Just when I think that things are on the up and up a bombshell hits. Well H has being acting very strange lately. I mean angry outburst for no reason at all. For the last month or so I have been trying to get him to open up, but nothing was working. Well I at one point just gave up and just left him to himself. Well I was also doing a little detective work because he behavior was just too peculiar. Well I found a woman's number in his cell which it seems there has been alot of contact. I wrote the number down, but never called. Well while H was cleaning the leaves from the yard I overheard a conversation H was having with his aunt about protecting his income for child support purposes. I though at that point he was planning on leaving me. Well I confronted him, and he looked at me like I was insane. I didn't let up so easy. I called the number and some older lady answered and said she didn't know my H and didn't know what I was talking about. Well I hung up, and less than a half hour later I get a phone call from the same number but a different person. She told me that she was five months pregnant with my H's child. I was so hurt and devasted. We just got custody of oc #1 and now look. I don't know if I even want this marriage anymore. I am so confused. H still has not said anything to me even though he knows I know. I'm sure he is thinking that there is a possibility it is not his, so I'm sure he didn't plan on me knowing this soon. Well the cat is out of the box, and he has turned my world upside down yet again. Hurt and so angry. I know that I don't wan't anything to do with this oc.

Oh my gosh. It hurts just reading, and I cannot even imagine your devastation. In light of your opening your heart and HOME to oc#1 and now this....!!

This man is outside his mind! To blow it again, just boggles my mind and I'm hurt and angry for you.

Hang onto God and we'll be here for you. Do you have other kids at home? Counselor? I'm sorry I've forgotten your details.

Keep breathing; take good care of yourself, please. Don't make any rash decisions yet.

A prayer and angel wings around you,
J

I don't want to make any rash decisions right not, but right now I hate him. I still love dearly the three kids in the home that including oc. Why would he do this yet again? I'm thinking the elevator has stopped short somewhere. He is crazy and I can't begin to understand. She told me that it was a boy and that he will take care of the baby even if she has to go to child support. She told me that your have a relative on the way booh.... talking about me wanting to throw up. I told her I'm not your booh and your on your own. The nerve of her to tell me to get ready. Her elevator has even stopped. I don't want to introduce my kids to another oc why should I have too? I don't know honestly what I'm going to do. I have to do some prayer work, and hope you guys will keep me in yours. The ink has not even dryed from the custody of oc #1 and he has dropped his pants again. Yuck!!

We have not been to marriage counseling even though I have begged him to. At this point I am just giving up. I don't know what is worth it anymore. I just can't believe that this has turned out to be my life. I was thinking about staying at a friend's house tonight with the kids. I don't know what I should do exactly but I need him to talk to me. I feel like if he doesn't talk then it would just get pushed under the rug until March when she is suppose to be due. I'm at a real loss right now.

WELL at least you have time to get your custody order in before she starts hers and to be nice to your husband you will take as much as you can from him lol Then when you really feel like leaving him your all set for money and all the details are worked out like the home is in your name ect. Just to protect the assets of the family before the ow2 has any oc2 to go after him with.... that is exactly what I would do if I were you... get it all legal now and all in your name so he will have no choice but to take care of you and your children if and when you decide to leave him.

>>>>Oh by the way can I sock him in the gut for ya? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm thinking about what to do to protect my family, but my mind is wondering in so many different directions I can't begin to know what to do. I'm just sad right now.

{{not}}} I don't know what to say...please find an attorney fast. You don't have to make a decision about D yet but get yourself some good legal advice.

I feel so sorry for you. My heart truly goes out to you. I'm speechless. I know there are ladies here to help you. God bless you.

I'm sorry you have found yourself there again. No one can tell you what to do or how to handle this. Only give you support and suggestions. There are a few ladies on here that have two OC's. I for one, would not do two. A are selfish and bringing these children into the adult situations is very wrong to me. But sometimes crap happens and people are truely sorry and want to change and make their lives better. SOME DON'T and NEVER "DO". In working on my M, I at first wanted to change my H and how he does / says things. But I've learned I can't change him, just me. If your H doesn't want to change and make your M better and your life together better, what else is there for you to do?? Keep standing by him with all the while him going out being selfish and YOUR taking care of his OC?? No not me, I personally couldn't / wouldn't stay with someone who continues to disrespect me and our M as such. We have C and I love and enjoy Baby A, as much as my own. But couldn't open my heart to yet another selfish action from H as another oc. I will keep you in my prayers and please get someone to talk to. If he wont do the MC then YOU need to go to the IC. Work on YOU sister !!!
Sunny d

I don't know what I'm capable of doing, or even what I feel like doing. I know alot of people who would just jump the ship right away but I just don't know. My 2 yr old is a night owl and when she heard her dad walk through the door last night she starts yelling mommy daddy, daddy's home! She kept repeating this until I responded. I tell ya my heart just broke. I like to talk about it on here rather than telling my friends because they would just shun me for still being in the home, or even thinking anything other than divorce. I don't know if I stayed if I would ever be able to trust him or even want to deal with the baby mama drama that comes along with these types of situations. I was lucky the first time but I wouldn't dare count on it again. To those who may have 2nd oc what are your experiences as well? This situation just bites bad, and I'm having such a hard time thinking of anything else.

NDIY - Wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't.

I'm very, very sorry you're having to deal with this a second time.

I don't remember your story, but it's my guess, you have been the one in the relationship who's been making sure OC and all issues surrounding were taken care of.

The only thing I can say, is YOU need to start taking care of YOU now. If you're able try IC sessions, they may be of benefit. Friends and this board are great, but many times a completely outside perspective is needed.

It certainly gives you another perspective and ways to cope.

Last night we had a huge blowup and he left. When he came home I confronted him about the possible oc #2 and he tried not to talk to me. He is a huge avoider. Well one thing lead to another with him leaving saying I can have the house. Well not long after his aunt called with whom I heard the conversation with between him about income. She blamed me for him leaving saying I let outside influences turn my marriage upside down that I shouldn't listen to what others say. She said that the possible oc #2 was a lie and that should would call the girl. Well this morning one of my good friends also confirmed that someone told her that my H had another baby on the way about a month ago and that she didn't want to be the one to tell me. He left the house but oc #1 is still with me. Please help me out guys I'm confused. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Well conflict avoider or not, you need the truth and he can either tell you or avoid it??? Hunny this is NOT the way God intended your M to be. If its a lye then he, for one should want to ease your doubts. He expects you to meet his needs and stand by him no matter what, but he wont give you what you need and that is the truth. And why is it possible for him to talk things over with his aunt and not you? He is not M to her and his income and money frankly is none of her business. There are families that cover up the OC for YEARS, thnking it helps the WS and it doesn't.
Sunny

If when I return home today and find that he has removed his belongings from the house what should I do about oc #1. Do I continue to take care of him I wouldn't want him to drag a child through this. I don't know maybe I shouldn't care so much.

ndiy,
Only you can decide.

There's at least 2 ways of looking at this.

One: your H is the Legal Guardian and you have no legal rights to OC, yes? Legally, H is responsible (unless you are included in custody order?), and if he or the mother cannot or willnot care for OC, it falls to social services. You have plenty on your plate.

Two: what do you think is best for OC? Who is OC bonded to? Do you love OC? Is the mother incompetent or involved? Is your H incapable? Foster care isn't known for its stability either. Would bio-parents be willing to allow OC to be adopted out? Do YOU want to raise OC? Would another relative? Stability and love is what every child does best with, and this whole situation is pretty unstable!

Those are long-term questions, and maybe you are just looking at TODAY. In that case, what are you most comfortable with today? Usually, the less uproar for the kids (status quo), the better Mom (you) feels, but it's up to you Lady.

Please get individual counseling and legal advice. PLEASE! You need someone on your side! Your H, his relatives, and OW sound BATTY!!!!

(((((Hugs)))))
J

PS You care so much because a loving human being thinks of others---no need to feel guilty for that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Too bad your H didn't think of it first <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

NDIY, jeez that is a tough situation. some people just never learn do they.

Sunny is right, this is not the way marriage is supposed to be. ignore the aunt, it is absolutely none of her business to start with. i suspect your h is looking for an ally (sp?) in bringing her into this. He knows he has done a dreadful thing, AGAIN. She should know better than to get herself dragged into it.

Not sure what to do about OC #1. i think i would just keep to his routine as much as possible until such times as his father wakes the ****** up to himself. out of curisoity, do the custody papers state that you and h are OC 1's guardians? or just H? i am just wondering if you have any standing when it comes to oc. A thought just occured to me that if you dont have legal standing with the OC and if he does leave OC with you and doesnt collect him, that might be grounds for abandonment. The threat of which might serve to snap him out of his funk.

so sorry you are going through this crap again. No one deserves it once, let alone twice.
big hugs

Carolyn

I think I'm going to leave oc as his until I can think of anything different. i don't want to uproot him. The sad thing is that H keeps picking these very young early twenties girls who have nothing going for themselves. I just don't get it. Maybe because he feels powerful with them. could be a possibility. They need his time and money. He knows I can take care of myself and am independent. I couldn't believe how this girl's conversation mimicked the first oc #1 mother. It was just major disbelief. I could have sworn they were one of the same. She told me that she could have someone come over and f***k my sh*t up. I was thinking goodness is this what he is choosing for the mother of his children. I still don't understand. I'm starting to doubt we will make it. Maybe it needs someone who can't or won't voice their oppinion. Someone who is totally dependent on him. Just guessing from the women he is choosing. AND I'M NOT SAYING ALL OW ARE OF THIS TYPE JUST THE ONES H IS CHOOSING!

I think it is best to allow him to leave if that's what he wants until he can find the will to tell me the truth. For goodness sake this is the 2nd oc what in the world is he thinking? I guess I will never know.

NDIY, if he leaves, or really even if he doesnt, please please please please please go and see a lawyer and get CS set up for your children. You dont want to be standing behind OW 1 and OW 2 to get support for your kids.

big hugs sweety!

Carolyn

NOT {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Even as a fow I'm just like <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> WOW.

Stay strong. Don't make a rash decissions. I'm taking it that h is very close to aunt since she knew before you.

I'm so sorry. Just WOW. Prayers are your way. Hopefully Kimmy will pop in and lend a helping hand. She has two oc's.