Kim,

I believe God will let you know. You will know in your heart when to let go. I truly believe this.

My heart says not to let go yet as well as my head does. It's like a little voice inside of me saying dont give up yet. Now whether thats God telling me to stay the path or just wishful thinking I don't know. But until that little voice goes away or tells me different I will stay the path.

I;m not saying just to sit here and let life pass us by, we have to continue to live as hard as it is somedays. But I know we will feel when the time is right which way to go.

Thats just MHO Kim but its how I feel....

The turmoil has been awful no doubt and the pain unbearable some days, but I know God does not give us more than we can handle and I remember that daily.

Some people may say I am a fool for hanging on through all of this and maybe so, but I will always be able able to say I gave it my best shot either way it goes...

Most people can't believe I still have love left for my H after all he has done to us but my love is just as strong today as it was when I married him. I know God put us together for a reason and until God says its over and done I will not waiver from my feelings. So if people want to think I am a fool let them because I know in my heart what God wants me to do....

I hope you understand what I am trying to say here.... My faith is what is keeping me going here..... Its the one strength I have and will not let go of.

He is thinking in his foggy mind he will not go to court if he doesn't get served...what a fool.

And please stop doing this to yourself...worrying so much and PROJECTING sooo much onto this wh...

like the color of his shirt...like his mentioning work...and things like that.

He will come home if he becomes a broken man...and sees the wrongdoing in his life. if not, he stays there...some do as you know.

please do not continue to be obsessed with what the waywards are up to.

but you MIL is right...my xh would YELL at me how happy he was...and you know what's happening since this summer right?

and mine is not one to return either. sometimes they just do not have enough self respect to stop and turn around and away from their sin.

he's got the darn map.

You keep on doing what you have to. Do you live near FT. Smith? I am wondering....had some friends in college there...

If the ws wants to change or find you, he will. remember that. You have told him the door is open...and you can shut the door b/c you have the power to do so at any time..it is up to you...and God will let you know to either shut it or keep it cracked.

but be smart too! this is not a sitch for the meek.

this guy is ABUSIVE...mentally and thru the withholding of funds from you andyour family. it is cruel treatment! I'd file under adultery and cruel treatment...which is exactly what I filed under...and abandonment can go along with it too!

Now if you really wanted to throw him for a loop, do something like jogging...or working out..jogging thru the neighborhood..where all can see you puffing and huffing and getting in shape...that's good. plus it's a huge stress reliever.

you can do little stuff...remember ask NOTHING about the ws...but plant ideas about what YOU are doing to MIL, family, etc...good and positive things. do not ask about him anymore. he will think he's losing grip even more.

that's a good plan b option.

but in that spirit, you are in protection mode. stay far from the ws...he is abusive and not in his right mind right now. he needs the judge to slap some sense into him in court soon!

get that server working girl!

You are a strong woman Hurting. To continue to have such a strong love for your WH. I don't think it is foolish at all. I believe what you are doing is commendable. I am trying to hang onto the love, but today it seems so far away from my grasp.

Maybe my faith isn't strong enough like yours. I come here to read your story and give you support if I can. Hopefully I can also follow your example and keep my love for WH strong......

I am proud of you Hurting. So very proud of what you are doing!

Kim

Peachy,

I am trying to get the server working. I am hoping to get his cell number so we can catch WH off guard at some point in time.

The attorney did tell me if he does not get served they will postpone the court date but if WH does show up since he knows the time and date with or without papers it won't be postponed. WH told DD he would be there but then again we all know how much they lie.

I told MIL and SIL about the party plans. They were happy about it thought it was a good idea. MIL says well good WH will realize life goes on without him. So I am sure he will be told about it.

I just want the judge to make him pay. Don' know how much sense it will slap into him but I just want him to pay $$$ now. It will be somewhat of a reality check I am sure but not enough to do what he should.

Thank you Kim for your support.

I guess I can hang on because we have been together a long time and have made it through many bad times together.

We lost a baby to a miscarriage almost lost our DD when she was 6 due to a car hitting her. And through both of our fathers deaths. Many job moves and job loses. We have had many ups and downs and were always there for each other. He was my rock and I his.

I do know what happen to us this last year and half and it was rough for us and the stress became way to much. I withdrew from him and he didn't know how to talk about it to me. I am not making excuses for him at all because what he did was wrong as I never would have done that. I would have tried to talk to him. But for now thats neither here nor there what has happened, happen.

I will be ok. I know this for sure.

Peachy,

I am four hours away from Ft. Smith.... I am down at the bottom of Okla....

Talk with your attorney about placing a classified ad in the paper's PUBLIC NOTICE section, that he is hereby summoned to court on such and such a date. When people avoid being served, this works too.

I also know of a stunt an attorney pulled on a dead-beat dad, who's ex-wife's new husband wanted to adopt her son; he sent the summons in a signature-required certified letter to the d.b.d./ex husband, to attention of the son's name, deceased, c/o bio-dad's name and address.

Lawyers who are motivated to not have a postponement have a way of having a summons served.

Kayla,

I will speak to him about this. Maybe that would work.

I am willing to do anything at this point I don't want this postponed.... I need the money to start in now....

thanks for the info

(((Hurting)))

Just a quick word of advice. Make sure that the paper you put an ad in is one is the town your WH lives in. I know someone who tried putting an ad in a different towns paper and they lost all the alimony they had been awarded. Of course, this was a situation where the W was trying to screw the H over, so she did the weird newspaper thingy.

Just make sure you put the ad in your WH's local paper.

His dispatcher guy can't help you out?

JL wrote this about Plan B on another thread ... and I think it applies to you (just change the gender around)

THIS is why you need to clear WH/OW doings from your agenda (once he is served papers ... get him completely off your mind)

Don't you still have the option of going to Human Services and filing for child support for your DS? Don't know, but may get faster response.

He still has power tools there right? Can't you sell some or take them to a pawn shop so you can have money to turn the gas back on.

Am "assuming" that gas would be considered a necessity and the courts wouldn't look upon you selling them negatively as long as receipts and records are kept.

Also, DD may find some help with financial assistances from the human resources dept, local community college or even maybe her old high school to pay for the GED testing.

I know the library has GED study guides and practice tests. My mom had been out of school for 40 years and checked those books out and then took the test and passed with flying colors.

I agree! The DSS where I live would bring your WH up for CRIMINAL CHARGES..There would be a warrant out for him if he failed to provide support for his child...

Hurting,

Is DS still living/staying with your SIL?

Hello Hurting-
Your strength, patience, and courage continue to be a great
inspiration to me. I feel like you are doing a great job of
handling many things all at once, and doing it all with a lot of spirit, faith, and dignity.

Don't know why these WH's act as they do ! Funny how they
act like all they want is their freedom and D, but then
when faced with the REALITY of it all, they run and hide
like a child ! Sounds like the paperwork is going to catch
up with your WH very soon, by one means or another !
I hope very soon, so you can get the financial relief you
need.

I have been fortunate in that WH was good about continuing
to pay on our bills and expenses (I think he was trying to
alleviate his guilt) but our finances have been very strained in the past few months, as WH quit his good job
back in April, wanting to start his own business. I do work
full time, but don't make very high pay.
He tried hard, but apparently has realized that it just
wasn't working out and he wasn't showing any profit, so he
decided to go back to the job (the owner had called asking
him back). I was very pleased and surprised too, as WH had
said "he would never work for someone else again", so guess
he had to swallow some pride to go back.
I am feeling like this is a good thing- and hope it might
help him to get out of the "fog" to have a routine again,
be back on a schedule, have more social contact with co-
workers, etc. and definitely a good thing to have a steady
paycheck and benefits again !

I'm with you in that I am trying to figure out something
I can do to make more money- hate to change from my life-
long career field, but may need to do some school, or make
a total change to get ahead.

I think you are exactly right in continuing to hope and
work to restore your M until YOU feel otherwise. I too have
been asked "why I would want to be back with someone who has
acted like that", and I have to say that I love my H, believe that the good person with good qualities I married
is still in there, and want to do all I can to try to restore my M. Even my IC has said I am the only one who
will know what I want to do, can do, how long I can give it,
and when/if it is time to let go.
It probably sounds strange, but in a way I think my WH is
counting on my faith and hope in the M- don't know if that
makes sense !?>

Today, at least at the moment, I am mostly feeling okay with things and still have some faith in things working out. I am praying for some real changes in WH that will
put a final, complete end to his contact with the OW, or
anyone else, some real longing and incentive in WH to find
his way back to reality and home, and for God to either heal
WH's mental/emotional issues or to lead him to the right
help for them. I keep reminding myself that it's just my
job to pray for things and God's job to determine how to
do it !
Best to you for a good day-
Slammed

To all of you thank you for the support I appreciate it.

First question about the CS. As far as DHS and CS I could apply for it through them but they will only give me 294.00 a month and then they would go after WH but the problem is they then will want any money I recieve turned over to them. And since I now have a job they would not even give me that much. So actually its not worth me messing with. I have checked into it.

For now DS is still staying at my SIL'S most of the time. So he is doing well. Once we get into court and have CS and Spousal Support in place then he will be home.

DD has checked out the books from the library for her GED. The test cost 50.00 and she will have that herself in Dec. from her settlement money.

As far as the gas goes I will have that back soon as well I have some money coming from my mom. I will definatley let the lawyer and judge know I borrowed money to take care of it.

As far as the papers go I have a plan. I am going to talk to the server myself tomorrow when i am off work. I am going to try and set something up were maybe we can do a kinda stake out thing and catch him walking outside to leave or go into the apt. I am also going to find out if he is going to the bowling alley sat. and maybe somehow I can be hidden and point him out to the server. I will also check into the newspaper thing. If that can work to stop the postponement then that will work for me to.... He is going to get these papers if I have to be with the server and dog him all day sat, until we catch him. I am not giving up him getting these papers.

The process server is also very determined to get them to him, he wanted to know descriptions of the vehciles they drive and were OW works and her name. So I think he may have a plan as well. Something tells me he may plan on following them at some point to serve him. What ever works.

Believe me I have faith this is all going to work out. He will get served and I will get what is due me. He can run but for only so long, life will catch up with him of that I have no doubt.

Again ty all for your continued support.....

Hurting,

As for the CS, you don't need to apply for anything else to get that.
DHS doesn't take a dime of that if you are not receiving assistance. This is done statewide.

You just have to go to your County Support Collection Unit.
They will give you the paperwork to fill out. Your LS court may go faster though.

Make sure when you do get orders for CS and alimony in LS court, that you request it be garnished out of WH checks. He will not pay you on his own, and he has shown you that.

Lady

lady,

That is going to be my request. I want it garnished for sure. I think the judge will be able to see that should be the way to go by the way WH has been acting. But I will request it for sure.

I just want this done. WH needs to start paying and have some real life consequences. He has been out of reality for way to long now.

Ok bumping this back to first page.... I hate being anywhere else lol....

Things are not so bad tonight seeing now how i have a plan on calling the Harleys soon.... and getting those papers served this weekend somehow....

Bumped. Seems Hurtin likes being on the first page!
If only life was that simple....

quote:----------------------------------------------
Ok bumping this back to first page.... I hate being anywhere else lol....
----------------------------------------------------

Hate to tell you, Hurtin, but in general, with us PLAN Bers, there's not much 'action' going on.

Hint, hint. Need to learn to use the 'search' key!

I'll bump it to make her smile.

Hurtin', girl, get yourself a rubberband. Now put it on your wrist. Snap that sucker everytime your mind starts focussing on WH. You really need to focus on what is important. YOU.