When you get to court, let the judge know (via your lawyer) that someone leaks info to the other parties before their time. Those parties are claiming they have access to info from 'judge's' offices. Hm....don't blame his office, just let him know that their maybe comings and goings of certain individuals that s/b watched.

As for your D, let her say what she needs to say. Why? Well, have you gotten her that 3rd party she can unload on yet?

JMHO,
L.

i never thought it would last this long either...i really believed that he'd be home long before now...i really believed he loved me that much

now i don't believe anything for certain

orchid,

Yes I have the third party for her. And she does talk ot her and I ask no questions. I don't ask what they talk about.

for some reason DD thinks I need to know what WH says even though I have asked her not to.... the one good thing about this was she had nothing to tell him because I have not said anything to her.

So she told her dad I don't know on all questions. I had no idea she was talking to him as she was outside on her friends phone.

when she started to tell me about the conversation I was in the bathroom and well I couldn't get away. I did ask her to stop I didn't want to hear anymore. I told her what you talk to our dad about is between both of you. I just don't know what else to say to her about this. I have explained why so many times I feel like a broken record.

It does make me feel good though that she had no information for him. I have been very careful about what is said around her about him or our sitch. She had no idea about the papers till he told her last week or anything about whats in them or the date and time. So yes maybe I heard some of what h said but he got no information from her. So thats a start, maybe a small one but a good one.

See how he is squirming? That is good when a WS is made to fee uncomfortable. I may be asking for a lot of trouble by saying that but I am not wishing trouble for your H. Rather I am pushing for the WS t/b made to feel uncomfortable, unwanted....maybe leave? Then your H may be able to come back.

See if one stays in plan A tooo long, why should the WS relinquish his/her freedom? Whereas plan B tightens the noose around the WS, makes them feel squeemish and they just can't sit still. They have to go looking for trouble and in most cases, it's right around the corner. At those times, the BS just sits tight and watches the WS do themselves in. Then maybe the real spouse can escape.

Glad u r feeling better.

L.

Orchid,

I hope your right and he is squirming. I want the WS gone and the real H to come back.

I was talking to a co-worker last night about this and she says for someone who wanted out he sure asks alot of questions about you. Her mom and dad went through this and they were married 28 years. Only difference is her mom would not take him back. she wanted nothing to do with him after he had an A and a OC born.

I am feeling better but still lonely and missing my H. But I will be ok.

Thanks Orchid for being here......

I am having a confusing day.

I woke up this morning with so many questions. I am having a hard time finding the answers. The doubts in my minds are many today. I guess its something maybe all BS'S go through.

Will I ever be able to trust again if my H ever finds his way home?

Will I ever trust anyone again?

Why am I still wanting this marriage?

Why can't I let go?

Why do I still love someone who has hurt me to the core?

Why can't the WH see the pain he is causeing?

All of these why questions just keep swirling around in my head.

I know I love my H but I also know I can be alone if I have to be.

Maybe I just having a bad day.....

"trust is the big buggar in the snot of recovery" ... (quoting myself <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />)

lookie here .... trust returns in this order

1. trust in God ... pray for it ... surrender to it

2. trust in yourself knowing you have back-up trust in God (means trusting your own intuition, judgement, decisions) this happends when you reconcile how you got "fooled" in the past

3. finally trust in husband (or anyone else for that matter) ... knowing that 100% trustworthiness in any human is not possible ... so there is limited trust ... same reason you LOOK AT the bill before you pay it in a store ...

ALL normal questions I recall wrestling with myself ....

you will know when you know ... trust yourself to know when it is time to cut bait

Thanks Pep as always your right on the money....

trust is now a big issue for me. I right now don't trust anyone, not even myself.

I need to learn to trust my own instincts and maybe I can begin to trust others....

Work in progress here......

[color:"red"]EGG ZAK LEE [/color]

accepting the discomfort of not being ready is also part of the trust lessons ... you're on your way ... so trust that you will arrive on schedule ! *kiss*

Thanks Pep !!!!!!

Hurting:

I remember when I reached the phase of asking those sorts of questions...

Must be a certain point in PLAN B....



This is another statement to place in your purse. This was one of the most valuable lessons for me...

Although I've grown to TRUST my H again, I continue to feel that I can be alone if I have to be...

When he first left, I thought I would NEVER feel this way...

This is a BIG STEP in your own PERSONAL RECOVERY, Hurting...

You are already VICTORIOUS and you don't even know it yet!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

You made me smile Mimi..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I wish I could feel it though..... Victorious that is ....

I know I am stronger than I was a few months ago, but yet I still feel weak at times.

I just wish I could turn my emotions off..... Even if for one day...... Always something that seems to trigger them...

You're trying to deal with a TRAGEDY-A MAJOR TRAUMA...

You are doing the very best that you can....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for confidence boost Mimi......

Hurting -

Your head is swirling b/c you are dealing with SOOOO much right now. And doing one heck of a job if I must say so myself. I love the advice given my Pep and Mimi.

Remember, we will all have those days where we feel doubtful, anxious and scared. I was having one of those just the other day. But the next day I woke up and was fine!! As others shared with me, this is quite normal and to be expected.

Just work through it & know that we believe in you!!

Kim

Kim,
Thanks for the pep talk, I guess I need it today for some reason.

I just feel like this is so hopeless.

I sometimes wish I could just turn off my feelings like he has done. I want the pain to go away, I want the memories to go away.

This is awful I have not felt this bad in weeks. I have no clue what triggered all of this today. I was doing so well. I am beginning to wonder if its because the court date is getting closer and I will admit i am so scared of facing him in a court room.

I just don't know if I will be able to handle my emotions that day... I want so hard to be strong and not cry in front of him. I don't want him to think he still has the upper hand. How am I going to be able to do this and stay strong?

I hope tomorrow is a better day.......

Did u get my flower e-mail? (ALW thought it was a virus.... I have been called a lot of things but never a virus - <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> ).

Let me know. I can send it again. Maybe you may feel better.

Here's my addy: mborchid2@yahoo.com

Hugz,
L.

Thank you Orchid

It brought me a smile and yes tomorrow will be a better day... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks again I needed that.......

Good Morning

I am feeling a little bit better this morning. Still have doubts but not as much as yesterday.

I was wondering and I hope someone has some good advice about this.

I was thinking about doing a letter for WH to give him when we go to court. Kinda like another planb letter.

I thought maybe it would be a good thing to do , in case he tries to talk to me before or after court. Instead of speaking to him I could just hand him a letter. What do you all think?

I want to be able to let him know I still have hope for us and I still love him. I want to be able to tell him I never wanted things to go this far.

So if anyone can give me any ideas how to do this I would appreciate it.