l just got off the phone with attorneys office. I have an appointment for Monday. I guess its to prepare for Friday. I have to take financial stuff in....

My MIL talked to WH today about paying the car insurance, he says he does not have the money as he didn't work much last week due to the holiday. So I guess I will have to figure out a way to pay it. But he gets paid friday and its not due until the 9th.

She said he asked again if I was talking about him. She told him people have asked me what I think about him. She told him that I tell people that I love my H and would take him back. She said he got quiet and said nothing. She was waiting for him to say he was never coming back. I told her don't read anything into it because it will do nothing but disappoint us.

She is going to work with me on what my IC suggested on different scenarios for next week. I thank god for her she has been such a big support. I actually am feeling pretty good this afternoon, I feel peaceful. I hope I continue to feel like this......

hunting, I'm glad you IC session went well. It sounds like you've gotten a good counselor. It's an excellent idea for you to roleplay the different situations that you might be in during your court session.

I had a thought to share about your DD learning the hard way. We moved to a different state just before OS started high school. It was an extremely difficult move for him. That's when he really entered his "[censored]" stage. He hated where we live and longed for his old life. He made my life H*ll for 4 long years. He dumped on me alot. The entire time, I kept saying "Make it through high school, graduate and you can do what you want to do."

Ten days after he graduated, he flew back to his old "home town" with all the money he'd saved. He was jazzed to be back with his old friends. Granted, it is/was a very cool but very expensive place to live. He spent the entire summer working a hot, dirty construction job and couch surfing. That meant he didn't have a permenant place to stay and slept on different friend's couches.

This was a big jolt of reality. He missed having his own bedroom and homecooked meals. His money just didn't stretch very far.

In early August, we got the call we'd been waiting for. He said that he'd decided to become an engineer. (Just like Dad...) He enrolled in an community college, re-established residency, worked and shared housing with a bunch of guys. We help him out with tuition and housing. He works parttime to cover his other expenses. With a lot of diligence, he got into a prestigious 4 year university. Right now, he's about 1 1/2 years away from getting his degree.

OS is a great example of a kid who had to learn it the hard way. It was tough but it worked for him.

I hope your DD can be as fortunate.

H, I didn't call it the "pits of ******" because of their level of happiness, but because they are living a sleazy, pig life. Heck, a crack head in a crack house is initially "happy," it doesn't mean he isn't in the pit of ******.

Mel,

I agree with you. To me it would be like living in ****** having to lie and cheat my way through life. I don't think I could live with myself.

And to tell you the truth they do live in a little rat hole low income apt. Pretty sad to go from a 3 bedroom home with a yard to a rat hole apt..... But that was his choice.....

Oh, Hurting - if it is a subsidized low income place, you could turn her in for having him living there. Check into it.

Believer,

I never even thought of that ...... I will check into it .... Thanks

And with his income could really screw them over .... lol

My step-kids druggie mom used to have subsidized housing. She had all of her addict friends there, with some of them molesting the kids. Someone turned her in, and she lost the housing. She had a 3 bedroom, 2 bath place and had about 10 extra people living there. Her kids slept on the couch.

Wow that sucks..... Well I am looking in the phone book but can't find the apts name. So I may have to do a recon mission and drive out there and fine the name of the place and number....

I sure don't want them to know I am the one who said anything though.... I have to make sure of all my facts first. I was told it was low income but I need to be absolutly sure.....

Hurting, try 'googling' the street address (that is what you used when WH was served, right?) It might come up with the name. And since WH was served there, that should act as proof that he "lives" there.

Good idea Jean ..... thanks

hurting....

Hope you are doing well....

Daisy

Hurting:

I'll be leaving on Sunday to go out of town. I don't think that I will be back before your court date.

I wanted to make sure to wish you well and to let you know that you will be in my prayers...

You are a STRONG woman, Hurting. As others have said, you are stronger than you may know.

The more you stand up for yourself and demand RESPECT, the better your life will be-with or without your H. I can guarantee that...

It's Ok for a STRONG, SELF-RESPECTING WOMAN to cry...

Take Good Care...

If you're back on here, I'll check with you tomorrow....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hey Hurting,

Whera' bean?!?!?!? Imagined a BS driving around looking at APT bldgs. LOL!!!

Now I helped out a BS once. She was in CO and her MIL lived a couple of towns over from me in CA. Her WS had an A with an OW who lived in WA and after the A broke, he came down to CA where he met up with his W. I met both of them here in CA at his mom's house. That w/b Knewjie and [H]. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My point is if you need help, call it out. If there are any MBers out that way, maybe you might get help. I remember the night Knewjie asked me to check out her MIL's place. I got lost and really never found the place but playing dectective was fun. LOL!!! Cell phones redeemed themselves that night.....and the night I served an RO on another WS but that's another MB story. LOL!!!

take care,
L.

Hello All,

Thanks for checking in on me. I am doing ok.

I am moving DS home tomorrow, I need him here as well as he wants to be here. Its not going to be easy but we will make it.

Mimi I hope you have a wonderful time. My court date is next Friday the 9 at 10 am. I am so scared and nervous about it. I just hope I can hold up since I have not seen WH in over 2 months. I know seeing him will probably put me in a tailspin. I see the lawyer Monday to go over everything. I guess so he can prepare me for it all. I am going to try and be as strong as I can. But its like everytime I see him I get weak in the knees and just fall apart. But I'll be ok.....

Orchid,

I had to laugh about the driving around looking for apts. I know exacttly where it is and which apts it is. I have not had a chance to get out there though. I had to work today and I don't want to do it when the kids are around. I will have to to it in the middle of the night or something so no one see's me. Don't want to risk OW or WH to see my car or me.


Again thanks for checking on me .....

Hurting

Good morning hurting-
I can understand being nervous and anxious about the court
date- anything like that is scary, especially when you don't
know what to expect. I don't really know anything to suggest
unless maybe just trying to think of it as a "business"
dealing, and knowing after it's over you can go home and be
as upset as you'd like. I'm sure you will handle it with
dignity and courage, just as you've been doing all along !

Glad you are bringing DS home- it's another sign of your
progress, and will be a nice support for you, especially at
the holidays.

Nothing too new with my situation- will update my thread
regarding my Ic and conversations with WH this week.
Slammed

DS is now back home. I went to my SIL'S and got all of his stuff.

I tahnked her and BIL for taking care of him. I know it was hard for them since they have 4 boys of their own. I know its going to be hard for us. But we will make it. DS told me today he knows Christmas will be very lean and probably no presents but he just wants to be home. I feel so bad knowing I can not spend money on Christmas like we always have. I do hope at least the WH does something for the kids for Christmas. He is the one with the money right now .

Hi Hurting,

It's good that DS is home, it will be an adjustment but a good one. Does he have some guys friends he can hang out with?

Hopefully some money will come in before Christmas. When you go to court this first time, will the judge order for CS and/or Spousal Support right now?

Lady

Glad your DS is now home. Now sit both your children down and have a family meeting. Work on a plan where you all devlope a bond that will help support each other against the Ws. What? Against their dad? No, against the Ws. Let them see the difference so they can individually learn how to handle the Ws vs their dad, just like you have to deal with the Ws vs your H.

Reassure them of your love and commitment to them and to your family. Ask for their help and assurance as well. Setup regular family meetings and make arrangements for both of them to have a mutual 3rd party to help them vent. Keep the lines of communication open and stress that with them. Let them know their actions can send their dad a msg that they don't like the Ws but want their dad back.

Sorry to see them suffering but no sense each of you suffer alone.

take care,
L.

Lady,

Yes this hearing is for CS and and spousal support. I have no idea though how long the judge will give him to start paying though. So people tell me with 30 days. I hope not that long seeing how he has neglected us for so many months. I am taking all my bills and cut off notices with me so maybe I can get the judge to make him start right away. I hope so anyway.

Yes it going to be an adjustment for DS and me both. He has been with SIL since Sept. pretty much full time. He has all of friends in the neighborhood a few I don't like and am trying to steer him away from them but you know how kids are.

I am happy to have him home. I am going to be looking for another job though after the holidays, something where I can work during the day. I am nervous about DS being here at night because I make sure he goes to bed on time for school. I explained to him I need him to do the right things so life can run smooth. He says he will but then again he is a 15 yr old boy.

Orchid,

Good idea about a family meeting. I will do that. I am not so sure how to explain the WS vs. Dad though.

Any pointers ?????