Kloe, so good to hear from you! How are you! Start a thread and let us know. (End of threadjack)

Even in California you get kicked out FOREVER if you have someone living with you and are Section 8. The low income housing is supposed to be for low income families.

My kids' druggie mom used to be in low income housing. She had all of her tweaker friends living there - even taking up the kids' bedrooms. One of the neighbors turned her in, and she is kicked out FOREVER.

My vote is for you informing the proper authorities to investigate..

I do believe that this can be done anonymously...

It is your duty as a citizen...

Their wrongdoing should not be enabled or condoned...

And ultimately this will cause LBing...

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Sorry I am late to the game in answering this, but I would answer YES, it can still work out. We have seen much worse situations than this come back from the dead. There is nothing about your situation that makes me lose hope. And you know I will be honest with you. Giving people false hope is not my bag.

Mel,

Thank you for your answer, I know your honest would never give anyone false hope. Sometimes it feels so hopeless but I can't give up yet.

My MIL just came by. WH is at my SIL'S home giving her my money he was suppose to put in the bank. He can't even do something so simple as putting the money in the account.

It's a good thing I guess that he won't even try to give it to me himself. He makes it easy for me to planb him because he cuts off from me as well. I just don't know what to think anymore 24 yrs and it is so easy for him to feel nothing. I wish I could cut my feelings so easy.

Hurting - Don't you have some toilets to clean?

(((( Hurting ))))

I feel so very very bad for you and am so sorry for what has happened recently.

I only wish that there was some way for you to not keep hearing about every single thing that he does. This would make you feel so much better. I know this is near impossible with the inlaws and kids. But, you really must try to remain dark.

I might be wrong here, but I believe a true Plan B is not any contact at all. So you don't keep getting hurt and losing your love for him. I just think that there is way too much constant communication between relatives that you can never, ever give your heart a rest - the rest it truely needs right now. I could be very wrong on this.

Sending along my best regards. And, yes, I still think he will be coming back to you. I know this is what you want and I hope and pray for you.

Best regards - carnation

Carnation is exactly right. You are the one who will lose your love for him. That's what happened to me. My WH insisted on calling me at work, leaving letters (I have about 50) telling me lots of blah, blah, blah. It made me lose my love and respect for him.

I know you both are right. I have to stop listening to all of this from the family. They mean well but just don't understand what it does to me.

I don't want to lose my love for him, I just want him to come home.

I think it being holiday time is not helping me much. My b-day is in a few days as well as christmas and I look at my christmas tree with no gifts under it because i can't afford any and it just upsets me to see how things have gone. Never have my kids had no presents under the tree its so disheartning.

I will be so glad when this year is over. I am ready for a new year and a new beginning......

Thanks guys for the support you give me... God Bless you all

Talk to your kids and tell them how sad you are that you can't afford any gifts. They will understand.

Sometimes I HATE Christmas, because of all of the expectations. Fifteen years ago my house burned down right before Christmas. Luckily my kids and I escaped. I found a place to rent in their same school district. It was quite horrible.

On Christmas we went to our friends for dinner. We had nothing. Although it was a sad Christmas, I got through it. There are many more important things than presents.

turn them in.

and your dd is hurting so much that she turned to a boy to find some love missing. that should make your WH hurt like nothing else in this world. he was NOT a daddy to his dd and hurt her so deeply she sought out love like her daddy did...or so he thought. and it is showing...effects of ws are showing! I am praying sooo much for you and dd.

make sure wh pays you. make sure the courts take care of this.

as for this working out...as long as he is a ws it will NOT work out...and remember this...the AFFAIR WILL END...and it is a matter of where will HURTING BE WHEN IT ENDS? As for me, I knew i could not hold on as my then H was abusive at the end, emotionally so cruel during the separation, and the remaining love I had for him lost when I discovered ow was pregnant.

the A will end. And either it will happen in a timeframe acceptable to YOU and YOUR LIFE or it will not. That is the reality.

He has to understand that...but when you're "in the sewer" you can't smell the stench around you b/c it's everywhere...you become so used to the darn smell that it no longer bothers you. Now when the idiot pulls himself up to the outside world, sniffs the clean air that normal people are breathing...he will realize how stinky and dark it is down there with the ow living that way.

My xh never knew it stunk so bad until this year...he finally "got it" that the fantasy just sucked. That it was over. That he had in the end "won" a woman exactly as he described...the opposite of me. Yea, she sure is! She's an idiot...uneducated, gold digger, self centered, and really no worthwhile reedeeming qualities like social work, or giving to needy or anything that I can say truly nice about her. Not really at all. She's a sad woman who just a few weeks ago swore at my xh about my ds...

And yes, there will be the endless breaks ups and make ups. That is ALL THAT REMAINS OF THE FANTASY OK? The false high does return for a fleeting bit when they do that cycle. It is only a remnant from when they were fighting YOU. It keeps them united mind you! The darker you stay, the more it makes them see less of the fantasy. They are no longer united against YOU...it is them OW vs WH. See the dynamics? Let it work FOR YOU INSTEAD OF AGAINST YOU.

Stay dark.

Please do it. For your well being. He will crash faster without heairng your voice. This man has been NO father thus he does not require any calls. If he feels strongly about his dd getting pregnant, then that will call for some self analysis...and it will SCARE THE BEJESUS OUTTA HIM B/C HE'S NOT LIVING RIGHT...IN FACT HE MAY BE THE CONTRIBUTING FACTOR HERE...

I see the pain coming soon for WH. It sure will.

Again, it will end. But if it's ok with you...then you can deal with it.

The POWER LIES WITH YOU...If it ends, are yous till loving him? Or are you not dealing with the crud anymore. My choice was made up for me when ow got pregnant. It broke that little bit of reamaining love left. I remember the date. Time...place that I lost it. WAs so sad too.

In xh's office. He broke news first of the wedding. I teared up but I already knew in my heart. I asked if she was pregnant. He went on and on foggedly talking about how this was "so right for him.." and we heard the same words from his mouth uttered that are talked about here day in day out from the mouths of other WS. He said classic fogese. But his eyes were teary. To be soooo happy, why were there tears in his eyes? I told him that I have never felt such brokenness as that moment. But that I am just gonna go on with my life. He had at that moment tears then streaming down his face. He began getting angry at me...yelling at me...and then still teary he said "I will always love you Peach..."

To be so happy....these WS are not really "showing it" are they? They made their beds...and are trying to sleep in it. But they aren't finding it to be as comfortable as they wishe'd it would be.

I myself have seen the WS drive by. My xh occasionally will drive thru my cul de sac. I have seen him. Just looking. Sad really. So very sad.

I pray your WH wakes up soon...before things are totally out of control as result of his stupidity and actions. He is out there hon. Just keep living right.

Good Post, JUST PEACHY....

Just Peachy...Hang in there!!!

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Thanks Mimi.

Am really down 2night. Broke up with bf. Still teary and haven't yet left for grocery store w/starbucks in it.

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Peachy,

What a wonderful post. Thank you for it.

As far as DD goes I do believe your right she is looking for something she is missing. I am not sure really how WH feels about this whole thing with her right now. He acted to me at first when I told him like oh well she now has to live with her choices but after awhile he did become upset about it.

DD finally talked to him about it and he was upset because other people knew before him, like her borthers and such. The one thing that bothered me the most was he told her maybe she should try and get an apt. Where him and OW live because they are low income apts. So I don't know exactlly how he feels about this situation. I believe deep down inside it probably is eating him up but he is acting like its not a big deal.

I know I have to stay dark from him because after all of this contact last week it has drivien me backwards big time. All of the lies he told the getting of my hopes up only to trash them again really sent me for a spin. I expect to hear from the attorney any day now he filed for the divorce. If he does then I will just deal with it as it comes,but I will not contact him about anything. It will be up to the attorneys to deal with this mess.

I pray he wakes up to Peach before its to late, but in reality I don't see it happening soon.

I am so sorry you are having a rough time. Your in my prayers... Things will get better for both of us I am sure.

Take Care,

Hurting

Hurting you can try this with the gifts. See what you can truly spend on each of them. Sit them down one at a time and talk with the about what gift they would like most for Christmas with the money you can afford. They know the situation sweetheart. They are going through their own funk as well. Make it that gift. You have a few days left. They will understand.
Hurting, I come from a family of 8. I know what slim Christmases can be like. But I can still remember my 8 track tape one year of one of my favorite bands. I played that thing till it fell apart.
My family and my wife and kids still do not understand when I tell them I need nothing for Christnas. I have everything I need and I do not need gifts to make me joyous.
I have to go now, I am crying uncotrolably and I have not done that for a while.

God please bless this family and ease their hearts some during this very trying time in their lives. That goes for all of you here!

BKarl,

Your post brought tears to my eyes.

I appreciate the prayers and the wonderful advice. I will do that . I know the kids understand what is happening.

God Bless you and your family. I wish you a wonderful holiday season .....


Hurting

God bless you bkarl. You have the heart for Christmas..and for everyday of the year as it sounds. God bless all here.

Someday I will tell you about myself. I will have to tell you in pieces beacause it is too hard to relive at once. I will tell you this, God is there! Trust me on this! I know! He has always answered my most selfless prayers. I don't thank Him enough, but He knows where my heart is.

He is with you!

Don't know if this will help at all, but I try to think of my H as having some sort of disease of the brain which is causing him to act differently than he normally would. So, all the lies and atypical behavior are symptoms of the disease. And, they will not stop until the disease is cured and the "bad" part of his brain is removed (OW/addiction).

It makes it easier not to hate him and I can relate to it better than the alien metaphor. Helps me to realize I vowed to be with him in "sickness" and in health. Well, this is a sickness, that is for sure.

Take care. I admire you.