committed,

Thanks for info, a lot different than what I have been able to get from my banker. They have recently been acquired by a huge foreign bank and perhaps their is a different way of handling these incidents from bank to bank?

Thanks so much

Still here. Never left.. Just observing, watching, learning and taking personal notes on what works and what does not work on winning a spouse back... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


As far as your situation goes now.... They almost always come back WHEN they FEEL you have let go. Most people on here are stuck on believing it is the plan B. It isn't. It is the feeling the WS gets when you finally take off all pressure to come back to you. It isn't about plan A or Plan B. It is about doing the things in my signature line... Many on here are stuck on what plan they are in. They are missing the boat because it isn't the plan you are in, but the way you are perceived by the WS. Once you take off all pressure to save the marriage, is when they finally get to wonder if they are doing the right thing and if they have gone to far. That is when their own guilt can set in because up until you let go, they deflect their guilt back on you because you are pressuring them to come back, even though their FEELINGS are elsewhere. That's why you can't get them back until they FEEL you have let go and until they FEEL you will be and can be perfectly fine without them. It isn't the plan B. It isn't the plan A. It is the letting go and the confident,respect yourself spirit you present to them that works....


Now for your newest dilemma...

Do whatever you can to help her out here. DO NOT LET THEM PROSECUTE HER without you trying to help stop the process.

There is NO REASON whatsoever to prosecute her or to make her go through this. It is STUPID of anyone to say different......


Let it go. Forgive her (for the forged check) help her and move on.. Tell her you understand why she forged( "signed") your name, tell her it is no big deal and move on ("keepmovn4wrd" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)... Women are not attracted to men who try to punish them or those who come across like they hold a grudge. Pepperband and the others are wrong for advising you to let her take her own medicine for this. Real men don't do things like that. Let it go. No biggie...


That doesn't mean you take her back with open arms into a relationship...

I have also worked in banking. I have experience as a teller that cashed a forged check <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />. Not exactly what one wants on their resume.

We had a couple who came in weekly and she would always cash a check. It varied but was usually about $4-500. It was always on her account and he was just a boyfriend. He was usually involved, either with her at the time or later he would cash the check she had written out to him. It was an account we didn't even check to see if the funds were there because we were that familiar with them and the routine.

Well one day she comes in wanting to know why she was overdrawn. So we start looking around in her account and she pulls out a check and says "I didn't write this check". Sure enough she didn't and guess who cashed it? Yep. Me. The boyfriend had written a check and signed her name and came in and cashed it. At the point she was in the bank, we learned that they had broken up previous to the forged check.

I was not fired. I don't remember even getting in trouble. I think the general consesus was that he had done a dang good job of forgery and that it could have been any one of us. Luckily I think he was caught and I think (not real sure) that the bank/account holder all came out o.k. in the end.

I know the rules have changed some since my days at the bank and it is much more strict. I think one thing that has changed or is more strictly enforced is with government checks. I have noticed personally with our tax checks etc. that if they are written out to 2 people that no matter what both parties have to sign or be on the account for deposit.

That would be the tellers responsibility to look for since that is the rule...but I know chit happens and mistakes are made. So, I guess I can sympathize with her but there are definately grounds for being fired <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I hope it all works out for you Cymanca. It is definately an interesting tale and I admire your integrity through this whole thing.

Cymanca,

Yes, It is possible that they do things differently because of that.

You're Welcome.

committed

P.S. For what it's worth, I do lean toward NOT doing anything other than getting another check issued and BOTH of you taking it to the bank for it to be split. I wouldn't relish the questions from the DA...the court appearances...the delays. The attorney's fees alone could take up that amount making it a costly lesson for her but also a costly nuisance for you. Chances are you will have to retain an attorney if it turns into a civil matter. Who needs it....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Committed,
I don't see the bank doing much either as the check was probably not returned to the bank (unless the checks are inspected at the issuing bank for endorsement??) If the check has not been returned to Cy's bank for forged endorsement then the bank is not out the money. It is then between Cy and his STBXW and the bank. It could go a few different ways from there.

Keepmovn4r,

Wow, what a surprise! So nice to hear from you. Like I said, I never forgot what you had written and your early posts have governed my actions throughout(along with Dr Dobson).

Pipe in anytime. And thanks for your insight. It may not help my situation any longer but I hope all the other posters pay attention to what was done and why it was apparently succesful.

married,

Yes...I don't see the bank being out any money unless the US Treasury sends a request through because of "forgery" and then it would only be because cymanca requested it.

If she deposited the money and has spent the majority of it...then it becomes problematic.

They simply don't check the back for correct endorsements UNLESS someone reports theft, fraud, forgery...things of that nature.

We had people want to claim fogeries on their checking account and funds being returned to their accounts because of the "forgery". My bank made it mandatory that NO monies would be returned due to forgery unless the customer signed an affadavit promising to prosecute the forger...no matter WHO it was. If they refused to do that...no monies were returned to them.

The banks here do not sue for forgeries...the person whose signature was forged has to...if they want their money back.

Banks might have their own in-house policies too which makes it hard to guess what they will do.

committed

gee, thanks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Dang Ark...I like that analogy...wish I would have thought of it myself.....come to think of it, I think I did "coin" that analogy, please give me the bibiliographic reference in the future.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow.....I think I have seen it all.

SO in essence you are saying that real men don't let people remain accountable for their actions. Ok, I guess if you say so.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> What a joke.

But alas, I will let this one go....I certainly do not ever need someone to tell me what a "real man" is in this life.


I have no doubt that there are countless people walking the face of the earth who are thankful that this "unreal" man was on this earth the night life dealt them or their loved one a bad blow.

LOL.....things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem

LOL.....CY <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I consider us kinship, even if you are a meat head "bone doc"....one thing you can be certain of in this life, is that you don't ever have to think of changing to please me.

I re-read your post, and put myself in your situation, and I understand. It is tough.....and ofcourse easy for any of us to give you advice knowing full well we don't have to live with any of the consequences of that advice.

Not much else to say. I have my opinion on the matter...and you have read countless others....does it really matter in the end what we think?

Your a smart man, and you will no doubt do what is RIGHT for you....that, I have no question about.

Later

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry keepmovn4wrd but that statement is nothing more than pretzel logic at it finest. Cy's manhood [or for that matter any other honorable male BS here in this forum] is not defined/dependent by whether or not he is willing to rescue the inmature female to whom he is still legally married to from the consequences of her stupid [and possibly criminal] actions. In fact, in this case anyway, it is more appropriate to say that: 'Real women don't do things like that'.

TMCM

Absolutely. Dumbest. Advice. Ever.

Thank God you didnt spout this to DaniinVA when her hubby forged checks and cashed them.

And this situation no way compares to throwing a rock through a window (as inferred by another poster).


Women aren't attracted to spineless men, either.

Doesn't that advice actually go against the whole intent of Plan B which Cy has put an extreme amount of effort into?

It's not his place to "bail" WW out her, this is the reality SHE created.

Cy's role would have been different if he'd had the opportunity to be the H.... WW wasn't interested in his help before, nor was she interested in the devastation she's caused him, but he should jump all over himself now because she's gotten herself in a pickle?

Isn't there a part of anyone that offers she considered the consequence BEFORE action taking the action, and already kind of KNEW...Cy wouldn't do her "harm"?

Such is the life of the WW detached from reality.

I say she's highly overdue for the wakeup call. Cy has had to maintain his career, his demeanor, his self esteem, through all this.

WW didn't do so much running to help HIM when he was down.

I'm sorry things come to this sometimes...but in all honestly...this is how this usually works.

Everyone,

After 2-3 phone calls from my WW that I could not answer since Friday, I got this email from her tonight

//Cymanca,

I've been doing a lot of thinking this weekend. Seeing you in your office put me in a state of confusion. I have tried calling you and dropping by your office many times over the months. I'm certain you're aware but have been avoiding me. Despite some of the things you said to me on Wednesday, I think that in your heart, you never really wanted me back. If that's the case, I think we both deserve to get on with our lives. I saw you the other night with L( my ex-girlfriend) and you looked happy. Believe it or not, that's all I ever wanted for you. I'm just sorry I wasted 9 years of our lives. ///

She then details how we should deal with all of our property, in very exacting detail.

To me it seems a repudiation of the character of her NC letter, while also placing the blame for the demise of the M on me.

That is my take on it. What is yours?

Hm..... writing in the fog..... Hm..... me thinks u r right on the $$.

She is waving bait and expects you t/b taken to the cleaners, graciously....maybe even thank her for all this?

Trying to lay guilt on you is right. To the untrained eye, this could look like a good letter but reading all the words shows otherwise.

Be cautious and play it safe. Don't get caught in any 'rip tides'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

I mentioned she would try contacting you soon and here it is.

The paragraph you quoted above is again, IMHO, her trying to reach out to you and see where you are at...something is wrong in her life at this time, maybe her OM are no longer around paying attention to her, that is my guess. Does she really want the M? Probably not but she is having doubts about the D and trying to feel you out. I also went through a similar situation.

Yes, this does seem to discount the NC letter, if she really wanted this there would be action. The additional comments about dividing property also seem to back that up. I mean, why write the NC letter and then this? She is very confused at this time and looking to you for validation.

Again, it's up to you, dear Cy, the ball is firmly in your court. I would follow orchid's cautious approach. My guess is this type of see-saw behaviour will continue, she is on the fence still and looking to see who will catch her once she falls.

Best of luck.

Nature

Nature,

If you read this,do let us know how you are doing with your W.Last I heard you were doing well.If you don't wish to respond that is ok.Hope you and your W are doing well.

O

-sorry for the TJ Cy.In all honesty,I do think your siutation is different than Natures' since I/we followed that all along.I truly think this confusion is based solely on the huge risks going on and what she did,not for any truthful desire to end it with OM and reconcile but that's just my opinion.

Cymanca, It has been an interesting turn of events...although I have not posted....I have been lurking and following your progress.

I was just wondering if you had ever written a Plan B letter which you could refer WS to? I agree with many who have posted here that say that WS has done "just enough" no more or no less than what is necessary to keep her in the game....the fog has lifted some for her to see some reality, but would a real lifting of the fog be, "what are ALL the necessary steps it would take for me to return"?

I do think you have her thinking....funny thing how facing reality has a way of making that happen.

Stay strong, Cymanca....you are doing great....the truth will set you free.

CY,
Very end of my workday and I see this post!

First things first. Walk upright. Tell the truth.

Secondly, who gives a darn what she thinks. At this stage, this marriage is about what you want. The only change that will come, will be the divorice or the restoration of the marriage. Where you two are at now, you WILL KNOW when she comes to you repentantly. I think you will have NO DOUBT about her intentions. Until then, I would keep on trucking...the timing of this stuff, it's garbage, and I wouldn't believe it. Hard times do not equate into repentance, and honestly, that is the only way for you to be able to forgive her completely (I believe--I know it's not true, you forgiving her is completely on you, but, she has to make some drastic changes for you to be able to move forwards.)

Anyways...imo, you ain't there yet. Keep moving forwards in your Plan B. Let her weave whatever lies she needs to tell herself to make her feel good. You know what kind of man you are, and where you stand, wash her opinion aside.

Hang in there.