Not gonna write it for you ... but you are consistently vague in how you phrase things ..

and when we talk like this to each other I have a pretty good idea of what you mean ... BUT that's coz I'm female !

when you talk like this to your husband (most men, really) ... you're gonna get some blank stares.

when you are not so pooped ... try again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

mean, aren't I ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I imagine your husband has no friggin idea what you mean at times ... LOL !!!

Pep--you want me to describe my feelings at that moment to you??? I didn't say anything to him to specifically say that--I was just explaining how I felt--which you are saying is to vague?

I just let go last night

I let go of ____ last night (name it ... expectations? hope? anger? control? ... what?)


and I think he knows that

and you think your husband sensed something has changed in you or you have turned a corner and are starting down a new direction toward ___ what?

and I truly feel that he will take this time to sort through things that have happened.



are you saying he will simply go over past events?

are you saying he is ready to make changes in himself?

or are you saying he is ready to think about marriage?

are you saying he has the insight to make this time useful for the marriage?

are you saying he will not use this time to seek out another replacement relationship?

see.... it's unclear....

does this help or make it harder for you to understand?

Some of what you say sounds like pop psych ... it looks good and sounds like you are saying something important, but when you break it down the meaning is not precise...

Comes from many years of writing BS college papers:)

Yes, what you wrote helped.

I quit trying to make him make it work and I am content with the fact that he is the only one who can change anything at this point. You say it very well and yes I think that he sensed a change in me. That changing being that I have let go of the anger and that I'm resolved to being done if that is necessary versus fighting being done every step of the way. The emotions displayed on his face tell me he has the insight to make this time useful for the marriage and I feel he will not use this time immediately to seek out a replacement relationship.

I would not say he is yet willing to change but at least willing to look at himself right now.

When I fight with him being done he has said he doesn't think I respect him and what he wants.

this is so fantastic ... it REALLY is !!!!!!!

It's you taking control of yourself.

I LIKE this <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ah-HA ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

YOU have insight into one of his big-time EN's .... GOOD !

OT Albany,
Are you from Albany,NY?

Nope. I live in Oregon.

Chica,

Sorry I didn't call back last night. I think that dern exercise ball has a hole in it! I spent my exercise time blowing the thing up! At least my heart rate was elevated, right?

- Kimmy

The update:

Actually, there is not much of an update.

WH left trailer at the house Sunday and said he would come each weeknight and get a load of belongings. He didn’t come over last night to get anything.

Funny how WH’s are. He so wants to be done according to his words yet his actions do not necessarily reflect that. He takes himself off of our joint account last week because he has huge spending issues and is now realizing it. He has an account at the same bank in his name only that he doesn’t use normally. He told me he ordered a debit/atm card for it. Good for you. Any guess at what address that card came to?? He has a new place he is living in.

I was going to leave him a text that it came. I felt that that type of communication qualified as financial but I chose against as he was suppose to be coming by anyway. Figured it would only seem like a reason to contact him from his perspective.

No contact. If he is worried about getting his debit card I also figure he will inquire if it has came. So, I have stayed dark since Sunday night at about 8:00pm. It is so hard. We really are best friends, although we don’t treat each other right now how best friends should.

Pep, he has thought that I do not respect him for a long time I believe. Part of me didn’t respect him for some of things he had done. I felt that he needed to earn some of that respect back etc. I felt like he needed to be humble for the things he had done and he has been at all. He has been cocky and arrogant as if he didn’t do anything at all.

So as I said before, not much new. Hating this NC but knowing it is a must do. Miss parts of him like crazy and don’t miss other things. It sucks right now but I keep reminding myself of the big goal and that I must work on living me and our son.

Yep at least it was.

That is okay chica! The cats finally caught the mouse last night.

Just a quick BUMP

Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome as always.

I'm off to a job interview--don't forget I'm getting laid off next month. H knew this. I did not leave him in May when he lost his job--just a quick frustration vent. No reason to stay just because I'm getting laid off though in reality.

See you all tomorrow.

Albany -

Good luck with your job interview! Be tough. The Plan B has to be solid. Just wanted to show my support for ya!

Kim

I missed your call again! Dern cells that need to be plugged in to recharge!

I think you're doing great not contacting him! I know it's hard dearie. I know...and you know I do.

If you need me, I'm at work all day today.

Love,
the other Kim(my) ;-)

No contact last night--he didn't call about coming over or not to get stuff. Oh well!

Staying dark and it sucks but it is the last thing I can do to help this situation out so I have do it real well.

Interview went really well IMO but one never knows.

Thanks Kim234 for the support--this whole PB is really hard but I know it is the last thing I can do that may make a difference.

The good thing is that no matter what the final outcome is PB is also helping me too.

Bump for any other thoughts or suggestions as they are always welcome.

I will update everyone in the morning if Wh comes to get stuff or calls, texts or whatever.

Okay nothing new here. No contact from Wh in regards to getting his stuf.. He has such bad follow through--he said Sunday night he would be over each night of the week to get some stuff. THese behaviors are prime examples of why I'm alqays the picking up the pieces in our life/marriage.

This NC is really hard. Although it is getting better. What I really don't like is the fact that I never know if he is coming over--so I just wait and try to prepare myself if he does show up.

It would be nice to know if he wasn't because then I wouldn't stress over it. If he hasn't called or shown up by 8:30pm then I figure I'm home free.

Off work tomorrow and taking our son to Veteran's Day parade--I think we have the largest one East of the Mississippi still.

WH is very stubborn like me so he will probably take the tiny little blip about NC in PB letter quite serious. I only stated that to preserve what we had I asked that our contact be in regards to our son or finanial stuff. He is also very busy still at work with the all of the pumpkin squash being harvested.