Well thats good that deocrating is coming along. You have gotten farther along with it than me! I haven't even started yet. I don't know why the Holidays are still difficult for me. I do the best I can for the children, and only hope they will enjoy them.

Our Thankgiving was nice until after dinner. Husband lied on an employment application last week so I have been angry. He lied to me about his previous record, too. So cooking and feeling happy was difficult. Every lie he tells is a trigger for me. I try not to take what he does personally, but I do. It just shows me he isn't capable of being consistantly honest.

Lady

lady,

I am sorry you are sad. I like you the lies are the one of the hardest things to deal with.

Why is it honesty is so hard for some people. I remember my mom used to tell us when we were children... " You can lie to me today but believe me the truth always comes out, it may not be today it may be next week or 10 yrs from now but it will happen." I always have remembered that and I have told my kids that many times.

Things will get better Lady, they have to. Like my mom said " You have seen the pits of he$$ the last few months there is nowhere to go but up." Somedays I wonder about that but I do know she is probably right.

Lets keep our faith and prayers going Lady and we will make it. Not saying it will be easy but we can do it....

Hurting

Same here Hurting. I have taught my children to never lie.
It causes such pain to oneself and others, they have lived and learned that and they are young. Lies just keep satan in control. But... my husband unfortunately doesn't live and learn from his mistakes.

I am reading a book called "Captivating" and it says notice satan went after Eve first, she was the weaker vessel, and bore the Glory of God, satan hated that and wanted to destroy Gods beautiful design. I feel satan has been working through my husband overtime to destroy me...and I'm not gonna let him!!

I may leave my H someday, I don't know, but I'm thinking about it. I cannot live my life like this. I want a good life, and all my H does is cause pain.

Lady

{{{{{lady}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry to hear your pain....

I had missed some of your story...I thought you were already D....so sorry for your pain....

Daisy

lady,

I am sorry for the pain you feel. I know its not easy. I also know you will make the right decsison for you with Gods help.

Today has been a good day for me. WH was hardly on my mind at all. The few times it came to me I quickly went on to something else.

I have been writing a letter in my mind though for him. I don't know if i would ever give it to him but I just feel the need to write it all down. To be honest it all depends on how the court goes as to weather or not I would give it to him... So I have a few weeks to think about it and work on it. Maybe its just something I need to do for me and not nessarily him.

Anyhow things have been good the last few days. Having DS with me most of the week has been a blessing. I can't wait to have him home all of the time. It makes life seem so much more normal.

Onward and upward we go........

you sound as though you are hanging in there oklahoma

Good Morning Hurting,

I ended up hitting the hay early last night, but I am glad you are feeling better, and had a good day. Hoping today will be the same for you.

I think writing a letter to your WH helps, even if you don't send it. It's therapuetic in a way.
Sometimes I write letters to God too.

Im glad you have DS home more often now. You really need each other right now. My DS 16 is such a blessing, and just a great big hug from him when I'm not expecting it does wonders for me. Children have such a knack at comforting us like we comfort them through their hurts. My son just got his Drivers handbook to study to get his permit. I can't believe it's that time already.


Lady

Hurting -

When is your appointment with SH???? Writing the letter will be very therapeutic for you......

Glad to hear things have been good the past couple of days. Keep staying strong!

Kim

Kim,

I have not made the appointment yet. I plan on doing it the first part of Dec. thats when I will have the money if things go right.

I do wonder though if even making the appointment will do me nay good if WH has reallyfiled the D. papers. Seems to me if he files them nothing I do will make a difference. I just don't know.

I really do want to talk to one of the Harleys though if for nothing else then myself and get a plan for me to make it through this and heal.

In a way it really surprises me WH has not tried to make any contact at all since Oct.4. I never thought he would go this long without trying. When he dropped DD off on Thanksgiving he sat in front of the house talking to DS and never got out of the car. You have no idea how bad I wanted to go outside and talk to him but I didn't. I knew it would just hurt me and drive me backwards.

But everything has stayed calm this weekend and that I am grateful for that. First weekend with no drama or breakdowns.

I just wish I knew where WH was at with all of this. It seems he is moving forward with no regrets or feelings. I guess maybe I just need to accept that and not worry about it.

Glad you had a nice Thanksgiving Kim.

Hurting

Hurting:

I want to remind you of a few things...



IT WOULD NOT BE GOOD NEWS FOR HIM TO TRY TO CONTACT YOU...UNLESS HE WAS WANTING TO RECONCILE....

Hurting, your goal is the FULL MEAL...THE BANQUET...NOT CRUMBS....

Try to be THANKFUL that he is not contacting you JUST TO CAKE-EAT...You deserve more than that....



What information do you have to support this? NONE...

How could he be "moving on witn no regrets or feelings"...? This does not make LOGICAL SENSE, Hurting... Why are you telling yourself this NONSENSE...

He has a HISTORY with you...He has had those children with you...NO ONE CAN ERASE THAT FROM HIS MIND OR LIFE EXPERIENCE..As much as he may want to forget this or deny the significance of you in his life, he CANNOT....

What does make sense is this... HE IS IN A FOG...HE IS NOT IN HIS RIGHT MIND... HE IS INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR....

This is not a man who is involved in a healthy relationship...

He wants to deny it of course.. But at some level he KNOWS what he is doing and has done IS WRONG!!!

SHE IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE THE OW...YOU WILL REMAIN HIS WIFE...

The odds are in your favor..looking at all of this logically...THE AFFAIR WILL EVENTUALLY END...

As I have said before, the problem is WILL YOU STILL BE THERE WAITING....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Again the voice of logic has come.....

I know your right, I know this will end someday. And your right will I still be there. I hope I am , I want to be.

Sometimes I just need to be reminded of all these things. it's just so hard to the light for all the dark thats been around for so many months.

I am doing pretty good though. I have had DS home most of the week and have enjoyed it so much. Makes life seem so much more normal. He is ready to move home but I explained to him once we get the finanaces in order he will be here. I am so looking forward to that. I am off work Wed. and Thurs. so I will have DS home then to.

Things are getting easier for me emotionally I don't have as many spells as I was. I am coming to a place of acceptance I think. I still love H very much and want him home but I am accepting this won't happen on my time only on Gods time if its meant to happen.

Hiok,

U do know b4 you have your session with Steve that you need t/d some homework, right? Also when you schedule an appt w/Steve it c/b a whle b4 you get the session. You could shorten that time by doing some of that homework before you make that appt.

L.

orchid,

What do I need to do???? This may be the only one I can afford and I want to be able to get as much out of it as possible.....

It's been a few years since I've had mine but at the very least, read the concepts section, take the EN questionnaire, read SAA and His Needs/Her Needs (if you can). Get those books from the library if you don't already have them.

Make a short recap of your events, a page should do. He may ask for it up front so he c/b prepared. Stick to the facts. Don't embellish. Be prepared to show your weakness and steps you have taken to overcome them.

Spending time on MB boards is not a qualification but you can say it has helped you familarize yourself with plans A and B. Reading the info w/b of greater benefit.

Maybe those who have had more recent sessions can give you better insight.

Hugz,
L.

Orchid,

I have read the books and done the EN questionaire for myself.

I am doing a summary for them now. Gonna be kinda hard to put on one page all of this stuff but I will do my best.

I went down and saw my MIL today. She said she spoke to WH and he kept going on and on about how happy he is , I loved her response to him. She said " WH I know you and I don't believe your happy, you keep going on and on about it. For if someone is truley happy they don't have to keep reminding everyone and trying so hard to prove it."

She also said that he mentioned to her about the supervisied visitation with DS, she told him that I had no problem with him seeing DS I just don't want him to be in the presense of OW , as we are still married and its not right for DS to witness his dad with another woman. She said he had no comment about it. He also asked he was if talking about him bad ot other people. She said No she has said nothing bad about you to anyone. She told him I have yet to say one bad thing abou him except for the fact the affair is wrong. Now I have no clue why he is wondering this becasue i have spoken to no one about him good or bad in a long time. In fact i have seen none of our friends in the last month or so.

She said he really had no repsonses to anything she told him. She did ask him why he won't come see her. He useded the excuse of not wanting to see his sister, the one who told all to OW. I told MIL thats a crock of crap he was there 2 weekends ago and had breakfast with them while he was picking up DS. She feels its because he is afraid of running into me. I told her maybe so because he can't face me I know this, the last few times i saw him he can't even look me in my face.

Anyhow all of this I hear today has not upset me at all in fact it makes me see just how messedup he is. I just wish he could see it....

Anyhow I am getting my thoughts together so i can make the best of my phone call with the Harleys. I hope they can give me a good plan to use for myself if nothing else. The fear of them saying no hope has crossed my mind, but I would rather they tell me that and be honest than continuing this way.....

Hello Oklahoma-
Sounds like you got a lot done with your decorating and
handled the holiday and weekend as well as possible.
My day with friends was nice, but not the same, and I did
feel sad knowing WH was undoubtedly spending the day with OW. He called me Friday morning (I had day off) and although
he sounded really grouchy he asked me to lunch. Thought we
might talk about things, but we were at a sport-bar type
place it was so loud, it was hard to talk much. He did tell
me a little about his new job, and gave me his new business
card. I came home feeling that he is just still as "foggy"
and confused as ever, and the most frustrating part of that
to me is that he's doing nothing to change it. He's had the
list of counselors for months nows, and still hasn't made
an appointment. Guess he just thinks he's going to be struck by lightning or something and miraculously have all
his problems solved and everything figured out !
He called later to tell me something trivial, and again Fri
night !
I never hear from him on Saturdays- I assume he stays over
the weekend at OW's and doesn't have a chance to call.
I stayed busy and felt good last night- had done a good cleaning of several rooms, vacuumed and picked up the whole
house, done laundry, errands, and enjoyed watching a movie
while I worked on some crafts and had a nice, warm fire.

Today started out with the dog biting my hand when I tried
to get her off the bed ! Not a huge injury, but must have
hit a blood vessel so my hand is very swollen and ugly on
top. It's also really cold and windy today, so have stayed
in the house. Figured WH would come by as he usually does
to pick up his mail, drop off receipts, see the dog, etc.
He did, and was mostly pleasant and joking. We talked a bit
and he launched into his "he's not happy, and it must be
me or the marriage" speech (which I've heard a million times). The kicker is that he says he doesn't want to be with anyone, and wants his "space", yet he went straight
from me to OW, and she is far more controlling , dishonest,
and manipulative than I could ever imagine being. (Kinda
like from the frying pan into the fire !!!) I tried to
talk to him about the lack of logic in what he was saying,
but didn't get anywhere (should know better than try to use
logic with a foggy WS). Although I try hard not to get in
the "mind set" of it, I feel like the OW is my competition,
and today am wondering what she looks like, what it is he
likes about her, what's better about her than me, etc.

Feel sad, too, about Christmas without H. We had a very nice
holiday last year with my inlaws and stepdaughter here, so
had lots of cleaning, decorating, shopping, cooking, etc. to
do. This year, it's just me and the dog, so my shopping list
is very small (my budget too !) and I am certainly not in
any kind of holiday spirit.
Keep debating if Plan B would help or not. Feel almost like
pushing WH to make a decision is going to push him to OW
as I feel like he's fogotten all about our history, good
times, plans, etc. Feel like I am just fading away-
Will be doing some fervent praying tonight, and remembering
my favorite verse:
"I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you".

Slammed

I just got back frm taking DS over to my SIL'S.

She told me WH turned in his papers for the divorce last week. So I guess he is really going to do it... I just don't know what to think anymore....

Do I just give up or still have hope? It's so hard to believe he is so willing to just walk away.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Hey Hurting,

First of all Hugs to you. I know that I haven't posted to you in a while but I have been trying to deal with alot of things myself.

I say keep the faith and still have hope.

Remember it ain't over till God says it's over. (this is advice for myself too) Something else I live by now is that "your darkest hour is just before the break of day".

LaShell

LaShell,

Thank you for posting. I am trying to keep the hope alive but its hard.

I just think its so sad that I have no say at all in what happens with this. I never was giving any choices in how my marriage played out. I guess though I have to accept it....

She told me WH turned in his papers for the divorce last week.

{{{{{{Hurting}}}}}

Hurting, I wonder if he is telling SIL the truth...????