""the ? was because I didn't think krushts "joke" was appropriate at this time.""

Didn't really mean this as a joke. Of course beating the tar out of the kid is was my attempt to lighten it up, but there isn't anything wrong with instructing your child how to act toward others...especially his MOTHER!!

Work is still the kid's father and can still instruct the youngster and provide discipline.

And don't go overboard on the "letting out the emotions thing".

This is a little agreement, a pact, between a father and his son. The son brought it up first, not liking to see daddy cry. He really doesn't need to see daddy cry because of this situation. That will just upset the boy more. To feel safe and secure, the boy must see his folks as loving and cordial as they can be under the circumstances. Not WEEPING AND SAD!!

And the holidays and birthdays MUST be celebrated AS A FAMILY, all together.

k

Thanks for everything you are very helpful.As far as the
crying he has saw me and his mother cry alot here in the last month and a half.I know crying is good but it is also painful when i know the dumb mistake I made has resulted
in why my W and son are crying.I regret the momemnt I let the devil take over and ruin my life.My wife is hurting so bad I am so sorry I caused her that pain.I would never
limit the amount of time my son and I can have toghter I was
just trying to say something to him so he would start treating his mother better I see the pain I have caused her and because of it now my son is starting to cause his mother some pain because of me and I want it to stop.Like she said I haved caused enough pain she doesn't need son to add to her pain.

Krusht,

I wasn't sure why you said what you did and I can appreciate times when we need to lighten it up.I guess it just didn't seem the right time to me.That's all.

WC,

I agree that children seeing a depressed weeping parent all day every day isn't appropriate.But,it's very necessary to teach children that crying and being sad is a NORMAL part of every day life.We are taught in this society that we should avoid feeling bad at all costs,take pills,rush out to therapy! etc,etc.You can show your son that you cry but that you will be ok.You are handling it. Children shouldn't have to feel scared about emotions.My girls saw me at my lowest but we talked about it and saw that Mommy is ok no matter that she was feeling bad.They know that despite it all,I was strong and recovered.I want them to see that they could be too no matter what problems come their way as adults.

Working through emotions and instilling a habit of doing this is one way that I have been able to cope so well.I feel each and every ounce of emotion as hard as that is and work though it instead of trying to numb myself with drugs,alcohol or some other guy,etc.It's hard work but I think a wonderful gift to give kids in a world that conditions you to be happy and entitled all the time or look to ways to avoid feeling poorly.It's a natural part of life.

JMHO.

O

workcheater, is there anyone else who would be willing to step in for you and do the pick up and delivery of your son, so that your wife doesn't have to face the pain of seeing you for awhile? Would your parents be willing to do this for you? If they don't have a good enough relationship with your wife, do you have a neutral friend who could step in?

Yes my parents could.
I do have a question is it cheating when you sleep with someone when you and your wife are separted? The reason I ask is we where married in 97 spilt up feb 99 got back
toghther 0ct 99.July 99 she filed for divorce.....
I got lawyer but we never signed we reconciled and have
been toghther up until I had an A.While arguing the other night ( when son was outside ) she told me she sleep with
a guy that she previously told me nothing happened. I was mad as he!! but remained calm and said I can't control or
fix what you did in your past all I can control and work on is our present and furture.But we were still married and you
did cheat on me. She said but at least we were separted and living in different homes and I sure as heck didn;t come home to you and kiss you like you did when you were cheating on me for 4 months. I just lowered my head and said you are right and I'm sorry I did.I then left the room and went and played with my son and we have not spoken since
except when I called to talk to son.I'm going by there today
to seew son do I just remain quiet and see son and go on my way or do I discuss her cheating along with mine? Thanks

***I do have a question is it cheating when you sleep with someone when you and your wife are separted?***

If your wife wins the lottery while the two of you are separated, will you still expect half the money as her husband? Or will you turn it down since you are separated and therefore "not married?"
Mulan

Good question I know what I want to beleive

Don't let yourself get too wrapped up in that right now if you want to save your marriage. I know your mind wants to tell you "But she did it too!", but if both of you are feeling self-righteous, you'll get nowhere. It is something that should be addressed, but if you want to save your marriage you might want to shelve it for now. If nothing else, a show of forgiveness might be a good example to her. That Golden Rule thing can be pretty nice. I also wouldn't be too shocked if you find out she made it up just to get back at you. I was tempted to do something like that myself after DDay, just to see how he'd react if the shoe was on the other foot.

Right now, she's feeling like you've held all the cards for a while. You've chosen to go out, lie to her, etc. So pushing her will just feel like you being in control again. Be patient, be steady, and take initiative to get counseling for yourself. Let her call the shots. Let her feel like she has some control again.

Dobie

I understand what you are saying but I believe she has had control.She has forced me out of the house,she has control of the home and control over my son and I am doing everything she asks but I will do as you say and let her
control the next steps.Thanks

What chance do you have to get back in the house.
That would be my first step.

If I knew what to do to get back in the house I would.She
is not showing me any signs that she is even willing to try.Her exact words after reading stuff from this website
I have printed off for her to read is," that is all good and fine but that stuff only works when both people want to try again I shouldn't have to try again if you would have never cheated you should have tried this hard not to cheat as you are trying to get the life back that you have lost".

Moving back into the house is essential. I understant the BS point of view, seriously I do, I am one, but tell me about the home. Is it owned or do you rent? Did you buy it together?

I would just say that counseling with MB marriage coaching (Jennifer Chalmers in our case) moved me quickly to a place where I was willing to give some things a try, and within weeks I asked FWH to move back home.

I felt very pressured by her recommendations at first, but they worked!

NTL

Double wide mobile home we are buying home is in my name
and land it is sitting on is in her name.