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On the other hand WW seems genuinely repentent and eager to get our M on a better track. If she's deceiving me again it's a remarkable job of deception. Believe me, I know why she is suddenly repentent. She is horrified at herself right now.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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gotta run now; back later tonight. thx to all.
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What does it mean? Is this kind of change common in 45 yo women? Stupid q: could it be a midlife crisis or onset of menopause? Remember how you were when you were 18?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Her panties are missing, she has no idea how. I suspect her colleague D.O. had something to do with that. Told WW I would not be intimate with her until she gets tested for STDs.
Also; I asked why no intercourse with OM? Answer: because he was unable to maintain the necessary status long enough. But he always had condoms. Doesn't have the ring of truth.
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Did she have sex with her coworker?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Told WW I would not be intimate with her until she gets tested for STDs. Thank you for being responsible for your health and setting a great example for all of us BS who struggle with this. Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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doctors... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Wow foam is not very protective of her reagarding preg and STD's she must be nutz to have an affair with that....
Get rid of her. The lyer and cheater.
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doctors... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> LOL, how did I know you'd take a "rolling eyes" exception to that comment.....Liike clockwork...Lol. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> P.S. Texas sucks (they ruined my football pool tonight) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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TEXAS SUCKS?? Where is Justuss!!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WW says she doesn't know what she did last night. Doesn't know who brought her home, or even whether she took the train instead. But I spoke with her colleague, who said he'd dropped her in our driveway and watched her walk into the house.
But then how did the items fall out of her purse several houses away, and why were her shoes and jacket lying by the road in front of our house, and why are her panties missing. This does not fit. Yes I think she had sex with her coworker last night, in his car on our street, while extremely drunk. WW says she is not sure if she did or not. I take that to mean yes she did. Then her colleague apparently let her stumble around the street puking and falling down. She got a black eye somehow but doesn't know how. I hope he didn't hurt her!
[ Do not even think I struck her. Never have and never will. Do NOT go there! ]
Also OM, who is NOT her coworker, probably had sex with her several times during their A. If he could not maintain, then why did he have condoms.
Obviously WW is really confused right now. Could she have some sort of chemical imbalance? Is it common for a 45yo wife and mother of two to flip out like this and act like an irresponsible college girl away from home for the first time?
Even at the basic human level, and even if I'd never met her, I would want to get her some help. As would any of us. How can I get my W some help?
me: BH 53 WW: 48 Md 16 yrs
A#1 start May'05, WW told me June'05 but would not say OMs identity. Aug'05 found out OM ident. Sep'05 exposure & NC. In-house separation, D threats+attorney.
Oct'05 one-night stand with OM2
Oct'05 WW started A with OM3. Dec'05 Dday and NC.
Dec'05 I consulted D attorney. Late Dec'05 back in the masterBR. Recovering.
Late'07 started seeing OM1 again. Says 'its just lunch'. Yeah right.
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wnh, she does need lots of help, but I doubt her problems stem from a physical ailment, but rather a crisis of character brought on by an affair. She is acting like a fogged out WS who has crossed a line that should have never been crossed. Hopefully, these latest events have scared her enough to motivate her to stop. Because you can't make her stop, wnh. The best you can do is protect yourself and your children from her destructive behavior.
I would also point out that in order for recovery to ever take place she will have to leave that job. She can't recover if she still works there. But that suggestion might give her great relief at this point after the way she has acted with her coworkers.
Have you considered counseling with the Harley's? I think that her current IC is causing enormous damage to your marriage by encouraging your W to be entitlement minded.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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good advice...call omw.
I am for sure about one thing here...she is unfaithful...question here is with whom? is it coworker, was she out for random sex? is it with om?
finding out what direction her head is in might be good now. I always belive to know thy enemy...and a ws is the enemy...the wife is NOT.
again, good advice to get all info out when she is repentant.
but again, please remember that a ws will not cough up all the dirt...they are still in self fulfillment mode.
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Melody I would just point out that OM does not work with WW - he's in the same industry and they met at an industry convention in another city. The company connection is just whatever happened two nights ago.
Justpeachy it's heartbreaking to read your sig lines. Very sorry.
WW has made a kind of transition in going from an isolated A to looking for casual sex in bars. To me that seems like some sort of cry for help.
Not sure any MC or IC will help her. Maybe WW needs psychiatric help? Medical tests for chemical imbalance? Hormonal onset-of-menopause tests?
Maybe she NEEDS me to file for D, just to see that this is real life not some sort of college frat party. But I really don't want to consider that option. I really want to keep the M together.
Has anyone tried an intervention? It might be possible to get together a group of people who have known her for 30 or 40 years. It would be risky though; it would obviously require doing massive exposure to very long-term family friends; far far beyond what is usually discussed in these forums.
Does anyone have any experience with such an interventions?
I suppose our group MC at church - which we plan to start Thursday - could be considered a sort of intervention.
Would love to hear your thoughts.
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wnh, the first thing I would do is call Steve Harley and let him assess your situation. I do understand that OM #1 does not work with her, but OM #2 does. And I suspect he is the OM #2.
I am having a hard time accepting that she has become a bar ho. Women, regardless of their hormones, are not usually driven by the SEX ACT, but by emotions. That is not something that could be had in a one night stand with a pick up. In fact, the idea of sex with a stranger is revolting to most women.
Have you called the OMW yet to compare notes?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Will do soon. I'm sure the other night was with her colleague rather than OM. Because when I called her cell phone her colleague picked it up.
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I suspect you are absolutely right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> How are you holding up?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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OR......could she have met the OM some place and coworker drove her there and acted as her cover? That might explain why her actions don't match his claim of driving her to her door...
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well I've learned not to trust or believe what WW says. I'll certainly check into it further.
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Mel you were right, the remorse seems to have subsided with the hangover. Not exactly back to belligerent, but significantly less cooperative.
Tomorrow is her IC session. I dread tomorrow night when she comes home with a new weekly list of 'boundary' nonnegotiable demands. Group MC 3 days later.
Last edited by weneedhelp; 10/30/05 08:50 PM.
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