After almost 7 years living abroad (and with my H in an affair the last 4), my H and I are about to return to our home in the US. Part of the motivation is to separate my H from the OW, who--thank God for tight immigration control--wouldn't be able to get a visa if she wanted to! Although they still have contact with each other (she phones him and he STILL picks up the phone), he and I are nonetheless attempting to start the process of rebuilding our relationship. It is frustrating and agonizing right now--we both want so desperately to be out of here and giving our marriage a chance on our home turf where we used to be so happy together! Our years living in Europe have been a nightmare; how much we'd like to wipe the slate clean! I hope that we will fall into a groove, which will help the loving feelings to return.
But we are plagued by a sense that are attempts are doomed to failure. My H keeps expressing his skepticism, which I think only makes matters worse. Now I am thinking I should set a timeline to measure our progress by (e.g., if after six months the SF doesn't come back, we think hard about divorce). Am I being too negative before I start, or just realistic? I have been hurting now for so many years, and I am feeling so insecure about the whole process.
I would really like to hear from any of you who have been successful at reconciling after a long-term affair and/or after moving away from the OP. What can I expect?
Thanks for any light you can shed on the next part of this crazy journey.
member1326
