this is an interesting comment. Eav needs to hear this too. This is typical. During the time that my WxH was still living with his OW my sister passed away. he wanted to go to the fuenral (after all, they had been related for 18 years) but his OW didn't want him too. Kept telling him that my family would be mad at him, it wasn't his family any longer, etc. he was torn but in the end he came to the funeral. Afterwards he told me he was glad that he did go. It was the right thing to do.

Fact is, after a D, you will not be friends. but you will still have ties. you have children! You have years of history. My Ex's aunt died a month ago. I knew her very well, so I went to the funeral. That sort of stuff will happen for ever. Heck , my new husband has become friends with some of my former in laws. when you get into a second R it is hard to hear about the past. I don't hear about my new Husbands ex very often - she lives in another country, and they were divroced for 7 years before I met him.But when I do hear her name it always makes me uncomfortable.(they have children together so sometimes her name comes up) It is just the way it is. I don't get mad, I don't insist that I never hear her name again. I just smile and do the best I can to take care of my new H and his children. it is what I signed up for when I married him, and he is worth any effort I have to use. But it is still not easy!

now, lets look at your WH and his OW. their current behavior is totally selfish. She doesn't care who she hurts, she wants him, and she wants him to make her happy. if she isn't happy than she is going to throw a fit. after all, that is his whole purpose in her life right now. to make her happy. Same for him with her. If she isn't making him happy, what is the point of having her around? if he wanted to have a R with a woman that was going to involve some work, he may as well stay with his wife......

I guarantee you, the phone call to your WH was instigated by OW.

This is the proof of Plan B. When you removed yourself from the triangle...they had to actually deal with each other.

And now you see the result! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

This is very good news, bu tread lightly...stay the course...and stay on the sidelines. WH is peeking out of the fog, is standing up and being responsible.

It will be important before recovery starts that OW is COMPLETELY out of his life (no gifts, co-ownership, etc.)

And that WH knows that he can be forgiven and a M better than before CAN happen.


Time to read over your Plan B and remember what your conditions were, and stick to them...

Give him some time to end things with the OW, and when he makes moves to come home show him the path...i.e. the Plan B letter, and the assurances he is following the path...you will know like you did today.

Way to go Hurting
Hopefully he is coming out of the fog and now realizes what he losing.
There is always hope.
I am praying for you that all will turn out for you and your family!!!!!!

Outside of court, Plan B should continue.

He has not said he wants back into the marriage. He has not said he wants to fix anything.

Until he has a plan to fix the mess, plan B.

I knew things would work out for you or I was praying that they would. I'm glad you can finally get some much needed rest. Stay on guard. God Bless you and your family.
LaShell

Oh Hurting - I'm so proud of you!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Congrats Hurting sounds like things are BEGINNING to turn around. Keep following the advice and keep with your plan B. DO NOT make this easy for him.

When my FWH was at this point, Steve counseled me to tell him OVER and OVER and OVER again "GET RID OF THE OW" and then we can talk about US...

He will find it hard to break away from her...

He 's at the point in the ADDICTION where he knows it's BAD for him but he continues to like the FEELING.....

The key is for him to continue to SUFFER...

He has not SUFFERED enough....

This is running according to THE SCRIPT...

Hang in there....

DARK! DARK! DARK!

Let him become DESPERATE to talk to you ....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

i am so happy for you oklahoma!!! this all sounds VERY good!!

"I will do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to make our marriage work."

THIS sentence has meaning .... when followed by ACTION .... such as writing a NC letter, making apologies where necessary , and making his own appointment for counseling.

You will know when THIS guy shows up ... until that time ... let the alien spin and crash within his own self-made chaos.

Mimi and Pep said it well. Stay the course, dark, dark, dark. As you said yourself actions speak louder than words. He "says" he's moving out of OW's, but doesn't know when etc. etc.

Hang in there girl.

Wow.

I've been off the boards for several weeks (workload). What a surprise when I come back.

I know people are cautioning you -- and please listen to them, theirs are words of wisdom -- but I have to say this all looks so very hopeful since I last tuned into your sitch. Be wise as a serpent and gentle as a dove.

With all the caution advised by Bramble, Mojodiva and others, I have to say I am so pleased for you.

Movement at last.

I will "pass" on commenting on this one, as others have said plenty about the new developments.

Hurting, your Wayward Husband is actually probably ahead of "course"...he is following the script as someone said. I dunno if you will have "true" happiness or that he will be a "new" man when he does come home...and HE Will come home...for that I have not nor have I ever had a shred of doubt.

You may or may not be one of the "lucky" ones, but you have the type of Wayward who always comes back, for that I hope it is eventually the way you want and need.

Happy Holidays

Lem

Good.

Now see if the man delivers in time for the divorce to be dismissed by the judge?

Only A WS turned repentant H can stop the D. That needs to be seen and done. You can have your attorney communicate that if you wish...you are still in plan B btw!

My xh acutally once moved out of his bachelor pad. He moved back home for 3 days...and it was the 3rd day when he freaked out...a mere few hours after reading MB stuff...and I had the fall down the staircase.

Remember, time will show if he is not anymore a Ws. I am praying for this to happen btw!

And OW pushing him away?> that is his lame excuse? Well excuse me! You are the important party here not the OW! For a WS to become a H again, that thought process needs to change. The man needs to learn what a 180 is and do it!

Am praying hard.

My xh is still a WS. However, he is still divorcing his ow/w...broken toe and all...

Thanks all for the wisdom. I am going to follow this through the right way. Sorry it took me so long to get back to all but I went out with some friends and went to dinner. It was a nice relaxing afternoon. I had no worries and felt good.

Now let me hit a few details I missed earlier and was in a rush. In my talk w ith WH before court, he handed me the divorce papers he was to sign. I read them and he said I am not signing those, because I do not want a divorce. I was mad when you filed LS so thats why I did this. So I have the copy he was suppose to sign. His attorney told my attorney no papers were being filed.

As we spoke he told me that he does want our marriage and we talked about meeting each others EN'S. I explained to him what EN'S are. Now I told him I read this in a book not the web site. I don't want him knowing about this place yet. I did not give him the nae of the book or anything. Anyhow we talked about what we both needed and wanted. I did find out his top 3 EN'S..... Affection, SF, Conversation.. I admitted to lacking in 2 of those for him, affection and conversation. I told him mine and the one je lacked in the most for me conversation... So we both had a problem with communication it seems.

I did tell him we can not work on our marriage until OW was gone. He seemed to understand this and said he is going to do it. I said when you have broken it off let me know and then we can start putting together a plan. He did say he would like to do counceling but he needs one that will do it on Sat. since that is when he is home. So I am going to find out if the place I go to does Sat. appt. Once i have the information I will pass it on and he will have to make the appt. I will not do it for him. We will see if he will follow though.

He did mention that OW is very pushy and demanding and he does not like it. She says he is a synical Bast*rd. He asked me if I thought he was, I told him no I didn't, but I have lived with him so long maybe i am just used to it. He says her pushing him to never speak to me or be around me is something he can't do.

I told him I am ready to work on our marriage when he does the right thing and move from OW and ends all contact. Once that happens all he has to do is let me know and then we will start slow and work through this.

So now its a waiting game to see if he truely means this and will take action. I to be honest don't expect any actions until after the holidays for some reason. But I am not going to worry about it for now. It happens when it happens if ever. I am protected legally for now. He did ask me if I still loved him , I honestly told him yes but that I would not wait forever and eventually he would have to make a choice between his wife and G/F(OW) he said he knows that. I do believe he is leaning my way right now and dangling on my side of the fence. I just need to let this play out and hopefully he will fall this way. Let OW LB some more and maybe things will happen....

But don't worry about me I am doing fine and emotionally strong and feel great. I handled myself real well, he knew I was standing my ground but yet knew I loved him and did not want this to happen.

I do believe the one positive thing he did do was not to file the divorce and put the papers on hold with no signature. Thats not to say he won't some other time but for know no divorce is in the works.

PlanB is back in force........ I am comfortable with this now lets see how comfy WH will be......


Hurting

Now it is SOO, SOO essential to remain DARK in order to go ahead and bring the A to an end..

I think you will be another MB Success Story...but it will take a while more...

He thinks he has you placated now with the LS..

He is feeling better about himself, having taken care of his family...

He will now try to have some more FUN or WHATEVER with her..He will try to get his HIGH again....

STAY DARK..when he comes to you for relief..

I suspect that he will try to cake-eat for awhile...


DARK! DARK! DARK!

Thanks Mimi I am following your advice. I do believe he will try and cake eat as well. Well its not going to happen.

I can do this and will......

Hurting -

Stay dark in Plan B. If your husband does decide to unload OW, tell him that you have a plan for restoring the marriage. Let him know that it has been tested and works for many people.

Several years ago, I told my WH this, and he was very relieved and hopeful about it. Unfortunately he never could get away from OW.

But I think that sometimes they get themselves in such a mess that they think there is no way out.

He probably will be showing up at your job now...

What's your plan for that?

Can you go in the back when he comes in?