happens this weekend. I am to the point of dreading the weekends now because of his antics. Especially if he gets his papers and he reads them. I know its going to set him off when he see's the amount of money being asked for and the word ADULTRY as the reason for the LS. So I am trying to prepare myself for the fallout. I hope he got it out of his system last week.

Lets try and have a good weekend Slameed and not let them get to us... We are stronger than we think and will be ok.... Take Care....

Hurting-
I'll be thinking of you and hope you won't have any big
drama with WH when he gets the paperwork. As he knows it's
coming, that should lessen his reaction.

I'm glad the work day is almost over for me, and I can just
go home and "veg". As I've gotten tired today I've changed from feeling really angry to feeling a lot of doubts-
don't know if I've been handling things as well as could be, don't like the way I dealt with OW, don't know if I might have missed a chance with WH while he and OW were
"broken up", don't know if there's any point in continuing
to try and keep hoping !!??

Also, a response on my thread has me wondering if I might
have "played" right into OW's hands, and if I did I feel
really stupid !

Guess there's really no way to know if things we do help,
hurt or make any difference at all, and it's normal to
just have days where my mood is really down, so I'm just
going to head home, relax, and try not to worry or think
about things.

I know what you mean about dreading weekends- I do too.
Not because of "drama", but just because it seems like such
a long, drawn out time and I start to feel lonely, sad,
bored and isolated. I try to make a "plan", even if it's
just housework, yardwork, errands, a movie, etc. and try to
do things with friends/family if I can. Maybe some extra
sleep will help me get out of this "pity party" mood too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Slammed

Slammed,

We are allowed pity parties at times. We can go for days and be fine then something will hit us and its down we go.

I think this is to be expected. We all question everything we have said and done. Will it work , will it push him further away?

We someday may no the answers but for today we won't.... So try and pick yourself up and do something to help take your mind off all this this mess.....

Have a great weekend and try not to worry ....

Hurting - I think someone suggested this before...Imagine all of you MB friends right there with you. Know that it is not your H you are seeing, but the WH. Put a shell around yourself so you are protected from WH. One that he cannot penetrate. We will all be right there with you.

I have a feeling I am going to have to use this tactic in the morning when I go to the bank. I might end up face to face with WH, but hopefully not.

Kim

As for the bills, they are items which u r both responsible. If your SIL will take the bills, give him a copy of them and you keep a copy with the date of when he was given a copy for him to pay. Then follow up with the companies and find when he paid. Give him a reasonable time of course.

What will this do? Keep you responsible, it will let the creditors know you are doing your part and also expose them to the A. LOL!!! Put WS in the hot seat again but this time when he strikes back it w/b not only you but even the creditors..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Imagine that!

L.

Orchid,

Thanks for the idea. I had not thought of making copies of them.

I will do that and then it also give me something to show the judge if he does not pay them....

Guess my nerves must be on edge the last few days. I had dreams about WH last night and then while i was napping before going to work.... Its been weeks since i dreamed of him. Was actually kind of funny, him and I were together and we were confronting the OW..... Oh well it was just a dream.....

Anyhow I woll get these bills together and make copies and give them to my SIL later today.... I hope he pays them ....

Well I am going to my MIL for a birthday party for my SIL.

Just got through talking to DD she has decided to spend Thanksgiving with her dad at the OW"s home. She says its because she does not want ot be around my SIL who has nothing good to say about WH. DD was down at MIL today talking ti her dad on the phone and my SIL said some rude things about WH. So now she will not spend Thanksgiving with us. It hurts me to know DD would rather be with WH and OW for the holiday. So now its like she is accepting of his behavior and he will have part of his family with him for the holiday which will help alevaite some of his guilt I am sure.

I can't stop her she is 18. It just gets to me though and nothing I can do about it. He is suppose to be on his way here to get her now. I have no idea were she is going with him and I am not asking. It just feels like the kids are now accepting this and will spend time with WH and OW. Will definatley make it easier for WH to justify more and make this normal for him.

Oh well nothing I can do, I guess I just have to accept it and move on....

When you are NOT full of hurt and other messy feelings ... have a discussion with your 18-year-old.

I feel she is entitled to know how her Mom feels.

Give her the scoop.

like....

I feel so sad that our family has been broken up

This is NOT your fault by the way ... none of it. Take no blame for the decisions that we, your parents , have made. OK?

I feel sad not to have YOU, my sweet DD with me on Thanksgiving. But I am not mad at you.

I feel as if OW is trying to steal away my family. That is not your fault.

I understand that you want a relationship with your Dad, and you might feel you have to accept OW as part of having that Dad-Daughter relationship.

I personally feel that is wrong for your Father to introduce you to an affair partner as if adultery is an acceptable decision.

I feel adultery and marital cheating is never acceptable.

I am sorry we were not able to keep the family intact.

It must be very difficult mix of emotions you are feeling.

Please call me when you have left your Dad and OW's company.

I promise not to bad-mouth your Dad, but I cannot say anything good about how ugly adultery is and how much harm it brings into a family.

hurting....
I am so sorry for that...if DD does not want to spend thanksgiving with your SIL, why not have thanksgiving just you, DD and DS? Why don't you tell DD it will be just the 3 of you and see what she would prefer then? I can only imagine how much that must hurt you...I find getting through the holidays and birthdays to be the hardest....

I am sure your in-laws woud understand that you would ruther have thanksgiving with your kids alone then without your kids....

I know you probably don't want to get into a competition with your WH about who gets the kids for the holidays...but this would be a way to show DD that you care...

I am worried that she sees WH as the only parent that is willing to talk to her....it is really sad, because she does not see that he is partly using her to get to you and that you refusing to talk to her about WH is for the good of the family...not to hurt her... But as is, he is the one talking to her and she needs someone to talk to, so she is happy to get the little of him even if it is with OW along for the ride....I really feel for her, because I get the feeling she is really confused...
Hurting...she may really need to talk to you....and would it not be good for you to tell her how you feel (not to make her feel guilty) but for her to know that you would really like her to be with you for the holidays...

I am so sorry...the situation you are in now is really difficult....

All the best {{{{{{hurting}}}}}}}

Daisy

Hi Hurting-
I wouldn't think that DD's decision means she is accepting
or approving of the A, WH's behavior or the OW, but more
like something has made her feel sorry for her Dad- maybe
even something he's said has made her feel guilty or sad
for him ? Or she just feels defensive of him due to whatever comments it was that she heard from MIL/SIL.

With it being awhile until Thanksgiving, I wouln't be surprised if she might change her mind too- and want to be
with you-

Seems like WH is still really desperate to keep some contact with his true family and DD is the only one he's
been able to "reach" right now.

Hope you will enjoy the birthday party and be able to have
a calm rest of the weekend.
Slammed

hurting...
I agree with Pep, I think you should talk to her....I really get the feeling she is confused by it and at this time only her Dad is talking to her and you are not and she may see you as the bad guy here....(sorry I know it must hurt, but although she is 18, she is a kid)...and you may really need to talk to her and tell her exactly as Pep sais what you feel about the A and that that is not acceptable to you and that you cannot just accept her Dad like that, but you still love her....etc....I just get this feeling she is looking for something from you.....and not getting it...you are in a tought spot and it is hard for you to do this....talk about the possible breaking of your family, but you can talk about your feelings to her about the situation without talking about WH....I know you worry she will talk to WH, but if you say basically what you said in your Plan B letter than what she tells him will not be anything new.....and may actually remind him of the Plan B letter....

Just a thought....
Daisy

Hi Hurting - I agree with the others on this one. Talk to your DD about your feelings, etc. when you are up to it. A rehashing of Plan B letter is a good idea too.

I am sorry that your DD is saying she wants to spend Thanksgiving with WH and OW. That must really hurt.

{{{{HURTING}}}}

Again, lots of time between now and then. Your DD has been through a lot too. Bound to have some torn feelings and things she is unable to understand.

Kim

Very good advice from all of you. I will talk to her like Pep says.

The birthday party was good, but very strange not having WH there. This is the first family gathering wihout him.

DD went to Wal-Mart and I had to go pick her up. As I was standing by the car waiting for her I looked towards the door watching for her and waliking into WAl-Mart was WH, OW and her DD. This is the first time I have seen them together. It tore my heart to watch them walki n like a happy little family when my family is so torn apart. I don't think they saw me which is good. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I saw her car parked and she has a bumper sticker on the window saying .."My Heart belongs to a trucker." I started crying , I just fell apart.

When will i start to feel better, I can't handle all of this crap. It just seems they are so happy together while I am so miserable as well as my kids are....

WH was suppose to come get DD and then go the bowling alley to watch DS bowl. Well he never showed up he did call the bowling alley and tell DS he was not coming. I hope it was because he got served the papers. I will find out Monday for sure....

What a day..... I really hate the weekends anymore.....

he's giving it the 100 percent ws bit right now...and playing family indeed.

your dd is getting hurt by her dad and wanting him to not reject her...that is why she is reaching out to him...and she probably knows that ow has a dd of her own and your own dd may feel out of place. I know this b/c my xh's ow/w has a son a year younger than mine. and it makes my son feel displaced.

I am sorry he's so crazy right now.

I suggest also that you carry a camera. wouldn't it be good evidence for the courts that this man is indeed carrying on with this ow? I mean...the bumper sticker...the "pseudo family" walking in together? It is nauseous, but it could be good legal stuff to get.

your wh is just that...right now a ws.

he's not like the man you once knew. not until he either loses his way, or reality smacks this man hard in the [censored].

I hope reality smacks him down good.

HE needs to become a broken man...and see how to leave his lifestyle. It is so sad.

I love ya ((((((hurting))))) and am gonna say a prayer for you, dd, and wh.

Peachy,

Thank you for the prayers. We need all we can get.

Infact I had a very interesting evening and it was so uplifting. The lady that lives across the street from my MIL is a very religious woman. She saw me outside and came over and said to me " God would not let me walk by you without saying a prayer with you."

I told her I really need the prayers and comfort from God right now. As she prayed she started smiling at me and said " All will be ok,I hear the word of the lord telling me it will all be ok," I questioned her what did she mean. She said " The Lord is saying stay on the path of the God and all will be restored believe in him and give it to him and he will fix this." I started crying and could not stop.

She said to me." Follow God and he will make you strong for when your WH comes home you will need the strength to help him because he will be broken." I told her if he comes home, she said " No its when he comes home because the Lord says all will be restored if you let him handle this is his own way." She also said " Lets say a prayer for OW." I looked at her funny and she said trust me. So her prayer was something like this...

" Dear God please turn OW'S heart away from BS'S , Husband and make her see what she is doing is not th right thing for her. Let it be turned to stone for him. Make it so even if he looks for her ,he can never find her again."

After all of this praying and turning this over to God I felt such a relief in my heart. It was like the flutter of wings and I could feel the anger and hurt disappear from me. I had such a moving experience tonight and have now turned this over to God and its such a good feeling. I could feel the energy from this woman and her faith made me so much stronger.

She gave me some bible verses to read and told me to read them everyday. I am going to follow her advice and do this. She said " Satan will try to get into your heart but always remember the word of the Lord and Satan will not be able to find his way in." I have never been so moved as I was tonight. A great weight has been lifted because I kow I have done all I can do and now its up to God to handle the rest of it.

I think God led this woman me tonight for a reason and I thank him for it. I have known her for all my married life and have never really spoken with her much. But tonight it was like a long lost friend who came to my rescue.

God does work in mysterious ways.

Thank you God.........

Wow... that is amazing, hurting. The Lord DOES work in mysterious ways...