Gimble,

No I haven't. I will try to hunt one down. I am a big movie buff.

I did see Spanglish last night and the similarities between Tea Leoni's character and my WW's was spooky.

Well, I'll be damned..I saw that movie too yesterday on Showtime or Cinemax (can't remember which one).

Dang TIVO taped it for me thinking I would like it...and you know what........I DID. Not a bad movie. Not something I would have ordinarily sought out, but I liked it all the same.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

reviving the already dead ... does not a joyful reunion make

Pep,

Quote:
//reviving the already dead//

I thought that was what Viagra was for???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Just because you don't understand what I am talking about doesn't mean Cy doesn't. It isn't what he thinks about himself that matters, but what SHE thinks of him. If he wants to prosecute her, then it is fine by me. I beg to differ. It is not a smart move.
Here is just one example of why it isn't...
Suppose she gets convicted of a felony and then they get back together. She now has a felony on her record. At that point it not only becomes her problem but HIS as well. Things like credit reports, things like filling out resumes, and too many other things that are too numerous too mention. It can never be taken away... NEVER...
THINK....

As far as "real women" don't do such things... I agree. However, she isn't asking advice. HE is. She confessed what she did, she has tried to make it right, and said she was sorry. HE needs to forgive her and move on. He shold still play his cards close to his vest on getting back together. They are not one and the same YET...


Go ahead.... You guys keep giving him the advice to let her pay her own consequences for this and I will watch and learn what happens. It will not bring them back together. It is punitive in THIS case.

keepmovn,

Thanks for keeping an eye out for me. Seeing that you are getting gabby <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> ( two responses in couple of days); Can I ask you what you would consider my next move(if any) should be. We spend a HUGE amount of time trying to get to the NC or reapproachment time but very little on the actual R.

I am definitely not in or near R but how should it be structured in your opinion?

Thanks in advance for your answer.

to keepmovin -

I agree. When does the time come when we start to look through the eyes of love and compassion, and let the role of victim/blame go?

Cymanca is no longer in severe pain, in need of protection from the selfish and hurtful actions of his WW. He has the scars now which will shield him from any future onslought.

Never will he feel the same intensity of pain, shock and grief as he already has. And no longer does Cy need to be a victim.

He is the victor now, because he took the high road...and still has compassion for his WW.

I think she will bottom out now either way...if you take her back Cymanca or if you do not. The wheel has started and will continue in it's spin until she does.

I don't know if you will end up together or not in the future, but I know either way you are going to find great love...because it lives inside you.

But Cymanca, you are no longer the victim here. You are in the drivers seat, and you can conduct any property settlement, reconciliation, friendship from that position.

You have come so far from the man who made the Christmas card and the pictures. What pain you were in back then.

As so many of us have.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

keep:

I apologize for not coming 2 your defense a 2ple days ago. I'd been thinking about it.

Bottom line, I think you're right. In this case, why not be helpful if it's no sweat off Cy's stones 2 do so?

High road stuff. Not rocket surgery (forgot who I ripped that off her on MB).

The "plans" and the stuff that goes along with them are for self-preservation, not malice.

-ol' 2long

Weaver,

I am sure my WW would have written it that I was a pain , not in pain. I agree that I am in the driver's seat. But I am all gassed up and looking at the maps spread out in front of me and wondering how I get to that place called future.

I think this is the $64,000 question, is it not??

Is there a chance, an inkling, a neutrino size possibility that this may happen??

As has been said "ANYTHINGS POSSIBLE!!" But is this?

Cyman, could this ever be an option?

k

Cym:

Sorry about your sitch but until your ww eliminates any and all contact, it will be difficult, if not impossible for her to reconnect with you. In my experience, the ww must go through WD and the time period they blame the BS for taking away the love of their, their OP.

You must continue to accept the majority of the blame for things you never did, for the marriage problem that you didn't cause, and for the anti-spouse feelings your WW has for you. Your redemption day will come much later. It may take 6 to 9 months for remorse and for some reconnection to happen. In the mean time, you must suffer your just due as all of us BS's had to do for reasons unbeknown to us.

Don't expect a victory over the defeated, don't expect good will win over evil, simply hope that you can survive against the most difficult of the battles to fight, and that is your spouse falling in love with another person at your expense. You must remember they feel the same for their lover as they felt for you when they fell in love with you many years ago.

This love they feel is so real to them, even though it is built on fantasy. Don't give up hope. You are a smart man but you are fighting the devil himself.

TooSoon

CY, help a brother out here.....I am confused here.

Did she say whe wants to "reconcile", did she say that she will end all contact with the OM and wants to work out the marriage and halt the divorce, has she shown you actions that would indicate that Do you still love her? I am lost, between her NC letter to you, and to him, and then assett dividing, and pretzel twisting and bank fraud charges. Where the he## does this all stand today. Not interpretations of intrepreations, just facts.

Lem

Lem

krusht,

I have 20 months and at least 3 OM's to forgive and forget. Before all of this started I would have crawled through broken glass to get a CHANCE to get her back if the shoe were on the other foot. I can't see that happening with my WW.

Never say never and having been on these forums since 4-04 and seeing things in medicine that don't make any rational sense, who am I to deny God his choice if it occurs?

BTW God if you are listening, I don't like subtle signs. Make it BIG.

Oh boy..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Cy, have you been sniffing the "funny stuff" on the other side of the table....? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemon,

She sent me the NC letter after coming to my office to say she wanted things the way they were and telling me that she couldn't find a better husband. She also wanted me to sign a tax check on which she had forged my name. I refused to sign the check. I have not spoken to her since that day one week ago but she has sent me several emails. The divorce process is going forward, it was never derailed.

Sorry to be so confusing but I have tried to report her actions as they happened. The general conversation here has been in regards to her state of mind, is she truly contrite, and has she done enough to effect a reconciliation.

A resounding no to the last question. I remain pretty much "dark" as before.

The other question is "Would you be willing to take her back". The answer to that is I don't think so.

I hope that clears things up but if not fire away and I will answer to the best of my ability.

Lemon,

Naw, they just changed the soda cannisters in the anesthesia machines yeterday. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Lol....nice... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was wondering...it was just a premature ventricular contraction I see...."my bad".

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Lemon,

I am leaving for a meeting in a couple of minutes. If you have a chance, I would really appreciate some input from you post D of almost one year. How is your life? Are you dating? Do you run into ExW? Do you still see her mother? How is life treating you? and the big one ARE YOU HAPPY WITH NO REGRETS?

Spookier- I watched it for the first time yesterday as well, on HBOHD.
When the Sandler character talks about how he heard a sound in his head when the WW confesses... I'd been there and I almost bawled my eyes out.

I didnt like the ending, though...