Cy, thanks for your prayers and comments as always. This site really was a saving grace for me. I always appreciated everyone's comments and opinions no matter what they were and truly know I am now a better person after all of the crap I went through.

I think the ultimate question is DO YOU want this marriage or not. It sounds like you do not but I sense more reluctance after receiving the NC letter. I realize your emotions are running wild. I think Orchid has some very valid comments to consider. What do you feel? Your WS seems to be reaching out to you at this most critical juncture as I will attest to as I went through a similar sitch as my divorce ended at the 11th hour. I went to Mass and said many prayers for God to steer me in the right direction and left it up to him. I really thought we were done and my love extinguished but I had to go through and incredibly angry period of bitternes and hate towards her to find not only me but God once again in my Life.

I quoted actions speak louder than words...and then comes the NC letter....this is huge to me but also somewhat suspicious. Only you will know what to do as it is your Life. My guess is she will try to contact you very soon. Let the chips fall where they may based upon what YOU want.

Best regards as always.

Nature

I agree with Orchid. Your WW is in big trouble, needs you to get her out of it, and suddenly, magically, a NC letter appears?

Uh-huh.

What a coinky-dink.

Please don't fall for this, Cy. You have had enough pain already.
Mulan

Cy, I want to know if your love bank has had any movement lately .... up or down ....

Cy,

I also agree with Orchid.Just too much of a convenient time to do the 'ole NC letter.

It reminds me of the time I had had it with my WH.He was trying to tell me it was over with OW only he wouldn't send the NC letter.So I told him that was no longer acceptable and he made a mad dash to get it done and even sent me a copy that very hour and asked, "How is this?" He got scared and then he did what he thought was the right thing but for all the wrong reasons.He never intended on ending it with the homewrecker and contact continued.He just got stuck in a bad scene,was risking losing one of his "women" and this was his ticket out,or so he thought.

Your WW's timing is very suspicious and I would not believe she has had a change of heart.She is in a big mess and is looking for ways out.I don't want you to get hurt so do be careful by trusting her when this is all being done the wrong way.I have seen it happen before and I wish I could remember one other guy here who something similar happened to but it all crumbled.

Protect yourself.

O

Just became aquainted with your sitch for the first time. I am really sorry for you have to even deal with this. I tend to agree with the general opinion to let her deal with this on her own. Maintain your integrity and she will have to build her own integrity by coming to gripa with what she has chosen to do.

As far as the Divorce, only you can answer whether you want to even consider trying to save the M at this late date. Can you take some time to just sort out your own thoughts?
IMHO, it's never too late to save a M until the D is final. The question for you is do you want to risk it?

Loni

Your wife has not hit rock bottom yet. As a matter of fact I think she has not changed a bit and she knows how to play you like a fiddle.

She was caught stealing thousands of dollars from you and she wants off the hook.

If it were me I wouldn't lie for her or shield her. If you come to her rescue I am sure you will be rewarded with a nice kick in the crotch.

Now having said that I know you are a better man than me. I have read your story and I know that you loved her vrey much. The person that you loved is gone and I doubt you will ever see her again.

I wish you well. I hate to see good honest people get hosed by dishonest people. Take care of yourself.

All my friends,

Had to go to a movie last night just to get away from everything. For the life of me, I can't remember what I saw.

Like I said before ,once I reported the check to the bank, actions were started that I no longer have any control over.The bank and the system will take over in that regards.

What I do have control over is my life. Last night , all I could hear in my head were the words of my oft quoted Dr Dobson. Like SAA his book is amazingly accurate.

Yesterday my WW told me she wanted things back the way they were. Words I would have gladly died to hear months ago. But like Dr Dobson's last CD of Tough Love predicts, I don't think that I really want her back.

Thanks to all for your kind advice. Lemon, I hope I haven't disappointed you too much.

HI Cymanca,

I had a somewhat similar experience (but on a much smaller scale)

I THINK.... you may be able to relate to my story.... and........my solution could be a good compromise for you as well......

Shortest version I can:
My WW came over to our home a while back.... while she was leaving I responded to something nasty she said with something about money (how much I DIDN'T have to give her)

She got VERY VERY mad and threw a rock through the window.

I called the police because I wanted to "document" the incident.
When the police arrived they asked "Which way did she go" "what was she driving" ....etc.....

I asked why and they said they were going to arrest her....
I told them that wasn't necessary as I wasn't pressing charges... I just wanted it "on the record"

They told me that if I didn't tell them they had to arrest ME!!


So after a couple of minutes talking to them I convinced them to let me call her and tell her to "turn herself in"

Well she turned herself in and a week later the DA called me and wanted to discuss the case with me.

Now my WW is a Nurse that works for the state.... if she was convicted ( even if there was no fine or jail time) she would have LOST her NURSING license!!


What I told the DA (who wanted to throw the book at her) was this.....

My W is not acting like a very nice person right now...
She certainly deserves to be punished in some way.... BUT.... it WAS a momentary act and shouldn't have LIFE ALTERING consequences....

And MORE importantly..... SHE IS A GREAT NURSE... if you take away her license you aren't punishing her.... you are punishing her PATIENTS........they need her....

The DA and I worked out that my WW would be ORDERED to go to anger management./... and to pay for the window... and her case was put on file pending a probationary period of 6 months....

WITHOUT A DOUBT.... my WW obviously made a VERY BAD decision.....BUT it was a WS in a fog and angry......One my WIFE probably would have NEVER made....

I felt it a good FAIR solution because......

I didn't lie.......
I didn't coddle her......
Her bad actions DID have consequences......
BUT.... my WS's actions..... didn't destroy my WIFE'S career........

The other sidebar to this story.... until the court date and for a while after my W HATED me BLAMED me.... etc.... foggy for sure... but she was soooo hurt that I would let her be arrested...etc....

And in your case.... unless your WW is pretty stupid... (not foggy stupid....stupid...stupid) I can't see how she thought she would EVER be able to "Get away" with the money.... I mean you know her better but maybe she really intended to "split" even if it wasl after in the settlement......

GOOD LUCK AND PRAYERS..... FRANK

Yes Pep, I acknowledge hat it was rude. I do apologize for that. But if you read the history behind this situation you can see that all along WW has been disrespectful and inconsiderate of Cymanca. At the same time he has been as considerate and honorable in all his actions.

BIGGER This is the simple beauty and Grace filled message of Christs love....

that inspite of
and no matter her treatment...
even this check signing...

cymanca remains honorable and considerate....
not accepting unnacceptable onslaughts in to his world..but moving with Grace.....

kicking her now would be letting the dark side win...
(just watched return of the Sith...can ya tell)..


ARK

all right having read this now..

lets ask this...

can we have it both ways...

do we agree that sometimes people do need to hit rock bottom to have the wake up call needed to move from inertia or bad actions to good??

AND

if we believe this then how and when do we decide what is rock bottom for someone else....

would she say these things IF she wasn't in trouble...

I dunno know...

is that as important as WHAT she is saying AND what her ACTIONS are or become....

I dunno know....

do we want a WS to forever be a WS and have them seal their own coffin forever...
OR
do we believe that people can change the way they think and see things.....

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

musing out outloud.............

it is my opinion that in human nature...most of us need to hit some type of bottom to iniate great change....

some people live in very very shallow pools...while others flounder in the dark deep murky waters for a long long time...

ARK

Please help,

Thank for the post. I may not like a lot of things about my WW but she is a great Speech Pathologist. And I would have said the same thing on D-day.

Ark,

I wish that I could truly measure up to the very many kind words written about my actions. My personal philosophy has always been that I am 100% responsible for everything that happens inmy life. When you take that thru your day, it uncomplicates so many of the puzzles of life.

Cymanca,

You have to ask yourself this question....

Is she only "sorry" because she doesn't want to be prosecuted?

Lady

Ladysheep,

What I do or don't do will not change the course she has put herself on. Only the bank has that power..

We all really like you CY ... can you tell?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Cy:

I'm trying 2 stay gone for a while, but I had 2 chime in here. The NC letter was 'okay', but the timing is 2 coinkydinkular for comfort. Also, she shouldn't have said that the hopes the OM has a happy life or whatever it was (though she probably shouldn't say anything like "I hope you wind up in the ground" either, as that will happen soon enough for all of us).

But shouldn't there be at least 2 or 3 additional NC letters?

not that it matters 2 you, though.

I like your high road. the view is sublime from up there.

-ol' 2long

2long,

You are absolutely correct that she needs to write a few more NC letters. She also needs to write some apology letters to people that she has hurt badly by her actions. And I hope she writes them. I don't want nor do I need to see them.

You're good people Cy.

The high road may be rockier than the low road, but the view is awesome from up here.

I pulled a "dorry" ... wrong thread <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Cyman.

Quote:
===============================
My personal philosophy has always been that I am 100% responsible for everything that happens inmy life. When you take that thru your day, it uncomplicates so many of the puzzles of life.
===============================

I guess you know I believe exactly the same thing. What happens to your wife is a matter between her, law enforcement and God. I wouldn't want to try and circumvent whatever consequences are headed her way due to her own actions. She made the bad choices.

Not getting what she needs from those choices could do her far more harm for the rest of her life than a short stay in jail.

God bless,
Gimble

Like I said before ,once I reported the check to the bank, actions were started that I no longer have any control over.The bank and the system will take over in that regards.

When you reported the check to the bank that was the first step in you prosecuting her. The Bank won't be prosecuting her unless they are "out" that money. If a stop payment was placed on it...the check is returned and the Bank debits her account that amount..plus a fee. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

If her account is in an overdraft status because of that check being stopped, that will result in the bank going after her. They won't be the ones prosecuting her for forgery...you will be the one that signs the affadavit to prosecute.

Also, if another check is being issued to replace that one, if she is entitled to half of it, she might want that half to go toward the deficit in her account. That will aid in bringing her account to a positive balance and the bank is out of the picture then...other than to testify for you when you prosecute for forgery. Forging is not only stealing someone's money, it is also stealing another person's signature and identity. That is why you will be the one proseuting.

I worked in banking for many years, and I've seen this more times than I care to count...and I know that unless you prosecute for THAT check being forged, the bank won't get involved with that particular check. They will just want money to bring that account current. And, more than likely they will promptly close her account and place her on the "do not open an account for" list. Her half of that 12k would probably take care of that, so the bank could care less what happens then. They are ONLY concerned with it if it affects them being "out" the money.

Well...at least that is the way it was when I was in banking years ago. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Lord...wordy wordy wordy..

committed