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Whew, what a day and a half. Excuse me if this doesn't make a whole lot of sense but I have so many emotions strafing my brain and my heart.

I will try to summarize. Yesterday I found out that my WW forged my signature on two income tax refund checks totaling a little over $12k. The bank is investigating and a teller may be fired over this. The bank manager is pressing me as to what action I want her to take.

This is followed up by several panic phone calls to my office which I refused, even though WW begged my office manager to tell me it was "extremely urgent".

Half an hour later my assistant interupts me in a treatment room to whisper that WW is in the waiting room and is begging, not demanding, to see me. Now I have a waiting room full of patients and even though I have vowed silence(my Plan B), I have her ushered into my private office to avoid a stressful scenario for my patients and staff.

To make an already long story short, she breaks down, apologizes for what she has done to me and our marriage. She says that she could not have had a better husband and every day she wakes up with that on her mind.

I was calm but a bit emotional and I acknowledged what she said but I refused to endorse the check as she asked. I have not heard back from my attorney on that matter. My bank manager friend said that due to the amount of the checks, the action could be seen as a felony. She would lose her license to practice Speech Pathology if convicted.

She said she has never sent the NC letter beacuse she was no longer seeing him. I told her that should make sending the letter very easy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Feedback please from my MB friends!

Last edited by Cymanca; 11/09/05 10:13 PM.

Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions: Noodle

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Well, everyone here probably won't agree, but I wouldn't prosecute her for the checks. Losing her livelihood isn't going to do anything for the marriage.

I would also take my time, and think all of this over. I never could figure out why your wife was behaving so strangely.

It could be that she is hitting bottom, but wasn't she seeing someone other than OM just a few weeks ago?

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Cymanca Offline OP
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Pep,

That thought has gone thru my mind every 10 seconds since this all occurred.

believer,

Yes there are at least two more "friends" that I know of


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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WW forged my signature on two income tax refund checks totaling a little over $12k.

due to the amount of the checks, the action could be seen as a felony

well? Has she committed a crime?

and these are just the ones you KNOW about!

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Well, everyone here probably won't agree, but I wouldn't prosecute her for the checks.

the STBXH is not a prosecutor ... Cy does not make this decision

if there is a crime ... the BANK reports ...

and Cy cannot be asked to lie to protect her ... because he has integrity

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I agree the felony would hurt her for life - do you want to live with that? She has been an alien for a long time. Yoou have gone thru so much already - do you want to have to tesify in court -it could take a long time. Or maybe this is just a sign that it is over and time to move on. Believe me she knows what she is losing. Please be careful with your decisions here. Do you have children? It would seriously effect them as well. I would be angry of course but in D -they would take that amount away from her in the settlement.


married 21
Together 26 -
OW 2yrs, he worked with her and found secret e-mail account.The first cut is the deepest.
just found out H is a serial cheater - total cut to pieces now- saw a D lawyer today.
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Cymanca Offline OP
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Pep,

That is the rub. Even if I endorse the check, the bank manager has had to initate the normal procedures that occur when they are notified of the possible fraud. The funds have been stopped and the teller is having a disciplinary hearing in the next few days.


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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If you decide not to press charges do so for the right reasons. I would not see this as a chance to get her back – you can’t blackmail her into fidelity.

Since you still have some assets to split during divorce have your lawyer draw up an IOU that you can deduct from the sales of the home. In an earlier post you mention she is not moving out of your home. Possibly you can use this to leverage her into selling?

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Cymanca Offline OP
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Realtor,

No children involved. Yes I know that this can hurt her for the rest of her life.

bigger,

My best friend has been insisting that I do exactly that...use this as a lever for the divorce settlement. That leaves that old horseapple taste in my mouth. I couldn't do it.


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"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Amicable divorces are a Hollywood invention. Like when the heroes stand up after being punched. To put it brutally and in plain English: she is lying in the gutter – KICK HER!

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I don't think this is a lever in any way shape or form ..

it is a fact

she committed fraud

she got caught

she wants you to cover up her fraud

it's pretty simple

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Bigger ... that was rude

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Cymanca Offline OP
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bigger,

No, I can not do that. I appreciate the sentiment and I am sure at times in the past I might have given that seriouis thought.


Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle

You believe easily what you hope for ernestly

Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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Pep -

Have you never endorsed a check signing your husband's name? I used to do it all of the time. And he would sign mine and cash one. Admittedly, since they are getting a divorce, the situation is different. But to lose her license for a felony???????

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Cy,

I think you remain neutral on this and allow the bank manager to do her job. If that means your WW is brought up on charges so be it, if it does not...so be it. This is NOT your problem Cy, it is your WW.

You don't have to prosecute her, but you should NOT defend her either. She is lying to you. Do you know how I know? Her lips are moving. You may love the illusion of the woman you married, but the real woman is standing there trying to defraud you and the bank.

Let the bank handle it as they see fit. You continue on with plan B and possible divorce as you have laid out. IN reality NOTHING has changed and therefore you let her actions and deeds be handled as they should be.

Please consider this.

God Bless,

JL

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Pep -

Have you never endorsed a check signing your husband's name?

Not without his permission.

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think you remain neutral on this and allow the bank manager to do her job.


This is her rope, Cy. She CHOSE this course. This is not something YOU are doing TO her. SHE did this TO herself.

You have acted with honor and integrity throughout this mess of HER choice. It is no dishonor to allow her to foot bill for her actions. Also, what will she LEARN from this if you do what she asks? That she can do anything - especially if all these chips fall in her favor. What will the horseapples taste like then, my friend?

What a trial the waywards can be! Ug.

- Kimmy


I never had to take the Kobayashi Maru test until now. What do you think of my solution?

O'hana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.

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I think that is the difference, B. The only time I have signed my H's name on a check and he on mine is when we were knowingly depositing the checks into our joint account. Neither of us would EVER sign and cash a check without each other's knowledge or permission.

Cymanca, I agree with Pep and JL on this. In fact to me it is very black and white...she did something wrong and it is not up to you but the bank to see that the wrong is corrected.


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Yes Pep, I acknowledge hat it was rude. I do apologize for that. But if you read the history behind this situation you can see that all along WW has been disrespectful and inconsiderate of Cymanca. At the same time he has been as considerate and honorable in all his actions.

In an earlier post he mentions that despite WW accepting how to precede with divorce the house has not been sold and she is still living there. I simply point out that now he has leverage to fore that issue. One more step to change. And I stand firm on my view that an amicable divorce is about as stupid a concept as a civilized war. In divorce one must think of self first and foremost. Having said that I am not saying you have to get more than you deserve – but get what is yours.

I doubt Cymanca will press charges. I think he will get his money back AND possibly move things along with an IOU and pressure on the house. I am also certain that WW would prefer he let her have the money and keep the house. Which is better for Cymanca?

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