{{{Hurting}}}

Sorry a cyber-hug can't warm you up!

Alph.

Hi Hurting,

I'm glad the gas is being turned on today for ya. I hope they get there quickly. I hate to know you are sitting there cold.

Remember to that there is county Heating Assistance, if WH doesn't supply money for the next bill and you can't afford it, and if things aren't settled by then.

Keep your focus to the Lord, and trust Him to be all you need. Also, it helps to get involved in ladies bible studies, activities, etc... through church. If there isn't much going on at the church you go to, find a church that
has those. It will lift you up some!

Hugs and prayers,
Lady

You know that is just a bunch of BS. I'm downright angry for you. Do you have a digital camera or any kind camera so you can take a picture of the thermometer inside of your house to show how cold it is. Pictures are worth a thousand words. Courts might like to see that one.

I just boiling mad for you. And.... I know it doesn't do you any good to get that way, so I'll do it for you.

$100 isn't going to last long. You should start now by finding out what fuel assistance programs are available. The gas company would probably have some info on that.

Good afternoon hurting-
Glad to hear your WH contributed a little $$ so you can get the heat back on- especially if you are having some colder
weather now. How about some hot tea, hot cocoa in the meantime ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And, definitely sounds like a good idea
to be checking ahead on any assistance programs you can utilize in the future-
I've updated my thread regarding my IC session yesterday,
but nothing new with WH.
Slammed-

Please check because I thought it was illegal to turn off your heat source in the winter.

Take care of yourself!

Thank you all. I will check into all of those things.

had my IC today. Felt pretty down after it but I came home and took a nap so I am feeling a little better.

I am still trying to find out if WH will be abywhere this weekend. My IC also said maybe I should have him met me somewhere and have him served. I just am not sure about that idea. But it may come to that. I just don't know.

I guess this is just a rambling thing tonight, not really a vent but yet not really needing answers. Just some way to get the feelings out.

Since D-Day my life has been in such turmiol, it just feels like an alternate world. Nothing seems real anymore. My home feels like its just a place to sleep. The laughter is gone, the love is gone, my son is gone. Try as we might but DD and I walk around like this is someone elses home, not feeling comfortable at all.

I feel so cut off from the world. Not many people to talk to but my In-laws. My family is so far away I can't just talk to them anytime I want. Most of my friends are married with their own lives and don't have the time to just sit and talk. My MIL is wonderful but this is wearing her down as well so I try and not talk to her about it anymore. The only time I feel like I am actually doing anything good anymore is when I go to work. Funny isn't it how being at work makes things seem real.

The uncertainty of the future scares me. Not so much not having a H anymore but the questions of where will I be , what will I do?

Then the anger takes over and I just want to scream and hit someone. The questions of how could someone hurt me this much, how could someone you have loved for so many years just be so cold and uncaring? How can someone walk away and act like you don't exsist anymore and not worry if you have food or heat or any of the nessisities of life? And to think this is the same person who for so many years made sure you had what you needed and always felt bad if you didn't.

Then you go through the questions of what does the OW have that I don't? What does he see in her that is so great you can just forget your family? I guess in my case since I know her and know she has nothing better than me and is not better than me, I have a hard time understanding it.

I find myself getting really angry now because here is this man who wanted to get away and said he was done trying to run away from being served the papers to give him what he wanted. I know some of it is the money aspect of it but he has to realize either way he will have to pay. I know he can only run for so long before it all catches up with him. Then what?

I go through the emotions of wanting him home so bad to not wanting him at all. Could I ever trust him again, do I even want to? For some reason something in me keeps saying be patient and hold on. I keep wondering were this little voice is coming from, its a nagging little thing it won't go away. is it wishful thinking? Or is it God telling me to hold on? I wish I knew....

Now don't get me wrong I know it sounds like I sit around crying and weeping all day but I don't. I do live my life and work and clean the house. I don't many places because I can't safford it but I read alot and not just books about affairs and relationships either. I play games on the pc ... I am trying to curb my MB'S time because I was becoming to dependant on thess posts. It is like a life line to me. But this is the only place I can come and know others understand the pain and what I feel. As much as family and friends try they don't understand. I try to explain it to them but they still don't get it.

I am proud of how I have done the last several days or so, I have not asked about WH to anyone, I have not listened to DD'S conversations she tries to tell me about. I don't mention his name unless it has to do with money or something legal with the attorney. I am trying so hard to put him out of my mind. When I am awake it works pretty good. But the last few times when I am sleeping the dreams come. They won't stop. Dreams of the past, dreams of the future ...... They won't let me get away.......

MY IC feels I am dong very well actually, she says my boundries are strong and I am getting stronger all the time. So then why am I still scared? Why do I still miss him so much?

Well I do know life must go on..... I am taking it one day at a time thats the best I can do for now.

I think you're doing great. Everything you've said in this recent post I would say most of us BS can relate to and have/had the same feeling, questions, thoughts etc. I know I have.

Onward and upward. Get that CS app downloaded today.

Assuming gas was turned back on as expected? Did you call the gas company about fuel assistance programs?

Not being "demanding", just hope I'm helping you out by providng you somethings to focus on to help you move forward a step at a time. The stronger you get, the less Mr. WH will like it.

Remember it's good to pretend you can take on the world, even if you don't feel you can.

Hurting -

How are you today? Everyone is hoping that your gas is on, let us know....

I am so sorry that you are feeling down. Sometimes we just have to let those emotions roll in, but they do pass!! Just think of how I was feeling two days ago. Like LemonMan told me, you have weathered storms in the past & you will weather this one.....

We hold close to our hearts the fact that God loves us and will lift us up. Just keep remembering that.

Church is a wonderful place to connect with people. I need to take that next step & join some of the Recovery Groups at mine & maybe join one of the small groups so I can make some new friends. Does yours offer something like that?

One day at a time, Hurting. You are a wonderful person & are so deserving of LOVE.

Hugs!!

Kim

Hi Hurting,

The 'waves' of emotions are hard to handle sometimes, aren't they?

The switch from having to deal from a S to a WS is overwhelming, I know.

Hang in there, there are a few of us in the same boat, in the middle of a storm in our lives. We will make it!

Hugs.

Everything here is ok. Gas is taken care of so not cold anymore. Yes they have a fuel assistance program. They go by income on it. So I should have no problem with that.

I still feel a little down this morning but I think its because I didn't sleep well. The dreams just won't stop. I tried reading a book before falling asleep to take my mind off all this, I thought it worked but guess in the back of my mind there it all was.

I'll be fine. Just hit a rough spot in the road I guess.

I am going to have DS go in the attic this weekend and get the Christmas stuff down. I am going to try and put my tree up Thanksgiving night just like normal. Going to put on a brave face and tackle the holidays the best way I can.

Yes there are groups in the church but I just am not ready yet to join one. I don't feel comfortable enough to talk about my feelings or emotions with them. Maybe in time I can but not yet. For now my IC seems to be the only place I feel really safe enough to do that, well besides here. I think since no one here really knows me and could pass me on the street and not know me I feel comfortable saying it all of you.

I appreciate that all of you care so much and it means the world to me. If not for this place I think sometimes I would have went crazy.

Hope everyone has a great day........


Hugs to all

Hurting

Hi Hurting,

I know it's hard being in "uncertainty land". I think that is why God tells us to go one day at a time. His plan for you is good and not evil, you can count on that.

And my only hope is your WH wakes up to reality. I hate what he is doing to you, Hurting. And if anything I hope you find personal recovery quickly. This needs to be as painless as possible for you. You don't deserve what WH is putting you through, no one does.

And...Trial and tribulations will come, God will get you through. Trust Him to do all that you need. He will take care of you even in your darkest hrs. He will hold you closest in those times. It's hard sometimes to trust in His love in times like this, but He does love you!

When I was a single parent, I would say "Lord you are my husband please take care of Me and the children." And He did, and He still does. What better husband is there? None.

Hoping you feel better today!

Hugs,
Lady

I think since no one here really knows me and could pass me on the street and not know me I feel comfortable saying it all of you.

(((Hurting)))

That sentence really stood out to me. It almost sounds like you are ashamed of your feelings. I hope that is not the case. You sound like a loving and faithful wife whose heart has been torn apart by this process. That seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Sometimes, I feel guilty because I feel like I have given up on my M. That I am not as loving and faithful and you and others here.

People tell me to wake up and smell the coffee, move on, etc. This always surprises me because if my H had dropped dead, surely no one would expect me to be all better less than three months later-right?

I think your pain indicates the depths of your love. I would hope that someone would have that depth of love for me someday. Do not be ashamed for giving yourself so completely to your M.

Jean,

it's not that I am ashamed of my feelings , its just that people or most of them have a hard time dealing watching someone in pain. They don't know what to do or how to act.

I feel sometimes that people can see it even though they don't know me. I guess its in my head that when I am in public I feel like it shows. Like I have a big sign on my back saying my H left me for another woman. I know thats not true people don't see that but I feel it.

I get the same thing from people they say give it up, move on. They just don't understand. They say its been since July since he left why arn't you over it. My God how can people be so cruel. I have 24 years of my life in this man I can't just stop my feelings like that. My feelings are my feelings and they won't go away just because someone says they should. They will go away when God feels its the right time or they will strenghten when/if my H comes home.

My FIL died in 1988 and my MIL still to this day misses him and loves him. She has a happy life and does not dwell on it but it took her a few years to get there. They were married 27 years when he died. She has not dated or met anyone who she would be happy with. Of course I don't think she wants to. So when people say get over it I just don't understand, its like a death in a way you just don't get over it and move on in a few weeks.

I do love my H very much and I know that he may never come back and that is something I will learn to live with and in time I will be able to move on. For now though I still have great hope and love for him, so I will continue doing what I am.

Thanks for your support.


Hurting

Good morning Hurting,

I understand how you feel about others but I came to a point probably about a month or two ago when I started being honest about my feelings.

I've always been a very outgoing person but when WH starting cheating it kinda put me in a shell where I could no longer talk to people openly. Well then I told myself that I'll be da*ned if I let him totally destroy me. So slowly I started to open up b/c deep down inside I felt ashamed that this was happening to me. I then realized if anyone should be ashamed it should be WH, not me.

People that I have opened up to, lately that has been pretty much everyone, have been very understanding and supportive. But then you do have those who just don't get it. For me that have been very, very few. Mostly a few of his family members, who once supported me, but like they "blood is thicker than mud".

this is one of the silliest things I have heard you say so far.
It would be like this:
"I know that I have a broken leg right now, but it just hurts too much to go to the Dr, so I am going to wait until it gets better, and THEN I will go...."
support groups are for people who are hurting!! and guess what, when you attend a support group you will discover that you are not the only one there who is hurting. everyone else is too. they will support you - and in turn, you will support them. One of the most rewarding things you will do in life, is reach out and help others. Your experiences from these past few months will some day give you the tools to be a helper to someone else.

It is ok to go to the first couple of meetings, and just sit there and listen. Or sit there and cry.....

And (psychic hat on) there are probably folks there that are in a worse place than you...or have been worse off before...

This is what I have done the past few weeks at a few meeting I go to, AND MY HUSBAND IS HOME! But there is still
much healing for the Lord to do in me....I know.

I get lots of hugs, and most who understand...so it's good.
And a certain amount of healing does take place. I am not so angry anymore....so that is a big plus. Each time the depression lifts a little.

Hurting, I have been like you and secluded myself with my problems. Never getting out, ashamed and still hurt of the sit I am going through. Too painful to talk to others, friends, family, etc... Not wanting to burden them with my problems. That is the reason I come here as well.


I really had to force myself to get out to meetings with others. I now am glad I go. I don't call anyone yet, and have many phone #'s. But maybe in time.

It just takes a little extra courage to go the first time...and then after that.... it gets a easier to go. You don't have to tell people your sit right off when you meet them. Just introduce yourself, and be there to listen, and be around good company. You would be surprised you may hear something that really lifts you up, or gives you some understanding into what God is saying to you.

Everytime I go I come home with something special I heard, or learned.

A lot of ladies activities like, baking, Christmas activities, plays, etc... are going on in a lot of churches right now.

Hint...Hint.... :-)


Lady

I will think about this. But I just am not ready to do it... I know there are people worse off than me or have been worse off.

I will get there someday soon, I am sure.

Hurting-
I can really relate to your post regarding your feelings
and how everything in your world changes when living as the
BS. I have had these exact same feelings and thoughts since the begining of this ordeal-have sometimes thought of it as
seeming like the "twilight zone" or some kind of "out of body experience" !! (or a really long nightmare that you
can't wake up from)

I'm in our same house- a home I loved buying, decorating,
and furnishing with H, but with just me and the dog there,
it just seems like a place to be now.
All of H's things are there (except the few clothes and toiletries he has) but he is not there. Everthing is pretty
much just like it was until the day he left-

I see lights on in the homes around me and imagine families
eating dinner, watching movies, playing games, or just home
talking with each other. I see the cars out driving around
town and think they may be going out to dinner, going to see
a friend, shopping, or enjoying activities and I feel like
I am just isolated in the house, following my same routine,
spending lots of time by myself, and feeling very alone.

I do have great friends and try to talk to them often and
get together with people as often as possible, but as you
said, they do have their own families and activities and
problems, and I sometimes feel like I'm leaning on them too
much and don't want them to be overburdened or obligated
with always "taking care" of me. I've realized I really
hate being the "third wheel" and that the world really is
very "couple-oriented" !!

I am trying, and know you are too, to stay busy, make plans,
and get on with my life. I work full time, keep the house
clean and neat, talk to friends, sing in a group, read, do
crafts, do yardwork, keep the budget and checkbook up to date, run errands, and watch lots of movies. I also have
been making an extra effort to try to take good care of me-
get more sleep, take my vitamins, am on a diet, and have
been doing more "pampering" things like soaking in the bath,
doing a face mask, manicure, etc. but it still feels so
"phony" and "put on", not like MY life.

My emotions run from feeling very sad, mad, frustrated and
hopeless, to feeling almost nothing for WH, to feeling up-
beat, hopeful and optomistic- and that can be in just an
hour of time ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am glad to have MB for venting, ideas, thoughts and lots
of support, and am grateful for the support of friends and
family as well as my IC. I know my IC has said that this is
all normal thoughts and feelings and she things I am doing
well with keep my boundaries, detaching myself enough to
get on with my life, making plans for me, but it's still
very hard. I hate not knowing what's going to happen with WH, and not being able to make any future plans.

I think the upcoming holiday season is starting to make me
feel more emotional. I haven't made any plans, and don't
know how I want to handle them. Can't decide if I want to
decorate, shop, cook, and do the best I can to have a nice
time, or if I want to just hibernate and pretend that they
aren't happening !

Guess I'm just in a "mood" today myself, so sorry for the
long vent. Just wanted you to know you aren't the only
one. I do think you've been doing great. I am not just
reminding you, but myself too, that we can only take things
a day at a time, making each day as good as we can !
We can only control ourselves and pray about the rest !
Slammed-