hurting.....

Sorry this got so hard today......I don't really celebrate TG being up in Canada and all, but it was H birthday yesterday and I did not even talk to him. It was hard to get through that day knowing that I was not there to share in his special day.....I don't look forward to Christmas........I'll be with my family just as I was before we got married. It just makes me feel like I am going back to single life.....

Try to enjoy the rest of the evening....


Daisy

Hurting,
I am sorry that your day didn't go as well as I had hoped for you.

I am stifling a small giggle thinking of your WH and his OW trying to duplicate the family green beans. I am sure that their fake little family dinner was pretty miserable and he missed the food that he has been used to for 20plus years.

Did your SIL leave out ingredients on purpose? I like her!

jean,

I am not sure if SIL did it on purpose or not but I thought it was funny. I have idea how they turned out and don't really care but I will almost bet was not like ours.

Anyhow DD just got home a little bit ago and i almost had to laugh. She had with her a pie. I thought oh how sweet WH and OW gave her a pie to birng home....YUCK.... Anyway I went and looked it was a store bought pumpkin pie from Wal-Mart... never in all our years have we ever had a store bought pie for Thanksgiving. WH loves my homemade pies..... I have a homemade pie sitting here in front of me now.... I will not even go near the pie she brought home.

Then sh comes in her and shows me a card her dad gave her. It was one of those Blue Mountain cards.... It had something about Beautiful D on front. She said do you want to read it, I said no it was nice of your dad but its between you and him. I did notice he had underlined a bunch of the words in it but I did't pay much attention. Plus he had given her one of his old cowboy hats. Sounds like a bunch of sucking up to me.... Never and I mean never has he bought her a card just because. In fact I always got the cards for any occasion.

So after I told her I didn't want to read the card she webnt outside. I had no idea WH was still outside talking to DS. Now weather she told him or not I would not read the card I have no idea. I got up to close the door and saw him out there, I moved away fast.

But I got one thing done I had the Chrismas wreath on th door and the lights in the window up and on. I wanted these things to be done when he came back by so he could see Christmas decorating was going on without him here..

But just knowing he had to eat store bought pie and an attempt at the family greens beans makes me laugh.... I know it was not what he is used to.. I hope this day sucked for him not that he will ever admit it but deep down inside he knows what he missed.....

Sucks to be him right now.......

Oh yeah WH gave DS a message to give me. He would like the title to his truck and wants the title to the car so he can sign it over to me. I am not I repeat not giving him the title to anything until court. I don't want his old truck he can have it.. But I will not let him have the title to the car unless its in front of the judge for him to sign it over. DS son say I can give it to him Sat. mom, I told DS not to worry about it and if WH says anything you can tell him you told me and thats it.... I hate that he uses the kids to get his stupid messages to me.

(((Hurting))) WS Suck don't they? It is so hard to be a fmaily gatherings without the entire family.

I made a huge mistake last year. HUGE and I will NEVER ever do that agian. I was in such pain I couldn't even go to a store and hear a Christmas Carol or see a happy couple without having to run back to my car as I was crying so hard.

Since i am of German background, I alwasy celebrate on CHristmas Eve. SO the kids all 4 of them are at my house, then they go to their other relatives on Christmas day after the 2nd round of preentsare opened.

LAst year to be nice, I allowed Dork to take DD13 to my MIL for Christmas Eve until Christmas Day afternoon. I didn't even put a tree or ANY decorations up. So I sat in the house alone with no family and with not christmas spirits and NO presents by myself.

When DD got home we did go to DD25 house and we did have fun. BUt I still have nightmares. I was a MESS!

And to top it off. DD13 told me that she overheard MIL tell DOrk that she would support him no matter what his decision was. THis after she told me that she would never support his adultery and abandoment of us by her son. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Needless to say DD13 was devastated. And still won't speak to MIL. Who, btw, when I told her she had been overheard said "Well DD13 shouldn't have been listening!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> AS if that makes it okay. She SAID it. She's done it and she is not on my list of good wishes.

NEVER ever will I be so dumb agian. My word of advice is have the enire neighbourhood over. HAve the enitre clan over. NEVER be alone. It is the worst.

So, all in all, I am amazed and think you have a very wonderful family in you ILs. Good for you.

Fighting,

I do have great in-laws and they are so supportive. My MIL told me today we are family no matter what happens. You always will part of it.

I do realize in time that no matter what happens WH will be a part of the family again. As time passes and this fades into a distant memory he will be welcomed back to them. Maybe not like it was before, I am sure there will always be distance now due to all the lies and hurt. I understand this because he is their blood and thats how it should be. They will never accept the OW or what he has done but they will forgive sometime in the future. So I know the time will come when the support for me will not be what it is today. I will be fine with that, because by then I will hopefully have moved into a happier place for myself. I do still hope its with my H but if not I will be ok.

I will not be alone at Christmas I know that. I will be with my in-laws. WH has not been invited and won't be his mother wants him to suffer the consquences of what he has done. She is a very strong person and means what she says.
I am having a get together myself before Christmas for family and friends. We will spend Chritmas eve with my in-laws as well. Thats is also my birthday as well as DD'S.

As far as the kids go I don't know yet how that will play out. DS says he will not go with his dad but DD who knows. I can't imagine Christmas without my kids, this will be my first year without my oldest son and grandkids plus WH so its going to be hard for sure. I'm just ready to get through the holidays and get a new year started and try and forget this year.

Anyhow enough of my ramblings. I am still alive and made it through the day, what more can I ask for......

Hurting, You have a lot more than making it through the day. If you look at yourself and how much you have grown and the strength you have shown through this tragedy, you are amazing. Lady, I take my hat off to you! Seriously. Think of what your life was like. Look what you have overcome. Struggling yes. But still standing. And doing what is RIGHT!

You have your family. They love you. And you will make it. You still have hope and you have faith. God will be there for you. You have all of us MBers. We are ALL successes. Whether we reconciled or not. We have WON. We have learned VERY hard lessons. We have become strong through trials by fire. Day after day after year after year.

Fighting,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I wish I felt as strong as everyone seems to think I am. My IC says the same thing about how strong I am . Yes, I am still standing and struggling to make it through each day. If not for my family and children I don't know were I would be.

I do still have hope and I guess I will until something shows me different. Something in me just says keep the faith don't give up yet. I know many people still can't believe I have this hope and love for my WH because of all the things that have happened. Sometimes i wonder why I still have it myself. But I really believe that one day he will realize what a mistake he has made. The question is will I still be wanting him. I hope for his sake I do.

With my faith in God and knowing he will make the right descions for me and show me the right path, I know I will be alright. I feel that if I need to give up the hope in my H God will let me know when the time is right. And for now the hope is still there, I feel it in my heart and I hear it in my head. But in the meantime life does go on and I have to continue each day making it the best I can.

I have this verse posted by my computer and I read over and over everyday and it helps me a lot:
TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING.... PROVERBS 3:5-6

Mimi gave me that verse and it really helps me keep the faith and hope alive, that with God all is possible...

Hi hurting,
I've been away from the computer a few days so am just
getting caught up ! I'm glad to see your WH was finally
served (what a coward !) but sorry about he hurt and
trauma in the aftermath.
I agree with many others in that him saying he is going to
do something (or even doing the paperwork) doesn't mean
he will do it, or that there isn't still hope for your
marriage.
I hope your Thanksgiving ended up being a nice day.
I had a friend call at the last minute and ask me to join
her large family, so I didn't feel as lonely,but still felt
sad and angry that WH spent the day with OW (although he
won't admit it).
Ive decided too, that I will make some changes around the
house, clean and organize, decorate for Christmas, etc.
and not let myself mope and sit around feeling sorry for
myself. Hang in there-
Slammed

Slammed,

I am glad you had some friends to go to for Thanksgiving.
As far as WH goes I don't know what gives but I do believe he has turned i nthe paperwork for the D. But I still have hope something will happen, I have to have hope for right now.

I got the tree up and some decorating done but not done with it all yet. I gave DS his dad's decorating jobs, like putting the tree topper on and hanging lights outside. I had some of it done before WH dropped off DD last night so I know he saw the lights, so at least he knows life is going on without him here.

Yesterday was a rough day for me, I really tried hard to get through it without falling apart. I did well for a few hours but eventually the emotions got the best of me so I left my SIL'S and came home. I sure hope I can handle Christmas better than I did Thanksgiving. I guess this being the first holiday season without him in 24 yrs is not going to be easy. I just want it to be over.

Well as I was taking DD somewhere this morning. She tried talking about her dad with her dad. I told her I didn't want to hear it.

She said all I w anted to say was he took me to Wal-Mart and wanted to know if we needed body wash and stuff. She told him we didn't need anything. She say he never offered to buy stuff before why now? I just told her I he no idea. Well I do have ideas but I am not sharing them with her.

She said well there were a lot of people there yesterday and dad was having a good time. I told her stop I don't want to hear anymore..... Why can't she listen and stop when I ask her to? I was driving can't walk away from her then.... I din't need to know or want to know he was having a good time ...... It just makes me so mad I had a crappy day and he was having fun......

Hurting..I know you are hurting beyond what words can describe but it seems as if your daughter needs to talk about the situation. She knows you don't want to hear what he's doing yet she still brings up the subject time after time. You might want to speak to your IC about it. Maybe they could recommend someone to counsel her about her feelings. Could it be that she feels abandoned by you as well when you refuse to discuss the situation...

jph,

I don't think thats the problem as I have put in place someone for her to talk to.

I have explained to her that my discussing what he does and how he acts just does nothing but hurt and upset me.

I am just not ready or strong enough to hear that he is happy, having fun etc..... when i am still so hurt. Deep down inside I think a lot of his words and actions are an act to try and prove he is happy etc. But then again he may truely be those things, I have no clue.

I have talked to my IC about this and she feels since I have put in place someone for DD to talk to, the best thing I can do is just try and not let what she says get to me. She says just listen and if you feel the need to cry or whatever wait until DD is out of sight and do it. She feels that any emotion I show is being told to WH so if I can remain unemotional with DD it would be better. I have tried that and sometimes can pull it off. If I could just learn to listen and not repsond to what she says I would be better off. But its hard to do.....

Hurting...Good, I'm glad she has someone to talk to about her father.

jph,

I am glad she does to. I do wish it could be me but I just cant handle hearing about it all. Maybe someday but not right now.....

Hey,

How r u feeling? Do you have t/g to the doctor?

L.

orchid,

I am fine , no dr. here

Hi Hurting, glad the knee is OK. I hope your weekend is going better than usual.

Jean,


So far so good.... Only thing is DS was upset at his dad. WH had told him they would do the parent/child bowling tourney this weekend. DS called him this morning and WH did not sign them up for it.So he was disappointed.

The disappontment list is getting longer all the time. I do feel bad for DS but he is keeping it together.

Hope your weekend goes well....

Sorry to hear about DS disappointment...I know it disappoints you too when he hurts DS like that.

How the decorations lookin'?

Lady

lady,

The decorations are looking pretty good ... I have the tree done. Still have some stuff to do but all in all its getting there....

Still have my village and Nativity to set up and all my snow people....

It's a little sad setting it all up and knowing Christmas will not be like it always has been but we will be ok.

My feelings are so off the wall I just don't understand them. One minute I feel real good and say whatever happens happens, then the next minute I am so sad and just want my life back. I go from anger to sadness in a blink of an eye...

I c an't wait until I can get an appointment with one of the Harleys, I do hope they can help me put this into some prspective. I know they can't guarantee me anything but I think their insight will give me an idea of which way I am headed...

All in all though I am doing ok this weekend. No dramatic episodes or me falling apart. This is a good thing....