I just want to thank all of you for your support and prayers. Without the wonderful ,caring people of this forum I truly don't know where i would be right now.

This place and all of you have saved mylife more than you will ever understand. All of you understand the pain and devestation of infidelity and how hard it is to make it somedays. My family tries to help and understand but they just don't get it.

I have seen so many of you say you see how strong I am or admire the way I have handled things. I want to thank you for those words. I don't see the strength or anything I did that was admirable, all I have done is try to survive this terrible thing. I see so many hurting people on this forum and it breaks my heart to read some of the trials everyone is goin through. But when I see a story that has turned around and people are becoming happy and fufilled again it keeps me going. I want to be one of those people one day. I hope it will be with my H but if not at least happy in my own life. It just seems so far away.

My wish for all of you this wonderous holiday season is joy, peace and happiness. May God Bless each and everyone of you and may your prayers and dreams come true.

Love to all ,

Hurting

How do you stop your heart from breaking? I see the pain on this forum from so many people and I wonder how many more people are having this pain and have no one to talk to.

It boggles the mind that the WS'S don't see what they are doing to their loved ones. I wonder how they can't see the pain in their spouses eyes and hear it in their voices. Can't they see the hearts being ripped out and stomped on over and over? Th pain of their children is so obvious but yet they don't see it. They justify it with kids will bounce back.

How can the fog or whatever you want to call be so thick they can't see anything but selfish pleasure? The sad part is one day they will see all of the anguish and pain they have caused but by then so many BS'S have given up and moved on because the pain was to much to take and turns to hate and loathing. The children have bad relationships with the wayward parent it can never be fixed.

And we the BS'S are broken and have a hard time trusting anyone again. We look for all the signs our guard is never down. Even if the wayward comes back I would imagine in the back of the betrayed partners mind is the question of will this happen again? How do you move past all of this?

They say time heals all wounds, but I truly wonder do you ever really heal from such a betrayal?

I guess I am questioning all of this because I am starting wonder could I ever trust my WH if he ever comes back. I do love him or is it a memory I love? Is he really gone forever and now is really the man he is today? God I wish I had the answers.

Why can't I just give up hope? Is it God telling me to hold on that things will be ok if I give it time? Something in me says hold on to your love don't let go..... Hold on to your hope it is not being wasted..... Is this the voice of God telling me this? Again I wish I had the answer.....

I too am questioning the exact same things. Your post mirrors my feelings exactly. I too am looking for signs from God, trying to see if I can tell what I should be doing. I look for signs in everything. Am I supposed to hold on or am I supposed to go ahead with the divorce. The last few days I tend to think I should hold on but, tomorrow I may think I should go ahead with the D. I think I am going to file and go ahead and get the financial stuff set up and just hold off on finalizing the D. Maybe things will become clearer or I will be more ready in a few months.

YES..My marriage is better than ever... YOU CAN HEAL....



PLAN B allows you to lock your love away...

You have got to stop having contact with him...or else you will lose your love for him...

HE IS NOT YOUR H NOW...

I've noticed that you continue to think about what he has said to you..and you consider his thought process...

THINK OF HIM AS BEING CRAZY..OUT OF HIS MIND...YOU SHOULD NOT LISTEN TO ANYTHING HE HAS TO SAY...IT IS ALL BULLCRAP...

FOCUS ON YOURSELF, Hurting...

Forget about him right now..

I rememeber working on pretending that my H did not even exist....



God does not want us to be hopeless..He encourages us to have FAITH IN HIM..not in MAN..not on what your WH will do..

GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU...regardless of the outcome of your marriage...

SATAN wants to you to LACK FAITH IN GOD....

Stop this...HURTING.....

Mimi,

I have not had any contact with him since the phone call about DD which of course turned into the He is signing the D papers talk and how sorry he is.....

I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to see him.

I am just struggling here with so many emotions and thoughts. I am trying to put all of this into perspective for me... Trying to figure out what I want and feel. My mom tells me I am trying to see way to far into the future. I play the what if game way to much.....

Mom tells me take it one day at a time. That makes sense to me but yet I am one who needs to have a plan. I need to know if in 6 months if XX happens this is my plan, or if YY happens this is my plan. I need a plan to look forward to so I don't feel like I am floundering ....... This is the one thing about myself I don't like, I have to have a plan and analyze everything. But in doing this it drives me nuts. I have always been this way for as long as I can remember.... I am a planner it makes life easier to have a plan at least for me it does....

Every time you talk to him..which was just recently..you will have to go through your own WITHDRAWAL..which takes 3 months..

YOU DO HAVE A PLAN..it is PLAN B...

I think the Harleys recommend PLAN B for a year...

Mimi,

I do believe your right. I can't imagine a year of no contact with him but the way things are right now it may be that long for sure.

He is no where near admitting anything or even coming close to breaking off with OW if ever... I had thought maybe the end was near just by the conversation at the court house but I see now thats not the case. Was just more cake eating and he got his fix... The end is still far way ......

This just sucks ..... I hate it .

I don't think you can know the TIME FRAME of this...

As you say, MAKE YOUR OWN PLAN...

Your plan SHOULD NOT BE BASED ON ANYTHING THAT HE HAS SAID...

You might as well as been listening to a WALL...

Hello Hurting,

It realy pains my heart to post to you, not a bad pain, but the pain of your trials right now. Sweetheart, I want you to know something about me. Bear with me because this is very hard for me. I have only shared this with my wife.

My younger days, probably from middle school until my very early 20's were very tormented for me. I was tomented by the bigger and older kids, it felt, nonstop. Just one example, getting tossed into a dumpster head first. Upon emerging seeing every kid at lunch laughing. I'm sure not all were laughing. I could only see the kids that were.

Fast forward a few years. I developed the most severe acne you can imagine. When I looked in the mirror I could do nothing but cry and ask God, "Why are you doing this to me?" I felt so alone. I had people in my own family that used to make fun of me. I was so despondent that I actually planned suicide twice. It was interrupted both times. I now know why after all these years.

I prayed night and day when I got older that He please spare my sisterts of the agony and utter hurt I went through. Mind you these were sister that teased me as well. I offered to give up my life to Him and He knew I would.

I belive the plan was to raise my daughter to be the most compassionate and loving young woman I know. Nobody can hold a candle to her compassion. I am doing the same for my sone. He is now 10, but I can already see some of it in him. That was His plan for me. I truly believe it.

And yes, He answered my prayers. My sisters are both beautiful women.

There is a plan and there is an outcome. You just need to trust the outcome for you is part of His plan.

My prayer for you is, You will be alright and His plan for you will go on to change the lives of many for future generations.

BKarl,

Thank you for sharing that with me. I can only imagine how you felt. Your faith in God has made you the wondeful person you are today. My faith has taken a big blow right now and i am fighting to get it back. I know God has a plan for me and i have to wait until he is ready to share it with me. I am trying so hard to get back on the path, but right now its so full of pain and heartache I can't see past it. I know I have to give it up to God to do the right thing and take the pain away. I am going to get there its just going so slow right now.

Tonight I did a horrible thing, I lashed out at the people who have supported me the most in all of this my in-laws.
I had gone to my MIL to see her and my SIL was there. She gave me the CS money order WH dropped off to her last night. I saw it and got very upset because it had been filled out by OW. It just hit me wrong that this man can't even fill out his own CS payment. I just felt like it was another slap in the face to me to see it in her handwritting. I know thats petty but I just snapped. I said something about it and my SIL said well don't get mad at me I could have told him I wouldn't be in the middle. She was trying to tell me something about him and OW being together when he dropped it off, I got angry and told them I don't want to hear anything about him I don't want to know what he is doing or saying anymore. I then left to go to Wal-mart.

As I was walking through Wal-Mart I realized I lashed out at the wrong people, they are hurting as well because of all of this. I stopped back by on my home and aplogized for my behavior to them. They were very comforting to me. I just broke down and said I am so sorry for getting angry with them because this is not their faults. I just told them th pain and hurt I feel is so overwhelming and i have been holding it so long I just lost it. My MIL just held me and let me cry. I just not sure how much more of this I can take. One thing now they all know I don't want to know anything about WH or OW unless its them telling me he is ready to work on us. So I don't expect to hear anything about him for a long time.

I just have to try and get stronger and work on making me happy until the day comes he is ready to be with me or I have totally moved on no longer care.

I will be ok, I just have had a bad day today.... It will get better ...

Hi Hurting,

Just stopped by to give you a {{{{Hurting}}}}. It's horrible how abusive WS's can be, I know. The less you hear about WH the better. I think the IL's will now realize it.

My only prayer for you for Christmas is the Our Lord would heal your broken heart forever.

Sent with Gods Love,
Lady

Hurting I know this is not what you want to hear from me. It may be time for your final push. Looking at a divorce filed and completed by you may be the only thing you can do at this point. 3 months of plan A is tough enough. 3 months of plan B has got to be taking its toll on you.

I want you to know, I did not know what God's plan was until 20+ years later. Time to follow more than emotions. I do believe that whether divorce is involved or not his plan is being carried out. Sweetheart, He knows. He knew His Son would be crusified, He knew! He planned on it. I don't know what God's plan for me is with this. I will know someday, I just have to trust Him to show me or future generations, the benefit from the impact of His plan.

I want you to be strong. He knows what path you will take and his plan is served. Your decision whether today or in a year is the path you would take.

I do know someday my grandchildren will be as conpassionate and loving as my daughter is. That I do know. And if I can leave this earth knowing that was His plan I am glad to have fulfilled it.

The Harleys recommend ! year of PLAN B..3 months is not long enough...

It is not time for Hurting's "final push"...

BKarl,

I am not ready to take that step yet. I just can't do it. My heart is not in it. WH has had the papers drawn up and says he is going to file them. If he does there is nothing I can do to stop it, I will just have to deal with it. But for myself I can't do it.

I don't believe in divorce, I was achild of divorce and I see the devestation is causes and I feel the lingering effects of it now even after 30+ yrs. I know the day may come it will happen but at least my children and grandchildren will know I stood for my marriage and my vows. I think that will teach them that you don't just walk away and give up when the going gets tough.

I guess the thing thatpains me the most is that WH won't even try after swearing to me when this all started he would. He just decided it would never be the same and things would never change. He never even has tried to find out if it could work. The one thing I do know is I will not be the one racked with guilt and remorse in the future. This will be his burden to bear not mine.

Maybe some people wold see me as a glutton for punishment because I won't give up hope. Maybe this is true but its my own convictions and love even through all of this horrible situation that won't let me walk away. Maybe someday I can do it and walk away without looking back but for now I can't do it.....

Plus I just want to say you sound like a wonderful man and I do appreciate your posts and your concern. Thank you

oklahoma

many, many people are here because they still have hope....

i've read other's posts that told you people who were in worse situations reconciled....

don't give up hope!

I know I won't shut up..BUT...

I believe it's really Really hard for them to BREAK THE ADDICTION to the OP

I do believe HE has tried...

Remember the False Recovery?

yes Mimi I remember .....

I woould never ask you to be quiet, your my sane one keeping me on track ....

1 year of plan B....oh crap

Hi Hurting -

Just stopping by to give you a big holiday hug!!

(((((Hurting)))))

I know this is an awful time of the year for us to be going through Plan B. But, hey, the only other option for us gals right now would have been to remain in the turmoil of the A, the darned triangle from He!!. I know that would have been worse and it is hard to think of any part of this experience as positive.

I had a long talk with a friend the other night....He and his wife are D. His Ex had an A(all of this was about 4 years ago). He said that he knew it was a tough spot in my life right now, but I would make it through. He said that he looks back on that time and sees it as a tribulation that was like a catharsis for him. He survived it & he is a much better man now. We all already know we are better people than we were 5 months ago.

Not very applicable to what you guys are talking about right now, but just felt the need to share.....

I know it's tough around the holidays, but I am praying that you will feel the Spirit lift you up and carry you through. It is a wonderful time of the year and I am so thankful just to be alive and be able to celebrate the miracle that happened so long ago!!

Take Care Hurting!

Kim

Okay, we need a plan for you that is for you. A small plan while His big plan is being worked. We need something for you to do that eases your heart and mind just a little at a time.

Think of something that really brightens your heart and your mind. I know if you think you can come up with something. Nothing family mind you, this is something that is just for you.

For instance: My grandfather was an avid outdoorsman, it never really stuck with my dad although he accompanied my grandfather into his early adulthood. I have learned to love the outdoors because of my grandfather. I love to fish! I wish I could get paid for it! Whenever I fish I can remember the times with my grandfather and they are quite pleasant and fond memories. I can now spend hours hiking and fishing and be totally at one with myself. It is funny too. I will stop at a place in the stream and think, this is where he would have had me fish. He was always right.

What is it that you can visualize for this type of outing for yourself. What as a girl did you love, that you may not have done for some time, that just gave you such joy. This is about you remember. What made you feel at one with yourself?

You need to go there to get some peace. Do it often enough that there is where you will get your peace. Replace your longings and hurt with the longing of what gives you peace.

You are a strong woman and you can stay the course if that is your plan, but you need to find that place of peace to help you stay your course.

Love to you and yours!