I feel I must clarify one point: I am not suggesting Cymanka take advantage of the situation to MISUSE WW. I am suggesting that he considers his best interests and if they clash with WW interests then he chooses his own.

I will acknowledge that the phrase “Kick her” is inappropriate – if for no other reason than the reference to domestic violence.

As a former police officer I went into dozens of arrests where force was required. As a rule the minimum amount of aggression was used. If a suspect took a swing or pulled a knife there was no compromise – if we had to use force it was hard and effective. Not once was I hurt and not once was a suspect hurt in anyway that he did not heal in a few hours. Did I stoop to the ethics of criminals or street-fighters when making an arrest? Did I lower my morals by intimidating a law-breaker to back down by using threats of grievous bodily harm? I think not. A morally correct man like Cymanca can show firmness and use hard tactics without lowering his morals.

Basically that has been my method since in most hard things in life: direct and as uncomplicated as possible, with escalation on how tough I need to be based on the situation. This is what I am suggesting Cymanca does: Be as hard as required and make decisions based on his interest.

One thing. Since the two of you are still married is there any chance that if she is fined the money will be taken from your combined assets? As strange as that sound I think there is a realistic Catch 22 threat this might happen.

Cy,

Is it possible the pit at the center of this maggoty fruit is ambivalence about whether you still want your WW back, or not?

Perhaps you wonder if you play nice and somehow mitigate the consequences of her dishonest actions she might suddenly love you?

She won’t, you know.

You’ve be playing extraordinarily nice all along. Protecting her yet again will not change her at all. Not even a little bit. The stakes will just continue to escalate since she is nowhere near the bottom yet.

I had a similar situation regarding corporate assets FWW used to conduct her LTA. I chose the higher path too. It turned out well and I feel clean.

And it is a Federal crime, after all.

Death and taxes. Or sometimes stated: The Angel of Death and The IRS. Don’t mess with either.

With prayers,

Aphelion,

No, I don't think I want her back. After she told me about being the best husband, it was like a weight got lifted off my shoulders. While I can not predict the future of any R I might have with her, at this point I have no intention of letting the divorce stop.

Thank you so much for your prayers, I sure can use them

Well, Pep, you know me. I feel sorry for the teller too. Just sad that so many people get dragged into these little dramas.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I know you do ... your heart is 'supersized'

the teller made an error and may get fired

WW lied ... and she could get off with no consequences ...

see my point?

"Thank you so much for your prayers, I sure can use them."

You have them. Extra strong tonight.


You too Beliver. You are too good.

Pepperband, short and to the point.
the teller is on my mind too. Fooled by a forger and a check kiter, maybe pressed for time or distracted by Cy's wife so the signature wouldn't be looked at too carefully....

To my way of thinking, it is disrespectful to Cy's stbxw to NOT allow her to experience the consequences of her actions. She is an adult, she made a conscious choice. It's not Cy's responsibility to cover for her, protect her.

I keep thinking as others have written, if she did this so easily, what else is she skimming by with?

Oh, the signature thing? I never signed my H's name to a check nor he to mine. Nor on a greeting card addressed to someone else. Fat lot of good THAT little bit of scruples did in keeping our marriage intact ......

I'll be following your post Cy.

Pep, you keeping out of trouble?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> yezzzzz

Everyone,

After 20 months I just received a No Contact letter.

Copy I Received from my WW

Dear Mxxxxx,

I know that our fling has been off for a while but I'm writing this email to confirm that I no longer want to have any communication with you. I'm blocking your email and I would appreciate if you didn't contact me again.

What I thought I had with you was wrong. I thought by starting a relationship with you would make me happy again. I realize now that that's not the case. You can't build happiness on someone else unhappiness. I want you to know I'm not placing blame on you, I just need to step away from the constant reminder of how I destroyed my marriage. That's something I'm going to have to live with for the rest of my life.

I wish you well. You're young and have plenty of time and opportunity to find the perfect girl for you.

All the best,
Mrs. Cymanca

WOW - Wonders never cease. Maybe your wife is FINALLY getting it. There have been many cases here where the D almost happened and then the WS turned around.

"After 20 months I just received a No Contact letter."

Very suspicious timing.

Good grief.....Cy, your a good man......stop this insanity.....Let the LAW deal with this. You better let her hit rock bottom for her own good. Let the proper authorities do their investigation and let "due process" come to light. If you let her out of this one, what you think is being "compassionate" is just enabling. Your still enabling after all this time.

Why would you as a man, who has taken an oath to "do no harm" and have given up umpteen years of your life to better serve people in sickness....HELP perpetrate a fraud? WHY? I don't understand. Help me understand this, because I do NOT want to make or change my opinion of you. I hold you in extremely high regard. Please tell me that I am just readin this wrong.

As a side not to Believer. I must say, I am awfully
suprised by your comments on this thread and to be honest I am very dissapointed in your view of this. I will leave it at that.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

edited after further thought.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemonman

Cymanca, do you think it was her intention to steal your money?

Yikes - I thought LM would probably see this one.

Cymanca - When you are weighing the advise here, keep in mind that my WH and I are divorcing, and he spent all of our savings and retirement. I guess I enabled that.

B:

I am gonna give you a "mulligan" here just because. BY your own admission you "know better"... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HI Cymanca,

I had a somewhat similar experience (but on a much smaller scale)

I THINK.... you may be able to relate to my story.... and........my solution could be a good compromise for you as well......

Shortest version I can:
My WW came over to our home a while back.... while she was leaving I responded to something nasty she said with something about money (how much I DIDN'T have to give her)

She got VERY VERY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> mad and threw a rock through the window.

I called the police because I wanted to "document" the incident.
When the police arrived they asked "Which way did she go" "what was she driving" ....etc.....

I asked why and they said they were going to arrest her....
I told them that wasn't necessary as I wasn't pressing charges... I just wanted it "on the record"

They told me that if I didn't tell them they had to arrest ME!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So after a couple of minutes talking to them I convinced them to let me call her and tell her to "turn herself in"

Well she turned herself in and a week later the DA called me and wanted to discuss the case with me.

Now my WW is a Nurse that works for the state.... if she was convicted ( even if there was no fine or jail time) she would have LOST her NURSING license!!


What I told the DA (who wanted to throw the book at her) was this.....

My W is not acting like a very nice person right now...
She certainly deserves to be punished in some way.... BUT.... it WAS a momentary act and shouldn't have LIFE ALTERING consequences....

And MORE importantly..... SHE IS A GREAT NURSE... if you take away her license you aren't punishing her.... you are punishing her PATIENTS........they need her....

The DA and I worked out that my WW would be ORDERED to go to anger management./... and to pay for the window... and her case was put on file pending a probationary period of 6 months....

WITHOUT A DOUBT.... my WW obviously made a VERY BAD decision.....BUT it was a WS in a fog and angry......One my WIFE probably would have NEVER made....

I felt it a good FAIR solution because......

I didn't lie.......
I didn't coddle her......
Her bad actions DID have consequences......
BUT.... my WS's actions..... didn't destroy my WIFE'S career........

The other sidebar to this story.... until the court date and for a while after my W HATED me BLAMED me.... etc.... foggy for sure... but she was soooo hurt that I would let her be arrested...etc....

And in your case.... unless your WW is pretty stupid... (not foggy stupid....stupid...stupid) I can't see how she thought she would EVER be able to "Get away" with the money.... I mean you know her better but maybe she really intended to "split" even if it wasl after in the settlement......

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS..... FRANK

Couldn't have said it better. To disregard it simply abets her actions and has little if nothing to do with your mariage.

Good to hear from you again.

My dear Cy,

What would be happening 'if' the check never happened? Would there still be this 'change of heart', NC letter?

Wondering....wondering....wondering..... Nope don't think so.

But I am not there, u r. Becareful. Me thinks someone is trying to pull her skirt up and the wool over your eyes.

Listen to JL...... let the banks and the law do what they must. Right now there isn't much 4 u 2 do. When the time comes 4 u 2 do your part, u will know.

Sit back and watch the drama. Put your staff on orange alert. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.