Kim and Lashell,

Thank you for the support and kind words. I just am having a bad day so I can't even imagine what friday will be like. I dread that day coming, really I do. I want and need the financial stuff taken care of but it just hurts so much that we have come to this.

I wish that all of this would make him see the reality of what he has done...... I know it won't and its just wishful thinking on my part. I can't even imagine what it would take for him come from the fog........

Hi {{{{{Hurting}}}}}

I can't imagine the stress you are under. I have pains in my chest, and my H is home. He is driving me crazy without saying a word! Well maybe a few words...he still needs so much foggy deceit lifted.

I know this is going to be a hard week for you. But you just need to go into that court like a professional, head held high, and strong. You mean business!!! If you cry thats okay too, but try not to for long, so you can listen and pay attention to what the lawyers are negotiating. I know when I cry I miss anything others are saying at the time. Do what you do with the children, holding out, and then cry later when you get in the car.

It was good you told your lawyer he was settling for your quoted sum, and then the lawyer upped it, that was so smart. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's gonna work out in court, I just know it. I just want to see you healed and made whole again. In time... the sooner the better...right.

Lady

get on ad's if you have to now hon..now is time for clear thinking...you must remember, if the ws does NOT come out of fog, you want you and the kids to receive as much as you can b/c a ws is not a generous one ok?

now..honey, let the laywers do their legal thing...they know you don't want this...but it's like surgery kinda...i see patients each day come in to see me. they don't like fact they're t here . my last patient had multiple liver masses that were not malignant...at least initially we do not think so. I liken your being around lawyers and going thru this like my patients...they do not want to go thru this either...but they have to if they want to be healed...and have the best outcome.

you have to to thru this if you want a good outcome.

just remember, you are not alone...hugs to you...you are NOT alone!

I walked this path and survived it. Yours may not end as mine did ok? It might be completely different. the ws can exit the fog..and they will exit the fog sooner or later...

sadly it comes down to whether or not their exit from fog is doable in YOUR time frame.

the way I see it, the cards are held by you. you are the one with the power here all along but have refused to see that you truly are. chin up! we're praying for ya.,

Lady and Peachy,

Thanks, you all are so good. I don't know what I do without all of the support from all of you. It helps to know there are other people who have walked this walk and come out the other side still alive and whole.

I know I have to do this and stand up for whats right and fair. I do pray that we can sttle without having to see the judge which saves me from seeing WH. I won't lie I miss him so much , that is my real H. I know seeing him would just throw me way back. I don't know when or if I will ever be ready to face him. I just want so bad for him to be what he should be....

I w ill be ok I am sure of that , I think fear has me right now. Fear of how this is going to go friday and the fact that I may see him has me paralyzed. I just don't know how I will react. Please pray that things go well and I don't have to face him,I just am not ready......

Hurting

i do think you are right about the car being marital assets if it is in his name but i think it depends upon your state. In some states assets are considered joint until a divorce or separation agreement is signed but i think in some states it's joint unitl the date of separation (living seperate and apart)

did you ask your laywer?

Eav,

yes I asked him. He said it depends actually. For one thing he said he would be dumb tto put it in his name with all of this gooing on. He said we could argue its marital assets because we were not legally seperated or divorced when he got it. In fact the LS papers he was served strictly says you can not make any more debts until money is settled by the court. But for now we are not concerned with the car snce this is just a temp. hearing to set all money and custody in place.

He says if the D happens we will deal with it then... I don't want the car thats for sure, just for the the fact I know OW probably has rode in it..... And if she did pay for it I surely don't want it.... And anyway my car is a newer car than that and just as nice I have a Cadillac so he can keep his affair car. I just want the value to count for assets so it will mean I have to give him less out of the house.... I don't think he deserves anything from the house since he left it all but the law see's it different of course....

Aw comeon! You can always sell it and take the profits to cover what she owes you for marital asset theft for the marital money he's spent on her... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I never thought of it like that ...... Well lets see what happens..... First I have to find out who's nmae it is in. Not sure how to do that maybe my lawyer can find out...

Someone please help me sort out some feelings I am having.

As you all know Friday is court and I may not have to see WH if we can agree to all the terms. Now here is my feelings.

Part of me wants to see him because I do miss him so, and I just want to be able to aks him if he is sure this is what he wants. I know I would probably get babble but I just want to ask him so bad....

Part of me does not want to see him because I know it will break me down. I fear asking him the question because I am afraid of the answer.

I also wonder if maybe I should write him a letter. I still want him to know I want our marriage to work. Would it be ok to give him another planb letter with some modifications? I know all of you are going to say you already gave him a planb letter but that was so long ago, would it hurt to remind him of my feelings?

I know I may never get an response from him but I just feel like he needs to be reminded of my feelings.....

Please help me figure this out......

Hi hurting,
This is a tough week for you....but look how far you have come. In my opinion, I think you should try to stay dark through this. I think he would take your efforts as a sign of weakness and take advantage of that. This is just for support right? This is not the D. Having to face these formal legal proceedings might be the brick to hit him between the eyes. Don't make it easy for him or give him reason to prolong it further. You need to get the financial stuff settled.
Hang in there! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Confused,

Yes this is a temp hearing on my filing the LS papers. I still don't know if he has filed D papers or not. I was told he has trned them in but so far my attorney has recieved nothing.

I believe he will file the papers though. It could be that they have not been filed due to him being on the raod and not being able to sign them. I guess he would have that chance friday if this is what he wants.

I keep praying all of this legal stuff will make some kind of dent in the fog , I don't expect miracles but keep hopeing it will give him some things to think about and realize this won't be as easy as he thinks.

I will be glad when this week is over.... My stomache is in knots , my nerves are on edge. I know its fear of the unknown and I just want it to be over.

Hurting,

I would stay dark.

HUGS.

Okay something interesting just happened. My MIL came over and WH called her and my SIL this morning.

Seems someone called his cell phone and told him I had a military boyfriend and am going out to the bars at night. Of course this is not true, I work nights. He called my SIL questioning her about and SIL told him that was crap and I work at night. So then he called my MIL and she pretty much told him the same thing. She said he sounded disturbed by it. But in the next sentance he said well I guess BS needs to move on with her life. MIL told him he knows I want him to come home. He said but BS will never change, she won't show me the love I want. MIL told him well you two need to communicate your feelings not hold it in like you have. He then told her he can't afford to pay the support and CS we are requesting. So then he says I will just leave an no one will know where I am... So we are back to leaving again without anyone knowing...

Now I have no idea if this call he recived was real or if he is making it up. He said it was a man who called, I wonder if DD had something ot do with this? I can't ask her though because WH asked my MIL not to mention this to me and I promised I would not let anyone about it.....

So now I am even more confused as how to handle this.... I want so bad to say to him I want this marriage and we can work this out with MC. What do I do ??????

((hurting))

I don't know what to say about the phone call, maybe there was no call and he was just fishing.

You might want to mention the "running away" thing to your attorney. Another reason for him not to have DS unsupervised.

hurting
It sounds like he is freaking out about Friday too.
"I'll go to Iraq and get a job" syndrome...he wants to run away from reality. You already wrote him a plan B letter. He know exactly what to do. He has probably read it 50 times.

Is it possible the fog and the A are starting to get cracks in it?????

Could he be fishing to find out where my feelings are for him????

If he is starting to reach out even in a lame way , don't I need to let him know somehow I am still willing????

This is all confusing to me know...... Even if the phone call never happened and he is making it up is this a way of maybe reaching out? And if he really wanted me to move on and he didn't care why would he even call them and ask about it????

stay dark as far as communicating with WH

live in the light ... meaning go out and do good things ... be a good citizen ... and have fun

think to yourself .... what creates attraction?

good posture
good grooming
a smile
intelligence
caring
talent
warmth


...... what is unattractive?

whining
nagging
crazy
obsession
pouting
begging
frowning
ranting
frump
worry
hysteria

~~~~~~~~ if you got your WH back tomorrow "as is" you'd not likehim very much .... he is not ready for prime time

You all are right. Stay dark... I spoke to my mom about this phone call thing she said something I didn't think of. She said maybe he is trying to find something to use against me to try and save him so money. She thinks he could say I am running around on him to make me look bad.

Well one thing for sure I can prove I work at night so he would be blown out of the water on that.... I just can't imagine thats what he is doing but I guess its possible.....

mayube I am jusy hoping that the A is starting to loose the fantasy and a little bit of reality is creeping..... But I know words mean nothing I have to wait for actions to show me different..... This is so frustrating ......

I'm going to say something here and I know that the people here do not agree with me, but I am curious what it would hurt if you wrote him a letter. I would not talk to him face to face, but a well thought out letter letting him know once again that you would like your marriage to work. I would tell him something like this:

Dear WH,

After 24 years of marriage I just want us both to be sure that this is what we want. I have told you already that I want our marriage to work. I believe that we have the tools to work on our marriage through counseling as long as you are willing to give up OW. Divorce is so final and even though I am at a point in my life where I know I can survive without you, I would prefer to mend our broken marriage and restore it to something better than before.

Thank you for listening and as per my other letter you know the circumstances that would have to happen for us to begin healing our marriage.

Love,
Hurting

That is just off the top of my head, but it is not whiny or begging, just letting him know that you would like to work on your marriage but will be ok if he does not.

You can give it to your lawyer to give to him.

Please take this as just my opinion and a suggetion. I know all the others say stay dark, so do what is best for you.

Best of luck to you!

Lost,

Thank you for the post. I was wondering the same thing. I thought as you did a well thought out letter a modified version of the planb letter would be appropriate. Just to let him know I still am willing to work on our marriage...

I agree no whining or begging just the facts..... I just don't know anymore. I wish I had the money to call the Harleys and get their point of veiw on this ......