Eibrab, while I feel for you as a BW trying to deal with an OC as well...I have to say this statement pains me. Yes, if she was told not to she should not have had another child but say what kind of life will this child have? I am the mother of a severely handicapped son. My son is happy. He knows no evil. He knows no sorrow. He loves without boundaries. I am truly blessed by my son. You may be surprised if this little girl does have CP how much of a blessing she is/will be.

I didn't mean to offend you, the OC in my life is a boy.

I maintain that I do think the quality of life is compromised for all here. My COM have suffered, I have suffered, her poor son already has a mother consumed by a handicapped child and now will have even less of her time..and why ? because she didn't listen to people who have knowledge. I have knowledge of what she went through with her COM and that she was told no more children.

That is what I meant.

Again, DNA was done. My H is self-employed and has his own policy for health insurance. I did call to make sure this was legal within the company. It does bother me.

The NC is due to the OW and her H's wishes, supposedly, though I am confident that my H wants NC as well.

I am sorry if I am offensive, but the ONLY justification that the OW and my H offered was that we all will be blessed with a healthy child out of this and that will make the suffering worthwhile.

Forgive me, I don't have conclusive proof, as no one thinks I matter here ( in my life, not this board) but the above paragraph makes this all seem worse, now, don't you think?

I appreciate the comments.

Eibrab

Eibrab, I was not offended just wanted to point out a different POV to you. I am also a BW dealing with an OC sit. Although we are in the D process right now as my WH refuses to stop being wayward. Well, to give him credit he does try and has not seen OW for a bit but C is constant which hurts me too much. Plus I cannot seem to get past the fact that he lied to me to attend OC's birth and he signed the BC behind my back and then lied to me about it.

FF...

You need a hug as much as I do :-)


Eibrab

Then do you not see the hypocricy of a BW denying medical records to the OW if an xMM is the father?
That's my point. She is no more entitled to OC's medical records as an OW is entitled to an xMM's medical records.

It seems that rules tend to change as they benefit certain individuals now don't they?

"FamilyFirst" TornInTexas, I am not bitter. I have since remarried my boyfriend (of four years) and we are living happily in NC. He is a wonderful father and husband.

I had to comment on this thread because recently in this forum there was a big debate about giving an OW medical records. It's interesting how that stance changes when it's a BW who wants the medical records. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

"I had to comment on this thread because recently in this forum there was a big debate about giving an OW medical records. It's interesting how that stance changes when it's a BW who wants the medical records"

I would believe that any mother is entitled to her child's bio-father's medical records.

I wish you had chosen someone else to demonize. I remain on a quest to find out if the OC in my life is healthy or not, no matter what you think.

Eibrab

So can you call OW and ask her about the medical diagnosis?If xMM and his W were interested in my OC's health, I would let them know.

I wasn't demonizing you, as an individual, I was using your situation to make a point about the hypocricy that goes on here. I'm sorry for that.

To be honest, I've read all of your post on the website that referred you here. I think if you and your H want C, then you should take the legal measures to do so. You like NC, I've read your posts. You are NC right now because you are satisfied with NC, not because the OW is keeping your H from his child. He has a legal path he can take to get visitation if that is what he wanted.

We have NC because that was what was decided without my input. I do like it as that means I do NOT have to deal with the scum of a human being that the OW in my life is.

If I want to know the health status of the OC, I think it is my right. I don't remember asking for medical records. This is my COM's half-sibling.

I do believe my H is ok with NC, too.. he hasn't said otherwise to me.

If I have the knowledge that would make me be able to say "I told you so" to these stupid individuals that chose to do this.. (regarding the prospect of having a special needs child), than the blundering "wrongness" of me ACTUALLY saying that would pale in comparison to what my H and this OW did.

Just knowing is enough for me. I was smart enough to keep my mouth shut at times when other women would not have.

Eibrab

Legally it is not your right. I believe it is your (and your family's) ethical right, but it is not a legal right especially since your H has no legal rights to the OC at this point in time.

If you want legal rights to the OC, you must go to court, legally establish paternity, legally establish visitation (if any) and legally establish CS. Until then, E, unfortunately you have no rights to the OC or any information and that includes medical.

Have you tried calling the OW for information about OC's health?

Why is your husband keeping info from you regarding the OC? Have you even aske your H anything?

Why are you not on your husband's health insurance?
Is this a policy he took out exclusively for OC?

I know an insurance policy that said if the H or W on the policy were not taking the children listed on the policy to the hosp they would have to have a special form filled out and ID would have to be put in a file on the policy for the other adult to be authorized to sign for procedures.... I just wanted to see if you and your husband had the same sort of policy going.

there are forms yuo can fill out so all eob go to the parents who actually takes care of the child,so you can really be nc. just call the insurance company the papers are easy to do

Cordelia... it is not that sort of policy. I am not on the health insurance policy. I have my own through a work related venture that suits me well, but is for me solely.

Whatif..I wish I had known that before, then I might not even know that this OC is having OT at 4 months of age. It really stresses me out that this child may not be healthy. It just adds insult to injury.

I'm am sure that I am not supposed to care. I've been treated in this whole thing as if I am not allowed to care. But, I do.

I am sure that the health insurance costs less than CS would, and by them not applying for CS from my H, then they can control what rights he has as long as he doesn't push for any.

He isn't pushing for any.... he says he doesn't want to "rock the boat"..if she can have a happy life with her H, then why would he mess that up?

I smell something as well, but the timing just hasn't been right to do alot of asking. I know alot of people would disagree and ask away.. but I think healing need be done first.

Thank you all for your comments. I am still wondering if anyone would know why a 4 month old would be having OT - occupational therapy.

Eibrab

STOP STOP STOP STOP RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG


GET A LAYWER NOW. These 1/2 assed side deals always fail. ALWAYS.

You need to speak to an attorney in your state and learn all about child support and how it pertains to you and such. Learn about legal separations, having all real property quit claimed to you, child support set up for your children, alimony, etc. THEN go to court and have them set up everything above board and legal.

The insurance deal screams at me. Why on earth should your husband pay dime one to a child that he is told nothing about? If the OW and her H want to raise this child, so be it, but it has to be done legally. They adopt or they start dealing with you two legally. You want that information? Have your laywer, with the copy of the DNA, etc. head to any judge in the land and you will have that info pronto.

Any adult that would have the senseless foolery to birth yet another handicapped child, KNOWING she shouldn't have anymore is not dealing with a full deck. You are letting this moron have control over your financial future. STOP IT.

Does your husbands policy have a family maximum? Is it possible that it is financially more advantageous to THEM to have that insurance? What happens if a medical disaster befalls your family and the insurance is limited since it was used up by that child?????? GET THIS DONE LEGALLY. You may be able to get it set up like we did, meaning 50% and no more. If the bill was $1,000.00 our insurance was only billed for $500.00 of that bill. That is where a good laywer will save you money.

GET THE LAWER.

Also, ignore Cheerfull, as you can tell, she is an STOW who comes on here and lashes out at any BW she can.

I believe in everything you have all said. I truly do.

H doesn't buy any of it. Says this is the deal... and we should wait and see what happens.

I have no rights do I?


I appreciate your views,

Eibrab

You get your own attorney to protect your own rights and the rights of your child. You can leave your husband out of the "deal" just like he's left you out of his. That way, YOU are protected from Mr. Naivety!

All you have to do to be convinced of OW's attitude toward right and wrong is to read the vitrol in Cheerful Little One's comments. To her, you have NO rights. That's right. And the OW in your situation believes the very same thing.

So cover yourself!

You dont feel or should I say your Husband does not feel that the potential for this strange woman to come after your household assets and childrens stability GIVES YOU NO RIGHTS TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON?

Let me get that one straight this WILL affect you and your children I am sorry but seems like if you are in the picture living as man and wife and family, YOU need to know what can come along to distroy or adversely affect you and your family.

I would tell my Husband if he still wants to play single unattached man then get the heck out... actually I did when he didnt want to tell me what was going on in order 'not to hurt me' please being in the dark made me feel like he continued to disrespect me further.

Cordelia, I need help. Could you please bear with me for a few words?

Maybe communication is my problem as well. We cannot have a civil conversation about any of this, therefore we do not discuss it. The few times I have tired, he gets very nervous, and the few times it has come up in an argument, he's gotten violent.

I need to stress here that I am not some "victim". I am an intelligent, well-minded indiviual stuck in a horrible situation.

Things are good for me, honest. H treats my COM and I FAR better than he ever has. We are, for once, a family. Except for this. It hurts so bad, and I think I am the one who can't just "drop it".

The OW and my H were so very mean and disrespectful of me for so very long and now to think that their justification in all of this (having a healthy child) isn't even true, just adds insult to injury.

Are there any threads to help?

I feel so lost, yet at the same time so thankful for the changes.

Blessings,

Eibrab

It appears that you need a lawyer for more than just financial protection then. If there is a threat of physical violence for facing down a conflict, then you have more problems than just a FOW.

This concerns me a lot. Can you define "gotten violent"? At you, at the wall, at the family china, at the dog???


I can appreciate that you feel strong, you seem strong. BUT I'm worried for you that you can't express your true feelings to him about OC and the situation w/o feeling like he will get angry and act out.

I didn't mean to turn this into a thread of concern for my physical safety. Truly. And that isn't denial speaking.

Hasn't anyone been in this type of ordeal where it wasn't discussed? Anyone?

Eibrab