Well I talked to my boss tonight and was telling her what WH said. She laughed and said he is really grasping for straws. Anyhow she tld me if this gets out of hand we can prove i was working. She files all of the scheduales and stuff. So let him try and pick a night to say I was doing something and hopefully for me it will be a night I worked and I can blow him out of the water.

I'm not sure what his motives are but if its to make me look bad he is blowing smoke in the wind.

What crazy thing is he going to think of next just make himself feel better? Guess if he thinks he can make me look bad to people it takes the heat off him.... What a dingdong....

Remember the goal is to keep the WS' head spinning. Re: So that it falls off and then your H's head can be seen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Learning how to use the WS' own words against the WS/OP and A is a skill a BS must acquire for times like these.

L.

I got ya Orchid ...... I am going to play this out and babble like crazy to anyone who will speak to him....

Make him think he is loosing it lol

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

You must have an evil twin out there,

Bwahahahahahahahaha

Hey, keepup the Plan a reading and work...you'll need it when recovery starts...

Still,

I am doing a lot of reading and learning a lot. If nothing else I have learned through IC and MB'S how to have a good relationship and how to communicate better.

As far a recovery I do believe I am a long ways from that with my WH if it ever happens at all. I am doing good in my own personal recovery have a few bad days and moments here but all in all doing pretty good. I still pray for a turn around with him but I am not obsessing over it much anymore. I do still love my H so for now I am willing and ready for the hard work. But who lnows how I will feel in a few months.....

Evil twin I love it !!!!!!

You must have an evil twin out there,


babble to WH: Oh that was my evil twin Orchid, oh shoot... she married Bill 24yrs ago, they have 3 children 21,18, and 15. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Yes, WH IS his own evil twin...too bad the good one has been buried in the septic tank. He'll come out again...he will, he will, it's just a matter of waiting him out and how fast a learner he is.

Your WH WILL feel remorse for his actions some day. The tough part is knowing WHEN. Can you wait for that day if it is 6 month? 1 year? probably..if it's longer? probably not...and who would want you to. You are waiting out the WH and the life of the A. You are doing everything in your power to NOT fuel it with a firm Plan B. And protecting the love you have left for him so you can wait out the A's demise.

Do you have a timeline in mind? How long will you wait for? The D? Or 2 years? Think about this...

Still,

Actually I do have a time line in mind. I have decided that I will wait at least a year. I have no desire to look for another realtionship. I know I need time for me to heal and not intangle myself with anyone else.

I am pretty sure the D will happen because he feels he wants it. But I am still going to sit back and watch and wait. I will still live my life and move forward but will leave the door open for at least another year. After that year is over I will reevaluate how I feel. Now I do have to say if during that year he marries the OW then maybe I will change my mind. I just can't imagine still holding a door open if he does this.

I do know I would not get married or become involved with anyone for at least 2 years, I need this time for me and my son. I just keep praying this will all end long before then.... But for now thats my plan and time line.....

My SIL came by the house to see if DD will babysit tomorrow. Anyhow she was asking me about friday how was it suppose to work and all. I explained to her it was like a mediation and I may not have to see WH at all.

She said that WH told her a few weeks ago that he would not fight for custody of DS, but if I decided to move to Va. he would then. I said well then we will take it a day at a time because I have not decided to move or anything yet. Then she said he told her yesterday that if I did decide to move he would not fight me and allow me to take DS. Sounds to me like he wants me to go, guess that would make it easier for him not having to see me or know i am anywhere close. My SIL said he is so wish washy she can't figure him out, I told her don't even try.

Then I leave to go get some dog food and come back and both kitchen sinks are clogged up. Somebody poured grease down them. So now i have put like liquid plummer in them, just hope I had enough... I really don't want to go back out in the cold, its like 20 degrees and snowing.... But tomorrow will be warm again ... Crazy weather in Okla. for sure.....

Hello Hurting-
I think your timeline and plans sound very well though-out,
as is normal with you ! My IC had suggested I have a time-
line as well, just in my own head, and it is similiar to yours.

I am still holding out some hope, but feeling less positive
this week. Partly, the encounter with WH on Sunday didn't go well, and has probably convinced him even more of how
me and our marriage "makes him unhappy", how "we don't have
much in common", of all the other negative things he seems
to dwell on. I don't think the A is all that fantatic anymore either, but it may "win" by default, because it is
easier and takes less effort than him actually having to
work on our M. After thinking about it, I decided it might
be better to replace the negative effects of Sunday with a
more positive experience, if possible, and left a message
today asking WH if he'd like to go out to dinner.
If he agrees,thought I'd be very cheerful and upbeat, not
talk about R/M, not ask or comment on the A or OW, and
at least try to leave WH with a better outlook on me and us.
(make any sense ?)
I also decided to go ahead with putting up the tree and
doing some decorating. Realized it's going to be hard either
way, but that I might feel worse doing nothing...

Your WH's comments about your moving/custody do sound very
wishy-washy, so I wouldn't put much stock in them at all.
That, combined with the weird phone call stuff sound like
he is really confused. Could be the "cold" air of reality
hitting !!!?

Hang in there- thinking of you
Slammed

Slammed,

Yes I think the time line thing is something we all have to think about and decide upon. I don't and won't sit around and wait forever. I don't think anyone should expect us too.

I agree with the A winning by default sometimes because it is easier than making a commitment to make the marriage work. I sure am glad I am not the type of person who would run and rather be miserable than working on something that could turn out to be wonderful. I guess thats CA in them. I can't imagine giving up so e asy like our WH'S have done.

Yeah my WH seems to be getting more and more wish washy as the days go by. I don't know if the custody thing is because he does not want the responsibility of DS or just wants to avoid an conflict with me. I tend to think its the responsibility factor seeing how he walked out on all his responsiblities to myself and our family.

I keep hoping the cold air of reality is starting to set in but who knows. He may just keep on going down this path and ignor the reality of it all.... So far he is doing that with no problem. I did find out today that he did put that other car on our insurance. So I assume the car is in his name. He also now has the bill coming to OW'S apt. so I won't see it anymore. I assume he did that so I would not find out about the other car being on it. I am going to let my attorney know bout this. Once he signes the other car over to me I am going to get my own insurance and not worry about it. Our insurance is high anyway due to his tickets and stuff. For me it should not be to bad. It just seems that everything is being seperated and before long there will be nothing left holding us together except memories and our children. How sad it that? It makes me sad to think our lives are so seperate now after so many years of being a team and part of each other. It just makes it all seem so final.....

Have you tried on line access of the DMV records in your state? Some states have it as public record on-line or for a fee.

L.

I never thought of looking for that Orchid....

You know I have thought about this though, if the car is in his name I don't think I would try and take it but I do want it to count as his part of the marital assets he will receive. That would give him two vehicles he will have. Yes they are older but mine isn't that new either.

I will look and see if I can find it on line though

please keep focusing on your...ask your attorney what to do...and be confident that wh is messing his own life up...please quit supposing what he is doing. plan b is to create a peaceful ife...do what you can in order to secure finances...from wh...and i pray for you lots hon...sure do.

but it's time to leave the wayward to stew in their own feces. should he decide to clean himself up, then you can talk about it...but until that day when he no longer reeks of his affair, let it ride.

Peachy,

I am going to speak to the attorney about this and see what he says is the best thing to do.

Thank you for your prayers I appreciate them all. I will be ok and make it through this. I do believe once the finances are settled I will feel a lot better. it will definatley make it easier to let WH stew since I won't have to worry over money as much. I guess this court thing is so close it has my nerves on edge. Once friday is over and i have a clearer picture of what finances will be like I can calm down some....

Thanks Peach for all the concern it does mean a lot to me....

Just thinking about you hurting. Big Hug

Thanks Jean...

Big hugs to you and DD'S

Hi hurting-
I will be out of town at a training function tomorrow, and
not back on the computer until the weekend, but just wanted
you to know I will be thinking of you and praying for your
courage and comfort as you go to your court session tomorrow

I believe you will do just fine. You are fighting for your
kids and family and have behaved with dignity throughout
the whole ordeal. You have shown nothing but strength
and confidence. You will go to court looking good, head
held high.

Don't worry about getting upset. If you do, you do, and
no big deal.
Will look for an update on how it goes Saturday-
Hugs !
Slammed

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow

(((Hurting)))