Filing for the D will give him back a sense of control over the situation which he felt he lost after you filed for LS.

There's a long way to go yet, and many things to happen, before any D is final.

Pittman say in Private Lies that many, many A's dissolve under the pressure of a D. Reality bites like nothing else has before.

He may have unwittingly put the final nail in the coffin of his A.

{{{Hurting}}}

Take care.

Alph.

Thank you Shattered I am just so upset rigt now. I hope your right and he thinks of all of this.

The funny thing he never mentioned the spousal support to SIL or the child support it was only the fact of supevised visitation he mentioned to her.

I will try and stay dark... The only thing with the visitation is I just don't want DS to spend the nights with them. In fact SIL told me DS is having lunch with WH right now, I am so afarid he is going to try and bribe DS into wanting to live with him...

You know with DS staying w ith my SIL for so long now, I am afraid that will be used agaisnt me in court. But the reasons behind it are good reasons. WH was not giving me enough money to care for DS and I had to do what I could to keep DS safe and taken of. Is this going to go against me i the long run? God I hope not.... I don't know what I would do if I lost DS.

Alphin,

I hope the reality of this will cause him to stop and think. I am sure the stress from all of this will be hard for them.

I am praying it is to much for them to handle. He is just so hardheaded , I don't know.....

This is true,
the shock of what the w/s is going to have to pay in support might bring him back to reality.

I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. Just remember, filing for divorce didn't cause this. His active affair is what caused it.

You do not have control over what w/s is doing.

The only control you have is over how you choose to handle this.

Focus on what You are going to do for yourself and family.

Start making plans for yourself, and allow yourself to dream of what you could be or accomplish when starting a new phase of your life.

Do not let fear make your decisions.

Realize no matter what happens, you have the love of your children.

Life can be good the second time around.

When you let go of your fear of being alone, and gain confidence in yourself, you will be showing your w/s you are able to live without his love and are able to make plans of your own, that don't include him, and you Will be happy again.

(((Hang in there Hurting))),
You have a lot of friends here rooting for you and your family.

K.D.'s Heartbreak

What state do you live in Hurting???

KD,

I know your right and I have to focus on me and my children. I live in Okla..

I don't have the fear of being alone. I have been alone now all of these months and doing just fine with that.

It's just that he never even gave our marriage a chance after all of this happened. He would not even try to save 24 yrs of love and commitment.

I pray one day he will see his mistakes and realize he threw away soemthing that was good for so many years and could have been good again if he had only tried.

My biggest concern right now is DS and what may happen there. I just pray that my allowing him to stay with SIL did not harm my chances in any way. But I had no choices in it I had to have my son somewhere safe until this could all be sorted out. I could not take care of him with WH not giving me enough money..... Thank goodness I have proof of all WH has given me this way I can prove the money part.

What a life....

((((hiok)))))

Now. A reality check.

You're going to believe a man who has told you how many times he's filing for divorce, already has filed for divorce, has an attorney and is going to file for divorce????

Yeah Right! And I believe mountains are growing right there in OK City!

This man is laaaaazeeeeee!!!

Read Carol's story. Then decide the man is going to have to prove worthiness to win you back, and then be the attractive woman you were when he caught your eye the first time. Not this moping depressed, wounded thing that sits around pining for any word about this bum, when she's supposed to be in PLAN BBBB!!!

I don't know all about your situation, but your son needs to be with you hurting. He will get over being hungry. He needs his mother as much as you need your son.
If SIL wants to help, let her fill your cupboards up with food.
Bring your son home ASAP.
He will survive whether you have electricty, gas, food or whatever.

Go to local church food banks, do whatever you have to do to survive.

You asking for charity is not a reflection on you, it is a true reflection of your w/s not honoring his committment to his family.

I am so sorry you are in this predictment. But under no circumstances should you farm your children out, especially before divorcing.

Let your son understand the ramifications of his fathers neglect.

You are sheltering him from this by allowing him to stay with his father's family.

Take care Hurting, you have a lot of people pulling for you.

Oh Hurting, ((((((((((((Huggs to you))))))))))))))

I am glad he is served FINALLY. Whatever you do, don't express how you feel to MIL or SIL, they may tell WH everything you are saying. That is what he wants..is you to feel all emotionally terrible right now...by saying he is filing for divorce. Don't feed into that...okay.

Please keep your comments brief about it to MIL and SIL.
Just say you are glad he got the papers, and things will be worked out in court....and that is it. He don't need to hear from ANYONE how upset you are!!!


If anytime you have to keep it together in front of your family.....it's now.

WH may be filling DS head with a bunch of BULL right now.
But you will be able to talk to him later. Keep your comments brief with him as well. Just let him know that the supervised visits are for his protection of being exposed to Dads affair. You don't want him to have mixed messages that it is okay to have an affair, and that you do not approve of OW. That she is like a cancer to your marriage and family.

And about DS staying at SIL, don't let WH manipulate you with that.... you have your reasons why.
And the judge will understand. And if it comes down to it,
the court may supbeona SIL to testify why DS is there...
So no need to worry...


Lady

Kayla,

Thanks for the reality check. But i do believe he has turned in the papers. His sister seems to believe he has just by the way he talked.

It may happen it may not. I just don't know. All I can do is take it one day at a time.

ButI guess what boggles my mind he is more concerned over the visitation than any thing to do with money. Or at least thats the only thing he mentioned to her. Kinda strange if ya ask me, for someone who has not gone to much out of his way to see DS. Oh well time will tell....

Lady,

When SIL told me he was served, I did say I was glad. I toold them now I don't have to worry about court being postponed. I didn't get upset or cry when she told me he said he turned the paperwork in. Oh I forgot tot say when he asked about the supervised visitation I did say to SIL that was mainly to keep from having DS spend the nihts at OW'S home. I don't have a problem with WH spending time with DS its the over nights I don't approve of. I will let the court make that decsion, DS is 15 so they may not consider it a problem I don't know.....

The only thing I said is I hope he realizes all he is throwing away for OW and I hope she is worth it. Maybe I should not have said that but I did.

I waited until I got home to fall apart. I am glad no one is here. I have got to get it together before DD gets home. I am not telling her anything.

I still can't believe this may happen. I keep prayig something will click in him and see what he is doing. But something tells me that won't happen anytime soon...

KD as far as DS goes he has been staying with SIL for about a month now. It was something WH and I both agreed on and it is only temporary. I know it may not look good but the reasons behind it are valid. I do believe the court will see that. But I am going to talk to my attorney monday and see what he says about me bringing Ds home now. I think that would be best for me and him.

I know it's hard right now...just becareful how you react to DD too. Just tell her you are glad the papers were served, and things will be worked out in court now....and thats all she needs to know. If she tells you her feelings...just listen and hug her and tell her how much you love her.

I really don't believe he turned any paperwork in...you know why??? He was just served today. Oh.... and he says he has already turned in paperwork? How could that be???? When his lawyer said he couldn't file until he recieved your papers. I don't think he has filed in just a few hrs time since recceiving your papers today.

Lady

Hurting, where was WH at when he was served today?

lady,

I don't know but from what I have been thinking is that when he turned in the paperwork his attorney told him he can;t file until he is served. He told SIL he was avoiding the papers on purpose. So I think he decided to take them this time so he could counterfile. Makes sense to me. He found out he can't do anything without being served so he allowed it so he could file.

I guess this is really what he wants. I feel so bad.... But nothing I can do about it.

This is someone I don't know anymore. The real man is gone and in his place is some stranger who I don't like at all. I keep praying the real man will come back but I just don't see it happening.....

He was served at OW'S.... Now I don't know if he answered the door or if the server caught him outside...

Plan B is about getting busy with other things to occupy your mind, getting stronger personally, and avoiding the drama.

Today, you are doing anything but that.

Detach, and quit wondering what he's thinking, because no matter how many thoughts you have about it, it is beyond your control.

What you can control, is you. Slip your jacket on and go visit a friend, take a walk, do something for YOU. Quit fretting, and give yourself some peace.

JMHO
SD

Hurting, I don't think he has done anything except talk to a lawyer so far. After he found out you filed a LS, he probably called up a lawyer, and thats when the lawyer said he can't do anything until he gets served. I really don't think he has filled out a single paper yet. And legally when a person is served, they have to countersue any way don't they???
Or is it different if it's a LS?

He probaby knew the process server, and your lawyer were not going to give up either. He probably didn't like the fact that they were now going to follow his every track to have him served. He was probably feeling a bit uncomfortable about that. And that they would be coming to OW home every weekend until he was served....you know.
So I think his story is BOLOGNIIIIE!

Lady,

Yes he has to countersue for a divorce. He had to be served first before he could do it. I am sure the attorney told him this. I would say he didn't like the server coming out every weekend or showing up at the bowling alley.

I wish I could believe he didn't turn in the paperwork but I truely believe he did. I think thats why he allowed himself to be served so he could get it started and countersue. I guess I will find out soon. I now will be sitting her waiting to be served D papers. I can' believe this happening.... Makes me wonder if I had not filied LS papers and gone into planb if this would have not happened.

I know I did what I had to do and I hate questioning myself but I can't help it..... Damn him..... I just feel so sick to my stomache right now.... I feel like my heart is being ripped out.....

KD as far as DS goes he has been staying with SIL for about a month now. It was something WH and I both agreed on and it is only temporary. I know it may not look good but the reasons behind it are valid. I do believe the court will see that. But I am going to talk to my attorney monday and see what he says about me bringing Ds home now. I think that would be best for me and him.


(((((Hurting)))))
You have gone through so much.

I know you love your husband but your w/s is a real *****, I hope he wakes up and smells the rotting stink, ya know the one coming from his o/w and himself.
What is the saying, "A skunk can't smell his own stink?"
Give your dd and ds a comforting hug from me.

Hurting, please don't doubt yourself here....

You gave WH the plan B letter to NC OW, and he has not. So.... If you wouldn't have went to plan B, things would be messier than they are. WH continuing to come back and forth from you to OW over and over again. And... If you didn't file for LS, you would have no money. These are things you had to do to protect yourself and the children.

You have done the right thing.

Lady

Hiok,

{{{hugz}}}

I know u r in pain and I can't stay long right now. I will check back later......

BTW, the countersuit from a WS? That's a laugh. The lawyer will take his $$ but he still has to show up in court. What a foggy nut.

Ok, now is the time t/b glad he has been served. Time to let the legal beagles take over to get your financial piece going.

Let your lawyer know he has admitted to avoiding the server. This will add to his WS looks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Better 4 u also.

You are now in a war for your family.

Stay strong. U R in the right here. Nothing he has done shows he is being a good H or parent. Nothing.

Hugz,
L.