this is garbage ..

HAPPY PEOPLE do not turn themselves into liars and cheats and throw all their morals into the gutter

you are just plain wrong about this

"love" does not ask that you reject the best most noble parts of yourself .... if some man asked you to abandon your family ... would you consider that " I love him ... he wants me to cheat and betray for him"?

don't talk like an idiot ... your H has that territory already cornered !

Pep,
He may ask them about me but I sometimes thats just be nosey and trying to find out info about any legal thing I may be doing. He does not like the secrative stuff. It still makes me mad he found out about the papers the way he did. I didn't tell DD or anyone who could tell and some darn lawyer we know see's them at the judges office and clues him in. That really sucked...

Believe me DD tells him all the time about how good I am looking and loosing all of this weight.

She even went so far as to tell him that I don't talk about him anymore..... Thats not entirely true but I don't talk to her or DS about him.....

Ha ha. Listen to Pep - she nailed it.

Hurting - You are expecting too much too soon. My WH went for 4 months without contact when I was in Plan B. Then he suddenly called out of the blue and announced he was moving back home.

This stuff takes time.

OK

another plan B opportunity ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

TALK about him .... occasionally ... but only to say something flattering !

keep it brief and sweet

"Gosh, sometimes I miss your Dad so much!"

"Remember how much fun your Dad was whenever we (insert situation)? I miss those good times."

"Well, I don't know what the answer to that question is? You Dad is pretty clever when it comes to this. Call him right now and ask him." {DD will call dad and say 'Mom said you'd know how to solve this ...}

WH will need to be aware that the "welcome home mat" has not been permanently pulled.

just as he needs to be aware that the "welcome home" is for a H free of OW stench (as Orchid likes to call it)

Pep,

I would never abandon my family and do what he has done. Nobody on this earth is worth me giving up my home and children for.

I didn't mean when I said that I meant it. It was the the remark he continues to make. I know its not love and I know he is not happy. He is trying to convince himself and everyone else he is. I know he thinks if he says it enough someone will believe him. I never will believe it. I think deep down inside he dosn't believe it either.

Its just easier to keep saying it and acting a fool than to admit he was wrong and try and make his life right. Easier to try and make his fantasy work than make real life work. I never not matter what happens between us will believe he is happy and in love with her like he thinks.

For now its just easier on the pride and ego to try and prove to everyone he is right. seems to me though the longer it goes on the harder it will be to ever come back because of pride and having to admit he was wrong.

THIS is straight from my husband's mouth

"Happy people don't have affairs"

and

"Affairs don't make anyone happy"

Good ideas Pep I can do that....

The old saying flattery will get you everywhere.... Or something along those lines......

Thanks Pep ...

Tell your H he is a wise man.....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Bwhaaaaaaaaaaa

this sounds suspiciously like contageous fog-babble

MB'ers need to press for development of a babble vaccination !!!

a babbcination? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'll be first in line..... lol

OK <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

he used to be an id'jut like your H is now ...

hang tough woman

when you start spouting "their" fog-babble yourself ... you know it's time to put on your tiara and go out for a martini or a killer BLT sandwich ... or som'pin

I can got for the BLT.... Kinda early for a martini though .....

I will hang tough, I am feeling better already. Just seems like I get one of these pity parties going every weekend anymore. I gotta stop that crap. Always something gets said or done by WH over the weekend though that just blows me away.... Most of it stupid but it still gets to me..... Gotta get me some armour or something ......

I've never seen armor that flatters the female figure ....

how about shoes instead?

back in the day ... when I was as hurt as you and waaaay more pissed off than you ... I bought some KILLER shoes ...

I refered to them as my "CFM" shoes

and I wore my CFM shoes when I needed a little self-affirmation that I am

sexual
attractive
dangerous

"comeFme"

Not across the water it ain't! *cracks open bottle of gin*

I'll have one for you, Hurting. Thinking of you, as I often am.

Alph.

Beefeater gin martini
straight up
2 olives

..... I get to say this to a waiter about twice a year .... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I am married to a sober alcoholic ... so my martini days are limited !

but, that's OK ... booze never meant too much to me

but

this was my grandma's drink ! so I hoist one in her honor every 6 months or so ... she was one salty broad .. and I inherited my bawdy side from her coz my mum wouldn't say [censored] if she had a mouthfull ... unlike myself! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Durn it!

No olives...

Alph.

Good for you, Hurting,
Invite your dearest friends and family and plan on having a good time. Sometimes its nice to just take a break from the heartache. Don't pretend to have a good time, but really plan on having a good time, and count each that attend your party a blessing in your life.

I would have loved to come to your party.

((Hurt))

Hurting...I just had a thought...but I don't know if it's bad or good.

I would love to see that info get to the OW that WH is avoiding getting served <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> That the server has tried and tried and for some odd reason he is avoiding this.

What to you think....I wonder if SIL would help somehow.

Somehow, possibly SIL calling OW house and asking for WH, knowing he is not there.

SIL or else: Hi is WH there?

OW: no

SIL: Okay, I was just wondering because a process server has been looking for him all weekend, and last weekend and he seems to be avoiding being served the papers.

Lady

I totally agree with Pepperband about having the Christmas party. Its not something your husband would expect you to do. When I did my 180*s, I did things like ice skating, went to a hockey game, and went to some bars with my college friends (I drink once a year,but never in a bar, so this really shocked my FWH). I went to a hair salon and got a new hair style. I bought 'brand new clothes' (at Walmart on clearance and at thrift stores, I was broke). When he saw me, it was all new, I did not allow him to see me in an outfit he had seen before.

I do have to respectfully disagree with Pepperband about talking about your WH to your kids. Sorry, but I feel it feeds too much into his ego and gives him the mental cushion that you will still be waiting. It also sends a confusing signal to the kids after telling them you dont want to really discuss their dad with them. Its a slippery slope.

You can't stay dark if they feed him positive things you are saying about him. He's supposed to get absolutely none of you, right now. You really want him to wonder what you are thinking.

Then again, only my opinion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And (((Hurting)), if he didn't care, he really would not ask anything about you. You are in the back of his mind. Trust me on this. My husband and I were seperated twice, and for a man who thought he'd be happy without me in his life, he was one miserably lonely guy without his best friend.

Thank all of you for your wonderful words of wisdom today.

the Christmas party is a go for sure. I am looking forward to doing that.

Lady, I am sure OW knows all about the papers and that he is avioding them. I mean heck he lives with her.

I hope he does think of me and miss his best friend, because I miss him so much. Its just a matter of time I guess to really know.