Just throwing a word in to offer my support.

A few months after my WH split, a California wildfire (some of you will know what those are like) surrounded 3/4s of my home. We were surrounded by flames. Miraculously, we were saved.

Can't help but think these things are related. The kids' stuff (oil on the stove, pregnancy) reflecting their own confusion and turmoil.

Hang in there. 2005 is almost over.

(((hurting)))
Its a good thing you are posting all this stuff it will help you keep track of things for when you write your book.

They say God works in mysterious ways and he won't give you more than you can handle. It looks like He has a lot of faith in you. Keep your chin up you will get through this.

You are in my prayers as always!

MissM and A.M.

Thank you both for the support.

A.M. I agree wit you, I think this all is related to the turmoil and fear our family is going through. I am trying so hard to be here for my kids and stay strong for them but it seems to be failing. I just have no clue anymore what to do. I often onder if these things are happening to show WH what his leaving is doing to us all. But on the other hand I wonder if it will make him glad he got away. He does not have to live with this stuff day to day. I wish I didn't have to live it day to day myself but I am not one to run away from it all. I have to be the responsible one and its not fair. Why can't he be a man and stand up and do the right thing and face what is happening?

This is all just making me so sick right now, I feel like my mind is going to just blow any minute. But I have to hold it together for my kids, especially DS ...... I am tired of being the strong one, I need help and someone to shoulder the burdens with me. I did not bring these kids in this world by myself and he was a good father up until all of this happened. Where did he go ?????

Confused,

Yeah I guess I could write a book couldn't I. I feel like i am living in a soap opera. Not a good place to be thats for sure.

I agree God gives us no more than we can handle but how much more does he think I can do? I am scared and alone and doing the best I can. Its got to get better, it just has to .....

Well I am off to my IC. Thank goodness for that today ....

Oh Hurting, ((((Hurting)))) I wish I could give you a hand with something, or a hug or at least help you paint. I am sorry all this is falling down on you.

Don't say that. It doesn't help. I know, because I say it all the time.

Think of it this way: this is all for you. This is all to develop your spiritual strength. Not his. He gets his own lessons, his own tests, to pass or to flunk. The battles are to make you a hero. God's got a much bigger plan for you than you have for yourself.

Anyway, that's what I keep reminding myself.

Well all get out the 2x4's I am ready for them.

I spoke to WH today to talk about DD and how to handle this pregnancy thing.

Anyhow things went to talking about us. As it stands now he is going to sign the divorce papers. He decided this is what he wants. I told him again I did not want it. I asked about what he said about moving from OW'S he said he only said that because he was mad at her at the time. So he has no intention of leaving her anytime soon.

I did ask him about all of the things he said to me on friday and he says he does love me but not in love with me. OW makes him happy she has changed his life around, whatever that means. I guess lying and cheating has turned him for the better. Anyhow he says we can be friends and I can call him for anything and he will be thre. He claims OW knows we spoke and about the times we had SF when he stayed over night. He says it was not a pretty thing with her when she fond out. He says she knows about us talking friday and was not happy at all.

He said that he is sorry he hurt me , he never meant to but that we could never work, things could never be what they were. I told him he was right it could be better, but he has choosen not to try. He says you will find someone who will love you better than I ever did and treat you better than I ever did. He says remember the good times we had because he will. He kept saying he tried to fix this in the past in his own way. I said but you never told me how you felt, I got the same well you would not have listened story. So much more was said I can't remember it all. I did tell him the lies are something I can't live with anymore. I told him you say one thing but do another and I am tired of it.

His voice become soft at times like he was torn and not sure of himself. I do believe he will file the papers now and I will just have to accept this. I do not believe OW knows anything though I think he is lying again. Because I told him he needed to be truthful to her. He said he had been. I think in a way he said that for fear I would tell her the truth. I think she needes to know the truth about the lies and all, I truly don't think he has told her. He said that he had hoped when he saw me friday he would feel something but he didn't. He said it was nice bu he felt nothing. I told him kind of hard to feel anything when your in between two women...

So anyhow everyone say what you need to but I think this gave me the closure or strength I need now to stay totally dark from him. I do love this man but I can't keep holding on anymore, I have got to let it go and make a life for myself. He is making his life for him and does not want to be part of mine so its time to go on......

I told you it would be better for them after the court session..

I had this SAME CONVERSATION with my H after our LAST FALSE RECOVERY.. HONEST.....He didn't love me..never loved me..face it's over..blah..blah..blah...

The Birthday Card I received on December 4 read: "I have never met anyone else like you...."

I certainly can't expect you to hold on like I did or to go through what I did..Like LM says, your WH is not my H

However, I think what you are seeing is him MAKING UP WITH HER..He remains in the fog..

HE WILL NOT FEEL IN LOVE WITH YOU UNTIL AFTER WITHDRAWAL..

He is continuing to lie to you...

That's why PLAN B IS SO IMPORTANT..You did not need to hear or to experience this with him..

THE KEY IS TO REMAIN DARK...

This really is just another bump in this TRAGIC ROAD...

It's your choice as to whether you get off or not...

Hi Hurting,

I don't know what to say. He's a player...bigtime. I had a feeling his court thing was all a put on...only to make himself not look so bad toward the court and everyone. Playing like he cared. He's a great actor...and terribly abusive.

I really wish your MIL would go and talk to OW.

Enough is enough I guess.

I'm so sorry Hurting. Bad news all around you. May God help you through this horrible time.

Sometimes I wonder...your WH doesn't even deserve a woman such as yourself. He has a tramp, he doesn't deserve a woman.

Lady

Not only is he in the fog, but you managed (unintentioned I know) to give him the ego stroke he needed from you. Honestly, in his mind, he can't see you with another man or moving on. He honestly does believe you will be there waiting, that you will be willing to be best buddies while he ****** around, that your love for him will be enough to carry both of you until he is done playing.

STAY DARK. BLACK HOLE DARK. The man you are dealing with is KILLING YOUR FAMILY.

As for your daughter. Let her go. She disrespected you, put her hands on you, has manipulated the situation between you and your WH. And this is coming from me, who had a son at 16, SHE THINKS SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE IS DOING AND WONT LISTEN.

Allow her chaos to leave the home for a time while the dust settles. YOu are not Atlas, you can't shoulder the burden of the world.

Mimi,

I have not given up hope. I am just am going to let him play this out. If he does the divorce then nothing I can do about it.

I still believe in time he will try and return. I still have pleanty of hope. Its just there is nothing I can do if he files this.

So now its stay dark and just see what happens..... Mimi I am not giving up I just have to get off this rollercoaster.

I have to become stronger for me and the kids. I will always love him and keep the faith until I know its done one way or another.

I do believe its not over ......

Yeah. Sure.

Hurting, can't you see that none of this is proceeding according to his "plans"? His intentions mean nothing. It's all just happening to him.

I'm with Mimi: YOU ARE IN PLAN B! There's no reason you should listen to his fleeting, temporary moods, waiting to see which way he is going to flop today.

You have real problems.



Respectfully disagree. Hey, I turned into a weird homicidal suicidal maniac in my first few months of pregnancy. The young woman is in a hormonal crisis. In addition, she's frightened and panicked and her home is in chaos. Handle with care.

I know I should not ask this question but I am going to anyway.

I really need to know if anyone of you really think this can still work out?

I need more than anything some honesty. LM if you read this please don't flame me for asking but I really want the honest truth about this.

I still believe he is very unsure but is plowing ahead because he has gotten in so far and sees no way out.

Lady, I hear what your saying and I understand it but I know deep down inside he is a good man he just has to find him again. Maybe he won't but if thats the case then he will be the one that has to live with it..... Thank all of you, without this board I would be so lost and not know what to do ......

Hurting, I am not even caring about your WH right now, who he is or what he may become again. He is being terrible to you, and thats what I care about. He has played you long and hard enough, and today takes the cake!!

When is your next court date?

Lady

So Scripted...down to the "Let's Be Friends"

My answer to that was...NO, I WON'T BE YOUR FRIEND..

YOUR WIFE...OR NOTHING...

That's the Cake-eating...

He will try to contact you "as a friend"..

Just more "PLAYER MOVES"...

Later...

You can reconcile if you want to...

YOUR CHOICE....

Their R will not last..that's for sure...

I don't have much time right now.,,

The thing is..it's hard for him to break away from her..

This is his new strategy...

Maybe you will just give up and BE HIS FRIEND....


DARK..DARK...DARK

Lady,

We don't have another court date since we came to an agreement on the LS. If we have a court date it will be due to one of us more than likly him filing for the D.

Court is all done except for divorce unless he does not pay and I have to go get in garnished from his wages. I don't think he is going to do that he told me today he is putting the money in the account tomorrow. He will have it transfered this way he will have a record of it. I said that fine you need to keep records. This from a man who can't balance a check book.... Guess OW will keep up with it for him make sure I can't say he didn't pay you know....

Lady I understand your anger at him I truly do as I am not real happy myself right now. Yuor right the man he is right now does not deserve me, he has what he deserves as bad as i hate to say it. I have tried and tried and I have nothing left to give at this point. I have to try and save what love i have left in case the real H comes back if ever....

Mimi,

I told him we can't be friends, it would never work. I told him its I'm your wife or nothing.

He said we can talk and chit chat I told him no we can't. That won't work for me......

He started in about me moving to Viginia to be with my family after all of this is over. He is really pushing me moving away. I have not made a descion yet what I will do. He even talked about helping me pack up and getting things ready to go.... Guess he needs me out of the way so he can feel better about all of this.

That reminds me he says OW is getting her divorce as well, in fact he says he met her husband thanksgiving ..... I guess the man came to get his daughter or something, of course could be another lie.... I will believe her divorce when I see it....

He's a LIAR!!!