<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Kim,
I am sooooo happy for you. You set your boundaries up, you stuck to them, and you didn't give in. It worked!!

Good luck!

MEEEELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUUU????

Thanks Shattered!! But, again I am not going to get too excited or get my hopes up.

I need ACTION!! No Contact letter.

Kim

Well Kim, that might be good news, or it might not. I know you know never to listen to what they say, but watch what they do.

A good starting point is the NC letter. If they refuse to do that, or say it is pointless, then you know they are not that interested in recovery yet.

Then there needs to be a plan in place for recovery. It must include how they are going to avoid contact, and also their agreement to be an open book.

If you get that far, I would be sure to let him know that this can be overcome with a little work, and you can move on. Let him know that you would like a marriage that is much better than before, and this is very possible.

Believer -

Thanks! I think with WH the NC would be avoided with him quitting his job(although now they don't work at the same location, it is still key), getting rid of his work phone, changing his cell phone number and changing our home phone number.

I would like to move, but I don't think WH would go for that

Kim

It sounds promising Kim! But keep your guard up...look for his actions! NC letter is a small task but it means so much even more if he won't do it. Him doing those things start conversation...it doesn't mean he moves back homw when he hand you the letter. DO NOT let him come home too soon!!!!Your plan B is working beautifully stay dark until you see and believe his actions.I'm so proud of you!!

Lemonman is gonna be feasting on crow for a while! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey, Kim. About that dance class... have you ever considered bellydance? Don't laugh, it's not the dance for the sultan they show in the movies! It's more about the celebration of womanhood. Traditionally, it's a dance done by women for women, and some say it was a way to prepare women for childbirth. I've been doing it for a year now, and let me tell you, it is so much fun.

Think about it... it would be something totally new you could do for yourself. You don't need a partner, and it's a great way to get some much-needed female bonding (one of my favorite parts about it is that I have made some amazing new friends). Besides, just imagine what WH would think about that! The classes I've been in have been diverse... all ages and all sizes. The women in my troupe range from a teenager to a grandmother. We have a great time.

Because it's getting popular, you should be able to find a class pretty easily. I know here in my town, there are at least three places to take it, soon to be four.

Sounds like fun...when I was little I wanted to be a bellydancer and live in a cat house. (I just thought it was a place with a lot of cats)

Confused - I plan on staying dark til I get that letter. Way back, before Plan B, WH said he wanted to work on our M. I asked him for a NC letter back then & he wouldn't. Said "it would be cruel to OW. She already had enough crap thrown at her." I will not back down on the letter at all.

If I do get the letter, then what? Have him still live away and go out on dates? It seems like it would be better to have him move back......I don't want to do this wrong though, so I am going to stick with ya'lls advice.

SadMommy - I've read your posts and see how much you have been enjoying your belly dancing. I have thought about that and am betting that I could find something here too. I would love to make some new women friends!

Kim

LOL, confused.

For me, the dancing really gives me confidence. I mean, come on... what kind of guy would leave a bellydancer, especially for a trashy OW?! Obviously there's something wrong with him.

Of course, I hear that OW calls my class "gut slinging." She's just jealous, though.

grrrrrrrrrrr, I just lost a very long post!!! Oh well. Kim, I think you have the right idea about not letting him back too soon. Make him do all the work and make him CONVINCE you a) it is over and b) he is SINCERE about his committment to the marriage.

MOST WS' make noises about coming back when Plan B becomes painful. However, they are only committed to easing their pain, not to recovering the marriage. I suspect your H is having a tough time being homeless just before Christmas and that might be what has brought this on.

But let me warn you, taking a WS back before they are serious is a mission to ******. And they harder to get out the second time around! So don't even take that chance.


Also, I don't believe he hasn't talked to OW since November. And he sure doesnt indicate that he has ended things, only that "she won't talk to him." Hardly the words of a man who wants to repair his marriage.

Just let us help you navigate this, ok, Kim? We know how to squeeze him to make SURE you get the best deal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Most definitely ML! So, sit and wait for a NC letter? I know HE has to end it. Just b/c she won't return his calls doesn't mean it is over.

WH did tell Sara that he knew we would have to work on the time issue(hence him getting a different job so he would have decent hours with family and weekend time). She told him that he is lucky that I have been so patient and that right now the door is open. She told WH that he better take action while the door was still open.

Once I get the NC letter I will let you know. Then will move to the next step....which is? dating? waiting to see what his actions show me?

Yep, being homeless for Christmas is going to be hard. You guys, please don't let me go mushy and let him home before it's time.

It will also be hard for me to keep him out during Christmas, but if the time's not right, it's not right!

Kim

Haha - Listen to Mel. She helped me avoid the pre-Christmas "recovery". My WH refused to write the NC letter - said it would hurt the OW and be pointless. That told me where his heart was.

Don't let him rush you. Tell him you want to be sure that the marriage can be better than before, that you are not willing to settle.

I know exactly what you mean! But please oh please believe me that taking a WS back before they are ready is much harder!! It is ******!! It is the kind of thing that can doom your marriage for good when you get your hopes up just find out the WS was not ready and you have to have your face rubbed in the affair again.

That is why I am asking that you let us help you make an objective decision about this so your emotions don't lead you to a terrible decision.

But yes, dating and doing things together for awhile is the best way to test his sincerity.

Believer, you feisty girl, you! I will never forget how - when he moved in on you - you went down and got that court order and said "you're outta here!!" lol

Yep Mel, and the weird thing is that I was AT WORK. WH called after a couple of months of no contact and said he was in the process of moving back in. This was 3 days before Christmas!

Being a faithful MB person, I came here (while still at work) and was told NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It turned out that he refused to write the NC letter, and even told me he was moving back in, and THEN would get rid of OW.

YIKES! When I think about all of the pain I would have gone through AGAIN, it just gives me shivers. He was very sweet on the phone, but when I made him move out, his true colors showed.

That's why I think that if a BS talks a little to a spouse wanting to come home, and asks for a few safeguards, the truth will come out.

counseling needs to be a requirement to even get his foot near the door. let him go initially and then join him.

Thanks for the posts - Believer, I DO NOT want to go through a False Recovery and have to go deal with the A & making him move back out. I don't think I can handle that & I definitely don't want DS to go through that either. That would be awful to have his Daddy move home and then get booted out again.

I will post here if I get anymore indications that he wants to reconcile. I will wait patiently for a No Contact letter. The pain from his actions this past summer is still too fresh in my mind to settle for less than that.

I am STILL trying not to get my hopes up. I find it hard to believe that he is even thinking about me and DS. Part of me thinks that this is a cruel little joke. But I know that Sara would not have said these things to me if she didn't feel WH was serious. Sara did say that she almost didn't tell me this info.....I told her that I knew it was just a positive change and I wasn't going to get too excited about it. I will believe it when I see it. Right now, I will continue on with my Plan B attitude -

Kim

Well Miss Kim, if you hear from him just take it very slow. You will be able to tell if he is serious. You hold all of the cards now. If he starts telling YOU the conditions, you will know where his heart is.

Continue on with your life and wait for actions.

This worked: from Bosh's thread!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

Kim, regarding the dance classes, this is a great place.

http://www.spruillarts.org/Courses/dance.htm It's right in Dunwoody and OTP. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />