This probably sounds crazy but.... What do you think about having sex with your WS after an affair or in my case (ONS), I guess it doesn't really matter which. Is it just comfort sex, wanting to be wanted, feeling like your desired, needed etc.. What are your thoughts on this? I have feelings of hate for a few hours, then love and thoughts of I know I can't be without him (for me and my son and soon to be new baby) and then I think, I just want to be with him intimately again. Is this bad because I haven't fully committed to reconciling with him? We did it once since D-day and then we felt weird after, like if we weren't doing the right thing. However, I have those intimate feelings again. Maybe I'm just horny, it's those pregancy hormones...LOL.

The problem for me is the risk of STDs.

I had no idea my WH was cheating, so I was exposed unknowingly. When I found out, I asked if he had used protection. He told me yes.

The truth was (from OW's husband - she had a pregnancy scare), no protection was used. And as you read the cases here, that is usually true.

I think Lemonman calls in bathing in seminal fluids - and from who knows who? My WH's OW has a history of being unfaithful.

I did it for 4 months and to be honest, our sex life was never better. It never bothered me to much, and she was soooooo much better then she was before. But with us we always had great sex it just got better. Cant now tho to much pain to much anger and she is dateing someone again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> But ill never regret those 4 months of great and amazing sex.

Hey Falcon, I certainly understand where you are coming from...but let me ask you...was the amazing sex that you had worth getting Herpes (which is for life-and you may actually have and not know it still) or risking getting HIV? Some sorry souls here would say "yes", what do you say?

To the original poster.....you can very well have sex with a WS (one night stand at all), but please be advised you are having sex with everyone that the other person had sex with and everyone they had sex with. You have no idea the disgusting STD's that are out there now, and that can be so easily prevented by abstaining from sex untill a full battery of tests have been done. Saying "be careful" is not enough. A person in this day and age who has unprotected sex (which is about 99.998% of all Waywards in the world) with a person that has been with other partners (and untested) is a person that you SHOULD not be trusting your life with.


Yeah, I am a broken record on this, and my stance may very well NOT be conducive to enacting the marriage building plans...but I say "tough".....consider yourself warned...goodlucj in whatever you do.

There is no amount of "rationalization" that I could do to take that chance with my physical and psychological health...but hey, that's just me.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

LM <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sad, I found sf with my w/h to be the key that helped me to feel settled after experiencing all those crazy feelings of insanity following the discovery of EA. Each time was treasured. I used every emotion I felt for him during sf. SF at that time was used as a pacifier for all the hurts and feelings of abandonment I was experiencing.
But I agree with Believer. You definately need to have w/h tested for STD's to insure yours and the baby's safety.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

sad,

Do you know who this person was?? Wouldn't you consider this a problem?? Sounds like your marriage is still in trouble despite claims that MC was "successful".

O

I would say that the good doctor is correct that there should be no sex until testing is complete...which does not mean there can not be intimacy... infact the testing and waiting period can serve as a great catalyst in redefining boundaries and closeness in a marriage...as some contact would be a no go

once testing is complete in all aspects...then it is my opinon that the decision to be sexual with a partner is as always an individual choice...........only can be decided by the BS....and needs to be looked at closely..
expectations
meaning
feelings etc...

and in my opinoin lots and lots of talking about...

ARK

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

sad,

Do you know who this person was?? Wouldn't you consider this a problem?? Sounds like your marriage is still in trouble despite claims that MC was "successful".





Octobergirl--- Our problems began i n 2001. MC was successful for us and that's when we stopped it at the end 2003/beg. of 2004 (I think). Since then all has been well...or so I thought. This is where I am now. The BJ just happened and that's why all of this is being brought up again. Now yes, my marriage is in trouble. But from stopping MC to the present is when all was well for me. Oh yeah, this person was a random customer.
sad2005

Ark -

The problem I have with the MB program, Plan A is that there is NO mention of testing for diseases. You are supposed to meet the wayward's needs. Nothing is written about being safe.

Considering the testing has to be done once, and then again in 6 months, there is a problem. That means 6 months of no SF to me. A WS that is in withdrawal, and has been used to having SF with two people (spouse & OP) is most likely going to have a problem with this.

Although I love the MB program, this is one GLARING area where it is very simplistic. Since we have had one WW here die from AIDs, I think this caveat should be looked at very carefully.

I understand what you are saying, I did have safe sex with her, but tell me this, sex with her or sex with a slut from the bars? Whats safer? I knew who she was with. That said I know in my heart we will have sex again someday, its the one thing in the marriage we got damn right.

It maybe weird but even after all this pain and hurt, we both still are very attractive to eachother. So someday we may do it again, in a few years. I still find her stunning looking. That might change if I find someone else, ****** im sure it will.

Falcon -

All I'm saying is be careful. I wouldn't suggest with a bar slut either. And you may have known who your wife was with, but who was he with, and who was she with, and on and on.

I guess I'm just sensitive about this subject. I waited until I was married to have SF. I stayed faithful until 2 years after D-day. I thought I was protected, but WH decided to expose me to who knows what.

I agree, but I also know me, there is no way in ****** im not going to have sex for much longer. Im not the kinda of guy to just do women tho. So im in a catch 22. Right now there is no option with my x, we are at a point where we are having a hard time getting along.

It sucks to get divorced from someone you find so damn attractive still. Saw her yesterday and man it kills me.

Sex was a very important part of our life, I was her first and only for 21 years. Its so hard to know it really wasnt that for her. But she is nuts right now anyway.

Hi again,

Whether or not MC was actually successful is debatable I suppose.You think it was but your H got a BJ from someone and you now mention this person was a "random customer"?? What does that mean?

IMO if the issues were truly solved then your H wouldn't be out getting a BJ from somebody else,not his wife.It didn't JUST happen sad.He chose to have it rather than say NO.That to me says things were not right in the marriage and I understand you see this.

The recovery may have looked ok to you but the underlying issues for your H most likely are still there and he could have avoided them,kept them secret/lied.Hopefully not but I would be interested to hear what he had to say for himself.Has he yet? Do you think he's admitting to everything?


O