Hi Hurting-
You are doing great ! I loved the story about the neighbor
and the prayers- it makes me feel wonderful for you and for
your situation, and reminds me that there are always hope and possiblities when we have faith in God.
Made me remember something I read in Stormie Omartian's book, "The Power of a Praying Wife". She said that instead
of worrying about what to ask God to do, we can just tell
him what we want to happen, and leave it to him- HE will
decide how to accomplish it. This has been helpful for me
to remember, because I've gotten hung up on praying, not
knowing what to ask for since my situation seems like such
a huge mess.

I kept busy and did okay for the weekend- tried hard not
to worry and think about WH. Realized I can't understand
how he feels, what he says, or what he does because he is
seeing things through the "rose-colored glasses" of the
foggy WH and not a logical person !

WH did call me Fri night - said he wanted to "touch base"
(one of his favorite expressions lately) and asked about
the dog, as always. Said he was picking up a pizza at a
place near his rented room. I'm sure that comment was meant
to make me think he was just taking it home to eat alone,
but I imagine he was probably taking it over to eat with
OW at her house. I just made my dinner, played with the dog
and relaxed for the evening myself.

Sat I worked half day, then worked hard in the yard- raking
up leaves and twigs from a big windstorm last week, and then
with the help of my parents, loaded a big pile of tree limbs and branches on the truck to take to the dump.
Spent the rest of the late afternoon and evening watching
movies and had a good comfort food dinner, pot pie !
(followed by popcorn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yesterday I did housework, laundry and errands. WH called
in the morning and said he was "out and about" (another of
his new vague expressions). I was a bit bad and said "I
am surprised you are allowed out". He said he "didn't know
what that was supposed to mean, but whatever..." (of course,
I meant I was surprised he was out sight of OW. I'm sure
she's monitoring his every move...) Told him about clearing
up the big pile in the yard and other things I am doing
(things that need done if he split up and sell the house)
and just talked briefly. I did ask if he was now staying
at OW's again and he said NO- that they were "talking" and
he was still "trying to sort things out". I would translate
this into "they are seeing each other, and he's still
trying to decide between OW and I"- real flattering huh !!

Today I'm just working and feel okay about things. I do
hope that OW will drive WH crazy with paranoia, accusations,
questions and monitoring him (I'm sure both now have their
doubts about the other since their "bubble" was burst) and
that this can put the final, permanent end to them. BUT
I'm going to let God handle the details.
If God's way ends up being D, then I hope he will help me
find the things I'll need- a better paying job, place to
live, lots of strength, comfort and courage too.

Hope your day is good-
Slammed

Slammed,

I know how you are feeling. Its been rough and the ride is bumpy.

I like you have just got to stop thinking about this move on and whatever God decides to do we can accept.

Take Care and keep praying....

Hurting

Hi Hurting,
It's good you have someone to get pictures...that will be helpful if needed. But I am thinking about what your WW said....
What makes him think he really has a say in what happens to the home anyway...it's in his mothers name.

But...When Pep was talking about the sacrifice mentality...That is a "renter". I don't know if you read her thread on "renters" and "buyers" as far as marriage goes, but I did read some of it. Notice your H used to be a "buyer", but now has turned into a "renter." I found that interesting that now he wants the house "rented" (also speaking somewhat of himself).

Did that make sense?? ..... If not, you have to read Pep's thread.

Lady

Lady,

I did read peps thread on buyers and renters....

It confused me a little bit but I think I kinda got the basic's of it.

Your right he has no say over the house at all. It makes me wonder though if he woould ever come back to this house. I do know his mom said if we got back together we could still buy it from her. But without us as a family unit he will not get it.

Sometimes I think he is a renter with freeloader tendencies with OW. But he keeps telling everyone in a sense he is going to be a buyer with her.

Some days I feel like this may happen then other days I don't.... I just don't know what to think anymore...

I do wonder if he will ever come out of the fog, I think he likes it there.... No resposibilites all fun and games.... He is Happy !!!!!!

You know the one thing we all seem ot be forgetting is he is only there on weekends. So OW'S , DD does not have to fight for OW's attention during the week. This weekend thing IMHO is going to drag this thing out longer. They don't havr time to LB each other. Its like a mini honeymoon when he comes in. I remember those days myself....

The reality of this whole sorrid mess is the only thing thats going to burst the bubble.... So reality hurry up and smack em .....

My MIL just made me feel so good. We were talking about me going to school or something and she said when all of this is done if you and WH get divorced, I would like for you and DS to move in here if you want to.

I told her I would have to think about it. She thinks it would be easier for me and chaeper so I could save money. I told her I can only imagine how that would go over with WH and OW. She said I don't care, your my DIL no matter what. My MIL is one of the greatest people I know. She has supported me from day 1. I can't express enough what she means to me.....

This is something I will have to think serious about if it comes down to it. Only draw back is my pets , she will let me keep the dogs its the cats we would have a problem with. But either way this down the road , no descsions can be made until I know what the future holds. But its nice to know I have a place in this family no matter what....

that is awesome!

My xil's are on my xh's payroll..he signs their checks...and he signs big ones to them.

What an awesome woman!

Your wh and ow are really going against the current and they will see how deep the water really is soon also! I am so glad you have a good support system. That is so important for your emotional well being.

I am still praying for ya!

stay dark.

let the wh and ow love bust all over the place! life and circumstances (money and kids and legal stuff) will take their effects soon I know it!

It always does. And do not fear. I am praying and others are here too!

One truth is this...their a will fail. My old and very wise counselor (a former bs who went back to school to get doctorates)said that "all affairs end...but sometimes in the timeframe we need them to end..other times it may be too late." She was so wise.

She told me to keep my big nose outta it! That the A is to stinky to want to put your nose in it!

Stay back! Keep dark and keep working on you!

Just imagine...your wh gets out for coffee with his mom. She says how great you're doing (you're completely dark)..she says you're rejeuvenated...doing good. And going back to school!

You've really becoming the only one who is moving on and he's stuck in quicksand struggling to stay afloat with the op. That's another pearl from my old counselor.

She said I was the only one outta the whole scenario (me, wh and ow) that was truly free..

And if you're smart...you can use the good relationship to passively show WH how you're moving on and improving yourself! I can't think of anything more positive!

I wish you the best. Keep on plugging ahead. Do not worry about a WS.

Remember...you want the H back...not a ws. Nobody wants that. stay loving, stay tough!

Thanks Peach..... I will keep on keeping on here....

Its getting better.....

Just have to decide what I want to be when I grow up now .... lol

You know I have thought the same a few times. Lets just hope thier weekends are miserable, and yours are blessed from now on!

But OW doesn't compare to coming home to you, and hopefully he will see that in time.


Hurting don't forget the prayer your sweet neighbor prayed. I understand when in sitches like yours, sometimes we become weak in faith, that is why it is so good to have others praying for you, and God sent her for that reason. And you know.....she even taught me how to better pray in a situation such as that. I would have never thought to pray for OW such as she did.

Also....I think it's such a blessing that you have MIL that is so supportive of you and the children. You don't have to worry because God is going to take care of you as his daughter, and a good father always provides for his children.

Love, Lady

That is sooooo true.

Lady,

I know God will provide for my family.

I do agree this A will end someday. But will I still be around when that happens?

I truely never thought it would last this long, I had that much faith in our love. I guess I was wrong.....

In God's time.

And it may be or may not be the time you are wanting.

But realize what you are doing is huge. It is a positive step...and the most noble and brave thing you could ever do...it will be something that either outcome...either reconciliation or otherwise...you will be proud and never regret you stood for your M.

I don't know if you will still be around...and I have a feeling you don't want to wait much longer.

I know it's difficult, and it gets lonely.


LOL. I have said that a few times to myself, and I'm 40.


But, I think it's great that you are thinking of future goals.

Trust me....your years of being a wife and motherhood were and are not in vain. And now that the children are older you can have time for "you." .... New goals.

Lady

This is true I will never have regrets......

As far as waiting goes I really don't know how much longer I can hold out. I know I will not be the one to file the D.At least no time soon.

It just seems to me that I am waiting on nothing though. He does not seem to care he is having no contact with me. I don't think he misses me or our family at all....

I have got to let go of him but I don't know how?????

Hurting -

I know how you feel. WH doesn't seem to miss me either. But you know what, they definitely aren't going to let you know it if they are. Why would they? That would show us that the A is definitely wrong and the A is not so strong.

I betcha he misses you!!

BTW, I've been saying that prayer that your neighbor said with you for OW. And I have been reading the passages.

Kim

Quit worrying about him.

YOU ARE IN PLAN B.

TIme to save remaining love. Work on you. Get busy with life. Live! You have to! Be a light beacon to your kids..they so need you now.

Make a list of 10 things to do tomorrow to stay busy...and 10 things you're thankful for <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well DD talked to WH tonight. Seems he did see me at Wal-Mart, he asked her why was I standing by the car she told him I was waiting for her.

He then told her you know we have ot go to court on the 9th of Dec at 10. She said no I didn't know. He said why is your mom being so secrative. She said mom tells me nothing.
So he says to her well I guess I'll see your mom on the 9th. He said he does not have the papers but he knows the date and time. Maybe he got this info from his lawyer friend to who knows but at least he knows when and where.

I just don't think he cares anymore and is ready to proceeed with this whole thing.

I'm trying Peachy and Kim its just so hard.

I am getting ready for work now so that helps take my mind off this stuff for awhile anyway....

By Luna on Kims thread.....


I think this is the key to letting go....the only thing is is that you keep getting info via family members which keeps you holding your focus on WH.

Oh, Hurting.....

You did it again, you know....

OUT OF THE DARKNESS through communication with your DD...

You played right into his scheme..

He told her something to tell you and you listened...

He asked her a question about you and she answered and then brought the entire conversation to you..

Another battle won by him..

I know it's hard, Hurting..

But, this is prolonging an A that could come to an end....

If he didn't care, he would not be talking to your daughter about you or asking about you ...he would just go ahead with the D....

Oh My Goodness, Hurting...

Mimi,

I know but she was off the phone when she told me and I didn't respond to her at all.

All i said was I told you I was not going to discuss your dad with you, because I don't want you in the middle and that was it..

He did do one nice thing, he paid my DS and DIL phone and electric for them... At least he helped them which in turn helped my grandsons. Oh he did ask DD why she didn't tell him the gas was being cut off, she told him she didn't know mom does not tell me whats going on....

So see I am trying to stay dark by not saying things to her to tell him.....

I can't help he asks he questions and she answers.... I don't know what else to do besides duct tape her mouth shut....