GC, this is the very wisest post I have read in a very long time. You made me think hard with this. Thanks.

FF - when I am away from my WH and I don't see him or communicate with him, I can't tell you how much easier life is. Then he phones me, or turns up unannounced, or something we have to deal with crops up and *WHAM* I take three giant steps backwards. You are living with the man, dealing with the A crap and OC every minute of every day because you are still sharing your life with him.

I honestly believe you will feel more in control when you are no longer under one roof. TT

Hi,
I am brand new to this site. Must have been something with today, because I lost it on my WH this morning, too. This week is the 3yr anniversary of my discovery of his love affair. I, too, hate that I have lost my innocence and trust in him (and in love?). This time of year always makes me sad and I blew up this morning that I can't stand that he and his OW made a fool of me and that I want my old trusting and loving self back! I haven't written my story here yet, but I wanted to respond to your pain and tell you that there are a lot of us, I think, who realize how much it hurts and we are sending love and support to you. You are strong and good and you didn't deserve this. Your partner was weak and thoughtless. I have been struggling to self soothe, too. Boy is it hard! And I am so afraid to love fully again. Well, I know from my experience of my baby's death many years ago, that time does help and that the love of others supporting you helps tremendously, too.

So here is my dose of love to you.

{{strugglingtoheal}} MB hugs to you. Post your story so you can get some support.

GC, wow! Bob, is right..a very sage post. You can see how messed I get being in the middle of this muck. Plus as someone else pointed out I distract myself from the real issue when I get angry at *others* instead of WH.

TT, I know you are right. Still trying to sort out this whole D process.

yes, this is always a good thing to do. but....

and: this is a good thing to do too. but....

this is the one that is going to help.... I can't put it any better than that. I know it is scary FF, but you are in a nightmare right now, you have to get yourself out of it!!

so you said:

and i hate to be hard on you, but I have to ask you this.

what EXACTLY have you done to get you down the pat of figuring this whole D process out. have you called your lawyer lately?? it seems very straight forward. the day that divorce becomes final, the house is yours and you have say as to who lives in it.

you might say, he has no plan as to where to go... tough, you pack up some of his stuff, put it outside and CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!

have the kids been told yet? this is also a very concrete step.

and sorry to be so tough on you, but has he at least been refused to share a bed with you yet??

FF, you have to face it, our WH is NOT stepping up to the plate, he has told you very clearly over and over he does not want to stay married.

please start forcing him to live the consequences of that decision.

i know you also have to live the consequences and no one feels worse than i do about that fact. it is not fair. but it is reality and you really will feel better once you are out of this nightmare.

get the man out of your house FF!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FF}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

FF

comments on my new thread about Freeloaders Renters and Buyers?

Yes.

And much less anger and misplaced blame on other people. He told you he did not want to continue the marriage. It is time for him to go and stop renting (or is he freeloading?).

Susan

Pep, I have not read your thread. I will do so. Logged and noted, FL and Susan. I guess I am more fearful than I wanted to admit to myself. I have this tendency to just let well enough alone while I go about my business.

[[[[[[FF]]]]]]]

I'm going to quote our Bob.... this question is one I ask myself every time I hesitate these days,


FF, what would YOU do if you were not afraid?


Plans?

Life?

Family?

Future?

with love

AW
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