Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
A
aislinn Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
My divorce was originally set to be Nov 15th. Then my husband emailed me and said that he had to have a lawyer there, blah blah blah. Then emailed me a few days later and said never mind the lawyer, *he* had to be there. So he rescheduled the hearing for Nov 28th when he will be visiting his parents for Thanksgiving (I live close to his parents, he lives in Puerto Rico).

My original intent over this was that I did not want to go to court. I'm having second thoughts on that.

I have not seen my husband in exactly one year. At that time he asked me for the Harley numbers for counseling. He did start counseling but only called a couple of times. SH pushed him a little hard, I think, but ultimately, it was my h's own choice to stop the counseling.

Anyway, part of me thinks I need to see/hear him lie that our differences are irreconcilable. Part of me believes that he NEEDS TO FACE ME and what he's doing. Out of sight, out of mind...I think all of this has been way too easy for him.

I do not hope for any outcome in regards to my marriage. I'm just wondering if it might not be better for me to be there and see it end. And for him to face what he's done.

I need advice here...should I go or no?


~*~My Old Signature is too long~*~
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,885
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 2,885
Aislinn, why don't you post this in the 'Divorced' Forum as well. I'm sure that there are many people there who can offer you some good advice. Hope you are looking after yourself. TT

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,253
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,253
GO! Do not remove yourself from the process. Do not let your WH take the easy way out. Or yourself for that matter. There may be things that come up that are a surprise. Do you want to take that chance?

I think the keyword is CLOSURE. See him face-to-face. Make it real for him...for you, too. Part of being wayward is being a coward. Cowards lie and deceive. Cowards avoid conflict. Don't be a coward yourself. Sit in that courtroom and look that $%#@*# straight in the eye. I remember your posts from when I first start on this board a year ago. I think you've done the MB thing. You can sit there proudly. HE is the one who should cower in shame.

As my son would say, "Face your fears!" You were there when the marriage was made. You did what you could to save this marriage. You should be there when the marriage ends.


Grapes are versatile. Grapes can be sour, sweet, sublime as wine and fabulous even when old and dried out.

Me: BS
XCH: Clueless
2-DS: Bigger than me
1-DD: Now also bigger than me!

5/6: Personally served CH with divorce papers
6/6: CH F? wants to time to see if M can be saved
7/6: FCH reenters our lives to work on marriage but secretly signs papers to start divorce...what's that about?
Mediation set for November
Final dissolution in January 2007.
2008 and beyond: Life goes on...
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Hi Maddy! I don't really have any advice but wanted to say "hi".


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
A
aislinn Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
I will do that, TT. I am looking after myself :-). Doing well, just get the sad days and jitters once in awhile..like now when I think of the hearing and of seeing him again. How can it be that I have not seen him in one year and barely talked to him since my Plan B in February, but I still have strong feelings? Thought they were supposed to go away??

Grapegirl, I tend to agree with you on every point.

FF***hugs***..how're ya doing? I have not visited I'ville in awhile...I should do so...it just go so crowded in there for a bit!


~*~My Old Signature is too long~*~
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Doing ok, Maddy. Visit, we are not so crowded these days. We even get down to the 2nd or 3rd pages sometimes!


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
A
aislinn Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,399
^bump^


~*~My Old Signature is too long~*~
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
Let me also throw my vote in there for going. I believe that it is important to fully experience all the emotions, that lends itself to grieving the loss and moving forward. You mentioned that there are still some struggles within yourself and it could be that you are stuck in the grieving process. Maybe this will be what you need to keep on keeping on. If your husband would have died I would presume that you would have went to his funeral, well this is the death of your marriage.


Hugz, Thoughtz, & Prayerz

Bill
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 580
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 580
Hey girl. So sorry about all this. You still have my number? Call or email any time, ok?
I am going to be traveling up your way more often over the next few months, so we should get together for coffee again. Stuff like that is good and helps.
Hugs.


26 years old
2 DD's, 3 and 6
Divorced after XWH's A
MARRIED to LostHusband 7/23/05!!
3 step DD's, 15, 13, 10

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 24 guests, and 59 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,811
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5