Well got some good news and some not so exciting news.

First off gas should be turned on tomorrow. SIL called WH called her last night to let me know he put 100.00 into my account. Its enough to get the gas turned back on. Mighty genrous of him isn't it? I mean I am glad he gave me some money but gezzzz 100.00 I have only seen like 300.00 out of him since the first part of Oct. Does he really think that goes anywhere?

Ok the not so exciting news is I talked to the attorney they can't do the newspaper thing because we know were he lives. They only do the newspaper ad if we don't know where he is. So now its back to counting on the process server to catch him. I am trying to find out where WH will be this weekend. I am trying to find out if he will be at the bowling alley. This is getting crazy... I can't figure out why this man won't take these papers or even open the door, he is the one who wanted all of this crap now he is avoiding it. Makes me so mad.

Well at least come tomorrow I will have the gas back. For that I am thankful.

Hurting- its obvious! He doesnt want the courts calling him on the carpet and making it mandatory to give you *his* money.
I actually had a notion of you using yourself as bait to get him to a certain place at a certain time so he'd show up and then youd get the server to serve him as you watch.

Just remember, your husband doesn't exist anymore. You aren't dealing with the man you loved. You are dealing with a guy with his head so far up his keister he can barely walk straight.

Mojo,

I also thought of using me as bait myself. But I am not sure if that would be wise. For one thing the OW is always with him anymore.

What would be my excuse to get him to meet me? I just don't even know if he would meet me anyway.. But it may come to me having to do something along those lines.

I'm just not sure..... Yeah his head is way up someones butt just not sure who's....

HAHAHA! I actually wanted to say something much cruder, but backed off since it would have been censored anyway. 8)

Who cares if the OW is with him? Ok, I know you do, its a rhetorical question. She's beneath your notice, just an annoying buzz in the background.

I wish I knew what to tell you. ID just work hard on getting that server processor motivated. He seems incompetent. ((Well, that's what Id say within earshot. Or mention something about impotence. Or ask if he's newly hired. Or mention how embarrassing it must be to have someone who can show him up like that.)

Then again, I have a little bit of a mean streak.

Mojo,

I seriously may have to consider doing it that way. I want him served but do I want to put myself in the position of being the bait? I just am not sure.

I would have to have a really good reason for him to meet me. Plus this would break my planB. do I really want to do that? I also wonder what that would do to me emotionally knowing I set him up.

Crap all kinds of things to think about. I have IC tomorrow I am going to discuss this with her and see what she thinks. She is doing everything in helping me follow MB principals. So I will get her idea on this.

It may be my only hope thought to get him served. I guess what gets me is he wanted to file and have me served so whats the difference. He would have had to pay either way or is he to far into the fog he didn't think about that....

Just a thought....
I am in Oregon, and granted the laws may be different here, but when I filed, my attorney told me the best way to serve my WH was to ask him to please stop by her office to get a copy of the paper work, and sign for it there in the office, in order to avoid being served at work. He stopped by her office, her secretary notorized his signature, and he received the papers. Done.

My attorney said that in her experience, it is better to have them stop by the office to be "served", because they can avoid the embarassment of being served in front of friends, or co-workers, or skanky OW.

In my case, WH knew I was filing. I had told him "I am done, I am filing, you said you will give me XYZ, that is what I am filing for. So it wasn't a big surprise to him. Just receiving the papers at the office does not mean that he agrees with what is in there. It just means that he gets to have a copy, to finally see what you are up to. I was a little concerned with my Ex, becuase at the last minute, when he was on his way into her office, he called me and said "I will pick up the papers, but I am NOT signing anything! and I had to explain to him that he had to sign to get a copy of the papers, he was not signing that he agreed with anything.
when he got there, they assured him it was ok, and it went fine.

I know that you are in plan B, but perhaps you should ask your attorney if this would be an option for you. If so, maybe your SIL could call WH and say "You are so sure you want to be divorced, and you are so concerned about what yoru wife has actually filed in that paperwork, you need to quit running away from the papers, get your butt into her attorneys office, and sign for them."

he may say "Ok, where do I go to get the papers"
Or - he may refuse - in which case at least you will have rattled his cage again. If OW is in the room with him when his sister calls him, she will get to hear him say that he doesn't want to receive the papers, and that will get her wondering why he won't just sign and get it over with..

Womanoffaith,

Thats a good idea as well. I will ask the attorney's office about it.

Could be Mojo is right he is avoiding them so he won't have to pay. But he must realize eventually he will have to do something. Espcially since supposedly this is what he wants he must realize he will have to pay something....

Ty for the idea, I could maybe get him to this like that....

Also, he is avoiding the papers so that it isnt YOU who made the first move. I dont think his ego will allow for that, ya know? HE wants it done in HIS time, not yours.

Too bad, this guy doesnt know just how powerful you can be when your mind is made up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mojo,

That may be what he does not know is he can't file anything without getting these papers first.

The attorney told me he has to be served since I filed LS papers before he can file anything because he can only counterfile.

So if he does not get them we could be in limbo forever.

The more I think about it the more I realize I may have to compromise myself as bait to get them to him.... Just something else for him to be mad about and use for justification.... But I can't w orry about that the survival of myself and children have to come first.

Why can't he just wake up and see what he is doing????

Hurting:

I didn't have time to read all of the posts through and through, but on the CS issue. It doesn't cost you a dime to file for CS support through the state. It's a federally funded program and they have a program for those parents who aren't on public assistance to file the paperwork in order to get CS.

I'll go to your state website and see if I can find something for you.

Here is the site. http://www.okdhs.org/childsupport/

Go to the FAQ and then to General Questions.

It'll tell you what to do. You do not have to be on public assistance. I can't believe the DHS didn't refer you when you were making inquiries about servies that could help you out.

It doesn't cost you a thing and I would say at this point, it may be faster.

Hurting -

Thanks for your post on my thread today. Your words were calming and I appreciate so much your willingness to be there for me. Thank you for your friendship.

I too think that maybe your H is avoiding the papers so he doesn't have to pay??? I would think he would know that he can't file anything until he receives your papers......I just don't get it. Like you said, He IS going to have to eventually pay.

What is he scared of?

Kim

Thank you inanutshell. I will call tomorrow about an application.

According to the Q/A section though they want to see court papers showing I have custody. Well I don't have that but I will call and make sure how it works in this situation....

Kim,

I wish I knew what he is scared of. It makes no sense to me.

I can't believe he thinks this can go on like this forever. Somehow something will have to give.

I sometimes think he is trying to get me to break and call him begging. I just don't know..... He is still trying to stay in control thats for sure. I won't break Kim, I just can't..... I can't let him control this anymore, he has to be held accountable somehow.

Believe me I have wanted to call and ask him how he can live with himself, but I know it would get me nowhere. So I will just continue on like I am and make the best of it.

We will make it Kim I am sure of this. Its just going to take time. Time is on our side.....

Hurting

I have wanted to call WH too. But we have both been so good!!! Good for us, right?

You have a good night!!! I know you won't let him make you break your Plan!

I am going to think about your WH and send positive thoughts his way for coming to his senses...Maybe even think of a reason why he is so scared of those papers.

He doesn't want to face the truth of how awful it is of what he's been doing!! That's it! Those papers in front of his face will signify the ugliness of this whole thing. If he can keep avoiding seeing those, he can keep pretending that what he's doing is o.k. It might be the money too, but I really believe those papers mean so much more than that.

Kim

Kim,

You could be right. Those papers show the true reality of his actions. Especially when he see's the word adultry in them, for the reason for the LS.

I think the money plays a role as well but there is more to it than that I would suspect.

Anyhow can't worry about it. Yeah I have done real well and have stopped myself many times from contacting him. I still have not listened to the VM he left 2 weekends ago. I don't intend to either..... Pretty good huh????

You don't have to call anywhere, you can download the app. - - http://www.okdhs.org/forms/CSED-1.pdf. I didn't read the whole thing, but you are the "custodial" parent as your WH has left the house. I'm quite confident in saying that you don't have the have court paperwork proving custody. Custody and CS are two different issues and Mr. WH can't deny the fact and neither will his family, DS, DD, etc. etc. that he is no longer living at the house and monetarily contributing to his child's well-being.

Read this whole thing. http://www.okdhs.org/childsupport/FAQ/general.htm#01

Getting CS set up will be one less thing that you have to pay an attorney for. Why pay him when the federal govt has the program to do it without costing. Unfortunately, money hasn't started growing off of the trees in your yard yet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />



Good Luck.

Inanutshell,

You got that right no money tree here....

I would download the app. but my printer is out of ink and can't print it out. No money to buy that either. But I think maybe I can go to MIL this afternoon and probably do it with her printer.

Thanks for finding the web site for me.... I appreciate it ..

Library probably has a computer and printer too. Just a thought.

I will have to do it tonight .... I am waiting on the gas people to turn it back on.

I have to be here.... It's like cold today and I am freezing so I don't want to miss them.... You know how they are no set time. They say anytime between 8 am and 5 pm

In the meantime its like 45 degrees in my house..... coldddddd