I've got mixed emotions about this one, so any advice is appreciated.

A coworker had an affair last summer that his wife thinks is over and they are on a shaky new start, the OW has moved away too. However, by accident, I found out that the OW will be in a city nearby next week, and this coworker and her are planning to meet at a hotel.

Having been through this myself my honest reaction is to shove him out a window. If it were me, I'm not sure I would want to have someone call me to tell me this news, but I sure would want someone to try and stop him.

I don't know him well enough to talk to him. Should I:
1) mind my own business and pray?
2) call his wife anonmyously?
3) send him an anonmyous note?
4) send his boss a note?

The thought of his wife being betrayed like this is making me sick, but if you advise minding my own business, I will do so!

Susie
recovering BS

I personally would chose option #2, but I'd make darn sure it was done anonmyously. Pay phone or something.

Aye, that or an anoymous note with the name/date/room number of the motel meeting, telling her what you know and suggest that she simply 'show up' at the room in time to catch them.

I would take it a step further, talk to the coworker and explain how you and H are recovering from infidelity, and it looks like he and his W are trying to work things out. That you had heard info that he was going to continue the A and how disrespectful, shameful, and hurtful that was.

Then I would call his W and after telling her, explain what you had told him too...

I would do what SHMI suggested, only I would reverse the order. I would call the W first and then have the chat with the coworker so the coworker wouldn't have an opportunity to pre-empt me.

Add to this...give the BW the link here so we might help her. And suggest a few of the books (SAA, ENs, etc).

In His arms.

I would call her and let her know WH's plans. Encourage her to come here first to prepare her plan A, then catch them at hotel.

I wish like everything that my WH's buddy would have told me what was going on so I could have protected myself and had a plan. A lot of damage was done after d-day since I just didn't understand the dynamics.

Let's put it this way, if I weren't sure enough of my facts to come forward without speaking anonymously (or sending anonymous notes), I wouldn't tell. If I were sure enough of my facts to reveal everything I knew, including who I am and how I know, as well as the name(s) of my sources, then I would tell.

I would call BW first - I would also telll her OW name and phone number -if OW is married. I wish someone had told me -my WH kept me guessing for ever until I found out. You are doing the right thing. She needs to know. Coming here for help is a super thing for her.

I found this website and even though it deals primarily with breaking bad news to children and teens, it does have some general rules that may apply to your situation:
Breaking Bad News-skylight

While I understand your empathy for the BW, I would stay away from the situation. You would be getting yourself in the middle of a very bad situation.

If you do get involved, I suspect the end result will be that you will be blamed for all the ills that befall the BW, WH and OW.

Susie,

I have and I did. I walked away from a 14 year friendship until my female friend( OW) abandons the R with her now divorcing physician "friend". I told her that I would like to continue our relationship but that would not include any activities with her new beau.

Her choice was the new man in her life. I sent her Dr Dobson's and Dr Pittman's books but I don't know if she has read them or simply tossed them away.

I would probably call the wife and say something like, I know the difficulties you have been going through and can sympathize because I have been going through something similar. I know if someone knew something that could help me I would want to know and that is why I am calling you. A conversation was overheard where your husband is possibly planning to contact the OW and I just wanted to make you aware. I know it if we me I would want to know before things got out of hand.

It's better to stop it before it happens than to let it happen.

Send his wife a note (annon if preferred) with the logistics of their planned hotel meeting. She deserves to know her husband is still in cheating mode.

I wouldn't alert him as it won't cause him to quit. He'll just get sneakier next time.

I would tell, his W should not be led on to believe everything is fine. I know that the OW my H had the affair with will be coming back, but yet don't know when, it's like your life is on the edge when you hear news like that. It brings back so many things, but yet we are going to counceing, so I'm praying that when she gets back in town and tries to even contact him, he will not even respond to her. He has been honest with me so far about things, so I think that's why you should tell everything that you know, to prevent even more hurt.

I would want to know. If I was the one disclosing, I would want to do it annon so I didn't become the target for the fallout. However, if I was on the receiving end and received an annon tip, I would forever feel like everyone in the world knew and was talking about it behind my back. I would feel like a fool. No easy answer.

Question: How exactly does this type of information get "leaked"? I'm sure the married man did not discuss it at the water cooler. I wonder if the OW let it slip hoping it would get back to the wife and drive a wedge in their marriage.

Shattered,

You said: [color:"blue"] However, if I was on the receiving end and received an annon tip, I would forever feel like everyone in the world knew and was talking about it behind my back. I would feel like a fool. No easy answer.[/color]

I don’t know about you but that’s how I felt about it anyhow.

I would expose it myself. It would probably be anonymously at that.

I wish someone would have anonymously exposed to me. Maybe it wouldn’t have been the full Monty that it turned out to be.

Make a note out of clipped out letters from magazines. Hehe.

Plank.

I can't really say what "I would do", as I would have to feel confident that I had all the facts, but I can say what I would want if it were my FWH & his OW. I would want the information on the whereabouts of the rendezvous so I could be there to see it with my own eyes. At initial discovery, I probably couldn't have handled it, but now I'm much more wise than I was 18 months ago aka my former life.

Tell. Lots of good suggestions here as to how.

No one should have to endure the pain that we have/are.
No one should have to live blindly.

This is just too much like my situation, which area are you in if you don't mind me asking. The on my H had an A with is coming back to the area, just wandering.