My H's A was an answer to prayer that I did not expect. Not that God 'made him do it', because of course God doesn't MAKE us do anything, be it good or bad.

And I do wonder that if I had prayed for that hedge of protection, if I might have become alert to the danger in time to prevent it. I'll never know, but still do not blame myself for the choice of someone else.

As I saw my H wander farther and farther from his faith in God, I prayed many times, "Lord, please do whatever you have to do to save him. Even if he must die, I just want him in heaven. I do not withhold my own life, either. Please just save him."

I did not know that the answer would be, "He will be saved, and neither of you will die, although you might wish for a while that you had."

Most of us would agree that God does not save us against our choices, but the closer we are to rock bottom, the closer we are to reaching out to Him. When we do, He is waiting to pour out heaven's richest blessings on us, and the strength to endure our trials.

I am trying very hard to remember this as more and more anger and resentment begin to surface. (Grima Wormtongue has been busy at my house, too.) God listened patiently (and silently, as far as I could tell) to my prayers for my H's salvation, knowing that the time would come when He would have the opportunity to step in and work, and that the outcome would be a new spirituality in our house.

Most days I remember to be grateful.

OK..I'm missing something here!

Who the heck is GRIMA WORMTONGUE?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

WORMTONGUE - isn't he from Harry Potter???

oh wait that is WORMTAIL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Mimi

the funny thing about this group ... except for me, all are AA members! They know my H from meetings, and one of the women really took a shine to me when we met at an AA social event ... and they invited me in. So we are a SOBER bunch ... one is a lesbian, another is a woman who recently lost 60 pounds and weighs every piece of food on a little scale she brings,another who is a retired movie stunt woman with some good stories to tell, another who is really wealthy, another who is very very political and is married to a politician ... interesting mix.

Grima Wormtongue is from Lord of the Rings. He was the oily creep who worked on the old king of Rohan to perusade him that he was weak and powerless, so that Wormtongue could have the power.

Spot the swot, what?

OH Boy, my daughter would be SOOOO disapointed in me for not knowing that.

i was just being silly by bringing up wormtail.

it's one of those days where you look for any thing to smile about. perhaps no one else smiled, but i did when i wrote it.

my head is being too serious today.

then speak from the other end

LOl

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LOL, that was last night.... i don't know what i ate but, boy was it noisy later, and stinky too.

is that too much info??

i really hate my signature line. but i figure it is helpful to others to "know" who they are talking too.

i need to change it somehow though. anyone want to give suggestions? i still want it to be accurate and informational... i think maybe i just need to shorten it, take out some of the details...

or maybe i need to add a line to the end.... about who i am today.... instead of just showing the past.

i'm only two days from 1yr. i don't know if my BH knows that or not. in either case, I'm going to be nice to myself that day and even nicer to him.

why?

either your points are valid or they aren't

I decided a long time ago not to wear any "recovered betrayed wife" initials behind my name ...



let's make someting up for you

like

FL ... a WIP

"work in progress"

LOL

PRFTA

phoenix rising from the ashes

pep, is crying bad? just that little exchange we had finally put me over the edge and brought tears.

FF says to celebrate the good i have done this past year. look at the it as one complete year since i did a really significant thing by confessing. i've not been anywhere near perfect throughout the year, but i would agree i've done ok.

but it's so hard not to feel so bad about all the destruction i have caused throughout my life. and that feeling is right on the fringe of being too overwhelming for me to keep under control right now.

and i feel so weak for being so fragile so often.

feeling bad only goes so far ... after that has expired it is no longer time to feel bad except for wasting time feeling bad

life is to live

look at your life as a feast

are you going to stick your finger down your throat or are you going to enjoy?

being fragile can be beautiful

like art ...

and all that sounds so fabulous on paper (ok, on this screen) but try asking my BH if he agrees.

although i certainly agree with the part that says, it's a waste of time because it does not accomplish anything constructive. i'll give you that one.

ok, i have to convince myself to stop focusing on my bad, don't i?

no one but me can do that.

FL, I see you as a beautiful flower that is slowly opening up. Or perhaps a butterfly in her cocoon. Fragile but strong.

Hi FF, thanks, i'm heading out for the day. today was an early start due to lab time. going home to do math homework with my son!! kinda a date we seem to be having everyday this year. and i actually have a fun activity planned for tonight, which is good and bad, good cuz it will be fun, kids are coming with, bad cuz it leaves H home on his own, not that he hates it, we just have not had much time together lately.

nite pep, thanks for being around too.

Glad I'm lurking today so that I can see this exchange.

I can totally relate to FinallyLearning's feelings. I have felt this way for a long time.

Pepperband, I like what you said to her. It is what I needed to hear today, too.

This is an interesting thread... the meandering journey it's taken...