Tried more exposier on his end. Called his ex wife and talked to her abou t what I could do to break those two up. She doesnt have a whole lot of help. She did tell me she used to be a alcohol and drug abuse counseler and that was one of the main reasons she left him after fifteen years of there M was his drinking. WW also drinks alot and that is there connection. OM wife did give me some other insight on his controlling behavior with her and her kids from the previous M. That also was another reason she is not there either. She also told me that his parents dont have alot of influence on his life so that is a mute point. But she did did me of a friend of his that has good moral and values so I called his friends wife. Well I talked to her and she wasn't that surprised because of his ways. But as soon as I told her that two little kids are involved she was upset. I told her I am trying to protect me kids and if possible save the M. But my utmost concern is the kids welfare. Well a hour later guess who calls. The OM on my cell phone. He started threaten me that if I dont stop calling his ex wife and stop calling his buddies wife that he is going to have me arrested for harassment. I laughed you cant have me arrested for harassment only those people I talked to. He says you have to let her go. I said bye take her but the kids are staying here. They are not going to live in your house with the boyfriend not happening.

Good work. Now the OM knows he is dealing with a man who has gonads. You won that round.

Cant wait to see WW response to this. I'm sure anger and rage should be her next move. I'll have to try reverse babble for once and see if it works.

WW came home didnt say a whole bunch about anything. She went to nieghbors house and came back and I was talking on the phone. So I go outside to talk so she doesn't hear me. I walk back in house and she said is that your girlfriend. I said what? She said well you said no secrets. I said when you talk on the OM cell phone do I hear your convo. She said thats different. So she goes is that your girlfriend. I said yes it is but do you have any to introduce me to. She said well its gotta be your GF if you wont talk in front of me. I said yes it is, but do you have any to introduce me to. Reverse babble I'm trying to learn. She looked a little confused. I think maybe things are getting to her.

Codq,

Don't play games with her. Admitting you have a girl friend justifies her behavior and may lose you your children. What the heck are you thinking????

If you want to protect your children, the do it. If you want to save your marriage, quit playing games like that. Get the legal stuff done, and then negotiate. Pay attention to your goals here.

God Bless,

JL

sorry just trying to learn reverse babble my fault I didn't do to well.

Wife and myself just got back from family court. Not a big deal judge says we both get temporary shared custody and that wife could move out. Her lawyer said do not move out. Well the WW and myself have come to an agreement. I believe we are going to agree to a legal separation. We both agree we do not want a D. It looks like she is going to agree to giving me primary physical custody with joint legal. The kids will stay with me most of the time but she is their mother and she has all rights to be as long as their not at the OM house till they get use to parents separating. We both agree the kids will have little exposier to the OM for a month or two. Then she will wean them into thier life. Also no drinking around the kids when the kids are over their. She has also made the comment why are you being so nice lately. She said it was like I have something up my sleave. I told her that I cant stop you on doing what you think you have to do. I figured if we part on good terms that you can walk away saying that he was very nice to me even though everything I put him through. She apoligized for the A and said she was sorry. She also told that she should of did things differently and the outcome probably would have been different. I said I have to let you go and I hope you are happy. As far as the OM house and trust as far as the kids protection she said you are going to have to trust me. I then replied well this is were we begin on the trust issue. She said right. This is were we start as far as trusting me to do the right thing later on when the kids get more introduced to the OM and that environment. She then replied that I have to trust you that you dont bring me back in court for child support because the first month or two they will be living with you. She said you can turn around and haul me back in court and say the kids are with me seven days aweek and not with their mom. I said I will not do that because you are not taking the kids in the OM house right away. She said I am trusting you that you wont do that. I reassured her that wont happen.
I'm trying to leave the door open for her so she does feel trapped. I think at this point I have protected the well being of the kids, also the well being of my M. I trying to finish plan a on a good note with the eventual plan b on her leaving to go live with the OM. Any other advice or ideas I should do along with the letter.

I still plan A this till she leaves. I am constintly getting mixed feeling from her. She will say well when or if I move out. OR she will say when I come over to get the kids on the bus do you want me to do this. She is still in the house the separation papers are still getting hashed out. I've been plan a ing her to death and she feels alot more at ease. We actually get along better than we have in awhile. I'm would love to know what she is thinking inside. I know she is still seeing the OM. She has put more shade on it and doesn't rub it in my nose but she still leaves early to go to work and I know where she is going but I don't say a word except drive safe.

Sorry pal but I can not give this to you sugar coated.
You ned to answer 2 question here to yourself.
1. Do you want to end this affair?
2. Do you want your wife and family back?

Do not ask your lawyer what you should do. You tell him what you want and how do we go about this.
If you want your wife back you neeed to destroy this affair once and for all. You put so much pressure upon this piece of trash that he dumps your wife like a hot rock.
Find out if you can sue him for his part in the affair. This is now legal in some states. He does not have a leg to stand on with you. It is not harassment. His friends will even bail on him if the pressure gets to greta on them. When you take your wife to court again you make sure the seperation is for adultery aznd nothing more. If you have enough proof you start to pull in witnesses that you know will not lie.
You are making this way to easy for her. Agrere to nothing with her.
When you crush her affair she will be plenty angry. Roll with it!
Make it so damn uncomfortable that he bails. He will and will move on to his next victim!
Crush it by whatever means possible.
Good luck!

Well just got back from court today. The separation papers had to get rewritten. We both went in the same car together to court. This coust date is a continuation from me filing the D. These court procedings keep going till we sign the separation papers which should be soon. We talked on the way home today and she said," My lawyer said that if we agree on these papers that I could move out today." I said if that makes you happy then you do what you have to do. Well she is still here tonight. Must not be that big of a hurry! I did talk to her tonight, she said probably the weekend. This should get interesting to see the kids reaction. She did tell the kids tonight that she planned in moving out to the OM house. She told them that the will be over there some of the time but other times with daddy here in your house. Now keep in mind that I'm the primary care resident of my kids and she is not. She is going to live with the OM in HIS house and she is signing over OUR house to ME with the kids. She will see the kids fri,sat,sun. We also agreed no over nights at HIS house for awhile. Our counslor said to introduce the kids at short intervals at first. I don't like having our kids over there any more then the next person but the agreements and separation is better then a D right know. Coming time for plan b going to be a little rough at first. I hope all this works out for the best. I have reread and reread SAA and love must be tough. Just trying to follow their steps on this. I know I did a decent plan A had a few LBs in there at the beginning, but I think I turned alot back around. We talk more now then we have in a long time with no anger or disrespectful judgements. She even said to me today that she doesn't understand why you are so nice to me. What do you have up your sleeve? I just say nothing and smile. The fog is still thick...

Well the ww moved out today plan b going in affect. Gave her the letter and said goodbye. We have kids together so I told her the contact has to be at the minimum kids, finances and thats it. It hurt but you have to let them go. Just taking day by day.

Well she had the kids this weekend over the OM house with her. Both kids wanted to stay over there so lets let reality kick in. She brought the kids home Sunday at seven and my D9 started crying. I asked ww what is going on she replied she wants me to stay here with all of us. I replied did you explain to her that you live over there with the OM. She said NO! I then told the ww what are you going to do. she said I'll talk to her. I replied these problems that are being caused are from your decisions that you made. So the ww goes what do you want me to do stay here with you for the kids. I replied absolutely NOT. You made you choices now you need to go back home. I'll pick the pieces off the floor. I'll have a talk with her and try to calm her down. The ww left and if I didn't know any better she probably felt like s***. Oh well I wasn't happy about the crying with my D9 but the ww needs to see reality. I will say one thing I have got to try and do a better plan b. With kids it is tough. With sports and school conferences.