I Think I am starting to understand how to state my boundaries. At least I hope so.

We hung out with his friends/our neighbors last night. We had a good time. H even paid me attention. This morning before I left for work he told me that he loved me.

Then when I talk to him this afternoon, it seems that something is bothering him, He probably talked or went to see OW.

Also OW told my husband that I called her husband Sunday. Which was a lie. I stopped talking to OW husband a month ago because he decided to file for separation. I told this to H and he said "why would OW tell me that you did?" I said "because she wants you mad at me, I don't like these games she is playing". H says "i agree".

Anyways, hanging out with the other couples last night made me feel a little depressed and lonely. I remember when me and my H were like them and its sad to me. Also i know that they know what is going on, and they are ok with it.

I did see a letter from H mom that was asking him to realize what he is giving up, and the pain that he is causing his family. So I guess this is good.

H has another late night dinner tonight. It seems he has a work dinner every week, very odd that this only started since the A. He is still in contact with OW but he his become very good at hiding his tracks. Leaves his cell phone off, even takes it with him to the bathroom, and if she does leave him a message h deletes it right away. Well theres a couple messages he did not delete soon enough. OW left him a message the other day that said "I just wanted to see how you were feeling, how your stomach was, and to tell you the guy from Panama called me, how do you like that?". Ok I am trying to figure out what this is all about?

Anyway I am thinking of doing a girls night out tomarrow. I told H this and he said "well what do you want from me", and I said "to babysit". He said "where would I go on a Friday night?" ha ha ha ha ha! last friday night he was with OW!. I am thinking at staying at my friends house and not coming home. When asked where I was I will use his line "I slept on the side of the rode". He has had many guys nights out but this will be my frist ever girls night out.

What do you think?

Sounds like game playing to me. You can do better than that.

Read about plan A and B...again, if you've already done so.

Decide what your boundaries are and stick with them.

Trying -

If you'd like to go out to treat yourself "FOR REAL" I don't see any problem with doing that. If you feel like you need a slight break from the drama of the A.....

My WH used to take his cell phone with him to the bathroom too. UGH.

Continue to listen to the great advice from the experts here. They will guide you in the right direction. I know it made you feel good to have your H tell you that he loved you, but don't let your guard down. He is still involved in the A & still in the FOG.

Get strong.

Kim

Are you doing PLAN A?

If so, not a good idea to spend the night out...

This is about FIGHTING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE...

A WS will use this in his mind for further justification of his own A..

You are wanting to communicate that you "want to work on your marriage"...

A GIRL'S NIGHT OUT does not communicate that..

Requesting A NIGHT OUT or IN with HIM would....

I know H is still in contact with OW but he his getting good at hiding his tracks....

Yesterday he asked me when we got some extra money if he could get a new wedding ring that he saw a ring he really like(me thinking what is he doing looking at wedding rings)

I find myself questioning and assuming things about everthing he does

Last night while he was at "work dinner" I had a good long talk with one of our neighbors/his friends. She told me that none of his friends know who he is anymore. That when they met the OW they did not talk to her and that their impression of OW was that she was sleezy....

I called H around 12:30 a.m last night and said "I have to get up and go to work at 0530, so if you could be home by then it would be really helpful". So he calls me back around 1:00 a.m and says "where do you think I am? The bars close at 2:00 a.m, where would I be till 0530?" (me thinking out with OW like you have done before) My reply "I just wanted to make sure you were going to be home to watch DS".

H comes home, kisses me, we cuddle

I sent H an email today and told him I would rather spend the eveing with him then on a girls night out.

If H does not come home by a reasonable time I am dropping DS off at my parents and going forward with my girls night out.

It may not be time for me to plan B just yet....

But I would really like to see H hit rock bottom....

Without me I believe he would come close.......

If he leaves me I will fight for everything but his motorcycle and company car...

No one to do his laundry, handle his finances, make his doctors appointments, clean up after him, loyally waiting for him when he comes home.......

OW says she only dates guys who make alot of money, wonder if she knows how much money he really makes, and if she would still want him if she knew.... especially after he has to pay me child support

I feel like I have been carrying him the past 7 years and I am getting tired...

What my H did by choosing to have an A was totally WRONG of course..

However, I did learn this about MYSELF...

I don't know if this is true for you or not...

I learned not to be SELF-RIGHTEOUS..I became HUMBLED...

I was asked by Steve Harley himself..

"What makes you think that you are always right? WHAT CAN YOU DO DIFFERENTLY?"..How did you contribute to this situation?

I would say FOCUS ON YOURSELF and not on wanting to HURT HIM...

I haven't turned back from my viewpoint of taking a LOOK AT MYSELF FIRST..knowing that I CAN ONLY CHANGE AND WORK ON MYSELF....

That's my viewpoint....

Just sharing with you...

MiMi,

thanks for reminding me of this, it was being self-righteous that was one of my problems before

Last night H told me he wanted to go to the bar. I told H I did not do my girls night out because I wanted to spend time with him, so he didn't go

This morning I find text messages on his phone from last night from OW asking him to meet her at a bar, saying "I am being bad, you need to be here" and "are you coming" and I found two voice messages that said " I had a good time I wish you had been home with me,Ilove you" and "your the only guy I want". There was a text message from this morning that said "goodmorning honey, I love you".

So my question is, should I confront H?

Also My friend suggessted I call OW and tell her how he still tells me he loves me, still sleeps in my bed etc etc..
what do you think? Bad idea?

Thank you

Trying

set a time limit for plan a.

let your wh know that you are aware of this.

let wh know that you are not good with it.

expose to ow if she is married...to her h. or to her family if she is a single golddigger.

and yes, you may ask her if she loves him for who he is...and that he's not the rich playboy of fantasy...

I would probably leave the sewer rat ow to herself though. all you'd get are lies, hurtful words, and spin...and she's gonna spin anything you say to wh.

I'd expose to wh...

and I'd do a good a.

and I would keep it up...and then I would go very dark.

Please be careful if she is sleeping with your h. You do NOT know what this woman is or who she has slept with and she could by virtue of your ws, give you an std.

I am just seeing a very ws...who is going and coming and he has no guilt about it...or consequences.

Last night I got H to give me his cell phone. I told him when OW called I was going to answer the phone and tell her not to call him anymore. H said "I am glad you are finally taking control of the situation". However, then I messed up. When OW called I answered the phone but chickend and gave the phone one of our friends. OW hung up and then called back on my house phone!!! So I had another one of my friends answer the house phone and tell her not to call anymore.

My H is/was mad, he says I got our friends involed and shouldn't have. He said I should apologize to our friends.
What do you guys think?

I feel like a chicken!!! I think he made a step by giving me his cell phone and I should have confronted her when she called and told her not to call my H anymore.. Why didn't I do this... I don't know.... but wish I had. Now I do feel embarssed

Trying - Your H is not thinking clearly. He needs to be the one to tell OW not to call him anymore. It's o.k. if you don't want to talk to OW. It's really not a good idea anyway.

It will only hurt you, she will probably tell you lies like Mimi said and you might come off needy or weak(which would thrill OW). So, don't talk to OW. It's great that your WH gave you his cell phone. I think that is a very good sign.

I also think it's great that he stayed home with you the other night. Until he commits to NC and being completely open with you though, assume that they are still in contact with each other.

Did you say anything to WH about the text messages??

Continue to Plan A him all you can.

Kim

Trying:

GOOD WORK!!

Your PLAN A is being effective...

Continue to maintain your upper hand in THIS BATTLE...

Don't let the enemy seduce you...

She wants contact with you only to continue to destroy you...

DO NOT TALK TO HER AND DO NOT LET YOUR WH CONVINCE YOU TO TALK TO HER....

You do not speak her language....

She is cunning, shrewd and evil....

Stay on your higher level and out of the pig sty...

This is between YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND....

As Kim said, it is his job to deal with her and to GET RID OF HER...

Continue to FOCUS ON YOURSELF, making yourself the best alternative for him..It is clear what she is, where she likes to hang out and what she likes to do...

On second thought, tell your WH that you will work with him as A TEAM to help him get rid of her but that it is not YOUR JOB to do this for him....

He sounds like a TYPICAL, DRUG-CRAZED, ADDICTED WS..that has been sucked in by the OW'S DRUG..

She is getting desperate to get to him because she is aware of her LOVE POWER...

Well now you are aware of YOUR OWN POWER..WORK IT ON HIM....

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Thanks kim and Mimi...

I do feel embarssed that I handed the phone off and got our friends involved. My h's best friend told me that I should not be getting everyone involved but I feel H got them involved by brining OW to hang out with them early in the A. Also I believe H took his best friend, who is also my neighbor, to hang out with her last friday. I will apologize to the girl I handed the phone off too. I do feel bad about it.

H told me that OW is moving to panama in 3 weeks. I wonder if H plans to move with her. I should ask him but he wouldn't tell me if he were.

OW leaves a message on my cell phone yesterday

"its so nice having your husband everday, it makes me so happy, bye"

OOOOhhhh I felt my stomach jump. I was sooo angry. I wanted to call H and tell him what a piece of trash I thought she was. I told myself to get myself together, that that is exactly what she wants is for me to get upset.


So I got myself together and went home with a smile. After our DS was in bed I told H I had something I wanted him to hear so I gave him my cell phone and let him listen. He asked me if I believed her, and I said I am not saying anything. Then he said she is lying (he was lying I could tell), and that I started it, and needed to handle it. I told him that this was not the first time that she had called me so I did not start it, and I was not going to go down to her level again. Then he told me Fog talk that she was leaving for Panama in 3 weeks, that it was a good thing, and I would not have to worry about her any longer. He said she plans to leave because H would not leave me and go be with her (I believe this is just another game she is playing, that she does not plan to leave).

H kept asking me why I waited till the end of the day to tell him about the message. I told him that I didn't want to react in the wrong way, so I waited, but he kept saying I can't believe you waited all day to tell me this.



After he went to sleep, I found 2 text messages on his cell last night from OW

" I am at hustlers"
" I am going to spank you so hard BS and OWH are going to hear it"

I also saw in his call log that he had called her at 8 p.m.

I plan to send this to H today:

I do not believe OW plans to leave, she is playing games.

I love you and want to save our marriage. I do not plan to be part of a triangle. It hurts me to know that you are still in contact with OW.

What do you think?

H called me this morning and asked why I did not call him. I have been calling him every morning to tell him "good morning".

The reason why I did not call him is because I was thinking about the email I was going to send to him. I did not tell him that.

I have changed the email to say

"Honey

I do not believe OW plans to leave; I think she is just trying to get to you.
It is not my intention to be part of a triangle; I love you and want to save our marriage.
It hurts me to know that you are still in contact with her."

I am thinking about calling the Harleys. I can't afford it right now but if it will save my marriage it would be worth it. Do you think it would benefit me now?

Trying:

I think it is important for you to change your cellphone number to insure that the OW cannot ever call you again...This way you actually remove your "ownself" from the "triangle of communication" ( I just made this up for want of a better way of describing this yukky mess)....

In a way, it's actually again thing. This continues to show that your PLAN A is effective. She is definitely scheming to get your H to leave you and he is not committing to her..

The OW in my situation was confident by the time of my D-DAY that she had captured my FWH and she had..

The OW in your case is LOSING THE BATTLE..so it is important that you matintain your UPPER HAND in this....



GREAT! GREAT! This is exactly what she wanted. Of course, you are angry and want to whip her butt...but don't let her know it...



TYPICAL FOG TALK...What difference does it make what time of day that you told him? It should not have happened PERIOD...

I would tell him that you are making sure that it does not happen again by changing your cell phone number.."If she finds out what the number is, I will know that you have told her..."


In terms of the message you plan to send, you said this...



I would leave out the part about the OW. Whether she leaves or not, you have no control over this...Of course she is playing games. You will have to accept that unfortunately and telling him won't make him acknowledge or see that...

The last paragraph sounds OK but you can continue to TELL HIM THIS TO HIS FACE not necessarily in a E-Mail or Text Message.....

It would MOST DEFINITELY benefit you to call and make an appointment with one of the Harleys..It is well worth the money even for just one session...

she she she blah blah blah...

this... THIS is not about her..

THIS is all about your husband.....doing nothing to PROTECT his wife from the evilness he has brought in to the home....

THIS is the time that you TELL your husband that YOU will not and do not have any plans to DEAL WITH THIS>..

that HE alone is the one that brought such evilness in to YOUR universe...

the FACT that HE himself has decided that he is NOT your protector speaks more than any words he says......

CHANGE YOUR CELL PHONE TODAY


from here on out this IS all about him...

and ASK him what his plans are to deal with each and every contact...

your husband is as cruel as she...and loving husbands real men would go to war against anyone that spoke so cruelly to their spouse and mother of their child........

you have to decide here soon what type of behaviors are unacceptable to you...

you plan to tell him you won't be part of a triangle....
so what is your plan to follow through on that???

your husband is playing cat and mouse...setting up YOU his wife to play games with his ****** and then laughing amongst them over your reations..............................

CHANGE YOUR CELL PHONE
ASK HIM WHAT HIS HIS HIS HIS HIS HIS plan is for when she contacts

YOU again

WRITE YOUR PLAN B letter..

your husband loves this drama..
your husbnad loves when you dont' say a word to him about his AFFAIR

this is NOT about her...
and
this is quickly becoming NOT being about him..

this is about you and your home being under attack...

ARK

just so you know the word that got blipped starts with a W and ends with an e and rythmes with BORE

I call them as I see them.........

ARK