No. You don't end Plan B when he moves out. Moving out doesn't mean the A is over.

When no contact has been established and he has expressed a commitment to rebuilding your marriage -- that's when you end Plan B.

Lady,

I want to see that too but I am not counting onit anytime soon.

A.M.,

Your right about that. The A has to be over and he has to be committed before planb ends. I do believe if he leaves her it will be over, but only time will tell. I will need proof thats for sure....

Well if that wasn't a gem of a tool to hand over to your in court. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Know what you c/d with this info?

L.

orchid,


tell me , tell me !!!!!!!!


ha ha that reminds me he has my named tattooed on his arm with red roses as well .... its big it goes from his wrist up to the elbow.... and to think she has to see that all the time lol

Tattoed on his arm? Now that's a BIG LB from afar!!! You didn't tell us you had that tool. Wonder how much it would coast for those stick on tattoos?!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ok well, let your daughter know this piece of info. You know let the ones who can't keep their mouths shut about how much the OW hates to hear your name. Hm... be creative let slip in casual convo. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,

yeah he has had that tatoo for like 10 yrs now..... Its big you can't help but see it. Especially since WH hates long sleeve shirts and wears mostly t-shirts.

Oh I already said something to MIL and SIL about OW getting mad with my named mentioned. But I will say something to DD as well.

I forgot to mention that WH told me if for any reason I needed to call him to make sure I called from his moms home phone , I casually asked him why? He said this way when his cell phone bill came in OW won't question the number. He said when I ge the home phone turned on to use his moms phone bcause he does not want to have to answer a 1000 questions as to why calls would be coming from me to him. So I am assuming she checks his cell phone bill. To bad I am in planb and to bad I don't have a home phone yet. Of course once I have a home phone the kids will be able to call him from here. He even went so far as to say he does not want her to know we had any conversation at the court house except for the legal stuff , he does not want her to know he didn't sign or file the divorce papers. I asked him why are you afraid she will kick you our? He said it could happen and I need to get things done before I go. So sounds to me like he is really trying to hide hard any contact we may would have. Kinda made me feel like the OW right now even though we did nothing but talk.

She sounds pretty insecure if you ask me... But I know one thing she will eventually want to know when his divorce hearing is set for if she has not asked already. So wonder how he will handle that. He is going to have to lie about a date or actually move out unless he decides to sign the papers. So who knows whats really up.

Hurting:

Your last post about the stuff your WH was telling you at court repulsed me...

He was handing you that same CAKE-EATER's SCRIPT that my H used...

Those are NOT THE WORDS OF A MAN ENDING AN AFFAIR...

I hate to tell you this THOSE ARE THE WORDS OF A MAN MAKING YOU SECOND-BEST...

Not wanting to hurt the OW's feelings...

It is not about her being insecure...

It about HER CONTINUING to be his MAIN WOMAN and wanting to HAVE YOU ON THE SIDE....

I'm sorry, Hurting.. BEEN THERE DONE THAT...

Don't be encouraged by that conversation....

He should not be PLANNING on SECRETLY CALLING YOU...

He should be planning on calling you out right IN THE OPEN..so the WHOLE WORLD CAN KNOW THAT HE IS CALLING HIS WIFE...

Why should he be calling you secretly so that she doesn't know? He should be planning on telling her "I'm leaving you and returning to my family where I belong"... When he is FINISHED WITH HER, he will say this and PROCLAIM IT TO THE WORLD....

Do you see what I mean?

He is handing you a BUNCH OF BULL CRAP....

YUCK!! YUCK!! YUCK!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

I do see what you mean. I kinda thought all of that myself. I guess I just didn't want to believe it.

I am still puzzled about the divorce papers though. He does not want her to know he didn't sign them. How is going to explain that eventually its going to be figured out. Unless like I said he does sign them at some point.

Almost makes me want to let her know we talked and that he wants to hide talking to me. But I will stay out of it because then it will all be blamed on me if things happen.

Regarding the divorce papers: My question to him would be, if I were asking him questions, "Why is it you don't want her to know you didn't sign them...tell her that you don't want to divorce me"...

What he is saying is that he WANTS TO PLEASE HER, MAKE HER HAPPY, CONTINUE HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER...WHILE HE HAS YOU ON THE SIDE...

You see? More deception of her and deception of you...

Stay out of this sick triangle..he will try his best to suck you into it...

You see, you are almost buying this...He got to you....

YOUR MANTRA: GET RID OF HER...I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO..WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY...GET RID OF HER...TELL HER THAT YOU ARE COMING HOME TO ME AND NEVER WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE...WHEN THAT IS DONE..CALL ME....

Hurting:

I agree with Mimi 100%. Be very careful. I let my WH come home way too soon and it was months and months more of CRAPOLA. Your WH is a CAKEMAN and still 100% in his FOG. You can be puzzled, but there's no sense in trying to understand his "reasons".

Don't get me wrong, he's making some progress, but is still a long way from coming clean. Stay DARK.

I did let the OW (she wasn't home so left a message on her machine - - I had C with her 2x and that was one) know that my WH was calling me etc., begging to come home, blah, blah, blah. I do think in my case it speeded the process up, but don't know that it was beneficial in the long run.

Stay strong and don't try to second guess doofus's (WH) motives and thinking.

I recommend staying away from the OW...

Their LBing each other and him having to rely on her 100% is what will bring an end to the A, IMO..

He is trying to maintain his ability to withstand the A by cake-eating with you..

He wants to USE YOU to help him to REMAIN IN THE AFFAIR..

Any involvement that you have with HIM or HER will enable the A at this point....

Let the OW maintain her confidence that she has him all to herself..she will demand, LB, ask for evidence of the divorce, etc...there will be lots of problems over there that they create on their own...

hurting,

He doesn't want her to know that he didn't sign them because she might kick him out if she knows.

He is telling you what you want to hear, and he is telling her what she wants to hear. He is the master puppeteer...and you are both dancing on a string for him.

I would wager that she is putting pressure on him with the "M" word...if you were divorced, we could get "married". But, she knows that cannot happen as long as he is not divorced from you. I would also wager that he has told her that YOU refused to sign the divorce papers.

He is playing you both...and I would put ZERO stock in anything he says.

Too much of your focus is back on what he is saying, doing, meaning, going to do, not done, not saying...and on and on. Plan B is about YOU...focus on YOU.

JMHO
committed

P.S. Ladysheep...Thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I don't and won't let OW know anything because I do believe she would kick him out and i don't want him home under those conditions because he would not be ready and then I would be sitting here waiting for him to bail again. Been there done that...

I guess he figures that after our 2 months of no contact we can go back to cake-eating and I'll be happy. Well he is so wrong, I can't and won't do that again. He is going to have to make a move sometime or another. My mom bless her soul wants me to give him a time limit to make a move. I told her thats not a good idea because he is going to see it as controling and I would definatley loose out. Of course she can't even imagine why I still want him to come home. But she wants me to be happy and do what I think is best for me so she is going along.

I have to be honest though I don't know how much more of this I can deal with. I still love my H but the longer he lives with her its been almost 6 months now, the more afraid I am that I won't be able to get over the resentment of being left alone and abandoned for so long.


Committed,

She is no even divorced herself. She has been seperated for 6 six years with no divorce. So she could talk marriage but that won't happen anytime soon. They both would have to get divorced and then have the waiting period of 6 months.

Committed, Sorry, that was my DS3 again. The minute I get up from the computer he runs to it. I'm surprised he didn't get to the faces this time, he like those the most,
and the oooooo's. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there Hurting. I burst out laughing while reading about how well the OW is LB'ing your husband. You don't need to do a thing. Just step back out of the way, and watch the train wreck.

Believer,

I am stepping back I don't want to get caught in the middle of this mess anymore.

This alljust makes me wish I had not spoken to him the other day. It was all lies again and it hurts. The only thing that was not a lie was the fact he didn't sign the d papers.

He is not going anywhere he is still content where he is.

Hurting;

You are seeing the value of PLAN B...

If you have contact with him-the WH, it will start diminish the love you have left for him...because you are realizing how deceitful and UGLY he is...

When you have to FACE it, it's hard...

Mimi,

Your right. I see now he is no were near leaving her. He is lying to me. He is in the same position he was in 3 months ago. He is content as things are right now. The more I think about it he is doing nothing. He is trying to make his family and myself think he is going to leave by making this moving the vehicle thing up and all these lies he is telling all of us.

I am beginning to see he has no intentions of changing anything for the time being. How stupid I was to believe anything he said. it was all a ruse to get to me again. I feel like such a fool....

Hurting,

I don't ever want to "discourage" you. I feel you did the best you could do under those circumstances...you wasn't expecting it. It worried me that there was too much talk at the court house. But...Please don't feel like a fool.
WH should be feeling like the fool.

Lady

(((Hurting)))

Don't feel like a fool. You went to court, stood your ground. He spewed alot of babble. That is all that happened. You did not throw yourself and his feet and beg for crumbs, you listened and walked proudly away.

Now, put your invincibility cloak back on. Nothing that OW's boyfriend says can touch you. Yeah, you got a little misty being reminded of your dear old departed H, but that is all.

You just stay dark and take care of you and yours. If your H is tough enough to break away, then he might be worthy of your attention. But this current guy is not worth your devotion, loyalty or brain cells. Your family needs someone to champion for you and this OW's boyfriend is not man enough to fill your H's shoes. And if H can't break free, then he isn't man enough for you anyway.

Don't settle for less than you deserve. You don't want crumbs, you are deserving of the feast.

(((Hurting)))