BKarl,
You know when I was a young girl my passion was art. I would draw and paint anything. I used to be very good at it.

I have not done any of that in like 20 years or more. I was busy being a mom and wife and gave up my art. I got so into the family all of my passions got lost somewhere.

I used to take paper and pen and go outside and draw the scenery. I used to get so lost in my art that time had no meaning. The solitude of it was good for the soul. Time to dream about the future and what I wanted to be.

Then I met my husband and fell in love, I gave up art school for him and our family. I have never regretted that descion as I loved him and our life very much. I still don't regret it as I now have three beautiful children and two grandchildren and many happy memories of the past 24 years.

Maybe I should get back to that and allow myself to get lost in it again. It always made me feel special to have that talent.

Thank you so much for letting me remember what I had forgotten so long ago.

Oh you would just be in awe here in Colorado. Just got here not long ago. I am in Phx right now preparing the house for sale.

Picture this: Waking up in the morning and seeing the whole front range(Pikes peak area) from your bedroom. 8 inches of snow on the ground and no cloud in the sky for miles. 10 minutes from some of the most beautiful ancient indian adobe ruins. Quite well preserved. Mountains that reach 14,000 feet and stretch as far as the eye can see. Antelope just wandering the plains. They go one way in the morning and come back in the evening. Your pen/pencil and paint I am sure would do this justice. I have taken pictures but it just does not work. You can't get all the details and splendor of it.

You get my picture. Find that place of awe that does you heart good and reproduce it. I know you can find it.

I got an idea. Contact the library or some city org. Find out if they have a program you can share your gift with some young students. It will do your heart well and do theirs well at the same time. Share your passion and gift. For now be selfish and do this for you now.

I know about Colorado. We used to live there when I was a girl. My dad was stationed at Ft. Carson. We lived in Securtiy. I remember going to the moutains on the weekends as a family, before my parents divorced.

I have many good memories of living there, Cave of the winds, North Pole City, going to Pubelo and seeing the museum and the two headed calf. Wow weird how i remember that.lol

The beauty of nature there is amazing, its so peaceful in the mountains I remember the snow in the winter and how as children we loved it. We could see the mountains from our living room window, it was breathtaking. How I would love to go back in time to those days and relive them sometimes. To have the joys of a child again before life became so hard.

My H and I went there a few years ago on our way to Montana for a trip just the two of us. How I rmemeber that trip as being so special. It was the first time in 20 years we went somewhere by ourselves without the kids. What a time we had, I will always remember it. we saw so much on that trip Mt. Rushmore, we even went through Sturgis. Oh the memories of how life was and could be again.

I have to do something for me and maybe getting back into my art will be the thing to give me some peace and an outlet for the pain and hurting I feel. To put all of that energy onto paper and a canvas may be just what I need to do.....

Hok,

You have talent!!! Great..... time to rekindle that spark. Wish I had talent to fall back on....only good at crunching numbers. LOL!!!

Don't deny your talents. A WS is certainly not worth losing your talents over.... nope..... your talent can help you heal. Not only yourself but others too!.

I admire those with creative abiltiies because others like me, don't have all that kind of talent. I think it was because as a lefty I was forced t/g right. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Orchid,

I am a lefty myself. They tried while i was in school to turn me into a righty but it never happened.

Yes I do believe getting back to something I loved will keep me focused on something besides this. Maybe tomorrow I will go buy some supplies and get started.

My H used to brag to people how talented I was he was always so proud of my work. Yup its time to become me again.... I lost me somewhere a long time ago, I want me back.......

There's certainly evidence to suggest that lefties are more creative than righties.

My DD5 is a lefty - she has just been noted at school as being artistically gifted. She draws all the time - I love her creations, but the house is full to overflowing!

Hurting, you have a wonderful gift which will give you so much comfort and pride. Get those pencils out NOW! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God bless.

Alph.

Hi Hurting,

Dropping by to show my suppport as you are already getting good advice.

Remember, you may be in the middle of the storm, it may last longer than expected, but it will pass. Hang in there.

...getting back to your art sounds like a good plan to me.

HUGS.

Thanks All for the support and encouragement.

I woke up this morning to see the snow falling. We don't get snow much here in southwest Okla. so it is a treat to see it. Not that I like driving in the mess but its pretty.

Makes everything seem so clean and pure. If only life could be that way.

Luna your right I feel like I am in the middle of a storm that has no end. I keep looking for the rainbow and its still hidden behind the black clouds but I know its there somewhere. I will keep searching until find it. The colors of the rainbow will make life bright again, I know it will..... And hopefully the pot of gold is within reach when I find it......

The snow is already melting away. It never lasts long here but it was nice while it lasted. So now all of the brown grass is showing again the ugliness of winter shows its face again.

I looked in my flower garden and I see the Paperwhites my H planted several years ago are coming up. It is s strange every year since he has planted them they always come up in Dec and bloom. I don't understand why but they do. Its really strange. It's like they are saying all is not dead and cold , life is out here just look for it. Something as fragile as a spring flower to survive in the dead of winter and bloom lets me know that life does exsist and hope is always here.

Hurting-
Have been off the computer a few days so am catching up this morning. I'm so sorry that you've had additional burdens to deal with in the past few days-

Despite the "turn around" in what your WH told you before
and at the court date and his more recent "babblings", I
do think that there's probably at least a little truth in some of the things he is saying. Even saying that he was
mad at OW, is a positive sign, as it shows that all is not
"happily ever after" in fantasy world.
Like someone else here said, I think the WH have a very hard
time breaking free of the A addiction and OW.

I also understand how hard it is to get some good signs or
have the WH tell us something that gives us hope, only to
have them change their mind and tune. I've had this happen
with WH too. I assume that it is due to their very foggy
thinking, and the constant state of turbulence in an A.
I've tried to remember not to take anything WH says, either
positive or negative as "the truth" since I know he's not
thinking or feeling clearly.

I know this is going to be a tough week, with Christmas
coming up. I decided to do a "small scale" holiday, so put
up a small tree and a few decorations. Am sending out a
few cards to good friends, and will just exchange gifts with
my parents and sister's family, but I sure am thinking of and missing the traditions that WH and I had together !
My IC has told me several times that I am handling our
seperation well (and that it is typical for women to handle
it better than men) and I'm sure hoping that it is the case.
I hope WH is really feeling and thinking about our holidays
and missing it every minute !

I love your last post about the flowers blooming, even with
the dusting of snow on them. Should remind us all of the
fresh start and possiblities we all have every day !
(We have more than a dusting here in Colorado- it snowed
for over 24 hours on the weekend and looks like a true
winter wonderland today !)

Hope your week can be free of turmoil and stress, and you
can find some joy of the season with your kids and family.
How about renting some movies, stringing popcorn, and making homemade cookies or gifts together ?
Slammed

Slammed,

Thanks for the post. I know I set myself up to believe him again. Was a very bad mistake on my part.

I just have a hard time understanding how someone could be so brainless not see what is happening around them. Maybe someday the truth will hit them, we can only pray.

Hope you have a Merry Christmas with your family. I will be spending mine with the in-laws. WH is not invited so he can be with his OW. I hope he is miserable thinking about how he is not with family.
Well time to get back to scrubbing the kitchen, this fire stuff is not easy to clean up.... What a mess


Take Care,

Hurting

I just got home from Wal-Mart had to get some stuff fro my work party tonight.

Anyhow I saw my cousin who is older than me there. First time i had seen him since all of this started. He asked me how I was I told him doing ok. He said BS just hold on and wait this out for as long as you can. He said everytime he has seen WH he knows things are not good with him. He says you can tell he is not happy, he dosn't look it or act it.

He also said he just can't figure out what WH sees in this woman. She is no prize and no where near the woman you are. I told him everyone I speak to says the exact same thing to me. He said just move on with life and wait because WH'S world is going to come crashing down in time and I hope for his sake you still want him. He says I just can't figure out how a man can walk out of a marriage of so many years and not feel guilty. He says there are no problems that we could have has that justifies this behavior. He said you know this thing with her won't last just be patient.

To bad WH can't see what everyone else does. It makes me feel good knowing everyone see's what I do , and supports me.

Hurting, can you go out and sketch a quick drawing of those flowers coming up ?? What kind of medium do you like to use ? Pastels, oils, charcoal.... I bet you are good with all of them.

I think getting interested in your artistic talents again will do Wonders for your attitude. When you find some free time, grab a pencil or anything that you feel comfortable using and give it a go again. I bet you will feel great doing it.

Best regards - carnation

Carnation,

I love them all, but watercolors are my favorite. I would sketch the flowers but its way to cold outside .... lol

I know getting back into something I love will make me feel good again and I plan to do it .... I have missed my art and now I have the time to do it ...


Things will be ok.... I feel it ....

There it is! Ask the pro's about breaking plan B just long enough to send WH one of your awe inspiring watercolors for Christmas. Something near and dear to him. That I think could be a very good shock to his system. It will not only shock his sytem but you can bet OW will freak, because sweetheart, you know she can't hold a candle to you there. As foggy as he is it will definitely have an impact on him. You yourself said how he used to brag about your gift!I don't know much about plan B. Never had to go that far really.

Come on you plan B pro's. What can she do?

BKarl,

I have to say I think you are so special to care this much about a total stranger. You have a heart as big as the sky I can see that.

I don't know about sending a pictue I do , it would probably end up in the trash by OW. I thought about doing a pencil sketch of our 2 grandsons for myself. Who knows maybe someday I will do one for WH. He loves those boys as much as I do.

Well I have to leave for work now . The roads are getting a little slick here so I need to have more time. Take care BKarl and Thank you for your encouragment and kind words....

God Bless you and your family

Hurting

I had IC today. We spoke of the phone call I had with WH and how he changed his mind about everything.

My IC says it shows his confusion and how he thought he coould get back to cake-eating again.

She says I need to protect myself again and go right back in to planb. I told her I have done that. I can't do this anymore I need to be able to get back to where i was.

So the question is since I talked to WH on the phone and pretty much told him I can't and won't be friends with him and pretty much told him in a roundabout way to sign the D papers should I re-send him a planb letter to let him know I still want our marriage if he leaves OW.

Should I give him another letter or not? He knows how I feel that I am sure of but do I need to restate it to him just to be sure? I don't know what to do, help me figure this out...

If so would someone help me write a letter that lets him know what I want but yet that I will move on with my life. I don't want to use the same letter as I have givien that to him several times. I want something short and to the point. Kind of a I want us but yet I can do this without you if I have to .... I hope someone understands what I mean ..

Well, I'll kick off the discussion. Here's your note:

"Please see my letter of DATE, 2005."

Anything more draws you back into communication, and give him his fix.

oklahoma

i believe that he knows how you feel and if he and OW should be done with...you have already made your felelings about rebuilding a life with him very clear

what would be the point of sending another letter telling him the same thing over again...isn't that advised against in SAA

i too want my H to know that even though i'm not "being his friend" i still love him and want him back...he knows...he's just not ready to care

when he's ready...he can pull back out the letter and read it..only then will it have meaning

i think your H isn't ready yet either oklahoma...give it time

(although i know THAT is torture!!)

Hi Hurting -

Just stopping in to give you a word of encouragement. I'm thinking about you.....I agree about not sending another letter. Go back as dark as you can again.

That's wonderful that you are going to get back into your art. Putting time into your passions will bring the YOU back out!!

Kim