Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#1518367 11/09/05 09:06 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 406
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 406
Questions on the NC Note:

Email or letter?

How do you ensure the OP get's it?

What if the BS sends the OP a NC note of their own before they read MB?? (Hey, it could happen!? ;-) Why is that good or bad if done right.. I will explain my experience with this later.

What if S wants to add their own message in the letter? Not the idea, right? It's all for the BS to feel good and confident that A has ended. S is not ready to send since S wants NO contact with OM, so should I be happy with that and leave it alone?

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 406
E
Member
OP Offline
Member
E
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 406
What.. No BS here has ever sent the OM a message themselves, before the WS sent a NC letter?

What about addressing the matter with the OM face to face? Mano to Mano...
Come on..

Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 113
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 113
I have and all it did was have my wife and the OM say they are just friends. Still working on this though. well see more in the future.


BS 31 (me) FWW 31 (her) M - 9.5 years DD - 7 DD - 15 (step daughter) DDay - 10/2003 EA DDay - 10/2005 EA DDay - 05/2006 EA, 1/10/2007 found out was PA, 1 sexual encounter Trying to rebuild what I once had.
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
N
NSR Offline
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
In general, a BS shouldn't give the A any credance...
...and the MB principles say the focus is on the marriage (BS and WS) relationship... and not the (WS and OP)!

Discuss NO CONTACT with the WS...
...not the OP.

Jim/NSR

NSR #1518371 11/14/05 09:22 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 113
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 113
Last night I discussed with WS my feelings further on OP. I told her not only do I want to go with my gut feelings but with the support here and my family, that all contact needs to stop. I was surprised she didn't put up a fuss. I just got 'ok'. don't know if she's doing it to shut me up, but it's a step in many to come.

today at work my two supervisors sat down to talk with me. i explained everything to them. I'm very happy with their support and help the try to offer. I think they are looking more to keep peace at the workplace. I was talking with a friend at work and brought up having to call that other dept and got the OP. My friend didn't know what was going on at the time. I asked him if he knew him. I played it like OP left a bad impression.

my friend said he knew him and that he was a bit out there. I'm like out there scary, weird, what. He said, not sure but by his motions it wasn't pretty. He asked why i was asking, so i told him. He's like i need to get ws away. He feels OP may cause some real problems, like real bad problems. We never had a chance to go in it further since we departed back to our desks after lunch. I get the feeling this can turn into some violence. I did talk with HR, they can't do anything unless ws says something, but anything off the clock, away from work property or functions, i'm free to do what ever with no threat to my job.

I have managed to get OP address, so if ws decided to pull another i want to go out with my friends act, i know where to start.

Last edited by LostAndNeedHelp; 11/14/05 09:23 PM.

BS 31 (me) FWW 31 (her) M - 9.5 years DD - 7 DD - 15 (step daughter) DDay - 10/2003 EA DDay - 10/2005 EA DDay - 05/2006 EA, 1/10/2007 found out was PA, 1 sexual encounter Trying to rebuild what I once had.
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
N
NSR Offline
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Sep 1999
Posts: 5,406
Followup...

Quote
Email or letter?
...registered letter

Quote
How do you ensure the OP get's it?
...registered letter

Quote
What if the BS sends the OP a NC note of their own before they read MB??
...that's OK... but make sure the 'content' is correct...
...if not, have the WS send a 'correct' one.

Quote
What if S wants to add their own message in the letter?
NO! NO! and I repeat NO!
You should fully review and approve the letter.

Jim

NSR #1518373 11/29/05 10:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 13
T
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
T
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 13
The NCL issue is flawed. IF the WS does't want to stop contact, all they have to do is email or phone the OP and tell them to ignore the letter. What should a BS do then?


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 31 guests, and 52 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Overcomer4513, caraduke, Convict20, GTNY, Avianna
71,737 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,550
Posts2,322,811
Members71,737
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5