After almost 7 years living abroad (and with my H in an affair the last 4), my H and I are about to return to our home in the US. Part of the motivation is to separate my H from the OW, who--thank God for tight immigration control--wouldn't be able to get a visa if she wanted to! Although they still have contact with each other (she phones him and he STILL picks up the phone), he and I are nonetheless attempting to start the process of rebuilding our relationship. It is frustrating and agonizing right now--we both want so desperately to be out of here and giving our marriage a chance on our home turf where we used to be so happy together! Our years living in Europe have been a nightmare; how much we'd like to wipe the slate clean! I hope that we will fall into a groove, which will help the loving feelings to return.

But we are plagued by a sense that are attempts are doomed to failure. My H keeps expressing his skepticism, which I think only makes matters worse. Now I am thinking I should set a timeline to measure our progress by (e.g., if after six months the SF doesn't come back, we think hard about divorce). Am I being too negative before I start, or just realistic? I have been hurting now for so many years, and I am feeling so insecure about the whole process.

I would really like to hear from any of you who have been successful at reconciling after a long-term affair and/or after moving away from the OP. What can I expect?

Thanks for any light you can shed on the next part of this crazy journey.

member1326

Long term affairs and recovery

Member,

Here is a link to a thread on the Recovery board that specifically deals with long term affairs. PW1 and CV55 (I believe) both have experience with attempting to recover their M from LTA's.

In addition, Forever Hers, and 2 long have also dealt with LTA's that have continued contact. You might be able to start a separate thread with their names to see if they have any insight.

Sorry I could not help more. Wishing you the best.

I think the Recovery board is good, too. There are several dealing with LTA's.

By the way, he needs to have no contact with her, before his feelings and readiness to work on the marriage will come back. That means no calls ever again.